


Andraste's Gift

by ZaZaCobra



Series: Loves of Thedas [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alchemy, Angst, Children, Dragon Age Lore, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Herbalism, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I don't, Lyrium Withdrawal, M/M, Magic, Magical Realism, Multi, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parenthood, Past Torture, Period Typical Bigotry, Politics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Read it ya'll, Religion, Serious Injuries, Sex, Shame, Slow Burn, Smut, Spirits, Torture, Violence, Young Love, at least attempt, attempt at witty humor, characters take stances, loss of a spouse, serious issue you guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 117,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23688319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaZaCobra/pseuds/ZaZaCobra
Summary: After the tragic death of her husband, Nea Willows (formerly Surana) a dedicated alchemist and spirit healer, has felt lost. The war with Mages and Templars had already gone too far, and then it cost her her loved one. She prayed Andraste and Maker to deliver peace once more onto Thedas. When the Divine conclave was called, she thought it might be the answer to her prayers.But alas it was not to be.Disaster striking as the sky is torn open, it was more clear than ever what she would have to do: join the newly formed Inquisition and help them mend the sky and bring the long awaited peace and order back to Thedas, to put an end to the chaos and suffering.But by pledging herself to the cause, she had no idea that it would also bring someone back into her life, someone she didn't think she'd ever get to meet again: Cullen Rutherford, now the Commander of the Inquisition's forces. Their last meeting had been painful and that pain had been difficult to leave behind. Their reunion would bring out memories long forgotten.Cullen himself, wasn't expecting to meet his youthful love ever again. And even less, to his shock, he wasn't expecting to see her with a child.
Relationships: Blackwall | Thom Rainier/Female Trevelyan, Cullen Rutherford & Female Surana, Cullen Rutherford/Female Surana, Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s), Dorian Pavus/Male Trevelyan, Female Adaar/Josephine Montilyet, Female Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan/Solas, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, The Iron Bull/Original Female Character
Series: Loves of Thedas [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705747
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	1. The Divine Conclave

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I hope you will like my first Cullen Rutherford fic. It is a long time coming. My initial idea is to focus on the characters, their interactions and thoughts. A big reason for that is, that I bet many of you have read these fanfictions before, it must get boring to read the same scenes all the time. Some events must be addressed, but my main goal is to focus on relationships and characters, yes?
> 
> Also in this fic, I am trying to be as lore friendly as I can. I admit, there are weakpoints in my lore knowledge, but I still love the Dragon age world, and want to be as close to it as I can.  
> Hell, I've had gaming sessions where I only read the lore, instead of playing. I find even the codex entries on plants interesting. (They are actually interesting and funny sometimes. Totally recommend reading, it is easy to miss so much)

Nea was sitting calmly on the carriage, with Adam sleeping beside her as the night was taking over. Despite the human merchant's first reluctance to give them a ride, enough coin had managed to earn them a place in the carriage. The merchant wasn't set on the destination: If things looked good and clear, he'd go to Haven, just like the other daring merchant's would (there had been a high demand for them these days). If not, he would go to Redcliffe. 

Why the man was so interested in taking such high risk destinations, Nea didn't want to know. Let alone, what his contraband even contained. She was simply glad to have a ride who didn't ask any questions of her, so she in turn would not ask questions of him. It was not a good idea to tell anyone her abilities right now.

Still, despite not having to walk or wait for another ride, it was unlikely they'd make it there in time. By the time they'd be there, the peace talks would have already started, but unlikely ended, after all they were not that far away anymore. There was enough time to find a role in all of this, she figured. 

Looking at the star sky, her mind turned to the day she decided to take this challenge on.

_"Templars, Mages... Not just them though! Seen plenty of them oxman mercenaries headin' that a way too! Is gonna blow up from all that tension any moment, I tell you!"_

_The townsfolk were all gathering around a traveling merchant, who loudly shared the news (or more accurately, shared an embellished version of what he might have heard) about the Conclave. It had spread like wildfire that the Divine Justinia had invited Mages and Templars to sit down and negotiate for peace._

_Nea watched the ruckus from the window of her (temporary) home, fidgeting her wedding ring, that securely hang on the chain around her neck. It was a habit she had started doing when the war had been on the horizon._

_Just a year ago, Arther would've taken her hand in his and playfully grin at her, raising one of his thick and unrefined eyebrows at her. Somehow he always knew what to do to calm her nerves and make her smile instead. Her husband may have sometimes been clueless, but always there for her, no matter the situation._

_Now here she was without Arther, in a house deemed "safe" for her for time being. Dread increasing in her stomach, she felt helpless. Refugees had been fleeing the chaos that the war had caused, every commoner fearing they'd be next to get caught in the middle._

_"Ma? More bad things?" Nea looked down to her right where the tiny voice came from, finding little Adam gripping the hem of her dress, dark brown eyes looking concerned. Poor boy didn't understand what was happening, but knew something was happening. Nea smiled a little for him, letting go of her ring so she could caress his cheek instead._

_"No love. Nothing bad at all."_

_"Then why are you sad ma?" The little man didn't let go of her hem, only gripping it harder. It always stung her heart as much as it touched, when her little son worried for her. It was not the job of the children to look after their parents, and yet here they were. Nea didn't let her smile disappear, as she crouched to be on her son's level, looking him in his eyes._

_"Oh love. I am not sad. War might end soon, and then there is going to be peace again. That is a good thing."_

_"Really? But you look sad."_

_She shook her head a little. "Mama's just wondering what will happen next, and so do many others. It is scary sometimes you know, not to know everything. Even for adults." Nea quickly swiped away few locks of hair away from Adam's face. "But I promise, mama is alright and will make sure we'll stay alright. Okay?"_

_Adam, looking little confused still, nodded. "Okay mama. Just lemme know if you need cheering up!"_

_Pressing a gentle kiss onto his forehead, she smiled more widely. "I promise."_

_Seemingly satisfied, the little boy scurried off, to play in another room, leaving Nea watching after him._

_She sighed, standing up. Arther hadn't wanted to hide the world from Adam, but they had agreed not to scare him in excess. Maybe it was her influence that had made Arther agree to be more gentle when it came to their son. It was definitely his influence that allowed her to be more forward with Adam when she needed to be. But it sure was difficult to fight against the instincts to shelter him, to shield him from everything. This was their precious son, and she'd protect him no matter what. Nea refused to loose him._

_She'd shield him, just a little. Just the right amount._

_Walking to her desk, Nea looked over all the letters she'd left there. Few discreet letters from Alistair and Elise, but most were from Leliana: She had helped her find a safe town to settle with Adam, and even found her a house. But how long could such things last? Oh maker please let there be peace. Nea knew it was only a small chance, but it was a chance. This war was causing so much death and chaos... It had to end._

_But what would that even mean? So much hiding and planning was part of their life already, she couldn't even begin to imagine what would be in store for them next. Would they return to the Circles? Would they be allowed to be free? Or something totally different? Would they (try) take Adam? And what would she do in any of these cases?_

_Still, she feared more what it would mean if the conflict didn't end._

_With the war it all had already become so much more difficult... Then it cost her Arther. Without this war, he would still be here. She wanted it to end, she needed it to end, no more people should have to suffer, no longer should Adam have to live in such danger... Nea prayed for peace, but also prayed for a good conclusion because of course it was also important how it ended. She was not so naive anymore._

_The dread of so many different unknowns ate at her._

_It was said in the letters, that Nea needn't be there at the Conclave itself, for her own safety as well as Adam's (Leliana, maker bless her heart, always took care of her friends). After all, an elven mage, and her half-blooded child, in the midst of templars and the Chantry? Dangerous. Especially when she didn't know what they'd end up deciding at the Conclave... or worse. Divine Justinia was known to be sympathetic to their cause but wasn't in control of everything. Whether or not the negotiations were on neutral ground, there was always danger to be wary of._

_However, there were something else in the letters: Leliana implied that should Nea wish it, there would be a place for her and her son: In the Inquisition. Leliana explained what it was, and the idea did appeal to Nea. That call to do something good, something right, caught her interest the most. She may have stayed away for a reason, but was now considering her options._

_Nea started touching her wedding ring once more. Arther... Miriam... What should I do?_

_Nea closed her eyes and thought thoroughly what to do. After a while, she slowly walked to the doorway of Adam's room, watching silently as the boy played with his wooden soldiers, giggling to himself as he knocked them over. She couldn't help but smile at him. Whatever she'd do, he would always ensure his safety, happiness and future._

_She had sworn it._

_A realization came across her face. An instinct, a gut feeling of sorts, took over, as she understood what she would do and why._

_Quickly hurrying to her desk once more, with determination this time, she took a sheet of paper, quill and ink, and started writing a letter. There was no certainty Leliana would receive it, but she'd feel better to have at least written it. Nea knew, that she didn't have to go to the Conclave, or even join the Inquisition should it come to that._

_But she felt that she needed to go._

_Not having fought in the war, not even taking part in the vote, she had stayed out of it all for too long. Maybe it was her hubris or naivety, but if there was a chance for her to help with the Conclave she would try. If not her voice, then she could at least help the refugees along the way and do her part that way. She was a healer after all. It would be risky, yes. But many things in her life had been exactly that: Risky. Her travels, her marriage, her child... And all had been worth it._

_The future of Adam and her couldn't simply rely on hiding anymore. It was unreliable and perhaps unsustainable. SO much rested on what happened next, there was no hiding from that at least. Thus they'd place their trust in Leliana, Divine Justinia and their cause. That is where their future lives would lay. She took comfort in the thought, that this was not only the best opportunity for them... But also the right thing to do._

_Andraste, I hope this works._

So far so good.

Combing her son's hair with her fingers, she looked down at him, humming slightly under her breath. She was nervous, of course she was. At first, Adam had been as well: he was nervous to travel, after that horrid incident with the templars. It had been the last time they had been together as a family, and it had been on the road they thought to be safe. Boy was concerned for his mother, _bless his heart_ , but also possessed the courage of his father... And maybe a little adventures spirit. At the end of it, he seemed to be more excited than scared, otherwise he might have thrown a tantrum. Not that the poor child could be blamed for it.

Nea was filled with pride, that Adam was taking it in such stride. Hopefully, she had chosen a path her son could be proud of as well. And Arther. 

Content, and tired, she started falling asleep, dreaming of days ahead.

* * *

Tensions around were high. Cullen felt like he had to constantly watch over his shoulder, with so many mages and templars on edge, and they hadn't even arrived at the Temple of Sacred Ashes yet. On the way, there were plenty of travelers alongside them, all making their way to the same destination. Many have probably gotten there already, they were simply the late comers.

Cullen did his best to focus on anything beside the tension. That and the impending headache. He petted his horse, strong and very Ferelden mare. They'd come a long way already, and it wouldn't be a long way to ride now. The snow hadn't slowed them down as much as he'd first thought, the weather being surprisingly calm.

"Still feeling seasick Curly? Or are faces supposed to be stuck that way? Did the seeker do something to you too?"

He couldn't be allowed to enjoy from silence, could he? It would be way too much to ask. 

"I am not seasick, not has lady Cassandra done anything, you can stop pestering me Varric."

"Would I if I could Curly." The smooth dwarf muttered. "This 'lovely' journey has taken it's toll. I mean between your opinion on sea travel and seekers friendly company? Yeah, I am being slowly killed... by _boredom_. Can't we enjoy from some nice conversations before we start freezing over too? I don't care much for cold. And that is just not just the seeker's personality I am talking about."

"I can hear everything you are saying dwarf." Seeker Cassandra growled behind them, irritation straight up radiating from the dark haired woman.

"And here I thought you'd enjoy my voice, considering you dragged me way out here with you."

"I can tell you right now I didn't do it for my benefit."

"Nor mine." Cullen interjected, a headache now officially developed. 

In all honesty, Cullen himself couldn't tell why Varric was here. From what he had gathered, they had all the information out of him that they could, but the answer was still the same: No one knew were Hawke was. Why in the Maker's name, did they have to bring Varric with them, he had no idea. He didn't hate the dwarf, but on this long journey back to Ferelden, he could have imagined better ways to get through it.

Still, he didn't doubt Cassandra's judgement. She believed it was good course of action to bring Varric here, so he wouldn't put his nose in it. As much as the constant bickering sometimes made him want to.

Despite the long tiresome journey though, he had no regrets on being here. He highly doubted the Divine Conclave would result into anything, and so they'd be needed. Of course there would be a chance it did bring in peace, even if a small one, but he doubted it would mean there is no work to be done. He has had his quarrels with the Chantry, but this divisive conflict was not the answer. World was suffering from it, and it needed to be stopped before it was too late.

Patting the horse again, more to distract himself from all the thoughts that were storming in his head, which did not do wonders for his headache. It was not a long way now. Cullen looked ahead, not just to see where he was going, but as if to glance towards his own redemption as well.

If only he could enjoy from silence as well.He looked at the horizon, trying to make out their path.

Noticing Cullen's searching look, seeker Cassandra pointed out the mountain's, where the Conclave was. Not that as far anymore. They'd go past Haven, and then they'd be there. Cullen sighed in relief.

But it was cut short:

Before he could fathom another thought, or ask any more questions, a horrid sound came from a distance, which they all turned to look at. Their eyes were opened in horror: An explosion ripped the sky above the mountains, in a blinding green flash, like lighting witnessed. The pure power of it, made them are wince, and unable to look. They felt a wind in the air, passing them. They had to turn away for that wind. Once they could turn around again, they were too in shock to accept what they were seeing.

Sky had a _hole_ in it, for the lack of a better word. It was like a hurricane, a great lighting storm... Another huge sound occurred, shaking them again but this time they saw what happened:

It was getting bigger.


	2. The Breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter takes a closer look at Nea (what kind of person she is) and her skills :)

"Oh Andraste's flaming sword! Is it-- Is it the end of the world?!"

The merchant Garrick yelped, horrified expression upon him. He had to halt his horse, simply to squint his eyes, when he looked upon the sky. None of them could believe their eyes. Nea looked upon the sky as well, eyes wide and horrified. An explosion had ripped a green hole in the sky, right over the mountains. When it had appeared she could almost sense it all happening, the sound of it alone had reached them (it was clearly far away), and a flash of light from it had blinded their eyes. She couldn't be sure, but the fresh wind that passed them, could have come from it as well.

She had no idea what was happening or what it was, but another rip occurred after a time, expanding it. Shivers ran through her as the horrifying sound of the sky ripping open occurred again.

"Ma, what's going on?" A shivering voice asked.

Nea could feel Adam clench at her dress tightly, leaning against her. Quickly looking at her son, she saw a fearful and teary eyed expression on his young face. The merchant's horror was likely the culprit of his increased worry. It was difficult, frankly, for her to mutter anything at all.

"I.. I can't say." Nea said, mustering her resolve to sound more confident. "But I told you before, I will protect you. That is what matters now, alright?"

Seeing her mother's strength and calmness, the boy nodded, teary eyes slowly clearing away. "Yes ma."

"That's my darling boy." She retorted encouragingly, placing a small peck on his forehead.

The carriage was still halted, as the merchant was in total shock. For once in this journey, she could not blame the man's behavior or attitude. Shifting herself in the carriage, she moved closer to the merchant, touching the human's shoulder firmly. It took a few shakes, but the man turned to look at her, waking up from his stance but unable to change his expression.

"My good ser," her reassuring voice started, "you are in shock. Please, take a deep breath."

Garrick looked at her, then at her hand upon his shoulder. After a second he shook her and off, not exactly in disgust but it was something in that direction. 

"There is a hole in the sky! Of course I'm in shock, elf!" Spat the man, nostrils flared. "Why aren't you?!"

"Ser..." Calmly starting, Nea didn't show him any resentment in return for his rudeness. There was no easy way to calm down another person when they were in the immediate shock. Instead, Nea kept a steady but a compassionate expression on, and reached down to get a water skin from her shoulder bag.

"Please, take some water."

The man was caught bit off guard, but still remained angry. "I am not thirsty!"

Shifting her head slightly, she kept his eyes locked with hers. At leash he hadn't turned his own away. 

"It is refreshing ser. If you'd prefer, you needn't drink. Just wash your face. It can help with the shock, I have learned so in the past."

Urging the man to take the waterskin, Nea smiled compassionately. The man tried to utter some words of resistance, but found himself unable to speak anything louder than some mutters under his breath. Refusing to look at the sky, he finally sighed and took the waterskin from her. Taking a long sip from it, then pouring some of it over his face, he allowed himself to cool down.

Finally he handed the water back to the elven woman. He didn't thank her, but gave a nod. A small one.

"There." Taking back the waterskin and putting it back to her shoulder bag, Nea moved closer so she could talk more quietly.

"Ser, forgive me but I worry for my son's safety should we stay halted like this. We do not know what is happening... But we must find safety soon, I know that much. hopefully even find out what is going on." The man was about to say something, but Nea made a pleading look to the man. "Please, we should carry on. I do not think it is safe here. Especially now."

The merchant looked at the human looking child at the end of his carriage. He just sat there, like a normal young boy, not truly aware of the world around them. No matter what he thought of Nea, the strange she-elf, he could see she was thinking of what was best for him. He couldn't let his frustration put a child in danger. They'd need to go somewhere safe and soon. He nodded again, more firmly this time.

"Yes.. I see that." Terrified to look at the sky, he turned carefully. Wanted or not, he saw how it roamed over the mountains. "We can move, but I ain't going to Haven. I ain't going any closer to that thing that need be."

Part of Nea wished to voice her disagreement at that, her original goal having to go there. But it was not her carriage, it was his and she had no wish to push her luck with the man. And they had no idea what that-- _thing--_ was. Whatever she wanted to accomplish, she would put Adam in danger... And if that thing in the sky should get worse and hurt Adam, that would be her fault. Besides, she knew it would always be a possibility that he'd choose to change his direction.

"I understand. Redcliffe then?"

"If that thing doesn't kill us first, yes."

"We do not know that **ser**." Nea said very firmly, even surprising the merchant until he realized he had spoken loudly and the boy had heard. She may be a she-elf, but it would seem that he, a human man, understood a protective mother's warning tone: It would not be in his best interest to scare a child.

"R-right." He simply uttered, turning his eyes ahead and with his reins, he signaled the horse to start moving again.

Immediately Nea went to Adam again, looking at the boy reassuringly (by now, it was an instinct). She was concerned that the man had scared the boy, but to her relief Adam didn't seem too bothered. Little quiet, yes, but not afraid. It was because the boy trusted her words over some stranger's any day. He had a tiny smile on his face, an encouraging one.

It was all the warm and reassurance that she herself could've needed. 

Finally allowing herself to look upon the sky again, Nea feared what it would mean. It was over at the mountains... She herself had been there with Miriam, and the rest of the team, when they had found the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She hoped she remembered wrong, but even she wasn't positive enough to find a different angle on this. 

The _hole--_ or whatever it was-- was above the Divine Conclave. 

Despite the horror of it, there was also academic curiosity in Nea's mind. The thing was clearly magical in nature, but what kind it was, was difficult to determine without more knowledge. Shaking her head, she shook off the speculations that currently flooded her mind.

Instead she quickly looked over at her equipment. Her knife sheath was firmly attached to her thing, and yes, her staff was still there wrapped in sheets, to make it less obvious that yes, it was a mage staff. When they had managed to gain a seat in the carriage, she had debated whether or not it might be a good idea to bring it... Yes it would be for their safety but the merchant might've not liked it, and then revealed their secret to others that passed by... maybe even templars. It could've potentially brought them more trouble.

Now she was glad she had discreetly added it to the carriage. Maker knows she might need it after all. 

They traveled as fast as they could, when the night arrived. It was horribly dark, only the green light upon the sky shining. They had to stop, to let the horse rest. 

"'Tis dangerous... I'd prefer to take just a quick nap and then we move on." Garrick told her quietly, attaching his torch to the side of the carriage, as Adam slept (a miracle, considering the horrible thing upon the sky expanded every so often, horrid sounds coming out of it). 

"I understand. I can stay awake and keep watch, so you two might rest for awhile."

"You sure?" Despite his initial attitude, the man was seemingly warming up to Nea. "If something happens... I should be ready." He motioned towards the simple shortsword on his belt.

"I am sure, ser. You need rest, and I can keep us safe enough for the time being. I know how to defend us." 

Surprised by what she had said, he may have looked at her in doubt, but then brushed it off, likely due to him needing the sleep. "Well... Alright then. I won't ask no more of it... Maker, I hope I even _can_ sleep." The man leaned back in his seat, and closed his eyes whilst Nea became more aware of her surroundings than ever.

It seemed quiet but that only made her paranoid. She refused to look up at the sky again, it would only raise more fear in her. More uncertainty. It would serve no one.

Instead she looked at Adam who lay on the bench beside her, wrapped up in blankets for warmth. Night was cold but they had come prepared. There was no point in making a camp tonight, if they would be on the move again soon. Nea gently caressed her son's hair, those light brown curls, almost the color of the wheat during the harvesting season. People said that Adam had her dark brown eyes, but his father's hair and appearance. And she so adored that, even if it hurt to remember Arther.

Letting her son sleep, she now was reaching to her bag, searching for something. After awhile she felt it, and picked it up: A locket. Moving closer to the torch at the side of the carriage, she opened it and looked inside. It was a portrait of her, Arther and Adam. He had it made for her as a anniversary gift, when Adam was a baby.

No longer did she wear it around her neck though. It hurt too much to look upon him, and the simple weight of the locket was crushing to her spirit. Whilst her wedding ring around her neck offered her some comfort, she was determined to keep this with her but not too close. Only on nights like these, when Adam was asleep, she allowed herself to look and grieve.

Tracing the picture with her fingers, she could almost hear him beside her again: The man with the wheat colored hair, forest green eyes, rough and tan skin of a traveler... Most of all, she missed his hands that always kept her steady. Those rough fingers that had seen much work in his life, somehow managed to caress her so gently. No challenge seemed too great, no night was lonely and no shadow so scary, when he was present. Even the torn sky would've seemed smaller, had he been here.

Time passed, as these thoughts were allowed to flourish in darkness. Sky seemed a bit brighter now, as the clouds moved away from the moon, so Nea wiped away the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Only when hidden, did she let those tears fall. 

A growl from the depths of the dark woods reached her ears, sobering her up. It was an unnatural gurgle, unlike any animal she had heard... It immediately got her attention. First, she listened to the ensuing silence, as to make sure it was not a dream. Then another growl reached her, louder this time. It was familiar to her, and yet difficult to place... And it was getting closer. 

No time to loose, she hurried her way to the merchant and started shaking him awake. 

"Ser, wake up!" She said firmly, trying not sound panicky.

Garrick was startled, as he felt her shake him. It took few seconds for him to be somewhat awake, although bit woozy. "Mmh, wha-- What's the matter?" He finally managed to ask once the cloud cleared from his eyes.

"Something is coming at us. We need to--"

The phrase was interrupted as the creature was just at the side of the road, near a tree. It growled in it's unnatural way, from the shadow.

"What in the Maker's name--" He managed to say, hand already drawing his sword but that was all that he managed to utter as the creature lunged out of the shadows, towards him. Man yelped in horror as the talons of the creature tried to slash him. He yelped and jumped out of the carriage, to avoid the creature.

In the moonlight, Nea recognized the monster: It was a shade, to her horror. A demon. And it wasn't alone, as two others lurked behind it.

"Mother?!" Adam yelled, and the two demons not occupied with Garrick turned to look at the boy.

"STAY DOWN ADAM!" She yelled at him, and the boy obeyed. The first shade started to circle the carriage, and make it's way towards Garrick who was preparing to strike. Unfortunately he seemed a bit helpless with that sword, or at least against the demon. The horse was startled and seemed like it was ready to bolt out of there any minute. 

No time to think about consequences, Nea reached for her staff and ripped off everything that was wrapped around it. The two shades attempted to climb the carriage, those void filled eyes hunting their prey and tried to feed off their psyche, and just then she called upon her magic:

She called upon energies of her mind and spirit, and released a raw burst of force, throwing the shades away from the carriage, against the trees. The two shades let out screeches, black blood splattering from their backs. She quickly turned to Garrick, who screamed from the top of his lungs. He had apparently managed to slash a couple of cuts against the demon but his fear had gotten the best of him as the demon sunk it's talons into his chest. Pulling it's claws back, it was ready to strike again.

Out of reflex, she called upon her spirit once more, and drew power from beyond the veil, from the fade itself as she trapped the demon in it's place, and started twisting the demon apart: A spirit prison. Garrick fell to the ground, but not before truly witnessing her magic. Again, there was no time to think about the consequences of her revealing her magic. It was more important to survive right now.

 _Mother Earth, come to_ _me._ Nea thought, as she called upon it's powers, tasting the earth and stone in her mouth, smelling it's essence. Preparing to throw stone fist at the imprisoned demon, she had to time it right: It needed to be strong and steady but waiting too long would've given the creature time to escape. Second or two went by and Nea felt it: Energy which was balanced by spirit, all wrapped together into one spell of primal power. Stone was unbreakable and ready, and hesitance did not plague her mind as she threw it against the first demon to dare attack their carriage.

Already trapped in the spirit prison, the stone fist ripped apart the demon, it's blood and body sputtering everywhere.

The other two shades had recovered from her initial attack of energy, and she could feel their attempts at draining her mind. She called upon the spirits of the fade to protect her mind, as if it was just a natural instinct. As a spirit healer, many spirits were nearby her, ready to give her protection. It was a gift, even in combat.

Taking a deep breath, she now jumped out of the carriage onto the road, as if to taunt the demons. They did not take it kindly, and were already leaping towards her. Grabbing her staff with both hands, Nea landed it's bottom end firmly onto the ground, closing her eyes. Tasting earth still on her tongue, it did not require as much concentration to call upon earth magic again, as she told the ground to shake underneath the demons.

And it did. The shades stumbled onto the ground, and whilst it was a slight struggle for her to keep steady as well, she had the advantage. 

Once more she tuned in with her inner energies, as well as the energies around her. It was the steadiness from that she requires in order to remain standing and not falter, so she used force magic to get it: It kept her _together,_ feet firmly on the ground, as she was unshakable. With energy, comes confidence. Eyes opening, she reached out her left hand: No need to touch the shades physically, as they were already in her hands thanks to magic. Firmly moving her hand up and down, she slammed the demons to the ground again, as they followed the movement of her hand. Blood splattered again from their wounds, as they growled more loudly from the impact.

But somehow, the other one slipped away from her grip, and made a yet another lunge at her, but this attack more ferocious than the previous ones.

Nea yelped, confidence wavering and quickly took steps backwards, footing failing and she well onto the ground. In some irony, this may have saved her as the slash of claws missed her by inches. On the ground, Nea released uncontrolled burst of force towards the demon in front of her. It was more raw energy than anything else, due to desperation, but from this short distance that didn't (luckily) matter. The creature flew far away from her, against a tree (again) but this time the burst was strong enough to splatter the demon into pieces and kill it.

Only one left.

Nea would need to finish this quickly, as she had no mana potions with her and should not risk loosing too much energy. Standing up, the last demon growled loudly, and attempted to weaken her with magic with it's own. It tried to penetrate her mind's defenses and drain her life energy. It almost succeeded.

Gathering up enough power for one last strike, Nea called upon all the warmth within her; all the fire. She remembered what burning felt like, what flames could do in this world: She used this knowledge, and the lyrium in her blood could it real in this world, summoning that primal energy, and thus releasing a burst of fire from her hands right towards the demon.

With certainty in her eyes, Nea watched as the fireball flew right against the shade. And after all the penalty it had already suffered, this was enough to set it into it's last frenzy, which did not last long, as it burned to ashes in a matter of seconds and fell to the ground.

It took few deep breaths for Nea to once again calm herself, but she still watched at the shade corpses, just to be sure.

"Adam, are you alright?" No answer. "Adam?" This time she turned her gaze towards the carriage. Adam was there, but just silent. He watched her, both scared and in awe. Poor boy was so pale. A firm nod was his only answer to her. Nea let out a breath she hadn't known she had been holding. Then it was her turn to be shocked.

_Garrick!_

Quickly did she turn to run to him, and then knelt beside him. She rolled him around to lay on his back, so she could see his wounds. The man's eyes were open and scared. Nea inspected the wounds on his chest, and her worry increased. The talons had gone deep. Due to shock from the pain, he was unable to speak. More magic would have to be used.

"Adam," she started, putting aside her wooden staff and rolling her sleeves higher, "bring the healing potions from our bag. And the water in the _other_ flask. You'll know the one. Now!" 

There was no time to check if the boy was following her instructions, she simply had to trust him or yell louder later. She unbuttoned his jacket (or what remained of it) and took a look: The claws had ripped enough of the undershirt for her to see the wounds clearly. The bleeding was heavy, she'd have to get to the healing part immediately.

To her delight, Adam appeared beside her, offering her both a potion and flask she had been talking about.

"Very good my love." Nea said as she quickly took the healing potion first from his hands, and then lifted the man's head. He was trying to say something but Nea shushed him gently.

"No time. This will help you heal. Drink it, please." The man was fearful, but opened his mouth. Nea took gladly his cooperation and poured the healing potion into his mouth, helping him drink. Once he had drank enough, Nea put the cork back onto the potion bottle.

Before she could put it aside, Garrick's hand came up to grabbed her wrist. Their eyes locked, as he had a fearful look in his eyes. They asked a question of her, and she knew all too well what it meant.

"I will be using magic to heal you, yes." She said gently. "Please, allow me. I cannot let you die ser."

His grip tightened, but she looked into his eyes, with only kindness and determination in them. There was only truth in her words and the human merchant couldn't hear anything else. Finally he let go, and relaxed (as much as it was possible for him). Nea then took the other flask from Adam: it was a water mixture with embrium, elfroot and a bit of alcohol. She poured it over the wounds, in order to cleanse them. It was something she had discovered to be a helpful way to avoid infection as magic alone didn't always ensure it.She also quickly washed her hands with it.

Then putting it aside, she placed her hands upon the wounds. A warm light radiated from her palms, as she started the process of healing.

Sensing his energy, and allowing hers to flow, she poured those energies into the wounds. She sped up the natural healing process, allowing new tissue to grow thanks to the energy she provided. Transforming the wound, she brought something new into the man, changing the wound. It could have been fatal, without the magic.

The healing potion eased the process from inside, as she focused more on the outside. He would not be loosing anymore blood, thanks to her efforts.

After a time, she finally stopped. There was sweat on hear face, as creation magic was a difficult art, and after combat as well as all that adrenaline, focusing required extra strength and patience. Garrick took up a sitting position, albeit painfully. He looked down on his chest, amazed at the work that she had performed. Barely a scar remained.

Whilst relieved that she had saved this man, Nea felt shyness as she looked into his eyes. A lump was in her throat, as this could go badly for he. Who is to say what the man would do now? Secrecy was important for them, as the mood towards mages wasn't favorable now... Then again, when were they ever?

"M'am.. You were right.." Garrick said weakly. "You can handle yourself..."

Nea laughed, almost as weakly as he had just spoken. "Yes. Against some foes, at least. How do you feel?"

"I've felt better in my life, I admit." He grumbled. "But I'd be feeling a lot worse, without you."

She nodded shyly. "It was a close call." Garrick now looked into her eyes in earnest. He was clearly still weakened, but a stubborn Ferelden man as he was, he at least tried to show strength.

"Dunno how to feel exactly but.. I know I owe you, m'am. I do. My thanks isn't enough here."

A relief passed over her. There were still uncertainty in the air, but his understanding on this level, meant that there was hope, and that he didn't hate her for showing who she was. 

"I am just glad you are alright, ser." It was still night, but the dawn was nearing them. Nea looked at the wagon, then her son who had been quietly looking at her working. He was clearly very tired. "We should continue on. I can drive the wagon, whilst you rest. You need it."

"Yeah, we should move, who knows what else hides here," he agreed, "but you are tired too m'am! I can't have you wasting your energy anymore than you already have."

Nea gave him a firm shake of her head. "I can manage, I just need some water. You need to rest more than me, otherwise your wounds will not heal properly."

"But-"

"I am sorry, but I accept no buts. I am a healer, and I will not let you strain yourself. Understood?"

Adam stepped closer to the man, and he turned to look at the boy.

"You can't argue with ma when she gets that voice. No one can." 

Nea grinned slightly, challenging the merchant. Garrick blinked his eyes at the boy, before looking down. He murmured something under his breath but made no further attempts to disagree with the stubborn woman.

Nea helped the man back onto the carriage, into a comfortable position, before going to the drivers seat, with Adam beside her. She took the reins, and once more they started their journey forth. She swore she heard more growls somewhere, but as they moved on, they were left behind them.

Garrick had fallen asleep, and rested well after dawn until he was awake again. Only then, did she allow him to take the reins again (after his long insistence), allowing her to rest up a bit. Nea had felt exhausted and welcomed the rest. The worry of the demons and the torn sky had taken it's toll on her, and not just the physical exhaustion that she had endured last night. Nea had scary theory, of the reason why the demons were here... And it had something to do with the torn sky.

Nothing she could do about though, not right now.

Once awake again (nearing noon), Adam handed her some water which she gladly accepted.

"So.. you're a mage." He phrased it matter of factly, once she had handed the water back to Adam. She had known to expect this quesiton. There was no arguing around it now.

"Yes. A healer mostly though. And an alchemist."

"You, uh, part of the rebels?" The merchant was unable to hide his nervousness. "Not that it's any of my business..."

"It's alright. You can ask. And... No. I am not exactly part of them."

"Well. That's something. Why not?"

Nea considered what to say, before carefully speaking out. It was a question that had been on her mind often, and always she'd come up with the same answer. But still, she had to always think it all over again as if to verify something.

"My husband died at the start of the war. I am the sole guardian of our son. And beside that? I am a healer. Warring doesn't-- well-- It doesn't come with ease to me. Even if there is a just reason for it."

Garrick considered that. Then just nodded.

"Good as reason as any I suppose. Don't explain why you wanted to go to the Conclave though."

Nea swallowed hard. "You're right, it doesn't. Let's just say I know some people there and.. I wanted to help. To bring peace, after staying out of it so long. " She let out a laugh. "Sounds naive when I put it like that."

"I won't fault you for it m'am." He just said, making Nea smile. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed it, and turned away. She couldn't see his face, but noticed a little red on the tip of his ears.

And then another huge explosion occurred, at the torn sky. They were closer now, so the sound of it was even greater. A flash of light and wind passed them, making them unable to look for moments... And then they looked upon the sky again. This time it had not expanded, to their surprise. During the day, they would come to learn that the hole had stopped expanding.

* * *

The victory at the temple of Sacred Ashes had come up with a price: There were a great deal of casualties. Cullen knew, that there'd be a great deal more, if the Breach hadn't been stopped from growing. But the men were already scarce, and many recruits were too inexperienced to make much difference against demons that remained.

They may have bought time, but nothing was endless. Only thing that they seemed to have in abundance was dead and injured. Due to the Chantry's stance on them as well, it could get real ugly, real quick. Even now, he knew that the chancellor Roderick would be bickering with seeker Cassandra (to no avail of course) over what to do with the prisoner. He agreed with the seeker: Thanks to her efforts, they now had the key to closing the breach. They could not possibly loose it now.

But really, besides needing her, more support and men, there was something else they lacked that they could really use: More healers. Of course they had some mages with them, alchemists and such, but not nearly enough. Most mages that were on their side were combat based, and not that well adept at healing arts.

Cullen sighed as a knew headache was forming. They still had cleaning up to do in the valley, he couldn't be distracted by other details. Maybe once the dalish woman (whom some were calling now the Herald of Andraste) had woken up, they'd know more.

And thus, he returned to his duties.

* * *

They stopped at the Hinterlands, at the crossroads, where a lot of refugees had camped. Lot of horrified people, with nothing to their name but fear, were hopelessly praying for Maker's forgiveness and Andraste's guidance. Garrick and Nea asked questions, and asked if anything had reached their ears.

Sure enough, they told the news that shook Nea to her very core: The Conclave was destroyed. Everyone who attended were dead, Divine Justinia among them. No one knew who was responsible, but there were suspects and speculations. Some say it was a prisoner who caused all of this, and some say this prisoner stopped the Breach (it is what they called the tear in the sky) from expanding. Even in the midst of woods, the chaos ruled, and there was no hiding from it now. Everyone knew that any hope of peace, would've died with the Divine. 

And in it's stead, there was the Breach: A rift to the fade. And apparently it was not the only one, just the largest. Suddenly it became clear where the demons had come from. Nea felt shudders. In some twisted way, she was thankful that she had come late. Otherwise she and Adam might be dead right beside the Divine.

Other part of her was devastated: So many of friends would be dead. And she had no idea whether or not Leliana was alive. If she was not... She shook her head. Now was not the time to think about that.. Or how would Miriam even react to those news.

Nea looked once again at the Breach. It was all worse than they could have imagined. There was no hiding from it. Everyone would be needed, in order to create peace after all this. 

But looking around the refugees, she saw so much suffering. The Mage Templar war was now renewed, and would possibly be worse than before. No one was left to settle it, and there were no one to help these people either. Not yet. _She_ would have to start somewhere.

Garrick had made his way again to his wagon, but Nea stopped him.

"I will be staying here."

"What?" The man breathed loudly, taken aback. "It is very dangerous out here!"

"I know." She acknowledged.

"Then why would you--"

"Because I was already planning to help.. somehow. I do not know the situation at Haven yet, but I will make my way there eventually... However I can't in good conscience leave this people here, unattended. Not when I have the ability to aid them."

"After all this, you still want to go there?"

"Yes. I do not know if it is official yet but let's say I know, that the Divine had an.. alternative plan to put in effect if the Conclave failed. I plan to be part of it."

"..Even now?"

" _Especially_ now." Nea pointed around her, at the sky, at the refugees: "There is too much destruction and chaos already. Mine-- and many other's-- skills will be needed if we are to make it through this."

Garrick's expression calmed a little, but remained worried. "You could come with me you know." He stated quietly, more quietly than was his style. "To Redcliffe. I am trying to make my way there, and whilst that is dangerous, it is safer there than here. You and your son are free to stay under my wing. I owe you that... and much more."

Nea felt touched. Not only had a man, distant as he, warmed up to her, he had _not_ turned against her once he found out what she was. Placing her hand gently on his shoulder, she smiled widely at him, her brown eyes filled with light.

"You said before, that your thanks isn't enough. To me, it is." She took her hand off his shoulder, and he watched her quietly as she continued on. "I admit, it is dangerous here.. Especially for my son. But... as I said before, I came here for a reason. I believe there is a place for us, one where we'll be safest. If we have to endure awhile, I will make it so that we do."

The man sighed. "I suppose I couldn't change your mind, even though I wish to."

She smiled apologetically. "I am sorry."

"I understand it though. I may not have seen much of magic, but you pulled it off just fine. Your boy could not be in better hands, m'am." Reaching for his pocket, he handed a coin purse for her and another pouch of something. She frowned slightly, questioning this move. "Now I don't usually return payments, but you deserved to have a seat in my carriage for free. And some spare elfroot. Figured it would be handy for you. Consider it a refund."

Nea was about to argue but the man was having none of it. It was his turn to be stubborn. Instead Nea gave him another wide smile, as she surrendered. 

"Thank you ser Garrick."

"Don't thank me. It's just a refund."

A small giggle left her lips. "Very well then. Maker watch over you, on your journey."

He nodded, as he took his seat at the carriage again. "You too m'am. And... You uh... You stay alive now."

"I promise. Adam!" She said loudly, calling the boy to come beside her (he was gathering some flowers again, now that he had been distracted) and so the boy did hurry and return to her. "Say goodbye to ser Garrick, and thank him for the ride."

"Thanks ser Garrick! Have a good journey!"

"That's a good lad." The man simply said, nodding as he did. Then he moved on, not able to look back.

Nea then looked around. The staff was on her back now, as she had to keep it for protection. Some of the refugees looked at her with worry in their eyes, but few of them had calmed after seeing her interacting with the merchant. Honestly though, most of them were in too much pain and in need to pay attention to a new traveler.

Fear was in the air, and she would have to start somewhere. 

And she had a guess where to start, although it could be risky. Chantry mothers usually would avoid mages with all costs. Especially at these times. But there were exceptions to all and Nea had a way to have people see reason... Especially when there were so much suffering around.

Not to mention it slightly surprised her to see the mother here. There were no other priests around. It took real guts for anyone to stay here. Nea took a deep breath, and Adam's hand in hers, she made her way to the revered mother.

The dark skinned mother was currently comforting a wounded man, who lay on the cot. She sharing a prayer with him. Nea came near but let the woman say her prayers to the end. To her surprise, once she finished, the woman was standing up, and then turned to Nea, looking right at her.

"You are the new arrival yes?"

"I-- yes, revered mother. I just arrived." Immediately, Nea felt that she was at a disadvantage. The woman seemed very kind, which eased her... But still she felt afraid. "I didn't think you'd noticed."

"Your arrival piqued the interest of many here, but we all assumed you would make way to Redcliffe."

"Ah. Yes. Must have been strange, me staying here instead." She started carefully. 

"There have been many fleeing the war and then finding their way here. I do not find it strange at all." The woman answered softly. "What has brought you two here then?"

Feeling calmer by each minute, she continued talking to the Revered Mother.

"Originally, I was planning to go to Haven, actually."

If the woman was surprised, she didn't show it. "Are you no longer planning to go there then?" 

"No, I am still planning to go there. But even if I had a way to get there safely, I think I should offer my services here first." Nea took a breath, and looked nervous. Adam looked up to her mother, confused by her sudden reluctance. It was difficult to Nea, not knowing who to trust in these times, and it made her hesitant. But the way the Revered Mother smiled at her, brought warmth to her heart.

"I think I may understand your situation. But you needn't fear, my child." She said to her. "I can see that you carry a staff. Am I to take it that you are a mage?"

Nea held her breath. "I am, Revered Mother. A healer and an alchemist. I hope this does not offend you."

"You have turned your magic to a noble purpose. I would not find it in my heart to condemn someone who does so. Even if some of my brethren, unfortunately, do so."

Surprise or relief, Nea couldn't say which was stronger emotion within her right this minute, but definitely admiration and warmth were there as well. She felt now, that she could trust this woman in front of her.

"My name is Nea Willows, Revered Mother. This is my son, Adam Willows."

"Greetings there, child." The gentle woman said to the young boy, who smiled widely back to the Revered Mother. "You may call me mother Giselle."

"Hello, mother Giselle." Adam said gently, trying to be as polite as possible to the nice lady.

Turning back to Nea, mother Giselle smiled.

"I will not lie, I thank the Maker for you arrival. There people are in grave need of someone with your ability. I am glad you chose to say."

"As am I, Revered Mother." Something in her mind wondered, if she had ever met this woman before. Her name sounded familiar. She might ask about it later. For now, her curiosity was not a priority. She rolled her sleeves, and then quipped her eyebrow. "So where can I start?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome ^^ I do try to make a spin on magic, hopefully I improve it at.


	3. The Herald of Andraste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am currently having a major coffee hangover, I am sleep deprived and legit the only thing I can hear is the Inquisition soundtracks playing in my goddamn head (been listening to the two hour montage like 10 times over whilst writing this chapter). @_@ 
> 
> What is the point? Well if there are *couple* of errors in grammar, I have a scapegoat. Seriously tho, if you are bothered by anything, let me know. :P
> 
> P.S Never drink two/four (I do not remember which) cups amount of strong black coffee to your empty stomach. You have been warned.  
> P.P.S Lesson of the story? I am an idiot.

The woman laying on the cot started taking full breaths, air finally managing to fill her lungs. Nea stepped back, allowing the husband to kneel beside his wife in joy.

"Oh Maker bless you! I never thought anyone else would know how to treat her illness, beside our son! It is a miracle that you came here when you did."

It wasn't the greatest rarity actually, Nea had witnessed such a sickness on multiple occasions, usually among the poorer sections of cities, where air was worse. It was tragic that something that is treatable, ended up in death for in so many cases. So Nea had researched it, and come up with a recipe using embrium, to ease the breathing. The herb had already great healing value when it came to healing lungs and breathing, thus she had managed to create a working potion of it.

"It was my pleasure. I will leave with you the instructions on how to make the potion for your wife's breathing in the future, when there is a need for it. I also left a recipe for a tea with similar effects. When you know the weather is about to be foul, make her some of that. Inhaling it's steam also helps, just so you know." 

"Thank you. I cannot say it enough, how much you have helped us. How can we ever repay you?"

She simply smiled, happy for the man's joy. "I am just pleased to have helped. Please, you do not need to think about repaying me."

The man smiled widely back at her. "It brings warmth to my old heart, to see a lady such as yourself doing so much good. You do our people proud." Giving her one last nod, he turned back to his wife, who was slowly starting to recover.

Nea gave them their privacy, as she respectfully left the house. Outside, she made her way towards the well, to draw some water for herself. It was colder here, in this part of Ferelden so she had had to change into more appropriate clothing, which she had packed with her. A less comfortable but warmer cream white underdress and a simple long sleeved violet surcoat. Overall, it was an older dress, which had seen better days but as it were, it was perfect for these circumstances.

She looked around as she took a gulp of water, eyes looking for Adam. There were a great deal of injured, as well starving folk, and only so much she or mother Giselle could do. Initially, she had been concerned what Adam would do during all of this but it soon became clear she shouldn't have worried.

Adam spent his time talking to the recovering. The boy apparently helped ease the process of healing by providing company, or picking flowers to the women, and so on. He was bringing their spirits up, not bothering them and that could do wonders for morale. Many times had the more tolerant refugees come to her, and praised her son. Even the more difficult humans had acknowledged at least Adam... There were handful who were not so kind towards her however. Few had outright refused her magic, until mother Giselle interjected. Not all were kind to her, but at least they were civil towards Adam, which mattered to her more.

The morale around the refugee camp had increased, although not much. The people lacked so many things, it was difficult to help them survive. 

She looked at the Breach. These couple of days had been busy. The thing that she had awaited for, had happened: Inquisition was officially reborn. Few of their soldiers, Corporal Vale in charge of them, had even arrived to the refugee camp, offering them protection. With them had arrived a couple more chantry sisters, and few mages. Nea welcomed this happily, for it would mean more safety and aid for the refugees. It was also a good start for things to get back in order here. Once the situation at the camp had eased, she would go to Haven. Mother Giselle had mentioned similar intentions although she had not decided yet. 

Unfortunately, Chantry had declared the Inquisition heretics. Nea shook her head at the notion. They were trying to help, that had been the whole idea. But Chantry and the remaining Grand Clerics were focused on two factors: One, they wanted to have the power. Second, they were wholeheartedly against the prisoner who had stopped the Breach from spreading. And that was because she was called "the Herald of Andraste". She was given the title, because people believed Andraste herself had saved her from the fade and given her the mark upon her hand, so she could close rifts. Blasphemy, in the eyes of the Chantry. Some genuinely believed the prisoner was to blame. But whatever the truth was, the dalish elf (or that what she had been rumored to be) had done her part to stop the Breach. That had to count, didn't it?

Nea took another sip of water. She was speculating, and she shouldn't be doing that.

One great piece of information that she was given, was that Leliana had survived the Conclave and now was working fully with the Inquisition. Her heart had leaped with joy, once Corporal Vale had informed her of this. He was a good man, who appreciated her efforts as much as she appreciated his. She did wonder, whether or not Leliana had received her letter. Well she'd find out soon enough.

After having drank enough, Nea put the ladle aside and went back to work. There would be enough time to think later. Nea walked over to a simple wooden hut, which she had been offered to use as a working place. There she'd make potions are deal with the most critically wounded or ill patients.

Currently, there was a real need for healing potions and other curative tonics, so Nea went ahead to work on that. The elfroots Garrick had provided were of great use, and she was overjoyed he had shown her such kindness.

"Sorry for interruptin', thought I'd drop by with some more herbs we got from them gardens" A woman called Madge, one of the refugees, came into the hut. She had been gathering herbs they could use, whenever she found the time. Mostly elfroot.

Smiling at her, Nea gestured towards the table near the door.

"You can put them right the on the table. Thank you again!"

"I just doin' what I can, idle hands and all that." The refugee woman smiled, eyes bright. Before she managed to turn to the door, Adam ran passed her right to Nea's side.

"Careful with the running young man," Nea said gently. 

"Sorry, just Vale told me to quick about it." The boy said, but really there was no regret in his voice. "He asked for another healing potion."

Adam had also offered to be errant boy it seemed. Nea didn't see any harm in it, as long as he wouldn't over exhaust himself. She reached for the shelf, and took a couple of regular healing potions she had just prepared and then handed them to Adam.

"Now, tell him these are basic ones, not weaker. They are not to be wasted, yes?" Adam nodded eagerly and was about to run again. "And don't run! I don't want you to fall and break the bottles." Obediently, Adam walked outside only to run again, once he was out the door. Nea sighed, unable to hide a small smile. 

Madge had watched the whole thing and giggled.

"Spirited young lad, isn't he? Sure has brought joy around." The woman said, her accent being very thick Ferelden accent, typical to commoners.

"He is" Nea agreed cheerfully, starting to grind elfroot leaves with her mortar and pestle. 

"Some around the camp may not agree, but I say a mighty fine thing you have done, taking him in." Madge continued, smile not disappearing anywhere.

Nea felt a slight pause, unsure how to respond. _Taking him in?_ What was the woman talking about?

"Pardon, but what do you mean?"

The woman kept her smile, only raising her eyebrow. "I meant what I said, so don't be shy! It is pretty hard nowadays to be a mage in the middle of this mess. And _you_ of all people, took a _human_ child in your care, of all things! It is mighty noble of you, I won't deny it. Do you know at all what happened to the lad's parents? Died in the war I bet. Poor lad." The woman had a quick mouth, already sputtering her speculations.

Nea looked over her shoulder, slightly taken aback at first but then realizing what the woman had just said. 

"Oh, I haven't taken him in. He is my son." Nea tried explaining, as lightly as possible. There was no need to make anyone feel awkward, after all Madge had made the same mistake many others had too. "His father did die at the beginning of the war though, so it is just the two of us."

Now the smile disappeared from Madge's face.

"He is... _your_ boy?"

"It's alright, many have made the same mistake. But yes, he is. And I am very proud of him." She tried to say this as lightheartedly as possible, hoping this conversation would not take a unpleasant turn, as it sometimes tended to.

"Oh." Madge said lamely, looking at Nea. There was a heavy pause. "Can't say I know how to feel about that."

_We are going there then?_ Taking a couple of seconds to close her eyes, and take a deep quiet breath, Nea then continued working and talking.

"However you may feel Madge, he is still my son. And I couldn't be happier to have him." She said gently, focusing on the elfroots. 

"He is a good lad I admit..." carefully said the woman: "..But just I don't think it's right." 

At this point, Nea was praying for a change of subject. She continued very carefully: "I see nothing wrong with having a family, my friend."

And yet Madge carried on.

"Well I can't fault anyone for wantin' family and all that but... I mean... Ain't it hard enough for a mage child, also for the parents, but shouldn't all tribes just stay with their own? Mixing can't do good, or so I was brought up."

"Can't it?" Came the quiet reply. Stopping what she was doing for a second, Nea turned to look the woman in the eyes with a solemn smile. "I've seen good people come out of the most peculiar places. And even before that, I found it in my heart to welcome others, because life is richer that way. After all... If Maker can love all His children, why can't we love one another?"

Madge seemed to actually consider what Nea had said and was going to say something else, but stopped herself, as someone else stepped in the hut. Nea turned to look, and was surprised to see mother Giselle, smiling at both of them. Could it be that she overheard them?

"Greetings Madge. I trust you are feeling well?" She started the conversation, tone kind as ever.

"Revered Mother! Oh- Yes, I was simply talking with our mage- healer- here. I- I uh..."

"She was bringing me herbs, considerate person as she is." Nea smiled, trying to put aside any solemness she had. Giselle did look at her, as if valuating her mood, before looking at Madge again.

"Thank you Madge. You have been very helpful."

"Oh.. It's nothing, Revered Mother." Madge seemed to blush a little bit at the compliment. All the folk here treated mother Giselle with respect, for a reason.

"Can we help you with anything, mother Giselle?" Nea asked, happy for the change in subject.

"I simply came for more potions. Weaker ones will do." 

Nodding, Nea reached for the shelves again, finding the right potions.

"Oh Revered Mother, you could have asked someone else to bring them to you. You already do so much for us, we should take care of the errands." Madge hurried on with her words.

Giselle looked towards Madge, smiling as she answered to the woman: "Young Adam is comforting the recovering at this moment, it would've been a shame to have him torn from it just to get few potions I can easily retrieve myself."

"He is a very enthusiastic boy." _Just like his father. So eager._ Solemness started to fade, replaced by beaming pride. Nea turned around, potions in hand. "I am glad he has found a way to do good."

"It is a rare thing, to see a young child with such clear intent. Then again, children can often be the best of us. I can say it without reserve, young Adam is truly a blessing from the Maker." 

That caught Nea's attention, as well as Madge's. There was an interesting look in the Revered Mother's eyes: A certain glee, Nea figured. Behind the Chantry mother's words hid another message, which was clear even to a simpler woman like Madge. Mother Giselle must have heard their conversation, or part of it, and in this subtle way made her viewpoint on the matter known.

It was of great comfort to her.

Madge nodded carefully, but said nothing. The people respected the priesthood, more than they did Nea anyhow. If someone would get the message into their hearts (and heads), it was mother Giselle.

"Oh, I have dawdled enough here. I must return to my folks, they must be waitin' for me. Healer, Revered Mother." The refugee woman nodded her last goodbyes and then made her way past Mother Giselle, leaving the hut. In a bit of a hurry, Nea might add.

Looking after the woman, Nea felt slight pity. She couldn't bring herself to be angry, or even feel slighted. It did bother her sometimes, yes. Among mages, there was certain equality that she had grown accustomed to. Of course even then, the disparity had existed but it was very different outside the Circle.

It was easier to belong somewhere, to some people. But she hadn't chosen this life to be popular: She had chosen this to be happy, despite the occasional loneliness. Luckily there were people like mother Giselle, who saw through all that. She'd treasure people like that.

For someone who was not a fighter, to come to such a dangerous place, it took guts. But of course, the woman had them. During these two days, she had realized why the priestess's name had seemed familiar to her: Nea had been to Jader many years ago. They had a large population of Ferelden refugees who had fled the Blight. Eventually there had been a horrid sickness ravaging the poor, eventually leading to famine. 

Mother Giselle had ensured supplies for the poor, using somewhat underhanded tactics, such as pressuring Val royeaux to deliver said food supplies by arranging a hunger strike among the priesthood. Then, instead of listening to their orders, she had distributed the supplies equally, not caring for nationality, class or race. 

Thanks to these actions, thousands were saved and poor hailed her as a hero. And it was the poor Nea had mostly worked with. They remembered Mother Giselle's name well, and it was from their lips she had often her the name. Indeed, Nea saw the woman to be someone she could aspire to be. As a person, if not nothing else.

It was a story worth thinking about.

"Thank you Mother Giselle, for the kind words." Nea was a grateful for them, she really was. It was always comforting to know she had people at her corner, offering her understanding and acceptance as it was not always the case. She had a tendency to value what she was given.

"I said what I believed to be true. At these difficult times, we are more often than ever, left to listen to our own conscience and mine says this."

Smile widening, enough for her dimples to show, Nea handed her the weaker healing potions with a smile.

"Here you go, hopefully they will do."

"Thank you, mistress Willows. I believe this is all I need." Now the mother could have left, but instead remained. "I did also come to speak to you of something."

"Oh?"

"I sent a word to the Inquisition, requesting a meeting with the Herald of Andraste."

"You did?" Nea thought about for a second. Of all the Chantry mothers, it would be Mother Giselle who would do such a thing. After all, she seemed to far from a typical Chantry mother. "I admit, I am glad to hear that. Does that mean you will also join the cause?"

"I will see her first with my own eyes, and give her my advice. She is free to do what she will with it, but I hope she is open to it. As what I will do next.." there was a pause, a slight moment of wonderment, before the sentence continued: "I believe I will go to them. Inquisition could be our deliverance, I cannot say for sure, just as I cannot say if the Herald is actually sent by the Maker or no. But I hope and pray."

"I believe they could be." She meant it too, and Mother Giselle saw this. "Sister Leliana wouldn't be part of it all, if she had no faith in the cause. And I trust her with my life."

"Then I can be reassured there are people with good intentions, which is a start to many things. But we will see for ourselves soon enough, yes? Now, I must deliver these potions to the people. We will talk more later, I am sure." Bowing her head, the Revered Mother took her leave.

Left alone once again, Nea returned to her potions, feeling considerably cheered up. The Revered Mother was right. Soon enough they'd go to Haven, and a whole new adventure awaited. She'd be overjoyed to see Leliana again. But most importantly, she'd be glad to see her alive. Too many innocents were not so lucky.

Adam would pop in once or twice, asking for this and that for the recovering. Most often than not Nea would ruffle his hair before giving him what he needed. The day had gone smoothly enough, no new injuries so far among the people. That was good. The presence of soldiers made her also feel safer.

Later on, as Nea was completely focused on grinding more elfroot, she felt a tug at her dress. No need to turn, she knew who it was. Still, she turned her attention to him. The big brown eyes looked up at her, other hand behind his back, Adam had a stance of a small child who clearly was about to ask for something.

"Yes dear?"

"Ma, can you teach me to use magic?"

Nea quipped her eyebrow at that. Not a usual request, then again the boy was not usual.

"Now, what brought this on?"

"I just.. I just want to use it like you do. You fix people, I wanna do that too. Can you teach me? Pleeeease! I don't care if people won't like me!" He seemed earnest about it. At least in this moment.

She knelt down onto his level, putting her hands on his shoulders.

"Oh my sweet boy. Who couldn't like you?" She caressed his cheek gently. "But not all can use magic. It is something you are born with and.. I am sorry, but I don't think you have it." It was ironic, this wasn't the kind of conversation usually had in this part of Thedas. Still, she felt slightly bad to disappoint the boy.

"What if I try really hard? Few folks here said that since you are one, I could be too." Adam insisted.

"Adam. Remember when I tell you that we must wait and see? This is one of those cases." The boy looked little discouraged, so Nea continued quickly. "Come now, you are like pa. That isn't a bad thing at all."

"Guess not." That cheered him up a bit, so Nea ruffle his hear a bit as she got up. As she did, she realized she needed more water for her potions.

"Come, let's get some water from the well. Keep me company."

"Okay ma!"

She took a bucket in the other hand, and with the other, she held Adam's hand. Together they made their her towards the well, Adam humming folk songs under his breath. Nea started thinking about the next potions she was going to brew, thoughts again turning to her work.

At the well, Nea was about to draw some water when she heard yelling. She turned towards the sound, concern raising in her gut. And just as she did, an arrow flew past her, hitting the bucket she was carrying. Dropping the bucket with a yelp, Nea immediately took steps back, seeing were the arrow came from.

Her face paled when she saw the templars running towards the the camp, yelling as they did and swords drawn. The screaming from the other direction grew louder as well. _Was there another attack happening as well?_

No time to think Nea quickly picked up Adam in her arms, and ran away from those running towards her, managing to avoid further arrows. She ran towards her hut where she had left her staff. The Inquisition soldiers ran past her, to meet the templars in battle. Once she left her hut again, she noticed people were already running towards the caves, which had been their instructions in case of an attack.

At the hut, she let Adam down and looked at him firmly. "When I say so, we will start running to the caves. Nod if you understand."

The boy nodded. Nea quickly took her staff and waited for an opportune moment to run. The templars were currently focusing on the Inquisition soldiers. It was a good time to run.

"NOW!" 

They began running, but her focus was thwarted when she saw a templar injuring a soldier of the Inquisition and was about to strike a killing blow. Instinctively, Nea reached her hand forward. Drawing upon the lyrium in her veins, she manipulated it into a burst of energy, similar she had used against the shades but more precise: The burst of energy released from her hand, threw the heavy templar away, few feet way, making him fall flat on his back. 

"Adam! Keep running! Don't stop!"

"But-"

"GO!"

Reluctantly, Adam went on, looking over his shoulder at his mother a couple of times. He was a quick on his feet, so he'd be able to make it to the cave with the other refugees.

Nea could feel the adrenaline from both the situation and the manipulated energy trickling in her blood. There was no talking, she sensed it in the templars. They were here to kill anyone and everything standing in their way. Nea would defend the people's retreat. She quickly made her way towards the soldiers of the Inquisition.

The one injured soldier lay upon the ground, bleeding heavily from his chest. Now was not the time for a precise examination. Instead Nea reached beyond the Veil, to the fade. Spirits were nearby, always right at her side. Calling them through her, Nea released an areal spell: A blue light touched the soldiers near her, especially the one on the ground. Energy of the spirits healed and strengthened those who they managed to touch. The cool spiritual energy filled her lungs, expanding them as if she'd taken a deep breath.

Soldiers around her shared a bewildered look, before continuing their assault.

Inspired by the cool spiritual air in her lungs, imagined the coldness of winter, the freezing wind that would not yield to anything on it's path. The magic within her turned cold, as she summoned the force of nature in her hand. Casting the winter's grasp, her staff aiding with the accuracy and strength of the strike, she froze the templar archer solid (one who had previously tried to shoot her dead). Her finger tips felt the freezing cold that she had just released, understanding it's potency. 

Now focus back on the other upcoming templars, Nea allowed herself to cast magic purely through her staff: It was attuned to the element of cold, slowing and weakening her enemies as she cast her energy through the staff, against the templars. She aimed mainly for their legs and arms, trying to injure them seriously enough to stop them.

But these were templars, not bandits. Their abilities as well as armor, guarded them from the worst of her attacks. They may not have been immune, but it took much more energy out of Nea to keep them occupied with her magic alone. 

"Look out!" One of the soldiers yelled at her.

And sure enough she heard the sounds of heavy armor approaching. Reacting to the warning cry she turned and looked directly at the templar. About to cast more ice against the man, the templar reacted quicker. He used purge.

Nea felt her knees go weak, the cool air of the spirits dispensing from her lungs as her magic was forcibly drained away, leaving a void within her. She grabbed her staff for support, letting a pathetic whimper escape her lips. Only thing she could see was the man now leaping towards her, ready to strike.

But the strike never came.

A flash of fire hit the ground behind him, exploding: The pure strength of it alone set him flying, even in a heavy armor like that. By the time the templar hit the ground, he was dead from the impact alone, leving behind burning flesh. On the scales of the mages, that was an impressive level of power.

Nea blinked her eyes, trying to see clearly where the remarkable primal energy had come from. 

A dalish elf, a woman with the most remarkable shade of silver hair, ran to the scene to aid the Inquisition soldiers. Nea watched in awe, as the other mage released precise and potent flames from her staff, each strike graceful and quick. Behind the woman ran up more people who were yelling something, but in her weakened state, Nea was unable to hear.

The dalish woman and her fire magic... That is what she focused in, as she tried to gather her magic. It was the only thing she could focus in. Only for a second did two of them lock eyes: In slow motion of sorts, Nea realized the woman had beautiful light grey eyes. That's when something clicked in her mind: A dalish mage, here of all places. That was how she first truly laid eyes the Herald of Andraste, Juna Lavellan.

* * *

Battle didn't take too long, but it was chaotic mess whilst it lasted. Not only had a bunch of templars attacked, some rebel mages had joined the fray. Or maybe they had been the ones to attack first, Nea really couldn't say, it was all so chaotic. After the fight, she had quickly made her way to the caves, just to see that Adam had made it. And sure enough, he had. There had been no time to loose, as Nea then proceeded to aid with the healing of the refugees.

Inquisition soldiers, alongside with the team of newcomers, helped settle things down. Part of Nea had wished to thank the newcomers, for saving her life. But she would have to do it later as there were injured to take care of. Many were simply given potions, due to the mages being exhausted after the fight. Only the most injured were offered healing magic.

Now, she was beside Mother Giselle, aiding the wounded from the battle. But it was not going smoothly.

"There are mages here who can heal your wounds." Mother Giselle said, as she was kneeling beside a soldier who lay in pain on a cot. "Lie still." She said, tone comforting.

"Don't let them touch me mother!" The soldier spat, albeit weakly. "Their magic is..-" 

"-Turned to noble purpose." Mother Giselle said, as Nea also knelt beside him. "Their magic is surely no more evil than your blade."

"But--" The man couldn't finish what he was saying, as he grunted in pain. Nea felt bad for him, and every instinct in her wanted to help him, despite what he may feel about her.

"Hush dear boy. Allow her to ease your suffering." The man offered no more resistance, just leaned back. Mother Giselle offered a nod for Nea, allowing her to resume work. 

Then the priestess raised her head, eyes shifting towards someone. Nea's eyes followed hers. The Dalish woman had approached them ever so quietly, and now was waiting for the Revered Mother, who stood up and walked to meet her. A conversation ensued, but Nea couldn't waste anymore time on her curiosity.

Allowing the spirits to give her energy, Nea began healing the injured soldier, blue light glowing from her hands as she did.

Although she had tried to deny her curiosity, some of it remained. Every other occasion, when there was a chance, she'd look over her shoulder at the dalish woman. Nea had gathered that she was the Herald of Andraste. Not having expected anything, it was strange that she had been surprised by the woman.

Juna Lavellan was a beauty, with a short silver hair tied back into a small ponytail and light but tan skin (likely from traveling).

It was somehow surprising to think about how she had just a moment ago cast some highly volatile magic. But Nea remained impressed by the level of control she had shown over it. Of all the primal powers, fire one of the easiest to go amiss and create mess afterwords. Power was well and good but if it ended in fire breaking loose around them that would be trouble on it's own.

Now she also noticed the three others that accompanied the Herald: A dwarf without a beard who carried an interesting looking crossbow, a tall dark haired woman with sword and shield and another elven mage but one who didn't look like a dalish elf. What was strange about him, was that he didn't exactly look like a circle mage. Then again, at this moment the way Nea was dressing, neither did she.

After Nea had finished healing the soldier, she moved to the others. Few men had been lost, and few were badly injured, but Nea knew the losses could have been far worse without the Herald's arrival. It had been very timely, fortunately for them.

Lost in thoughts, she hadn't noticed the two people approaching her. 

"Mistress Willows, I am sorry for interrupting. But there is someone who wishes to meet you." It was Mother Giselle, her voice waking her up from her thoughts. Nea turned to look only to see the Herald beside her. The Revered Mother nodded to the woman beside her, then at Nea herself. "I must go make preparations for my journey to Haven. I will leave you two to talk." That having said, she already took her leave.

Nea felt slightly stunned (although she did not show it), as she did not know how to react. It was strange, standing in front of the very person in center of... well all of this. She didn't know whether or not bow, or something.

"So," the Herald started with her beautifully accented voice, "Mother Giselle says you're the healer here, mistress...?" 

Straightening her back, Nea cleared her voice with a small 'ahem'. "I am. My name is Nea Willows. I am also an alchemist, my lady. I have been offering my skills to the refugees these past few days."

"So I gathered. But from the looks of it, you can also handle yourself in a fight."

"Just about. But not as well as you. After all you did save my life not so long ago." Nea bowed her head in respect. "I am thankful for that, my lady."

"Please," she said, raising her voice in amusement, "No need for all that. My name is Juna Lavellan, and you can just call me Juna. I do not care much for titles."

Nea smiled at that. "That reminds me of someone I know." She said, warming up as she thought about what Miriam would say about all this. "Very well then. Nice to meet you Juna."

"Likewise. Now, I heard from Mother Giselle you were interested in joining the Inquisition. Is that true?"

 _This is it._ Nea thought eagerly, but tried not to answer too fast. "It is. I traveled specifically here for that. I-- I had heard word from Leli- _sister_ Leliana, that my skills could be needed so here I am."

"Oh you know sister Nightingale?"

"I do, we traveled together during the blight, and have been friends ever since. It was a relief to hear that she had survived. I was... very worried."

"I understand." Juna nodded. "Many were lost, and many still could be. We do have a great need of healers at the moment, your expertise are more than vital for us at the moment."

"I am more than happy to pledge myself to the cause. Just..." Nea quickly looked around. "I do have few things I'd like to ask, if that is alright with you. I- sorry, I really hate taking any more of your time."

"Do not worry, you should speak your mind. Go on ahead, I'll try to answer best I can."

"Thank you." Nea sighed, thinking of next words. "The refugees here are in dire need of help. Is there anything you can do? Anything at all? I know you already saved us, but there is so much more to be done for these people. It would feel.. wrong to leave them like this."

Juna put her hands on her hips. "I will talk to corporal Vale and ask is input on the matter. I still need to go to meet master Dennet, and inquire him about his horses, but I will see what I can do."

"That is..." Nea smiled. "Thank you."

"Is there anything else?"

"Just one more thing. A... delicate matter." This was more difficult to bring out. Nea looked at the rest of the camp, eyes focusing on Adam. Juna raised her eyebrow, and looked were Nea's eyes had landed. "You see him?"

"A human child? Yes."

"He is my son."

"Oh. I see." 

Nea didn't dare look yet, just kept looking at Adam. Juna seemed like a kind person but so was Madge and yet she had judged Nea. Both humans and elves seemed to judge her for her decisions but the topic among elves was even more... raw. And Juna was a dalish elf. 

"It was dangerous to take him with me, but I couldn't leave him behind, not in these dire times. I... also brought him with me because I believe Inquisition can offer us both protection. But... I admit I am somewhat fearful, traveling to Haven alone without any escort, just the two of us and--"

"Say no more." Juna stopped her, and for a second Nea held her breath. "Once our business is concluded here in the Hinterlands, we will come through here. You can accompany us when we travel to Haven. I will personally ensure your safe travel to Haven."

Eyes again turning to Juna, she saw the woman smiling kindly at her and Nea answere with a wide smile of her own. Finally Nea could let out the breath she had been holding.

"Oh thank you! You have no idea--" Nea had to take another breath before continuing, "--I mean.. Thank you. So much. This means a great deal to me." Nea felt more reassured than she had felt in months.

"Of course. Now I really must go. We will talk again later, yes?"

Nodding kindly, Nea couldn't shake off the ridiculous smile on her face. "Of course. Safe travels, Juna."

Nea watches as Juna made her way back to her companions who stood not too far from them. She seemed like a wonderful person, but also... very prepared. Her attitude may have been different from Miriam Amell, but there was certain air about her. An aura of confidence, or something similar. She simply carried herself with purpose and intent. It was... inspiring. Nea had never been more certain of her choice to join them.

Of course it was early to make opinions, as Miriam always tried telling her... But who cares, Nea trusted in her intuition!

Feeling very light, Nea went back to work, humming under her breath.

* * *

Evening came closer. It was not dark yet, but it would be soon enough. Luckily it would not take long to travel to Haven. 

Much had happened in one day. So much in fact Nea could hardly believe it. Refugees had been provided with food, warmth, supplies and security. It was remarkable what few people could accomplish when they put their mind to it. Nea hadn't been idle either. She had continued her healing, and after being healed, she told them of the Inquisition. Bottom line, refugees had hope again and a real fighting chance. Even the more difficult people were pleasant to her and Adam. Remarkable what an increase in morale can accomplish.

Now, all supplies gathered, Nea was readying herself for the journey to Haven. She still had to wait for the Herald. Adam was excited to get closer to the Breach (to her surprise and concern) although his reasons were pure curiosity. Nea too wished to see it more closely but mainly do to academic interest.

Finally, the Herald of Andraste and her party found their way back to the refugee camp. Adam's hand in hers, she walked towards the group, feeling giddy and nervous in equal measure. Juna received them with a smile, however it did not take an experienced healer to recognize the dark lines under the dalish woman's eyes. They must've had an exhausting day.

Adam eagerly waved to the group. He had heard who'd they'd be traveling with, and although it seemed to be one of the things that he didn't quite understand, Herald of Andraste sounded like a hero of sorts and so he was beyond excited to meet the dalish woman. Nea slightly worried the boy would be wearing them out.

"Always a nice to receive a warm welcome." Juna smiled and waved back at the boy, the dwarven man grinning behind her. "What's your name young man?"

Although Nea could see the boy's cheeks reddening, he didn't hide behind her skirts as Juna asked her question. Instead he stepped forward, to look at the woman more closely.

"Adam Willows, milady. What's your name?"

"Juna Lavellan. A pleasure." Adam grinned widely at the dalish woman, who proceeded to point to the group behind her. "These people behind me are Solas, seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, and Varric Tethras. He is a storyteller, I bet you'll get along famously."

"Hello there kid." Varric grinned at them.

Nea made a mental note to talk to Varric about his books. She had actually read a few. It was surprising to see him here of all places. Thedas was a very small place, when this was taken into consideration. 

Juna continued after the quick introductions. "We need to get back to Haven now. I will not make it in time for another war council this evening but we can at least get there if we leave now."

Nea nodded. "We are ready."

Bunch of refugees came to wave them goodbye. Both as a thank you to the Herald and Nea, for everything these two women had done for them. Nea felt rather touched by it. One of the perks of her line of profession: At the end of the day, there would always be someone to appreciate it.

They began their journey towards Haven, and Nea couldn't help but notice the distance in both the seeker and Solas. The seeker, she noted, seemed suspicious of her. Not surprising, so Nea wouldn't fault her for that. But the mage, Solas, seemed to be in his own thoughts for reasons unknown. He didn't showcase any rudeness, but didn't pay any particular mind to them. At least at first. Perhaps they all were tired.

But Varric was another case entirely.

"So did I hear it right: You traveled with sister Nightingale during the Blight?"

"Oh yes. I met her once I joined the Hero of Ferelden's. We are old friends so I wanted to help her, and so she let me join them for the duration of the Blight. Albeit reluctantly at first... Miriam tends to be protective mother hen to me." There was no reason to avoid the topic. As horrible time as the Blight was, Nea had always enjoyed traveling together with Miriam. It had forced her to grow considerably.

"Excellent! Now I must know, what was the Hero of Ferelden like? Besides the mother hen bit. People always keep asking me about the Champion, it is fun to be on this side of things too."

"I see." Nea giggled, dimples showing. "Well I'd be happy to share. Is there anything specific you'd like to know?"

"Oh there are _many_ things I'd like to know. We've all heard so many rumors. Is it true that she fights with magical swords and wears dragonskin armor?"

"It is! I've seen auntie Miri with flaming swords and and--" Adam prattled on, not even letting Nea answer. His words turned into childish gibberish, but it was too adorable to stop.

"Yes, as Adam said. But some of it is more complicated. Miriam is a mage, she simply.. learned an alternative fighting style. Arcane warrior, the style is called."

Nea proceeded to explain their adventures at the Ancient elven temple ruin, at the Brecilian forest. She told them the story of Zathrian (although bit less graphic because of Adam), how they made peace between the elves and the werewolves and so on. Lot of the matters over at the Brecilian forest were handled by Theron, he being a dalish as well. He still had trusted Miriam's judgement but there had always been an... unspoken understanding between the two. Whenever there was a choice to be made, that actually mattered to either of them, the other would step aside. 

Juna seemed interested in the part about Mahariel. Solas too did listen, but his attention was most focused when Nea told them about the ancient elven soul trapped in a phylactery. The soul had taught Miriam it's ways, before being allowed to die.

Varric had picked up Adam onto his shoulders, as they walked and talked. Now even Cassandra took part in the conversation.

"I admit, I have heard many stories of the Hero of Ferelden and those who accompanied her, mostly from Leliana but it does sound very... interesting. Even if I'd usually stay away from items which hold spirits in them." Cassanra said, surprisingly sounding like the was in wonder. "Tell me, do you have any idea where the Hero of Ferelden might have vanished, considering you know her so well?"

"Come on, seeker!" Varric interjected. "Don't pull her into an interrogation now, there is a child present!"

"Ugh, I am not pulling her into anything dwarf!"

"It is quite alright ser Tethras," Nea said gently, hiding a grin. "I can answer that easily. I've already told Leliana all I know anyhow, which isn't that much. The fact is, I haven't been able to be in contact with Miriam in... Maker it has been many months now. Probably over a half a year. She didn't tell me much, only that she had to do something important. Since then, nothing."

"An important mission... It is just about all that any of us know." Cassandra sighed, dropping the topic.

"Don't worry Snowdrop," Varric quipped to Nea, giving her a charming half-smile. "If she's everything you have told us, she'll be perfectly fine."

Nea returned his smile with her own, slightly confused one. "Snowdrop?"

Juna looked over her shoulder at Nea, smiling knowingly. "Varric has a tendency to give people nicknames. Mine is more peculiar than yours, believe me."

"Poppy fits you just fine. No changing the nicknames, that's the rule."

Nea giggled again. With these people beside her, journey to Haven didn't feel bothersome. It reminded her much of the times when she had traveled. This would be different, of course, but she was always happy to meet new people. Life was richer that way. So rest of the way, they talked and shared storied. Pleasant time all around.

* * *

It was late in the evening when they finally arrived at Haven. It was dark outside but the moonlight brightened the snow so it wasn't difficult to see where you were going. Although up here, it wasn't just the moonlight that brightened the night. Up here Breach seemed even more gigantic than it had been before. Nea almost felt sick, being so close to it. In a way, it was close to being the void, as well as a large graveyard. After all, so many people had died there, not just piece of history.

It was even more disturbing to think about, what it must have been like seeing it all happen. Nea could keep an emotional distance to it all, mainly because she had not been that close when it happened. But she knew for a fact that she had lost many friends that day.

"Welcome to Haven," Juna said, yawning deeply.

"I've been here before, just not recently." Nea replied thoughtfully.

Looking around, Nea had flashbacks from the time when she was last here. Almost nine years ago. _Maker time goes by._ At this moment, the buildings seemed to be in better shape, and there was snow than she remembered. It was a welcome change, if there ever was one. Place seemed... more lively, not dark and filled with menace, like during the cultists "reign."

"Oh right. Has it changed much."

"Yes. Fortunately."

Juna raised an eyebrow at that. "I will be asking for the story behind that, later." The dalish woman looked around, seemingly looking for someone over at the training yard, but not finding them. "There must be some free lodgings for you here, I bet ambassador Montilyet can help you with that. I figure that since Leliana herself approached you, she might have specific plans for you; it might be better if you talk to one of them first instead of the quartermaster. Josephine is at least in the Chantry, either talking with Leliana or the quartermaster. I'll go talk to her with you. I doubt there is need to go over your duties this instant, but tomorrow you should talk to lady Josephine and sister Leliana or the Commander about it more. They will help you with it, I am certain."

"Thank you Juna, but you are already very tired. I'll go find to the Chantry myself, and ask around." Nea smiled. "You go to sleep right this minute. Healer's orders."

Juna chuckled a bit before nodding. "Well, I can hardly argue against that. Thank you, healer."

Going ahead, rest of the party going behind her, each to their own direction. Except for Varric, who offered to walk them to the Chantry but Nea declined. The man had already carried Adam most of the way, he should rest as well. Nea herself wasn't going to the Chantry _right away_ anyway, as she wanted to check something first.

"Ma, why aren't we going ahead?" Adam asked, beginning to be tired as well. Too tired to even care about the Breach (even though he had been gushing about seeing it up close).

"Because I want to show you something first. Come on, we'll check it quick, then we'll go to the Chantry."

"But I am tired ma."

"It'll only take a moment."

"Okay..." The small boy said, a little bit grudgingly. 

Together they walked towards the lake, to the pier. Adam looked more confused than tired, as he watched over the lake.

"It's just a lake ma."

Nea smiled at the boy, kneeling down beside him.

"I was once here with you pa. We spent the evening right here, at this spot."

Some of the tiredness washed away, as the boy's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Mm-m." She nodded. "He had wanted to see this place with his own eyes. A big adventure had taken place here after all and so we made a trip here. Just the two of us."

Looking around with new perspective, Adam was bewildered. "Did he.. stand where I am standing?" He asked, and Nea nodded. "What about here?"

Nea laughed and gave a firm hug to her son. "We wanted to show this place to you too, and now I have. Isn't that great?"

When Adam was let go, there was newfound energy in his eyes. "Yes!! I want to go exploring right now!"

"Tomorrow maybe, but now we will go to the Chantry so we can find a place to sleep in."

"Aww but maaa! I'm not tired anymore."

"You still need to sleep. What papa would say...?"

The boy sighed. "...Listen to your mama."

"Exactly. Now let's get a move on."

Adam in his more wake state, started running towards the gates. Nea tried to walk more quickly to catch up with him, but with all of her bags it was difficult to keep up, despite Adam's encouraging "cheering". By the time she was at the gate, Adam had already ran through and was going quickly up hill.

"Adam, be careful!"

"I am--" Thump! Nea already heard him falling down to the ground. No matter how many times she'd tell him, he was always running, stumbling and as it were in this case, bumping into people. Was Arther like that when he was a child? At least he never admitted it. Sighing, Nea was making her way to the boy and the man who he had pumped into.

The man had stopped in his tracks as Adam had bumped onto him. He was tall and in a very significant looking armor with a fur mantle over his shoulders. In the darkness (even under the moonlight) it was difficult to make out more details, but Nea wasn't really looking at him, just at Adam.

"Careful there lad. It is easy to fall over here. The ground is slippery." The man gently said to the boy, with a very clear Ferelden accent. 

He leaned down, and easily helped the boy up. Nea finally had made her way to the two, as Adam regained his footing. She leaned lower, turning Adam around. The boy didn't look up at her, just downright with ashamed look in his eyes. 

"Sorry about that ser, the boy can sometimes be quicker on his feet than what is good for him." She may have been talking to the man, but not looking at him yet. She was brushing snow off from Adam's clothes, not wanting him to get wet and cold.

"It is alright. Normal for the boys to be that way. Just be more careful from now on lad, and watch where you are going." The man replied, amusement in his voice. At this point, something at the back of Nea's mind told her that there was something familiar about this man's voice, but those thoughts were ignored.

"I quite agree. Still, Adam." She firmly stated his name, and with her fingers lifted the boy's chin up, so he'd look at her. "What do we say to the nice man?" 

Letting Adam turn around, he looked up at the man. "Sorry for bumping into you. And thank you for helping me up."

"There you go." Nea smiled, straightening her back and now looking up at the man.

Her smile disappeared, expression changing into one of confusion, as soon as she saw him. The human man had gone completely still, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Nea tried to look at him more closely. Blond hair nicely combed hair, scar on his upper lip, little bit of stubble, somewhat familiar facial features, amber eyes--

That's where she stopped: at his eyes.

"Nea?" Came the low, bewildered words out of his mouth.

Hearing his voice again, she was certain now. Eyebrows raising, she now shared with him a look of minor disbelief.

"Cullen..?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG D: It's Cullen. Who could have seen THAT coming?!? ...<_<
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter :3


	4. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward reunion from Cullen POV so it seems more awkward and cheesy than it is! Enjoy! 
> 
> Also I am taking some liberties when it comes to Haven's grounds. (More houses, etc)

It had become dark outside when Cullen walked out of the Chantry. He needed to get some cold, fresh air after having spent so many hours reading reports. Most were about the situations in Orlais and Ferelden. He had also spent time writing instructions for the Inquisition trainers. He would be spending the next day training the soldiers himself, but he couldn't train them all. In the long run it couldn't be his primary duty anyhow, but at the beginning of the Inquistion, getting men into fighting shape was a priority.

Honestly though, he knew the other thing he'd be doing for the next couple of days would be all about keeping people under heel. The tensions were high between mages and templars that resided in Haven, and it was only a matter of time before someone would snap. Cullen had already had to step between few people, just so they'd get to work instead of arguing, nothing more so far. Again, it was only a matter of time before there was a risk of a serious fight and when it'd occur, he would have to be there to snuff it out.

Cullen sighed, and rubbed be back of his neck. Yet another headache had been ailing him for the last couple of hours. Before that it had been simply tenseness at the back of his head, but he knew where it was heading towards. Reading all those reports and dealing with annoying (as well as petty) situations did not help matters. Still, he could hardly stop working. There would be worse headaches to come, he knew that. He would have to ignore the pain and focus on work, that was the plan.

Well, for better or worse things, he'd see how far he can take this. Sooner or later.

Walking around Haven, Cullen thought about taking a stroll around the lake. He'd have to get rest afterwards, so it shouldn't be too long a trip. Just enough to clear his head and prepare him for potential nightmares to come. He closed his eyes only for a couple of seconds as he walked down the path towards the gates.

Whatever thoughts he had in mind, were interrupted as some woman loudly spoke, not too far from ahead of him.

"Adam, be careful!"

It was the only warning Cullen got, as he felt something small bump into him. Just then he opened his eyes, just to witness a small boy fall on his backside and on the ground. Stopping on his tracks immediately so he wouldn't step on the boy, he looked down at him. Child clearly had not looked where he was going, and must have stepped on an icy spot.

"Careful there lad. It is easy to fall over here. The ground is slippery." Cullen quipped, not too amused, not too serious. Despite his headache, this boy running into him was among the least annoying cases he had dealt with today. 

He leaned down, and offered his hand to the boy, which the boy accepted somewhat embarrassed and shy. Cullen easily lifted the boy back on his feet, with no trouble at all. He sized the lad up, figuring he was no more than seven or six years of age. The boy had only quickly looked at Cullen, before dropping his gaze to the ground.

Noticing the woman (probably the mother or something like that), who had called after the boy as she had been making her way towards them, Cullen turned to take a closer look at her: She was a beautiful elven woman with a long dark brown hair braided behind her back, very light skin and dark brown eyes. Immediately there was a feeling in his gut, that she seemed similar to someone he knew. Besides her looks though, he also noted that she had bags with her (which meant she had only just arrived) and a staff on her back.

A mage, then. They would have to get her background checked.

"Sorry about that ser, the boy can sometimes be quicker on his feet than what is good for him." The woman said to him, as she was brushing off snow from the boy's clothes. Her accent was fine Ferelden, soft and smooth. High, but not squeaky.

Again, there was that feeling: something at the back of Cullen's mind saying this elven woman reminded him of someone. The similarities were heading towards someone he hadn't thought about in a long time, but someone he had not forgotten. Someone distinctive. Again, he ignored the thought. In the relative darkness, it was easy.

"It is alright." Cullen brushed it off, gazing at the boy again. "Normal for the boys to be that way. Just be more careful from now on lad, and watch where you are going." It may have sounded like a lecture, but really was only amusement masked as such. Children will be children, even at times like these. And considering how many refugees there already were at Haven, he should get used to the presence of the youth, even if a war camp was a strange place to see them.

Cullen looked at the boy, noticing he also had dark brown eyes. Those eyes were same as the elven woman's, whom he turned to look at again. Those eyes that were so familiar, as was everything else about her. Too familiar.

Staring at her, his heart began beating faster, and he felt himself go stiff from tension. It was as if some part of him already knew what it meant, but majority of him couldn't believe: As if the truth was right there before him, but he couldn't acknowledge it. Something stopped him.

He squinted his eyes as examined her. She hadn't even looked back at him yet, too focused on the boy. _Who is she reminding me of?_ He asked himself. Part of him refused to believe his gut feeling, straight up stopped him from finishing the thought.

Trying hard to remember who she reminded him of, he almost ignored what those two were actually doing and saying.

"I quite agree. Still, Adam." The woman said to the boy with a firmness of a parent, and with her fingers she lifted the boy's chin up, so he'd look at her. Cullen could only watch, his amusement and grin disappearing without him even realizing it. His expression was turning into the one of disbelief.

"What do we say to the nice man?" 

Yes, the woman's voice was still so similar. His thoughts were finally getting there. _No_... _She couldn't be... could she..?_

The boy, called Adam apparently, turned around and he looked up at Cullen, with those rare brown eyes of his. "Sorry for bumping into you. And thank you for helping me up." The boy sounded embarrassed, so his apology seemed genuine. But Cullen couldn't focus. 

"There you go." Once those bright words had passed her lips, the woman finally raised her deep brown eyes to his own, smiling widely enough for those dimples to show. The dots had connected in his head by then, that smile only finished it.

In the instant their eyes had locked, Cullen's heart skipped a beat: That was the smile he had never thought he'd able to see again, but occasionally dreamed about. His shock must have shown on his face, because she now too looked confused, that distinctive smile of hers disappearing. Her brown eyes searched him, as he struggled to find words, or any thoughts to grab onto. 

After a small period of their gazes connecting, Cullen saw a spark of surprise in her eyes. A similar feeling of recognition, what he had just experienced. That was the last sign he needed.

"Nea..?" Surprisingly his voice was louder than a whisper, although a bit husky. He simply had hard time processing his surprise. Once she had heard him speak out her name, she too had a look of disbelief on her face. Her eyebrows rose up, and mouth fell open ever so slightly. Her hand went for something that hang around her neck in a chain.

"Cullen...?" She asked him in return, so very carefully you'd think she was treading on thin ice.

Both of them phrased each other's name more as a confirmation or a reassurance, rather than a question. 

_Maker._ She had clearly changed; Grown. There were still certain parts of her that were the same: Her skin was still that glowing alabaster tone, smooth as ever, well defined jawline, her dark brown hair was still long enough to reach her lower back (even when braided like now), her eyebrows where thin with a low arch and her eyes were also dark brown in shade, like those Orlesian chocolates. Lastly, her lips were slightly on the thinner side and they formed her beautifully bright smile, with dimples and all. 

But there were clear differences as well.

She no longer had those wild bangs covering her forehead, instead she had led them grow out. Whilst her skin was still clear and smooth, there was also enrichned tone on her cheeks, a slight tan, likely from the sun: Markings of travelling. There was also a scar on the left side of her forehead, which stopped right above her left eyebrow. And even in this darkness, he could see those eyes of hers, more adult than before.

She looked different, yes. More mature, but still just as lovely.

Million thoughts ran in his head and Cullen couldn't bring himself to change the expression of surprise on his face: Why was she here? Nea, of all people! Different emotions and memories flared up at the mere sight of her. How, what, when: All those questions burned him, overloading his mind and forsaking common sense. It was difficult to figure out what to say, as reunions of this kind were not his specialty.

"Maker, this is... I- I wasn't expecting to see you. " Cullen managed to say, with a slight stutter (luckily without voice cracking). Not the most intelligent showcase on his part, but he was too bewildered and clouded to form a anything more sensible. _Maker,_ it had been over ten years now, and lot had happened since when he was that green. And yet the minute Nea stood in front of him again, he stuttered and doubted like as if he had turned into that naive boy again.

Nea, as bewildered as he (but more restraint), stood there a couple of moments, blinking a few times as to register what he had just said to her. Then the light came to her eyes, and she seemed to be present again.

"I'm really here," she said very gently, with a bit more volume than before, "I can hardly believe this myself. You..." there was hesitation in her, as she looked away from him, down to the ground for a moment, before looking back up. "How are you?"

How was _he?_ Was her nerves talking he wondered. Her tone seemed genuine...

"I am, uh, I am fine. Thank you." He replied hastily. _Maker,_ it had been over ten years now, and lot had happened since he had been that green. And yet the minute Nea stood in front of him again, he stuttered and second guessed himself as if he had turned back into that naive boy.

And to top it all off, after all this time, this is the first thing she thinks of? After the way they had left things (or better yet, how _he_ had left things) she could have shown resentment, and rightfully so. _I am beyond caring what you think! You're a mage! It is my duty to oppose all that you are! Stay away from me!_ The unkind-- the _cruel_ things he had said to her in that sorry state flashed his mind. He looked at the woman standing before her now, and he recalled the sorrow he had caused. Those brown eyes had been filled with pain; pain he had chosen to ignore.

"And how are you?" Cullen quipped back. He didn't know what else to say.

"I am... alright. Despite these circumstances." She said, motioning towards the Breach with her hand.

The air between them was filled with heaviness and uncertainty. And a bit of awkwardness. Cullen had to stop himself from rubbing the back of his neck. _Say something, anything!_

"You and ma know each other?" Cullen shifted his gaze at the boy who had spoken: He'd almost forgotten the boy was even here. _Ma?_

Nea went pale, as she too heard what her son had said. Carefully she let go of that thing around her neck (it looked like a ring) and instead took the boy's hand in hers, before looking back at Cullen. Once she did, he noticed a change in her stance; It was as if she stood taller. 

"We do. Adam, this is Cullen. Cullen, this is my son. Adam." Nea's tone had definitely taken a stronger tone. After finishing her sentence, she pursed her lips together, waiting for his response.

A son. He may have thought it, but he hadn't been certain... Especially when he recognized her. He had been too taken aback to fully comprehend it. Cullen looked at the boy: He had his mother's eyes, as he had noticed before but otherwise appeared to be human so his father must be one.

Cullen felt something strange in his gut as he thought about it. Nea Surana had a son. Of course it was known to happen, that a mage would have a child. But Nea? As far as Circle mages go, she had always been.. considerate. This was rather unorthodox, he knew. And she knew what he was thinking about Cullen gathered, as he saw the expression in her eyes. It was not a frown, he wasn't sure she _could_ frown. Her eyes just seemed to... really _see into_ him.

"Um, oh I see." He replied lamely, his surprise (again) evident on his face. Trying to improve on his reaction, Cullen continued: "Good evening, young man. It is pleasure to meet you both." 

Adam waved at Cullen, but even a small child as he saw something was not exactly right here. The boy turned to look up at his mother, who still held his hand. 

"I hope it is." Nea replied so very softly, voice so gentle but also wistful.

"Of course it is!" The commander blurted out. Understanding how abrupt his answer had been, he quickly restrained himself and replied more softly: "I _do_ mean it. Unreservedly."

Despite the awkwardness of the whole situation, a hint of ease entered the atmosphere around them. A tiny smile found it's way on Nea's lips, and Cullen couldn't help but smile back, even with all of his uncertainty.

"Thank you for saying that. I'm glad." They looked at one another for a minute, slight pause in the conversation until Nea continued again, more hesitant. "I am sorry Cullen we- we've had a long day. We just arrived, alongside the Herald, from the Hinterlands. We were told to go to the Chantry to find someone who can help us find lodgings or something of the sort. Ambassador Josephine, or the quartermaster."

"Oh of course. I shouldn't have kept you." Before even thinking it through, Cullen extended his hand to her. Nea looked confused for a second so he elaborated: "You must have had a long journey, allow me to carry your bags."

"That's very kind but I don't want to impose. We've troubled you enough as it is." 

"It is no trouble. Please, allow me." For once in this conversation, he managed to be both polite and firm. Rewarding him with a shy but genuine smile, Nea nodded and offered him one of her bags. Cullen quipped his eyebrow at her, and she sighed (albeit with an amused tone) and offered the other bag as well. Now satisfied, together they started walking towards the Chantry. 

It was the least he could do.

"So... You are part of the Inquisition now, I assume. May I ask what brought you here?" Nea asked him as they started walking.

"I was in Kirkwall at the time, when seeker Pentaghast approached me; she offered me a position in the Inquisition so I left the Templars to join her cause. Not that it turned out to be what any of us expected."

From the corner of his eye, Cullen noticed her turn her head abruptly at him, eyes wide.

"You left the Templar Order? Or did you just leave them for the time being?"

It was a fair question, considering what her experiences were with him. Most who had seen what he had become would be surprised as well by this development.

"I left the Order, and that life, behind me. I am now fully devoted to the Inquisition. I believe I am capable of accomplishing more here anyhow, so I have no regrets." Not wishing to speak of it further he asked a question of her in return: "What about you? How did you end up here?"

Understanding why Cullen changed the subject, Nea didn't press the matter, which he appreciated.

"Sister Leliana mentioned it to me in her letters. She believed I could be of assistance, and I agreed; so long story short, I made my way to the Hinterlands where I stopped momentarily to aid the refugees with mother Giselle until the Herald arrived and officially recruited us both."

"There has been a word of a healer mage in the Hinterlands who has been aiding the refugees. I take it that was you?"

"I suppose it must be. I didn't realize I was being talked about." 

"Well if there is one thing we've learned during these past few days, it's that word travels fast, for better or worse." Cullen look ahead as they neared the Chantry. 

"That assumes there is something worth talking about. Considering the widest spread gossip right now is about the Herald, I am flattered to be even noticed."

Cullen chuckled a bit at that. "And i believe that joining our rebellious cause will only make us all more famous, or infamous when the Chantry gets it's word in, and it always does."

Nea exchanged one curious look with Cullen after his interesting comment, as they finally reached the Chantry doors. 

"We'll have to accept the fame as gracefully as we can, then." She lightly said.

"We can only endeavor to try." He responded dryly as he opened the doors and politely allowed Nea to enter first , then following behind her.

As they walked towards the Ambassadors office, the tensions between them had eased but not completely vanished. His ability to comprehend this was seriously lacking. Despite him keeping his feet firmly on the ground, there still appeared to be matters when the ground felt uneven and he'd stumble. 

The walk didn't last long, as the Ambassadors office was near. But those steps felt much longer than they were. Cullen looked beside her, at Nea who quietly watched ahead, every one of her light steps echoing in the Chantry's hall. He had so much he wished to say, but finding the words seemed beyond him. Part of him wanted to stop her and tell her how much he regretted the last time they had spoken; To apologize. But there were people around, not to mention her son and he doubted this was the appropriate time to bring such things up.

So he held his piece, as they stopped at door of lady Montilyet's office.

"This is the one." He said to her and politely knocked. A shout of _'come in'_ came from inside, and so he opened it, entering first this time.

"Commander? What ever are you carrying?" Josephine asked with a curiosity, voice pitched higher. Leliana too was there. They were probably going over some daily matters, as they seemed to like cooperating with one another on specific issues.

"I um, I just offered assistance to our new arrival. She is here with me." Cullen replied, immediately feeling awkward as the two women in the room shared a look with one another like two sisters would. It was not as if his politeness was that unbelievable, was it?

Nea walked into the room, smiling widely at Leliana whose eyes got wide. Adam yelped and let go of his mother's hand and quickly ran to Leliana, hugging her legs. It was somewhat strange sight to see, considering the distance the spymaster had kept from most people.

"Auntie Leli!" The boy excitedly said, smiling ear to ear.

"Adam! You have grown a great deal!" Sister Nightingale, small surprise on her face, gave a quick, firm hug to young Adan before letting go of him.

"Good to see you again Leliana. I have missed you." Nea said too, walking closer to the other two women in the office.

"I wasn't expecting you to arrive just yet." There was a quick glance at Cullen, a suspicious one if he'd ever seen one, but it was quickly turned back to Nea. "I didn't hear a word from you so I assumed you'd be staying low for time being. Why didn't you inform me?" The spymaster scolded. "It is dangerous out there, I could have ensured safe passage."

Nea shook her head. "I did write, but it would appear my letter never made it's way to you. But besides that... I tried to get here in time for the Conclave but I was too late." She calmly replied to Leliana. "But I am here now, and I'm ready to do what I can."

Leliana let out a long sigh. "This is not the end of this conversation, I promise you." Placing a hand on her waist, Leliana turned to the Ambassador who had risen up from her chair. "Josie, this in Nea Willows. The one I talked about regarding the matter of Inquisition's healers."

Whilst Josephine exchanged pleasantries with Nea and eagerly greeted Adam (who blushed vigorously at the sight of the Antivan lady), Cullen's mind got stuck on what he had just heard, tuning everything else out: _Nea Willows_. The women ignored her when he absentmindedly stared at Nea. Confirmation, without having to tell him. She was married, which he should have guessed by now. True, it was rare for a mage to marry, but it did happen. And of all the people, it wasn't surprising that someone would want to marry her. Even after all this time. He doubted she had changed so much that his assessment would be untrue.

After finally returning to Ferelden, seeing Nea was the first real thing to make him apprehend how much time had passed. How much things had changed, including him. Feeling a tinge of curiosity, Cullen wondered about who this husband of hers was and what kind of man he must have been. Accompanied with curiosity, was also another sensation; A pinch of sorts in his stomach. It was a feeling he had felt before but one he was unable to identify.

Trying to regain some focus, he listened a bit of what the conversation around him was, albeit half-heartedly.

"....Reality is that Inquisition has a great need for healers, as injured arrive here each day. Adan can only do so much, after all he is an alchemist, not a healer. It really is most fortunate that you have arrived." Josephine was telling Nea, speaking face to face with her, away from her desk. "From what Leliana has told me, you have exceptional skills in this field. We would be happy to have your service."

"And I am glad to hear it." Nea smiled back at the woman, when Adam yawned loudly. It looked like he was trying to hold it back. "Just a little longer sweetheart." She told the boy.

"Ah, you must've had a tiresome journey. My apologies for keeping you two." Josephine smilingly told them, eyeing Adam with sweetly. "We can discuss rest of the details about your duties tomorrow, since you probably want to get some sleep."

"I would appreciate it, I admit. We've really had a long day."

"Me and Josie will not keep you two then. Do you have lodgings?"

"That was one of the things I was going to ask about, actually. Do you know where we could go or the quartermaster...?"

Not holding back, Leliana already had an answer ready.

"There is a small infirmary set in the house near the apothecary. Next to it is a small shack, which we left uninhabited; it was our intention to have a primary healer settle there, but the main candidate perished during the Conclave. Since you are going to be a healer for us anyhow, there is no harm in you taking residence there. We will inform the quartermaster of this." Leliana explained. "It is not much, but it is more comfortable than a tent."

Nea smiled widely. "Thank you very much. That sounds perfect."

"Now, one last thing, before we let you retire for the night... A formality that we simply must get over with..." Smiling a half-smile, Leliana offered Nea he hand: "Welcome to the Inquisition."

Returning the smile, Nea took Leliana's hand and they shook firmly. "Thank you. I look forward to doing my part."

Josephine gleefully glanced at the Commander. "We all do, don't we Commander?"

"Hm?" Cullen was stirred away from his thoughts, to see the look on the Ambassador's face. "Oh, I mean, of course. Welcome to the inquisition." He hurried the sentence, trying to recover from his obvious absent mindedness. 

Cullen felt frustration at the knowing look on the two human ladies' faces. It was off-putting. Luckily Nea seemed to either ignore or be oblivious to it. 

"Very good. We'll ask a servant to show you the way--"

"That is not necessary" the commander interrupted, finally back on the topic properly. "I can do it."

"You've already helped me, you must want to get rest as well..." Nea stepped closer to Cullen, hesitance in her eyes. "You needn't bother anymore."

"It is no bother" he simply answered, because it really wasn't. He had no interest in having this conversation a third time, and Nea saw it so she merely nodded. Cullen suddenly wondered if he'd been too pushy, but really, it is not what he had meant to be. It is simply the fact that he didn't know what else he could do for her so at least he'd do this.

"Well then. Tomorrow, come to the tent in front of the Chantry. That's where I will be. Take good care of her Commander." Leliana said lastly, Cullen shifting awkwardly at his place. The spymaster could be threatening in her own right, even to him, so it was difficult to tell the implications behind her last sentence.

"I'll be there. Good night Leliana. Lady Montilyet." Before taking her leave, Nea curtsied for the women, as gracefully as ever. Somehow she had always moved so... smoothly. At least that hadn't changed. Raising those beautiful eyes to his, he noticed how the candlelight glowed in them, like a small delicate flame. Warm, but not burning hot. It brought new depths to her gaze. "Shall we?"

"Right this way." It felt strange to rip his eyes away from hers, but he wouldn't stare. It would only be inappropriate and make her uncomfortable, thus he teared his look away. Instead he focused where they were going.

As they walked, side by side to outside, Cullen held his words in. For a moment he wondered if she'd do so as well. There were still so much to talk about, but almost all where hurtful or... otherwise sensitive topics. Could either of them open their mouths, Cullen wondered. As they walked to the doors, and he opened them, Nea did initiate the conversation:

"I didn't realize you were the Commander." Nea calmly said, snow crunching under their footsteps. At this point Adam seemed sleepy enough that he would not pay attention to any conversation they'd be having. 

It took a moment for him to realize it too. Why would she know? It never had come up until the other Inquisition leaders mentioned it. Still it was a slightly convenient, to top all of this. "Right. I hadn't considered that. Seeker Cassandra offered the position for me, as I told you before. Fact is, I believed I could offer my skills and expertise for the benefit of all. There is much we can accomplish here after all."

"There really is. I am just sorry I didn't address you properly before."

"It is after hours. There is no need to worry over decorum right now, especially since you did not know."

As they walked past the tavern where cheering sounds came from, many drinking and eating the night away, filling up the silence. Nea nodded, but made no further sound, thus the only voices where ones of Haven's inhabitants.

They came up to the shack, which was small and simple. But considering how full Haven was and how most had to share a tent, even a small shack was a luxury. Once he opened the door, he could even see a bed. Not large, but still enough for the two of them; Elven woman, especially slim like Nea and a small boy? It was more than enough.

"This is it." He said carefully, putting down their bags. Nea already help Adam settle on the bed. He was already taking steps back, out of the shack, to wait outside. Even though he didn't have to.

"I'll be back with you soon, sweetheart. You know what to do, nightly preparations, yes?"

"Okay ma..." The boy said reluctantly, as he seemed too tired for those. Nea gave the boy a quick kiss on the forehead before also stepping out of the shack. Her hand was on the door, yet she didn't close it.

"Thank you, Cullen. You didn't have to do that."

"It really was no trouble. It was... the least I could do." He awkwardly brought his free hand up to rub the back of this neck. He wondered if it was genuine politeness or mere guilt that had made him help her. Probably some combination of the two. Only Andraste knew.

"What's the matter?" The smaller woman asked gently, noticing his discomfort. _Maker,_ was he that obvious? He had tried to mask at least the expression on his face. It would seem he had failed. "You said you're glad that we're here, and if so, I believe it. But if there are doubt's I'd like to hear from them now."

It was strange, to hear her talk so bluntly. Well, on her gentle lady standards anyhow. If she had been so before, Cullen couldn't recall. He shook his head as a response.

"I did mean what I said before. Just that.." he let his hand drop back to his side, "I hope my position doesn't-- I mean does it bother you?" It was useless to deny what was on his mind at this point. The woman bit her lip, looking forward. Cullen's unease and worry rose up at that. Did he want to even know? In his heart he felt he may not deserve her forgiveness.

She looked aside, both hands on the door now. "I do not know yet Cullen." Nea admitted quietly, which stung Cullen. Of course she had a perfect right to feel as she did, but it still was.. uncomfortable to hear. A woman like her saying such a thing, carried weight. Once more raising her gaze, Cullen noticed a solemn smile there. One he hadn't really seen before:

"But I have hope that we can unite under this cause, which I see as a worthy one. If we are united under it, it speaks volumes does it not?" 

Her words were soothing, on the wounds he had just a second ago experienced. "I.. suppose it does." He just admitted in a whisper, even if he wanted to say more. "Even if I do not deserve it."

"Cullen-" She was about to say something, but there was a loud yawn from Adam.

"Ma! I can't find my night tunic!"

Apologetically Nea looked at Cullen but he just brushed it aside. "Go. You both need rest."

Nodding in thanks Nea was about to close the door, but not before saying one last goodbye: "Good night, Commander Cullen."

"Rest well, mistress Nea."

He watched as she closed the door. Once closed, he let out a breath he did not know he had been holding. They had been familiar, using first names as they had reunited. But they separated whilst using formalities. Rubbing the back of his neck again, he started walking away. His headache was fully developed now, and no wonder; of all the uncomfortable meetings to day, this really was the most draining. Just for different reasons.

There were so many things he had wished to say; For how long had he wished, that she knew how much he regretted his parting words? Or the cruel disposition he'd had before it?

It was not the time yet, but Cullen knew he would have to take her aside someday or just... find a private moment. Then he'd let her know. He had to. It was difficult enough knowing she, a good woman, held suspicion towards him. He would not insult her by asking for forgiveness or in other words, freedom from guilt. He doubted he'd ever be truly free from that, because he didn't deserve to.

But a soul like her at least deserved to know, he didn't think badly of her.

Sighing in frustration, he made it to the lake outside of Haven. He'd need that stroll, to clear his head and maybe with it, his throbbing headache.

* * *

Adam was asleep on the bed, it had not taken long for him to fall asleep. 

Nea was another case however. She was standing and watching outside the window, her heart still racing and thoughts were swirling in her head, shifting from hope to fear on a whim. She had not suspected Cullen to be here, and especially for him to be a Commander. Leliana had said nothing of the sort. Then again she might've, had she known Nea was on her way.

After all these years it had all come back to her in a wave of shock, as if lighting had appeared from clear skies. Yes, those memories had always been an echo that she had heard at the back of her mind, painful enough to remain, but this reunion brought it back more potently. Fall of Ferelden Circle had not been a beautiful sight; It had been horrific, shameful and to her sadness, still had consequences to this day. It showed the darker sides that mages had to offer... But mainly the everlasting effect was the pain that clung to those who survived.

That day, Cullen had changed. Her heart had been filled with regret over the suffering he had endured... But it was his hatred that struck a part of Nea, she didn't even know existed: Cullen's words had hit her to her very core, and shattered something precious. The looks he gave her were no better. Cullen had blamed all mages, blamed _her_. In his mind, he could never forgive. It made her feel guilty, even when she had nothing to do with the whole mess. The feeling was persistent.

Nea couldn't blame him for his pain, but his hatred had been... harsh and long enduring. From what she had heard afterwards of his character in Kirkwall. Nothing had been really... hopeful, to her ears anyhow. He hadn't had any will at all to be kind to them, or understanding. It was what she feared most currently:

Although Leliana had promised them duty and safety, if Cullen was the commander, one of the leader, would he not separate her and Adam given the chance? Would he not do all in his power to make it happen, even in times like these? Nea shuddered at the thought.

To her comfort, he had at least been.. gentlemanly; Polite and considerate. Almost like back before the Blight. Despite her fear, Cullen had shown signs of... change. Recovery? Nea couldn't really say, not at this point, but at least there were good signs. Maybe after all this pain and suffering they could really do some good for a change.

So she's remained hopeful and afraid at the same time. _Careful_ , she corrected herself. 

Once more, Nea fidgeted her wedding ring that hung on the chain around her neck. Had Arther been here, he'd probably been very protective and kept her feet on the ground. But then she'd have to reassure him gently, that this was still the best course of action to take. And he'd listen, as he knew what was good for him.

Her fingers stopped, as Nea felt herself relax a bit. It brought comfort to her, to remember her. As much as she missed him, his memory at least would always be with her.

Sighing contently, Nea walked over to the bed and slid herself under the covers as gently as she could, not to wake up Adam. Hearing the soft breaths her young son took, she allowed herself to close her own eyes. Whatever tomorrow would bring, at least she had this moment to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is some of the inspiration for Nea (appeareance):
> 
> https://fi.pinterest.com/cinnamonmp/fantasy-characters/spirit-healer/
> 
> I may not have a specific picture of her, but these are the kind of pictures that are similar to what I imagine in my head.
> 
> Also when it comes to unraveling unfortunate baggage, I could hardly unload it all here, yes? Things will be unraveled little by little.


	5. The Report

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took awhile! I had a writers block but I got it off well enough to finish this chapter :) Enjoooy

"That was an ordeal." The chantry lay sister muttered, after the soldier had fallen asleep. She had been helping Nea with managing the injured as well as aided the recovering at the infirmary. They had just handled a case of badly broken (and eaten) leg. A demon had clutched into it, almost ripping it off. "I am glad he didn't loose the foot but... I'd be lying if I said I had gotten used to injuries inflicted by demons...."

Nea was washing her hands at the water basin, trying the get the blood out of her hands.

"It is, unfortunately, something we have to get used to." Looking reassuringly at the sister, Nea stepped aside so the other woman could also wash her hands. "But you did a good job despite the scare."

"Thanks... I prefer to keep my head, rather than be on the way of things, so I am relieved to hear you say that." 

Day had started in chaos, but good company made it easier to get through.

Nea liked this lay sister. Annabelle she was called. She was a wonderful freckled lay sister. One who kept her head in the game, but was humorous and light at heart. She was easy to work with, and that wasn't always a given, even with just lay sisters of the chantry. Furthermore, people had a more reason to feel prejudice towards Nea now, that she had been given seniority.

Seniority... Really strange. She thought back to the conversation she had had with Leliana, when they had discussed it.

_"Are you certain? To give this position to a mage, and an elf... wouldn't that cause a fuss?"_

_"Since when have such things bothered you? I thought you loved changing peoples minds with your actions and soft personality."_

_"Since I had Adam." Nea stated. The lighter tone the other woman had had, faded. "It somehow made the differences more... evident."_

_Sighing, Leliana put her hand on Nea's shoulder firmly, as a reassurance. "I wouldn't offer this to you, if I didn't trust your abilities. I had thought about recruiting you to this position, even before the Conclave but because of Adam, I didn't push it. Now... Things have changed. Besides, the Herald of Andraste is an elf. We do not persecute, you know that."_

_"I know. Still, I worry."_

_"I won't let anything happen to you two. That I swear."_

_She looked away in thought, before returning her eyes to Leliana, smile appearing on her lips. "I trust your judgement, Leli. And... I'd be glad to take this on. Thank you."_

_Small part of her had been reluctant, maybe due to some small insecurity. Mainly due to worry. Leliana's reassurance had tipped the balance however. And some other part of her was glad too: It brought a wave of overwhelming ambition; Nea wanted to give her all, and knew this was the way to do it. At least until someone more experienced would take the place, if the Inquisition leaders so wished._

_It really happened... Leliana had assigned her to become the primary healer, at least for the time being. Nea had the right qualifications and experience for this job. It wasn't exactly administration job, considering they were so few in numbers they didn't exactly have many to watch over at the infirmary, but in case of a judgement call someone had to have the authority to make it, and thus the position was hers._

_It wasn't however, the only matter they had discussed._

_"You are not only one who is happy you're taking this on." There was curious twinkle in the spymaster's eyes, as she eyes Nea. "Speaking of which... Our Commander was eager to carry your bags. Very gallant of him."_

_"He was certainly polite." Nea answered, awkwardly shifting where she was standing. Her smile had become unsure._

_"And was he welcoming?" Leliana inquired. There was sisterly concern there, with a dangerous edge. Leliana had grown to be so much more like Miriam during these last years._

_"He was." She answered very carefully. "Still. You should've warned me."_

_"I would've, had I known you were coming." The woman quickly defended herself. "Commander has changed and done a lot of good, you know... Despite our... 'occasional' disagreements. Does this surprise change your opinion of us?"_

_"It doesn't change anything I think of the Inquisition Leliana, I still believe in this cause. And he was very kind to me, so you needn't be concerned on that front. I am only worried what it means to us, going forward."_

_"There you go worrying again. You know you have my backing, whatever happens, how many times must I say it? No one will separate you and Adam, not on my watch. You don't exactly lack powerful friends."_

_"And you know how thankful I am for it..."_

_Hugging herself, Nea could feel the wave of guilt and worry wash over her. She wouldn't have shown it, if it had been anyone else beside Leliana with her. Leliana gave a half smile to the elven woman._

_"Feeling guilty again are we?"_

_Sighing, Nea nodded, admitting her emotion to her friend. "A little. I do not regret my decisions, I'd do it all again but... but I will never forget unfair it is towards others of my kind. I hope I can make up for some of it, by getting involved now."_

_"I understand. But never think you owe us anything. We do it, because you are so cute."_ _Leliana's grin grew wider, and Nea couldn't help but let out a small giggle._

_"You always say that."_

_"That's because it is true. And there are too many people who agree, just ask Miriam! So please stop worrying! We have it all under control."_

_Nea had given a quick hug to Leliana, but only a quick one: She knew the woman had a reputation to uphold. There were not people currently around who could see anyhow, aside from few guards touring around. It was early morning after all._

_"Thank you Leliana."_

_Leliana had hugged back, but only lightly. "Of course. Now, you have an infirmary to run. So get to it Healer!"_

Maker, where would she be without her friends?

Speaking of which, she turned back to Annabelle, who was changing her apron.

"I think you can go take a break now. No immediate wounds need attending right now. Go, get something to eat."

"What about you?" The lay sister asked of her.

Thinking about the list of things she'd had to do, Nea hummed in response. "I'll get my break soon as well, first I'll need to write up a small report. Sister Leliana wanted me to keep them updated over the situation here."

"Makes sense. Well then, I'll go enjoy of my blessed break, while I still can. Try not to overdo it!"

Letting out a small laugh Nea just waved the woman away. "Just go!"

Letting out a few giggles, Annabelle exited the infirmary. Shaking her head in amusement, Nea walked over to a small desk, meant for all the paperwork: taking a quill and dipping it in ink, she started writing her initial report of the situation at hand; How many injured, how many serious injuries, estimated recovery time... Things of that nature. Honestly, things had been a complete mess when she started, but it was important to get down what the situation at Haven really was.

Her mind did wonder though: She really should go take that break herself and look for Adam. It was all new to them both, but for a child the change must seem bigger. With a new schedule starting in their lives, they should at least eat their meals together.

Nea had told him to stay in Haven among the other children, not to wander off, and every now and again pop at the infirmary to show that he is still here. But honestly, even with all that Adam had seen, she'd prefer he didn't see the worst of the wounds. If he wanted help, he'd be helping the recovering, like at the Hinterlands, but not where the most horrific scenes were to be seen.. the worst wounds... Death.

Nea paused, taking in another deep breath, before ensuing her writing. As sad as not being able to save everyone was, it was good to do your part. 

Finally finishing the report, Nea stood up from her desk. She could deliver it later, but that didn't change the nature of the task: she would have to deliver it to the Commander and that felt.. slightly awkward. Leliana's protection made her feel more confident, but part of her - albeit hopeful- still felt afraid of the unpleasantness between them.

Even if all that occurred long time ago, and what they had said to one another last night eased matters, it didn't erase everything.

Sighing, she put aside the parchment. She'd deliver it later. Now was the time for a break. She'd look for Adam, and they'd go to eat together. Nea burrowed her brow. Where was the boy? He hadn't checked in in hours. Walking outside the cottage, she started to hear loud voices: Voices coming from the front doors of the Chantry. Loud yelling, chatter... That sort of noise.

A worry raising in her heart, Nea walked towards the Chantry to see what the fuss was all about. Soon, it came to her view: People were gathered at the chantry, for unknown reason. Mostly mages and templars.

_Oh no..._

People had circeled around two people: An older mage and a young looking templar caught her eye. This was clearly the spectacle... And it didn't look good.

"Your kind killed the most holy!" The tall templar growled, taking threatening steps towards the mage. That sentence cued the absolute concern of Nea. This was going to be a fight. Why were the people not doing anything? Why were all just standing there? Couldn't they see this was going to be bad?

"Lies!" Declared the mage in response, pointing angrily at the templar. "Your kind let her die!"

"Shut your mouth, mage!" When the man's hand went to his sword, Nea inhaled loudly, in horror. But before she could yell them to stop, someone rushed out of the chantry: It was Cullen! He rushed between the two men, before this came to blows, stopping them from engaging. She may not have realized it, but Nea let out a sigh of relief.

"Enough!" He said firmly, slight anger in his voice. 

"Knight-Captain...!" The templar managed, but was clearly baffled. He let go of his sword soon after.

"That is not my title!" The commander snapped, looking directly into the eyes of the other man. Cullen reacted almost like the title was an accusation, and he denied it with fire. Turning back and forth, he continued: "We are _not_ templars any longer. We are all part of the Inquisition."

"And what does that mean, exactly?"

People made way for a man, who wore chantry attire. Nea didn't recognize him.

"Back already Chancellor? Haven't you done enough?" Cullen snarled at the man, clearly done with him even before he had appeared. 

"I was curious, Commander, as to how your Inquisition and it's "Herald" will restore order as you've promised." This man's voice was so snide, it couldn't be more obvious who he was siding with.. and who he was against.

Looking at the Chancellor, Cullen made no attempt to hide his clear annoyance and disdain towards the other man. "Of course you are." He answered somewhat dryly (completely done) before walking past him, now looking at the crowd that had gathered there. "Back to your duties, all of you!" 

His voice may not had been loud, but it did carry authority; Nea noticed how quickly the people obeyed the command and dispersed. It was a very.. casual way of him to dismiss them. The way he carried the command made it seem like he was more than comfortable doing so. Cullen really had changed... Or grown, might be the better way to put it.

"Ma?" 

Turning around as she recognized the familiar voice, Nea rushed to the boy. "Adam! Were you watching?" The boy nodded, very timidly. "Why didn't you say so earlier?" The boy looked down, not saying anything. Something was wrong. From experience, Nea knew that the boy would not open up immediately, when he had that expression on: brows furrowed and everything.

"Well... We better get something to eat. You are must be famished." She intentionally spoke more softly, to sooth the boy a bit. Perhaps he was in shock? Adam merely nodded. Approaching her son, she noticed few people, mages and templars alike, giving her dirty looks. It made her heart beat a little faster, making her want to leave quicker.

Taking his hand in hers she left was about to leave the scene but was stopped by someones hand on her shoulder.

"Mistress Willows! Nea!"

Turning around, she was surprised to see Juna smiling at her. The other woman didn't appear to have noticed the looks others were giving Nea. "Herald! It is good to see you again."

"You too. Also you Adam." Smiling at the small boy (who smiled politely in return), the dalish woman carried on. Clearly the good night's rest had done it's job. "I wanted to have a small chat with you, before I leave for Orlais. Have have you settled in? Everything alright?"

Surprised (but touched) that the other woman cared for their well being, Nea smiled in return. "We're doing very good. Thank you for asking." Slightly raising her eyebrow, Nea's curiosity won over. "May I ask.. Why are you going Orlais? Isn't it dangerous?"

Juna didn't hesitate to answer: "To appeal to the Chantry, to face the flock of mothers... Lovely business, really. I was about to talk to the Commander and the Chancellor Roderick about this latest... incident, but I noticed you." Her delightful voice, accented and all, was extremely nice to listen to, even when sarcastic. "Are you going to have a break soon, I'd really like to talk with you some more."

Nea was glad that this woman wished to talk with her, she just wondered what about. "As it happens, we are about to go to eat. We can wait up for you, if you wish to accompany us."

"Go on ahead, you don't need to wait for me. But I can join you at the tavern after. This _shouldn't_ take long."

"Alright! We'll see you then!"

Nodding one last time, Juna put on a neutral face of sorts, as she walked over to the Commander. There was clear unpleasantness there. Nea then noticed that Cullen had, in fact, eyes on them. On her specifically. Her eyes caught his, and he quickly looked back to the Chancellor.

And just a second ago he had acted like a proper Commander. Making a small smile, Nea walked away. Perhaps some things hadn't changed after all.

Walking together into the tavern, they waited in line to get themselves some hearty Ferelden soup. Honestly, Nea wasn't sure what it had in it, but as soon as she'd get into tasting, she'd be sure to figure it out. It at least smelled divine. Simple, and strong. Like most Ferelden things.

They sat, side by side on a bench, around a small table. Nea really liked this atmosphere, a small tavern... warm food and drinks... Of course she wouldn't say no to some complicated Orlesian treats, but when you needed something to keepnyou going, she'd always pick Ferelden. Except if it was cooked by Alistair. Luckily he didn't cook at all these days.

Now seated and calm (and alone in conversation, at least until Juna arrived), Nea looked at Adam. "So... What's wrong dear?"

"Nothing..." The boy said in between taking in the spoonful of soup into his mouth. 

"Hey, table manners. Not so quickly, you will end up burning your mouth!"

"But it's good!"

"Adam..."

"..Sorry..." Visibly shrinking down a bit, he started eating more slowly, blowing some of the heat away, before putting another spoonful in his mouth.

"Adam, love... If there is anything wrong, please, tell me. You know you can tell me anything."

The boy put away his spoon silently, but not daring to look up at his mother. "It's just... There are a lot of..." Voice cracking slightly, the boy had to swallow before continuing. Nea awaited patiently. "There are a lot of templars here... Just like ones that killed pa..."

That got stuck to her heart. She had been outraged at the entire Templar Order at first, when the horrid event had happened. It took some time, but she always had known in her heart that they are not all the same. It really had been the first time she had felt genuine hate. And of course she had been a worried before coming here but Leliana's protection did wonders. However, for Adam, for a child, it would be more black and white. 

"I am so sorry darling. I should have realized..." Putting her hand on his shoulder reassuringly, Nea gave him a symphatetic smile and a squeeze. "Adam, those bad men are no longer here. They'll never hurt anyone again. But not all templars are like that."

"But what if some of them are? What if they hurt you like they did pa?" Sad eyes looked up to her, and she couldn't help but share that pain. "What if they take you away?"

"They will not. Auntie Leliana protects us... And the Inquisition will look after us. I know it is difficult to understand but really... I will let no one here hurt us, okay?"

"But ma!" He said a little louder now. People around din't bother to look at them, all loudly focused in their own conversations. "You said then that here is nothing to worry about! But them templars at the chantry were about to fight! They wanted to hurt the mages!"

"Adam." She said more firmly now, to keep him under control. The boy looked down again. "I need you to listen to me." Brushing some hair away from his face, Nea made him look at her again. "Do not to judge people based on their armor. Get to know them first. That is the only way to measure up someone."

"But..."

"It is complicated, and people are confused. We are not here to fight them. More importantly, just as I wish people wouldn't judge me based on my magic, we can't judge others based on their armor either. Yes, you should realize who you are talking _to,_ but do not judge until you know them."

"I.. I don't understand."

"Some day my dear, you will. Please just trust me on this one. Give them a chance."

Adam nodded hesitantly, but at least he did. "Okay ma.. I'll try..."

"That's my boy. Now, let's eat before the soup gets cold!" Adam nodded eagerly, and so the began eating some more again.

They talked while they ate, mainly about what Adam had been up to: Apparently, he had been playing with other children, spied on the soldiers who were training (Nea didn't know what to think of that, yet) and even listened to the stories Varric was telling.

Nea made a mental note to thank (an apologize) to the man when she'd get the chance. Varric had already seemed very charming, but his kindness in indulging the children really made their day, and thus also hers. Especially since it was he, that Adam was most excited about. Nea had read to him the tale of the Champion, and thus Varric was somewhat of a celebrity. Maybe not like Hawke, but still.

Sometimes it payed off to meet your heroes and Varric was one of those cases.

By the time Adam had already finished his soup, and asked for permission to leave (and Nea gave him the permission) the Herald made her way to the tavern. There was a slight shift in atmosphere: Both awe, but also calm. People revered this woman after all, trusted her to save them.

Unfortunately there were also few unpleasant whispers; Whispers all to familiar to Nea. Unlike in her case though, those were luckily quickly shut down. If they didn't believe in this cause, why would they be here? Thus, most were on the Herald's side.

"Apologies, it took me longer than I thought. I ended up having longer discussion whilst I was there with the Chancellor and--- Nevermind, I had enough of this unpleasant conversation topic, thanks to that bloody man. I won't bother you with it." Juna spoke casually, which almost seemed odd combinations, considering her delightful accent.

"No no, please, if you need to talk about something, do so. I really don't mind."

"Well..." Juna started, first thinking what to say, as she was offered a cup of something warm to drink. "Let's just say I have somewhat of a bone to pick the Chancellor, ever since he demanded for my execution. Not something I am particularly happy about. He is part of the Chantry, through and through, and is against me with every fiber of his being. SO the discussion was rather unpleasant."

"Oh." Nea only managed, before making a disappointed face. "I may not always agree with the Chantry, but lately... it has been even worse. I am sorry you've had to go through that."

"You believe in my innocence then?" Juna asked, curiosity on her face. But it wasn't the kind that looked for encouragement, it was more of... observing. 

"If I believed you were responsible, I doubt I would follow you. Beyond that... Well I may not know everything but I have faith in Leliana. If she suspected you were responsible, things would be very different. Besides, so far you have hardly seemed the type. The way you came to our rescue at Hinterlands..." Nea smiled widely at the other woman. "..It was hard to forget. Besides, I have a gift: I believe my intuition of people is good. Sometimes I might be too... unsuspecting, because I try to see good in people, but I am not entirely blind. So what I mean is... I believe you are good, and I am glad to be here."

"Really now." The woman sounded cynical. "Do you believe I am the Herald of Andraste then?"

Nea didn't need to ponder on it. She answered with honesty: "I don't know. I may believe in the Maker and Andraste well enough, while not maybe as devoutly as most... But I do have faith in people's natures more than I do on their titles."

"That is good to hear." Juna gave a half smile. "Because I most definitely do not believe I am chosen. Of course it _could_ be true, but so could great many other things." Raising her eyebrow, Juna looked intently at Nea, as if she was looking into her mind. "Does that bother you? Me not being the savior people hope for?"

Nea shook her head. "Not at all." Taking a sip of her water, she momentarily looked away, viewing her surroundings of the tavern. "Like I said, I like having faith more in people themselves, rather than in titles. The Hero of Ferelden, Mahariel, King Alistair and Queen Elise, Leliana... I don't mind the world seeing them as invincible heroes, let alone Adam, he likes to have heroes after all, and we need people to aspire to... But I knew them as they were and I know they got where they were because of their _nature_." Letting out a small giggle, Nea turned to look at Juna, who had a surprised look on her eyes now. "Do I sound childish to you?"

"I do not know about childish.. Surprising, and very optimistic maybe, but I do not believe you're childish." Look of surprise disappeared, and content smile appeared on the Herald's lips. "I knew you were different."

"What gave me away?" Nea quipped, very amused.

"It is difficult to pin down... Perhaps I too, have some intuitive skills."

"Whew." Nea quipped, intending to be funny. "That conversation took a rather deep direction."

Laughing, Juna nodded. "I quite agree. But I prefer to get to the point when I am curious about something. A bad habit of mine, I apologize."

"No need. I have grown fond of candidness myself." 

"Good to hear. I shall practice it more often." 

Taking a sip of her drink, Juna changed to another subject.

"So... You are a veteran of the Fifth Blight. We talked about it before, but I admit, I was slightly on the sleepy side to get all the details."

"Oh that's alright". Nea brushed it aside casually. "I didn't talk about myself, mostly just about Miriam. She is the Hero of Ferelden after all. She is much more interesting than my story."

"Is it now? Everyone talks about her. But you were there, having you own adventure. Just like Leliana, although she refuses to speak of it."

"Hm." Nea hummed, drinking some of her water. "Don't hold it against her. She has been through much and wants to focus on her cause. Leliana is very passionate about it, you know."

"I wondered about that... But it is good to hear it from someone else. But that's not what I was about talk about... " Leaning back, Juna didn't take her wonderful grey eyes away from Nea. "Mahariel. He may not be so talked about among your people, but among dalish, he is practically a legend."

"It's true, they don't talk about Mahariel a lot. But honestly, he was... well he was distant person, but at the same time one of the only ones with backbone strong enough to go face-to-face with Miriam... She can be an intimidating presence, and yet he was among the only ones capable of truly standing in her way, if he wished. They were very similar in that regard."

"That part I did listen to. Some Dalish do claim he was the leader of your merry band of heroes."

Nea shook her head. "No. He was too... secluded for that. Well, maybe if Miriam hadn't been there things might have been different. But he had a certain... disposition towards humans. It made interacting with them difficult, although being a Grey warden allowed him to get away with a lot." 

"That..." Juna seemed distant minded after hearing what Nea said, looking into her cup. "..sounds awfully familiar. My clan may have been more in contact with humans than most, but still resentment is held. Some of it for a reason, we need to protect ourselves after all, but some of it..." Instead of answering, she took a long gulp of her drink. 

Nea nodded, understanding what she was referring to.

"Do you wish things were different?"

"Sometimes... I do wish there was a place for my people. But not one build on resentment and bitterness." Letting out a sigh, she absentmindedly put her drink down. "Not that humans would allow it to take place."

Nea leaned in, cathing the eyes of the other woman, offering warmth in the form of a smile.

"Perhaps not yet. But I know how these people look at you. At least you have a place here."

Surprised, Juna raised her eyebrows. "Oh? Even when the rest of the world wants me dead?"

"I definitely don't want you dead. And the fact people don't wish me dead, is a start, isn't it? It is difficult to create something long lasting, it always is. But you are a dalish and mage, and yet people follow you. I would say there are plenty of reasonable people, among those who doubt. Otherwise this wouldn't be possible."

"You definitely have a way of looking at things from a positive light, despite the obvious difficulties we are facing."

"What can I say?" Nea shrugged. "It is a gift and curse."

Juna laughed at that. "Well, at least you are pleasant to talk to."

"Why thank you. The feeling is mutual."

The two women laughed, and continued their discussion awhile, before Juna had to take her leave. Such a shame. Nea would've have preferred to continue their discussion but she knew the woman had important business to prepare for: Orlais. Maker, she wished she'd get the chance to visit Orlais again at some point.

Perhaps it was selfish of her to wish such a thing, during these times.

Walking back to her infirmary, she returned to her duties. _Her infirmary_. Perhaps it was too soon to say, but it had a nice ring to it. A place where she could put her talent's to most use.

Annabelle was already back there. There were no new patients (not yet), aside from few strains that merely needed the right ointments. Things the sisters could handle with ease. But it was only a matter of time until more would come. Haven might be under control at the moment, but more injured would flock in soon. And the injured still needed constant supervision and care.

Rest of the soldiers, where ever they had been posted, lacked healers too. Supplies could only do so much. Hopefully they'd get more professionals soon.

For the purpose of making more supplies, Nea went to the apothecary's shack, to prepare more potions with Adan. He had given his expertise as a "healer", although he despised that title. As Nea was constantly told, he should be referred to as an alchemist. She sure didn't let herself slip up, despite the man having to offer both healing services and skills as an alchemist. 

His grumpiness reminded her of Miriam, so she knew exactly how to deal with the man. Thus, despite him not admitting it, they got along splendidly. They exchanged ideas and debated over the best healing recipes, and even in such a short time, they realized they could find some new ideas from one another. Together, they could create improved healing recipes.

That's what new people usually brought: new perspectives.

Things were very well balanced: Adan offered his expertise and Mother Giselle, among other Chantry sisters and mothers, would offer comfort. It was just the first day, and it all already felt very rewarding to her. So much so, that she all but forgot that report she was supposed to deliver. 

Many hours did she spent in thought: Redoing bandages, applying salves, making potions... Basic things. Occasionally she updated the log of what they had in stock, when it came to healing supplies, but other than that, she didn't do paperwork. 

Much later, she thought about. It was late evening, and soldiers were preparing to retire for the night, when she finally realized what she had forgotten.

"The report!" Nea cried out, quickly running to her desk and taking the papers in hand. Annabelle just turned to look at Nea, strange look in her eye.

"Wha-"

"Oh I completely forgot to deliver the report!"

"But it isn't--"

"I'll go deliver it right now. Maker, I hope this isn't going to be a mess." Before she listened to what Annabelle was about to say she rushed out of the door.

Nea was walking fast, nearly sprinting. It wasn't too dark yet, and there were some sounds of dueling coming out from the distance, so it was safe to say there were some still there practicing. Perhaps Cullen would still be there. Most people who passed her, were walking towards the tavern, not going towards the gates of Haven. But they didn't mind her.

Or most of them didn't. There were few dirty looks directed her way. The same she had witnessed this day, when there was almost a fight near the Chantry. Few templars but also mages. Nea was pretty sure why, but she avoided it. She could handle a few dirty looks.

Pushing past the gates to Haven, she saw the view before her: The camp where the soldiers slept, and trained. Few still remained. Her gaze actively searched for Cullen, part of her worried. She mustn't appear incompetent, not now. Not in front of him. Leliana said he had changed, but it didn't mean she should fail to meet expectations. That could only lead to trouble.

Walking towards the training field among the tents, her eyes didn't find Cullen. Not yet.

"Mistress Willows?" 

Despite the fact that she had been searching for him, his voice still caught her off guard. Cullen had noticed how she had wandered about, and called after her. His tone had been more proper, than how they had spoken before.

Nea turned towards the voice, to see how Cullen was approaching her, from between the tents. His heavy armor still looked strange from a distance, making him appear bigger and taller. Perhaps that was appropriate for a Commander.

"Everything alright?" Cullen asked, as he approached. His handsome features were turned into ones of concern, making Nea realize how she must have looked like: She was desperately looking for him, appearing stressed, when in reality she was just trying to give him a simple report, nothing earth shattering... Other than her being an absent minded fool.

"Everything is alright." She quickly managed, taking a breath in order to appear more put together (rather than a mess). It was ridiculous, to allow herself to be carried away like this, even if it was Cullen. He was now in front of her. He didn't seem annoyed but how could Nea know for sure?

"I merely... I-- Ahem. I forgot to deliver this to you." She then straightened her back and passed him the report. 

Cullen looked confused for a second, before looking over the sheet of parchment. His eyebrows raised up in surprise. "Report from the Infirmary?"

Nea sighed deeply. "Yes. I apologize for delivering it to you this late, I completely forgot to do so earlier. It will not happen again."

Stunned, Cullen looked up from the report. He almost looked baffled. Concerned, Nea shifted her head to the right a bit, like a confused puppy.

"Commander? Is something wrong with the report?"

Cullen relaxed, as some things became clear in his head (even though did not come clear in Nea's mind.) He gave her the smallest of smiles, and as he spoke, he had a tone of amusement in every word: 

"Nothing is wrong. I simply didn't expect this report arrive so soon." 

A pause. "You... didn't?"

"No. Honestly, the situation has been out of proper control for good while. We have done what we can, but I wasn't expecting you to get a handle on it so soon, considering the chaos of it all, at least not on the first day. We expected you to give us a general idea where we were at but... This is very surprising."

"Oh." Taken back at the compliment (or stating of how things were, whichever people preferred to call it) Nea looked down, unable to hide a smile. "And here I am, making a proper fool of myself."

Cullen smile didnt't waver, even if she didn't see that yet. "I can hardly call it that."

Unable to make her smile disappear, Nea dared to raise her embarrassed gaze. "Really? Well I suppose you could also call me busy chicken, running around headless."

Letting out a warm chuckle, his amber eyes answered her gaze. "Definitely not. I am not so creative."

She smiled more widely at him, dimples showing, and he had to look away for a second. He cleared his throat by coughing lightly.

"Thank you for the report. It is good to know what standard to expect in the future."

Her smile didn't falter. "And I will hold up to that standard. Although more assertively, and less... scatterbrained style."

Eyes shifting back to her, his amused expression did not disappear. "I look forward to it. But I must assure you again, that you didn't appear a fool today. Please, do not worry over it."

He was very kind to say so, considering how flustered she had appeared just a moment ago. "Consider me assured." Nea quipped back.

Nea felt warmth in her heart. She had had her suspicions, and yes, she still held concerns but Cullen seemed so... kind. He reminded her of the man he had been when they had first met. He did stumble on some words, but.... not like back then. Despite some familiarities, Cullen had changed... grown. But to her joy, it would seem he had grown for the better. 

It was a relief. Perhaps it was too soon to be certain, but at least she felt at ease in his presence now. Despite everything.

Cullen suddenly brought his hand to his temple, to massage it a bit, his smile faltering a little as he had to close his eyes: He looked like he couldn't help himself. There was a tinge of pain in his expression, visible to Nea.

"Are you alright? Do you have a headache?" Nea asked, leaning a bit closer, smile fading away as she recognized the familiar pained look on his face.

Recovering quickly, Cullen opened his eyes and let his own smile fade into neutrality. "I am simply tired. It has been another long day. Nothing to be concerned about."

Nea knew better. The man had a serious migraine, clear as day: She didn't need to know him well, to recognize signs of pain. She'd be a pretty bad professional if she didn't understand what she saw. But Nea also knew the nature of men like him: They wouldn't admit to their pain so easily. There was only so much she could push.

Stubborn man.

"With due respect, you realize who you are talking to?" Cullen opened his eyes, to see a knowing look on her face. The man let out sigh as he let his hand fall back to his side, frustration in his voice.

"I do. But I am simply exhausted. I'd prefer to leave it at that."

"If that is your preference." Folding her arms in front of her, she didn't change of posture. "But I must insist you seek me out, if it gets worse."

The Commander looked like he was about to say something out of annoyance, but he stopped himself as their eyes locked. He was holding himself back, as her dark eyes held his own so firmly.

Her dark chocolate eyes had a spark that was difficult to ignore. Even if it was the Commander.

Nea was aware, that she had the face of someone who was difficult to take seriously. Perhaps it was her youthful appearance, she wasn't certain. But if the last ten years had taught her anything, it was how to keep her ground when needed. Healing all sorts of people had that effect. Healer could hardly shatter to pieces when a difficult patient growled.

Usually it was the firm gaze of hers that did it.

So Cullen held himself back from whatever he was going to say. His features relaxed, as he spoke.

"I don't think it will be necessary, but I appreciate the concern. I will keep it in mind, healer. I promise." He added the last phrase when he saw her stern eyes, about to argue.

Nodding, Nea let go of the firmness. This was the best she was getting. "Good. I will hold you to that." 

"I do not doubt it, believe me."

A small smile back on Nea's face, the dark haired woman nodded. There was silence between them. Again. The light in her eyes was too infectious for Cullen to ignore, so smile returned to his face as well. It was strange, that despite all these years, she has that effect on people. It was a storm of different emotions, and she could change the course on a whim. For all the things that had changed, that one thing remained the same.

Cullen had hard time finding words in this moment. Luckily he didn't have to.

"It is after hours you know." 

"Umm. Yes?" Cullen was confused. Where was this heading?

There was a slyness to her smile now, which made him feel heat on the back of his neck, as she placed one hand on her hip.

"I recall you saying yesterday, how you didn't mind me being informal. I'd prefer to be called just Nea, at least after the day is done. Unless you'd prefer otherwise, of course."

"Oh." He answered lamely, before quickly continuing, to hide some of the awkwardness. "Yes I- I would like that. And-- I do not mind being uh.. called by first name either. After the day is done, that is..."

"Good! So it is settled then. I am happy for it." She added, before looking towards Haven's village. "I should head to the tavern soon, and look for Adam. We were supposed to meet up there so he can have one last snack before going to bed."

"I am going that way as well, perhaps I could accompany you? At least to the Tavern. If-- If that is alright with you."

Nea nodded happily. "That would be lovely."

Together, they started walking through the camp, towards the village not too far apart, but still keeping a polite distance. Their pace was slow, giving them plenty of time to talk. They had no hurry to reach their destination. Nea's hands were behind her back as they strolled.

"How did you like your first day? Despite the chaos, you seem to have gotten it under control at least."

"It was busy, but I enjoyed it, believe it or not. Doing this is what I am best at, I think." 

"So I've heard."

"Oh?" Nea asked, pleasantly surprised. "Where did you hear such a thing?"

"I overheard some of the soldiers compliment your work earlier today. They said you were 'far pleasant and efficient than most brutes who have tended to them so far'."

Letting out a light laugh, Nea smiled shyly. "That was rather.. kind of them, I suppose. You have good people here. It too, was a big factor in my getting the handle on things. It is easy, when you have the right people with you."

"Very true. We have a long way to go, but there is potential all around Haven."

"And I am sure more such people will join the cause, I just know it!"

Cullen smiled widely now, as they passed the gates. He felt excitement in his chest, about the very prospect. There was so much they could accomplish, and it brought him joy, seeing her sharing the same passion. But due to excitement, the filters in his mind gave in a bit. In this excited state, he blurted out question which had been burning in his mind:

"Will your husband be joining us as well?" He asked, as casually as he could.

The question took Nea visibly by surprise: Her heart ached from the memory still, and even if she had accepted it, it had left sensitive scars within her. Part of her had been waiting for it, but was not ready for it.

As her smile faded, so did Cullen's. He regretted not holding back the question, as it clearly upset Nea.

"If only he could." She said as neutrally as she could, but it was impossible for her to hide her sadness. "Arther died in the beginning of this war."

Hand raising up to rub the back of his neck, Cullen looked away. "Forgive me, I didn't meant to-- Maker, I shouldn't have pried."

"It's-- You didn't know." Nea turned to look away from him as well. There was a pause in their conversation, and Nea could practically feel Cullen distancing himself. Sighing, she looked ahead of them, as they walked the small path towards the tavern. "It is a major reason why I am here you know."

Confused, Cullen dared to gaze at her, only to find solemness there: On her features, on her posture. Her hand held the ring that hang on the chain around her neck, as he had seen before. It must have been a gift, or a memento, perhaps a wedding ring. She must keep it with her for comfort. Not too much different from the coin in his pocket.

She held it firmly, a distant look in her dark eyes.

"This war cost him and so many others, their lives. I cannot in good conscience support this. Inquisition provides me the chance to do something towards the goal of peace." Finally allowing herself to turn to Cullen, she continued softly: "It is rather selfish of me, to wish for peace because of my own... losses... but I can't help it."

"No." Cullen replied firmly. "I understand where you are coming from Nea, I... I am sorry for your loss."

Nea gave him one small bittersweet smile, before looking ahead again. "I have Adam. Even if I deeply wish Arther were still here... I have our son. And I will protect him, until my last breath."

In that moment, Cullen truly saw the most significant change in Nea: She really was a loving mother, and despite her delicate frame, there was strength that could outlast many. She was a woman now, just as he was a man. After all these years, he found new things to admire.

They stopped at the tavern. They could both see Adam, already inside talking to the minstrel. 

"So this is me. Thank you for the escort Cullen." Expression a little happier now and heart lit up from seeing her son, Cullen raised a corner of his lip. He nodded to her, as politely as possible.

"A pleasure. Have a good evening mistr-- Nea."

"You too."

They exchanged one last looks, before Cullen bowed slightly as a goodbye, and turned to leave.

Despite the hurt, there was calm in Nea's heart now, as she watched the Commander walk away. He had been kind and Nea truly appreciated it. And she appreciated the man he appeared to be: A strong Commander, but with a noble heart.

Hearing Adam's happy yelp from inside, Nea forced all the remaining sadness away, before walking inside the tavern, where warm food and beautiful singing awaited her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The power of states is wonderful. Thanks for the kudos and support people ^^ <3


	6. Making Wreaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heart to Heart (finally)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay a new chapter! Let's hope this is better than the last one! Longer one I hope you guys don't hate me for it X) I would call it fluff, at the end.

_Cool wind of of the evening brush away hairs away from her face. The air had the smell of the woods in them, pines and oaks... Nea breathed in the wonderful, fresh air, filling her lungs with it._

_"You always do that you know."_

_Nea barely openee her eyes as she looked to her right. Arther was right at her side, on the carriage with the reins in his hands._

_"Breathe? I try to do that, as often as possible you know."_

_Rolling his eyes and grinning, he looked at her._

_"I suppose your wit hasn't rusted due to old age after all."_

_"How could you say such a thing!" She laughed and playfully pushed him. "It is not very chivalry of you."_

_Their banter made him laugh as well. It always brought a smile to their lips, brightening their journey, regardless of how ridiculous it may have been._

_Adam was sleeping in the carriage, while she and him sat next to eachother on the front seat of the carriage. They were together, safe..._

_"I am not a knight you know."_

_"No... but you are my husband." Nea smiled happily at him. "I prefer that."_

_Giving her a loopside smile, Arther leaned in closer, placing a soft and gentle kiss on Nea's lips. Nea answered it eagerly, letting a humm escape her lips as theirs touched. She felt his body's warmth, and it canceled out the cool wind._

_This was perfection. She was safe and fullfilled. No one else had ever made her feel this way. Love filled her lungs, blinded her mind, and made her hurt burst. Every second like this, in his embrace, made her happy_.

_But there was something different._

_A different taste in their kiss, something that had not been there before. Nea felt confused as she tried to place the strange taste... it was familiar. Then it hit her:_

_Iron._

_Shifting back, leaving the embrace, Nea opened her eyes. What she saw once she witnessed Arther, shook her to her very core, scaring her spirit out of her body:_

_The pale corpse of Arther stared at her, blood pouring out of his mouth. A blade-- the blade-- had pierced his vital organs and now those eyes were empty._

_But still he was holding her, hands on her shoulders, nails digging deep. His hands were no longer warm, but actually colder than the wind. Nea was parylized before him, as he started shaking her._

_"This is what you wanted. This is the cost. It is your fault I am dead."_ _His voice was ghoulish, deep and throaty. It brought horrible feeling to her stomach._

_Nea looked down at her hands, seeing they were covered in cold blood. She tried to shriek, but only silent tears fell down her cheeks. Any sounds were stuck in her throat, unable to escape._

_"Arther! I loved you... I still do. I would have died in your stead if I could've!" She cried, her voice smaller than ever._

_"Then die... Have me back... or loose him too."_

_The corpse turned it's head to it's left, towards the carriage, broken bones cracking as he did. Nea could only follow his gaze in fear, unable to look anywhere else._

_And when she saw what was at the back of the carriage, she could hear her own heart stop, as Adam's cold, dead corpse lay on the wooden boards. There was no sound, as it was stuck in her throat, but if souls could scream, hers would've shattered the world._

Waking up from her dream in horror, Nea let out a shocked breath as she practically jumped awake. Her breathing was fast, and it took a couple of minutes to realize where she was. Her instincts kicked in and she turned quickly to look at the other side of the bed, searching for Adam.

There he was, contently asleep. Softly Nea caressed his messy hair, letting out a shuddering breath when she was certain he really was there and alive. It had been just a dream. Her cheeks were wet from tears, and her whole body was shaking, all those emotions too raw and real to disappear upon waking.

She didn't know, if it were just a dream, or a demon that haunted her. Usually spirits guarded her dreams, making her feel safer but that wasn't always the case. Only thing she knew, was that she wouldn't be getting any more sleep. Looking outside the window, she saw that whilst it was dark, it was nearing dawn. People of Haven would still be asleep, and it would take time for Adam to wake up as well... but she needed to get up.

Quietly pushing aside covers, she rose up from the bed and got to the chair, where she had left her clothing. Fisrt dressing up in her simple, practical creame colered long sleeved woollen dress, and red wine toned surcoat, fairly fitted and lastly a practical belt, Nea then proceeded to braid her hair. After the braid hand comfortably on her back, she put on her simple Ferelden boots (which Leliana detested) and very quietly sneaked out to the quiet Haven. Most were still asleep, only food staff was up and about.

There were many things on her mind, and her nightmare was on too high on that list. She just had to think about something else, anything else really.

Haven had been very busy, the infirmary especially. Nea had come to realize, that it was not due to pure skill that her first day had gone so well. It was also about circumstance. Most of the injured, although numerous, simply were managable with a bit of magical healing and proper potions and such with only a handful requiring serious magical healing. Those were managable with proper direction which she was able to give.

But these last days? More severly injured arrived to Haven, and not only did they have to tend to the recovering and keep them from downspiraling, they had to use a lot of energy and resources to keep good people from the brink of death. Everyday she had completely depleted her mana. 

As exhausted as she was, she was willing to give that and more, to ensure the wellbeing of her patients.

It was Adam she was concerned about. In all the hurry, she hadn't managed to spend much time with her son. Of course she had known that would happen, that's what joining Inquisition meant. There were duties that had to be done. Probably even less in the future. So more than ever, the small moments mattered. She would come back for Adam, when it was time for breakfast so that way they at least have that moment together and she'd hold on to that. At this moment, it felt more important than ever. 

But that nightmare... despite her attempts to surpress it, it refused to stay away.

She had seen similar ones to it but this had felt even more real. Dreams about family always hit her hard. She was supposed to be strong for his sake, not this fragile. Feeling herself shudder again, she knelt down and took a handful of snow in hand and practically washed her face with it. The cold was horrible, but at least now she was shuddering from something else, instead of terror. 

She turned to the infirmary. Quietly entering, she saw few of the chantry sisters tending to the injured. They were the ones who were charged with looking after them overnight. Nea nodded kindly for them. They nodded back. Quietly, Nea informed them that they could go rest now. She was here now, and in the dawn, the next shifts sisters would arrive. She could look after the patients until that time. The exhausted sisters gladly accepted, leaving Nea alone at the infirmary.

Going to her small desk, Nea looked over what they had in stock, to be more aware of what they might need this day. There was no way of knowing what kind of workload they'd get today, so the preparation was the key. But honestly, Nea did these things now to just distract herself from the nightmare. She didn't care if she would end up overly exhausted today, anything to take her mind of her nightmares.

Her mind focused the best it could on the papers, and the stock, and the infirmary was fairly silent, as the only sound was the heavy breathing of the sleeping patients. But soon Nea could hear quiet whimpering, and chocked breaths, as if someone was trying to silence themselves.

Nea turned toward the sound, eyes looking over the patients, looking for the source. Her eyes caught a patient on his cot; A raven haired man, nearby the window at the other end of the infirmary. She quietly got up and walked closer. More closer she got, more obvious his pain became:

When at the man's side, Nea leaned in closer, only to see his face twisted in pain. The man couldn't keep his eyes open, but his lower lip was quivering, brows furrowed and there were tears on his cheeks. His body was shaking, perhaps due to both pain and cold. 

"Ser, tell me where it hurts most. I will easy your suffering." Nea whispered, ever so softly.

A chocked breath came from his throat. He was too in pain to even be surprised her sudden appearance.

"Take.." He started, but rest of his words were barely audible.

"I am sorry, I couldn't hear you. Please, could you repeat?" She said, hand gently placed on his shoulder.

He took a pained inhale, before carefully repeating:

"Take care of the others first... I-- maker, I can handle the pain..."

Nea recognized him now. He was brought in yesterday, for being severely mauled by a shade. His body would be badly scarred, but it was a miracle he had survived. Most of his team had similar wounds but only few were as bad as his. Unfortunafely one of them did not make it.

This man was unconscious when he was brought it. He might be delirious now, not realizing how much time had passed.

Nea made sure to speak very calmly to him:

"You have spent the night in Haven ser. Your friends are well taken care of already. Let me ease your pain now."

He still couldn't open his eyes, but he nodded.

"Tell me... where does it hurt?"

"Maker..." he breathed, desperately trying to swallow his tears. "Everywhere... please... make it stop."

"I will do everything I can." Nea said kindly but firmly.

Standing up, she quickly made her way to the cabinet where they store healing supplies and such. The wounds were no where near healed yet, but it was too soon to use anymore healing potions. They had given him some strong stuff yesterday, and besides, healing didn't necessarily mean immediate pain relief. After all, school of creation was a complicated art. It was transforming what existed and at the same time, creating something new. It had many tricks, and if someone used it carelessly, they might actually cause hurt rather than cure it. For now, they had closed his wounds and stopped the bleeding, but due to the depth of the wounds, they had to proceed with patience. It would take little more time for them to heal his wounds.

Nea had, however, prepared something for the pain too. It wasn't too strong, so it didn't clash with any of the strong curatives he had been given yesterday. It was a special powder she had made from spindleweed, elfroot and a little bit of deep mushroom for a bit of strength (carefully prepared of course, otherwise it would be dangerous). She also planned to offer him comfort with few simple spells. Those things together were hopefully enough to ease the worst of his pain. She would use the salves later, when it was time to change the bandages.

Pouring some water into a cup she added powder and mixed those two together. Holding the cup with both of her hands, she closed her eyes and focused her thoughts on the liquid: Imagining boiling water, the bubbling heat; With her magic, she summoned heat into her hands, and from her touch did the mixture begin to warm up. When there was the smallest of steams emerging from the cup, Nea allowed her magic to cool down and fade away. There was no need for the drink to bee too hot for drinking.

Nea then made her way to the man, kneeling beside him.

"Here, drink this. Carefully." Gently helping him raise his head, Nea brought the cup to his lips, helping him drink it. The man was weak, but mustered all he had to do as she asked. Slowly, he drank the liquid, to the very last drop. It was not the most pleasant tasting, but at least it didn't smell bad. "Good. Now lay back, I will handle the rest."

Doing as she said, he rested his head back down. Nea slightly pulled his covers lower, to see his body more clearly. He had been covered in bandages, as he had deep wounds all over his chest and stomach. Talons of the demon had gone deep. Frankly had it been worse, his organs may have ended up falling out.

She laid her hands on his chest, very softly, because even the slightest pressure could cause him such pain. He winced slightly, but slowly started to relax his expression.

"It will get easier soon. Not long now." Nea whispered, comforting the man as she started to call upon her magic.

"What is your name ser? You don't have to answer if it pains you too much." She asked. It was important for her to get more personal with her patients, because every life was important and they needed to know they were cared about.

The man swallowed hard, and for a minute she taught he wasn't going to answer, so she readied herself for the use of magic.

"Theon." He said, before she had the chance to start. Nea looked over at him, as he repeated himself: "My name is Theon."

"Hello Theon. I am Nea Willows." Nea replied softly. "It won't take long now, for the pain to go duller."

She drew lyrium from within her, creating new energy in her hands; warm light starting to appear in her hands, and she directed them into his wounds. It was not to make his wounds regenerate faster, it was to warm him up. In her mind, Nea imagined a warm summer breeze, not hot, but enough to make you want to lay down and rest: And that's exactly what she wanted his muscles to do. Relax, instead of being tense from the pain, allowing the powder to take effect more quickly. In a way, it was a massage with magic. Just a lot gentler.

As she allowed the soothing warmth travel all over his body from within, the man's expression started to relax as well, the painful expression slowly fading away. He visibly started relaxing, and taking in more content breaths, as he was surrounded by warmth.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed how he had opened his eyes, and was now looking at her. There was something to his gaze, that she couldn't quite place. Something warm. After several minutes, she finally stopped the flow of magic, turning her own eyes to the man.

"There." She said, smiling kindly. "That should have taken the edge off."

With weary eyes, the man managed to raise one corner of his lips. "I... it... it feels so much better..."

Nea nodded, taking her hands off his chest. "If you feel pain later, do not hesitate to say so. We will help you with it, when we can."

"Thank you my lady... thank you..." He managed to say, before his eyes fell shut again. He was falling asleep, more peacefully this time.

"Rest easy now. You need it." She answered very softly, but wasn't certain if he had heard her. Taking the cup in her hand, she walked back to her desk. Such a simple spell hadn't drained her energies, but she should still be mindful of her use of magic. The simple fact was, that sometimes prioritizing would have to be made, since they lacked healers. She should reserve her energies.

But there was also the fact, that she hated seeing people suffer. For life to extinguish needlessly. She couldn't stand by and watch, not with ease. It all was the very reason why she had always been interested in healing in the first place. In the Circle, they didn't have many opportunities to do so, at least during her apprentice years. Still, the very area of magic had intrigued her. And due to her natural "aptitude" towards spirit healing, it seemed like the perfect fit.

The Blight deepened that viewpoint. The amount of horrors that occurred during that year and after, were disheartening. At first, healing was about helping people, but in a naive sense: It sounded romantic in her youth, swooping in and being almost like a hero, with her gift of healing. But witnessing the darkness and cost of war, Nea realized it was never about her. The horrors were real, and it was for them to endure, for the sake of others.

For her, the awakening had started in the Circle. It was a nightmare come true... The suffering, and it's effects were long lasting. The changes in people were the worst.

After all, she had witnessed the suffering of templars, mages... Caused by greed or desperation. By people.

Cullen had been one of the victims, perhaps the one who suffered most: The torture he had endured, physically and mentally, had been inhumane, and literally out of this world. And when she tried to help him, he had refused her, with deep hatred. Nea couldn't bring herself to hate him, despite his cutting words and... "attitude" afterwards. His suffering had changed something within him, something important. 

Nea remembered the first time, her hands had been tied in the face of suffering: when she had seen Cullen in torment. It was a different kind of hurt, not being able to help right that wrong. _That_ had been the real awakening. Perhaps because she was witnessing the casualties of war again, she reminisced about the blight again... Or perhaps it was knowing that _he_ was nearby.

She leaned on her desk. They hadn't talked about that day, and it felt like it was hanging over their heads. Not that they had plenty of opportunity, these days were busy. Only interactions they had had, were simple greetings. Besides, Cullen had changed and she was starting to get used to it. He may not be that young templar she once knew, but neither was he the one she had found on that cursed day.

He seemed like a good man now, and that's mattered. She had no intention of putting him into that spot, or bringing the subject up, even if it still bothered her. It must be still a sore point for him and as long as he was better... well, she had no wish to bring him down.

Shaking her head, Nea quickly stood up straight. She'd need up another snow-washing. These thoughts were little better than the nightmare she had seen. Perhaps it was the serious mood that made her think such things, she didn't know. No point in dwelling upon them

Looking back to Theon who now (to her joy) rested peacefully. At least she could help someone. Nea had vowed to do that, to heal people, for as long as she could. 

The door to the infirmary opened, and handful of chantry sisters entered, Annabelle among them. She appeared surprised to see Nea up and about so early, she wasn't expecting it. She made her way to her as soon as she had registered it in her mind.

"Morning Annabelle. Sleep well?" Nea greeted the lay sister, still quietly, because patients were still asleep.

"Better than you, I think."

"What makes you say that?" 

"The dark shadows under your eyes are a dead give away you know." Annabelle said, pointing her finger at her eyes. "And you are white as a sheet.

"Oh." Nea hadn't realized. She lightly touched the under of her eyes with her fingertips, not that it would change anything magically. Her nightmares had gotten her wide awake, but she had still slept too little.

"Rough night?"

"A little, I admit but you don't need to worry. I'll get more energy when I go to get breakfast, so even if I look horrible right now, I'll be back to shape in no time."

"Then go wake up Adam and get that breakfast, you need it. We will handle things for that time, like we should. Go, shoo." It was less impressive, when it was said in a quiet voice, but Annabelle's grin was there.

Nea answered with a half-smile of her own. "Thank you Ann." 

Nea quickly hurried to the door, before Annabelle could push her through it. Her amusing work partner was not above of doing so, she too had a certain... stubborness most healers had, even if she was not trained in the art of healing, just the basics. Still, she was of great comfort to them all.

As Nea went to the door however, she felt it again: From the chantry sisters and mothers (as well as few other infirmary workers) that had arrived, few of them shot Nea those dirty looks she had seen before, just from different source. She chose to ignore it, as she had no wish to spoil the good mood she had just gained. Nea would leave them to their whispers. Although Maker help them, if Annabelle heard them. 

Stepping outside, Nea saw how the sun was just starting to raise up from behind the mountains. It was getting lighter and people, mostly servants amd soldiers, were starting to wake up. It was still early, and there was no hurry. Her actual shift was still some time away so more time to enjoy the morning. 

She made her way to their small shack, quietly opening the door and entered quickly, not wanting the cold air to come in. 

Adam was still asleep. Safe and sound. Why wouldn't he be? Silently, she sat on the side of the bed and just looked at her boy. He looked so... small. So precious. Nea tenderly ran her hand through his hair, that light wheat of color that his father had had. With him here, sleeping so peacefully... Nea too felt safe. Whatever may come, whatever nightmares she may see, these moments would overcome them. 

In this silent moment, Nea knew she could face the day.

* * *

"We have stamina potions in stock. You shouldn't be making more of those bloody things."

"Those are the ones meant for action, Adan. I am not making these to add to those. I am making them for healing purposes." Nea said, crushing some deep mushrooms.

"I see. To give the injured an extra boost of strength, when needed?" The man determined.

"So you know about that?"

"Obviously. Don't know if it is that effective of a tactic, myself."

"It really depends on the injury. Of course the healing process is the most important factor but sometimes bit of stamina helps soldiers.... endure more, when their situation is dire, and every second counts. It is a gamble."

"Hmh." The human man grunted. "Well, I am gonna believe you know what you are doing. Just not gonna take responsibility if our bosses take issue on how you use our resources."

"I am just being thorough. I would insist upon it, no matter what. I will back it up, if they have an issue with it. It is not like I am making a ton of these, just enough to help through the most serious cases."

Grumbling under his breath, what Nea interpreted as approval, Adan then returned to his own potions. It was good that he questioned her, and she him. It helped both of them be more thorough and sometimes showed factors that required improvement. Overall, Nea enjoyed it. She smiled, putting a cork on the last potion she had prepared. Putting them in a small basket, she gave one last polite nod to the bearded alchemist, before exiting the apothecary.

It had been a fairly busy day: Juna arrived back to Haven, and not alone. People were whispering about new arrivals, who apparently were more noteworthy than some "regular" followers of the Inquisition.

The other news from Val royeaux were less than ideal. Chantry mothers had attempted to seize them, thinking that the Templar Order once again followed their whims, but the templars showed off their real stance by punching one of the mothers. Quite the display, people rumored. Worse, they completely dismissed Inquisition, mocking them publicly. 

Nea also overheard someone say, that they may have even made contact with the mage rebellion's leader, Grand Enchanter Fiona. She had never met the woman herself, but had heard many things about her. Well, there was much to be said about the controversial leader. Nea wondered if the inquisition would try and approach the rebels. Perhaps it was too daring... even for the heretical Inquisition. But Nea wished that they would at least negotiate or try and talk to them. 

Not that it was her choice.

Unlike maybe Juna's day in Orlais, Nea's work day had gone relatively smoothly. Fewer patients had arrived, giving her more time to focus on the sick they already had, and they were able let few recovered soldiers return to duty. Most had a good place to sleep and those who didn't, wouldn't be forgotten. Nea mentioned the issue of lack of space for the injured in her report. Annabelle would likely deliver it to the Commander at some point, like she had done during these last couple of days. Not that Nea was avoiding Cullen, it hadn't had time for that.

At least the reports were all delivered on time, without a fuss (this time around). Annabelle was one with a firm head, after all.

Contently, Nea entered the infirmary yet again. Almost instinctively, her eyes turned back to Theon, who was currently attended to by Annabelle. He was still asleep, but more restfully now. He would stir awake every now and again, before falling asleep again. Nea made sure he was tended to regularly, if not by her, by someone else. They'd ease his pains as much as possible.

Nea nodded approvingly to Annabelle as she made her way to the cabinet where they kept the most important potions. The lay sister looked back at her, with an eyebrow raised.

"You came back from your break already?"

"I wasn't-- I didn't go to take a break yet."

"Excuse me?" Annabelle walked over to her, with a very stern gaze. Immediately Nea regretted saying anything. "You still haven't taken your break?"

"I needed to go over the stock, then I realized I should get some more stamina potions and--"

"Well you are done now I assume? Go, get dinner, refresh yourself. You have been on duty since morning, you need to get that break."

The order came from a place of caring, so Nea smiled a little. "I just need to-"

"No, just go." The other woman took the basket from the elven mage. "I will handle these, you need to remember to rest. I swear, for the healer in charge, you sure are not looking after your own health."

Not being able to say anything else, Nea just sighed, amused with the other woman. "I suppose I have no choice, do I?"

"No, you do not. Now shoo!" Annabelle tried to be firm, but she was unable to hide a grin.

Giving up, Nea nodded. "Very well then. See you later. And thank you." She gave the other woman one last flash of a smile, before turning back to the door. Honestly, the human woman was so insistent, Nea believed she herself could learn something from her. People like her, had their way when it was called for.

It was bit strange, being outside, not having to rush anywhere. She had been putting all her focus to work this day, only on occasion talking to Adam, when he came to visit. Nea would have to find him, and see if he had eaten. He had been playing with other children, it was possible he had had his dinner already as well. 

Well, she would have to find him first, then she'd find out. He should be in Haven, she had instructed him not to leave it. Nea started her walk, by first going to the tavern, trying to locate her young boy. Looking inside, it was filled with people... Faces she had seen before, also a couple of new ones. A blond elf, stood out. She was relaxing on a chair, talking to some servants. It looked like she was showing off.

But no sign of Adam.

Walking away from the tavern, Nea made her way around Haven, looking around. As she came nearer the gates, her eyes landed on someone: Varric. He was outside, near some tents, talking to children. Nea's smile widened, as it became clear he was sharing stories with the young children. Soon, her eyes landed on Adam, who listened eagerly to the charming dwarf.

Varric saw her looking over them, and with a roguish grin, he motioned her to come over. 

"...No fair!" One of the other human children whined.

"You can't just stop the tale now! What happened after they discovered the plot? How did she react? What happened to the magister?" Adam shot the questions at the dwarf very quickly.

"Sorry kids, it would kill the suspension. You will hear the rest of it later. Can't give you all the fun at once, could we? Better to savor the story a bit."

"No! We want to hear the story now!" Now it was Adam who spoke, in a very demanding tone.

"Adam, that's no way to ask for anything." Nea said to him, from behind the boy, as firmly as she could (considering she was grinning). The boy quickly turned around, surprised to see her there, and quickly blushing in embarrassment. 

"Oh, ma, I didn't--" boy let out a frustrated sigh. "...I didn't mean it."

Varric grinned wider. "That's okay kiddo. I am just happy to have such eager fans."

Nea chuckled at that. "Nothing wrong with that I suppose. So what story were you telling them, that had them so excited?"

Adam's eyes lit up, as he took Nea's hand excitedly. "It was about the champion! One adventure she took away from Kirkwall! There were tevinters, plots, parties, cheese and- and-"

"Hey hey kiddo, don't spoil the good stuff, you can tell it to her later." Varric interrupted. "Better to tell it as a whole, that way it is more enjoyable."

"You think I can? I mean you are so good at it, what if I don't tell it as good?"

"You seem like a smart kid, I am sure you can do it. Just don't worry so much, and it'll come to you. Trust me on that."

A big smile came to Adam's face, proud and excited. Nea offered a thankful gaze to Varric, who just winked at her. 

"Adam, I am about to go get something to eat. Have you had dinner yet?"

"Oh I ate with the other kids, we wanted to get that over quickly so we could play the rest of the day. Is that ok?" The boy eyed his mother, ever so innocently. 

"Of course it is, I shouldn't have kept you waiting. It's good that you took care of it yourself."

Adam's eyes went to the other kids, who were distracted by now, starting to gather snow in their hands. A snowball fight was impending. His head quickly turned to Nea again. "Can I go play with them?"

"Of course. Just come find me when it starts getting darker, okay? And don't wonder off, stay in Haven."

"I know not to do that! Thanks ma!" The boy quickly hurried off to join the children, the snow fight already having started. Nea smiled after her son. As much as she loved her son's company, it was obvious how much he had missed the company of other children. Playing was important, you could do that for only so long...

Varric noticed the serene look on her face, and he too, had more peaceful glimmer in his eyes.

"You have a good kid there. Good listener, and a good talker. Great company, for his size." 

Nea raised her eyebrow, a teasing gaze on her face. "I could say the same of you master Tethras."

"Aww, thanks Snowdrop. Although it would explain why I like the kid: Why wouldn't I like another me?"

"Why indeed. You are such a charmer after all, aren't you?" Nea tilted her head to the side, smile staying where it was.

"My lady, you know me so well already." He bowed jokingly. "So you going to have dinner, at the tavern assume? Want some company?"

"I would like that. Dinner tastes better with good company, I think."

"You know, if you say anymore sweet stuff, I will get a sugar rush." He said as they started walking towards the tavern. "I mean I am not judging. You just remind me of someone I knew back at Kirkwall."

"Oh? How so?"

"Daisy is cute as a button, sometimes too pure for this world. Although definitely somewhat crazy as well, as most in that wonderful city is. You'd like her."

"I would hope so. I have come to learn, that crazy is often the most exciting path to take. Otherwise I wouldn't have traveled with Miriam." 

"You can say that again. Hawke sure loved crazy. You have no _idea_ where she sometimes took us. Even my imagination couldn't have come up with it all, and I mine is very vast, storyteller and all."

"Oh I don't know. I bet you would have come up with crazy stuff on your own."

"You think?"

"Well, your company is crazy, you said so yourself. Perhaps there is a reason you attract such friends."

"You know, you got a point there Snowdrop."

They arrived at the tavern and Varric motioned Nea to enter first as it was a gentlemanly thing to do. As soon as she stepped inside, a man in heavy armor stormed past her, bumping her with his shoulder in doing so. He simply shot a dirty look at her over his shoulder. Few others in the tavern did the same.

"Hey watch it there, brute. Show some manners in front of ladies." Varric said, sardonically after him. The man stopped, and shot Varric with a mean look as well.

"I don't see ladies here." He spat.

"Careful. Bianca doesn't like being spoken to in such a tone." He retorted, patting the crossbow on his back. 

Nea had no interest in seeing this escalate so she simply but her hand on Varric's shoulder. "It's alright Varric, let's just go enjoy dinner. I'd definitely prefer it." She raised her gaze to the human man, and nodded to him. "Have a good day ser." The man sized Nea up and down, before shaking his head and grumbling something under his breath, before taking off.

"Well at least someone has manners..." Varric said out loud before he shot a look at the other witnesses in the tavern, his eyebrow raised, and they turned away from the scene. 

They got their dinner, a bowl of hearty soup. It was most of the time what was made for the people in Haven, and Nea had no complains. Varric said something neutral about it, but Nea couldn't hear him. As they sat down, Varric went over to get them something to drink. Ale for him, and water for her. As he sat back down, across her, he raised his eyes to her.

"You know what that was about?" 

"I have an idea." Nea took first spoonful of her soup, before answering. She didn't look up, as she answered. "Don't know if you have heard, but by now it is a known gossip around Haven: A elven mage, with a human child, was given seniority over at the infirmary. People are not happy, nor do they know what to make of me. At least the polite gossipers share just that, and don't spread their own speculations."

"You are way too forgiving, you know that right?" He said, surprised at her soft tone.

"You are not the only one to say so."

"I bet. Sister Nightingale among them?"

"Her, Miriam, Mahariel... Arther too." She said the name carefully, but not sadly. Just more matter factly. She cleared her throat and took a gulp of her drink, before continuing. "Among many others."

"I don't remember you mentioning Arther. He Adam's father?"

"Yes, he is. My husband."

"Sounds like smart fellow."

"He is. Or... was. We... lost him over ago when the war started."

"Well... shit. I am sorry to hear that." Varric said, his voice low and genuine. "Won't ask the story behind that. I am not that rude." He said, taking a sip of his drink.

"Thank you, but it's alright. It is a tough memory, and sometimes I am taken aback by it, but I try and keep in mind the good times." She smiled, not mentioning the fact that she still cried at night, over the memory.

"So what was he like?" Varric asked, as politely as the rogue could. Too smoothly for Nea to refuse him.

"Arther was... Straightforward. He used to be a guard in Denerim, and he certainly embodied that attitude. But that didn't mean he was rude. He was especially kind to me. A good man for sure."

"He sounds like one."

Nea thought about it for a second, hand quickly brushing her wedding ring. "But he certainly thought I was too soft. At least sometimes. He did like me the way I am, but he would say I take too much--- uh, what's the polite way to say it... Ah, I take too much _garbage,_ lets say that."

"Well, don't you?"

"Perhaps. But I don't believe it. I do have a line, but it would take a lot for someone to cross it." Setting her spoon aside for a second, Nea looked at Varric for a moment, thoughtful look on her face. "You see, if someone chooses to judge me, and... treat me badly, I see it more as their loss, when they live in such anger. It feel pity, and I am sympathetic more than I feel anger towards those who would... turn me away. I believe such people have enough anger for all of us, I would prefer not take part in it. Besides... Sometimes when I show patience, some change their minds, even when I am not out to prove myself to them, I simply am the person I am. But those who don't change their minds? I choose to not let that... hatred conquer me as well. I am much happier that way." A small grin appeared on her lips. "Although I admit, Arther and Miriam taught me to stand up for myself more, when really called for. Both of them were always ready to stand up for themselves."

Varric shook his head. "I say it again, you are too good Snowdrop. I didn't think I would be enjoying from deserts, when we came here to eat dinner."

Nea let out a giggle. "I hope I didn't spoil your appetite."

"There you go again. Oh you definitely didn't, don't you worry about that." Varric said, pondering on what she said. "I suppose I can understand where you are coming from. Still, if you need someone to stand up for you honor, just let me know."

"You will the first one to know, if I need help."

"I am very glad to hear it Snowdrop."

Nea took her spoon again in hand, and was about to continue eating, when a thought popped on her mind. "Actually... There is a small favor I would ask of you."

"Sure, go ahead."

"I-- Are you free this evening, for a small while?"

The rogue grinned widely, other corner of his lip higher than the other. "My lady, are you asking for my company?"

"Ah, technically yes, but not for myself. Don't look disappointed, please." She said, half-jokingly. "I would like to venture outside of Haven, not far away, to gather some elfroot, after my shift is done. I just-- I wouldn't want Adam to be alone. Would it be alright if you kept him company for that time, if he doesn't wish to be with the other children? Although I suppose rest of them must go to their parents as well."

"You are asking me to babysit?"

"Not for long, I promise!"

"I guess I could do that. Just why do you need elfroot? Doesn't the Inquisition have plenty of stuff in stock?"

"Of course, but that is meant for potions and such. I want to make a couple of wreaths for the infirmary walls. I can hardly use the Inquisition supplies for something so frivolous. If I had my choice, I would make them from embriums, the scent of those would calm the patients more, but they don't grow around here, for obvious reasons. So elfroot it is. They are good enough second option."

"Wreaths? You want to make wreaths? For what, decoration?"

"Yes and no. Mainly for the scent, it is calming. Like I said, embrium would work much better, but I can't get my hands on them right now, as I have no wish to touch Inquisition stocks."

"Huh. Well, whilst you do get your plants, I'll watch after the kiddo. Might entertain him with some stories, not like I have anything else planned for tonight."

"Thank you so much Varric. You are a treasure!"

"Anything for a lovely lady." Varric nodded his head politely.

"You keep that talk up, and I will start to believe you are the sweet talker here." 

"It's part of being a storyteller Snowdrop. But it is always a pleasure to use my charms on good audiences."

"Speaking of which... Got any good story to share?"

"Now you are speaking my language."

* * *

It always amazed Nea, how hardy elfroot was. Even among the snow, it was able to grow. It was getting darker now, but the moonlight lit up the snow around her, making everything so easy to see. Still, she stayed on the path, not straying too far away. It would be embarrassing if she got lost whilst gathering elfroot.

Nea was reaching down, gathering the plants alongside the road, her basket beside her. It was calm, and quiet. She quite enjoyed it. Nea was alone, but not lonely.

Adam had been glad to stay in Haven, listening to Varric's tales. Other people had gathered to listen to them as well. It was no wonder, the man had such a natural smooth charm and was extremely interesting to listen to. Nea could've listened to her stories all day long. Luckily, so could Adam. Not that she wouldn't have minded boys company, but she'd prefer he didn't venture out this late. Even with her. they boy had a tendency to wander off, if excited. And it was too late to get him over excited.

Nea hummed under her breath. It was an old tune, one that Miriam had sang to her when they were children but if ever brought up, she had denied it. It was calm, melancholy, but somewhat romantic. It fit the cold, quiet and snowy surroundings of the mountains. She was so deep in thought, gathering the elfroots at the same time, she didn't notice someone approaching.

"Who is there?" A firm voice spoke behind her (not directly behind her, but from somewhere on the road).

Nea yelped, stopping her tune, and losing her balance. She fell on her backside from the surprise. Her head quickly turned towards where the sound came from, only for her to see a tall human man in mighty armor. 

"Oh commander! I didn't hear you coming." She said, voice breathy, from the shock. 

Cullen's firm gaze immediately paled a bit, and he took steps forward, closing the distance between them. "Mistress Willows! I didn't mean to frighten you, forgive me, I didn't realize it was you!" He offered his hand to her, which she took gladly, as he helped her up. As she stood on her own two feet again, Nea brushed off the snow from her hem.

"That's quite alright, I should really pay more attention to my surroundings. I was simply too deep in thought to realize anything." Nea smiled reassuringly to the taller man. Cullen was close enough for her to see his face properly. He was a bit red, and he also had a strange look in his eyes, one Nea couldn't quite read. He quickly he cleared his throat and took a step back, when he was sure she was quite well. 

"What are you, uh, doing so far from Haven?"

"Gathering elfroot." Nea answered quickly, pointing to the basket on the ground. "I wanted to make some wreaths for the infirmary, and I can hardly use the ones Inquisition has in store for healing purposes. I hope it is not a problem, you sounded very stern just a second ago."

"No, I uh don't think it is an issue. I simply wonder how safe it is, being this far from Haven, all alone."

"I am not that far, and I plan on staying nearby the road, I am perfectly safe. Besides, I am more startled by people it would seem." She added jokingly.

Cullen put his hand on to the pommel of his sword, as if to relax it there. "I am sorry for disturbing you. It was not my intention."

"I know." She reassured him. Her gaze followed to the basket. "Don't you worry, I will gather the elfroot and return to Haven as quickly as I can, to save you from as much worry as possible."

Corner of his lips rose up, into a surprisingly charming half-smile. "If that is your intention, I believe that would be accomplished best if you allow me to help you." He offered, voice not faltering this time.

"Oh?" She quipped, surprised by his suggestion.

Now he seemed to hesitate. "If- If you are alright with it, of course. Unless you wish to be alone, I can leave--" Cullen stumbled on his words a bit, so Nea quickly hurried to interject.

"No no no!" Nea smiled widely, waving her hands in front of her, small laughs escaping her lips. "I would like company, if you really aren't bothered by helping this frivolous woman out."

"I would be glad to. Not that I think you are frivolous, I--" now he closed his eyes a bit, sighing, as he brought his hand to rub the back of his neck. "I swear I can be much better at talking than this..."

Nea let out few gentle laughs. Not directed at him, mainly just at the situation.

"Well then. There are more elfroot over there. How about you go there, and I'll go over there?" She pointed out a spot little bit further from the road but not far away.

Cullen opened his eyes and nodded, relieved she accepted his retort so smoothly. He walked over to the spot she had pointed out, snow up to little higher than his ankles. There were plenty of elfroot over there, long enough to reach well above the surface of the snow. Cullen knelt down to reach them. It was little bit strange looking, seeing the Commander in such big and fancy armor, kneeling down and gathering small plants. Nea found it very sweet.

"So... why wreaths?" Cullen asked, as he pulled out one of the plants.

"The scent is soothing for the soldiers, as mild as it is." She said, putting few more elfroots in the basket. "I would choose embrium, as they are better for such purposes, the scent being stronger and it actually is used for healing purposes, the scent alone I mean. Sadly it doesn't strive around here. So I use what I can."

"I did not know that." He answered, slightly absently.

"If nothing else, it'll at least be pretty to look at." Nea flashed a happy look for Cullen, who simply nodded. "I hope."

"That is very considerate."

"I like making them. I find making something with your hands relaxing and it helps me empty my mind. Do you have anything like that?"

"Not particularly. Back at our village Honnleath, many of the children practiced woodworking, but I never got too gifted at it, beyond basics." He thought more about it. "I suppose upkeep of our equipment is something that helps me take mind of things... It is what all soldiers do after all." 

"Ah, of course. I should have realized." She walked a bit further away, to another spot, to get more elfroot. "My husband did that too. Even taught Adam to do it."

That caught Cullen's interest. "He was a soldier?"

"He was a guard in Denerim. Of course, he took part in the final battle, so perhaps in a way, he was one. After the Blight, we traveled together but he never did loose that mindset." Nea grinned a little. "And man like him kept his gear in check, believe me. Almost religiously, I would argue."

Cullen grinned as well. "Well, he at least sounds like a soldier, then."

Nea hummed thoughtfully. "Yes. I suppose he does." The memory filled her mind, and she allowed herself to ponder on it. "He would have been glad to be here, you know. To fight for this cause."

The Commander's grin, faded away, into an expression which was more neutral. "I am sorry he is not here." He said softly.

"I am as well."

They spent few moments in silence. It wasn't awkward, simply calm. Only thing that could be heard was the snow crunching under their feet, and rustle of the elfroots. Darkness was becoming deeper, their main source of light shining from the moon. The snow reflected that light around them.

"Can I ask, what did you come here for in the first place? You didn't think it was safe out of Haven after all." Nea asked, tilting her head to the side a little.

"I simply went for a walk. A small walk in the cold helps clear my mind, after a long day."

"What a coincidence. I actually thought the same exact thing before." She said, looking up the beautiful sky. Stars were like small diamonds, decorating the sky, with mountains too, on the background. "Nothing is more calming than a walk under the moonlight, under the stars. Even with the Breach, it is quite lovely." 

"I, suppose..." He said, words stumbling a bit.

Nea turned her gaze back to him, and realized he was still looking at her. She raised her eyebrow. He wasn't exactly avoiding small talk, but he was a little distant. "Everything alright?" Nea asked, voice pitched a bit high.

"Everything is perfectly fine." He looked down at the basket again. "Will this amount do?"

Nea looked over at the basket, it was just about full. "Yes, this will be enough." She stood up, brushing snow off from her hem. They put the last of the elfroot into the basket, and Nea took the basket in hand, lifting it up. They made their way back to the road, and as they were out of the snow again, Nea turned to Cullen, small smile on her lips again.

"I will return straight to Haven now, so you don't have to be concerned anymore." Nea spoke in a light tone, her eyes bright under the moonlight. "Thank you for the help again. It was very kind of you."

"Don't mention it." He answered, soft look in his eyes. His handsome features seemed neutral... absent. He made no attempt to say anything else, so Nea took it as a dismissal.

"Enjoy the rest of your walk, Commander." She nodded politely as a goodbye, and was walked past him, looking ahead again. Cullen said nothing, and for a moment she thought he had turned to walk towards the other direction. But her walk was soon stopped by the loud words behind her:

"Wait!" He loudly spoke.

It took Nea aback, and she stopped in her tracks immediately. His tone sounded both frustrated and desperate. It was difficult to understand which it was, as Nea had not heard that tone from his lips before. She slowly turned around, confusing radiating from her. As soon as her eyes found him again, she saw his absent look was gone: His eyes were closed, and he was rubbing the back of his neck again. Cullen sighed, before closing the distance between them again, stopping only few steps away from her. It took few seconds before he looked up at her again.

"Mistress Willows... _Nea_." He corrected, and her heart skipped a beat. There was vulnerability in his tone, which was so obvious. "I... I need to speak with you." 

"Of course Cullen. Anything you need." She answered to him quickly, but gently.

"Right... I..." He paused, trying to find the words. It concerned Nea a little, but she tried not to show it. "It's more difficult to find the words for this than I thought."

"Take as much time as you need."

"No it's..." He sighed again, but instead of bringing his hand to rub the back of his neck, which by now was an obvious habit of his, he just clenched his fist. "I need to ask your forgiveness. I should have done so sooner but I didn't find the right time."

"Cullen?" Nea tilted her head to the side a little, confused.

"We never spoke about what happened ten years ago." He finally managed, as straightforwardly as possible.

The realization hit her. It was about _that_. 

"Oh." She only managed. Very lamely. It was true, it had hang over their heads but it was still strange to be addressing it, at least properly instead of vague referencing. And he was apologizing to her? She could hardly believe it.

"I regret it now. Greatly."

"Cullen you don't need to-"

"I do. I must." He interrupted her, firmly, still holding her gaze. Besides of determination, Nea also saw unhidden remorse in his amber eyes. This time she didn't try to say anything, but with her eyes, told him to continue, which he picked up on. He took a deep breath with, looking down for a moment. He was thinking what to say again.

"Ten years ago... When you found me trapped in that magical cage I-- I was in a sorry state. The thing I said, to you and..." Nea's eyes shifted away from his as he said it, and it didn't co unnoticed by him. "It was cruel of me. Untoward. You saved me and return I shunned you. I was blinded by my anger, I didn't see things clearly. Not for a long time. Miriam Amell was right, I was a fool.

I regret it now. What I called you, how I treated you and how I-- how I blamed you. I wish I could take it back." His other hand went to the pommel of his sword, and he clenched. If he didn't have gloves on, Nea was sure she would see whitened knuckles. "I understand if you do not wish to forgive me for it. I can only tell you that I am trying to make up for that. I need you to know that."

Nea did remember what he said. All of it had hurt, but she wasn't sure he understood it completely. Cullen and she had never managed to be too close in the Circle, because of the rules but that hadn't stopped her from being friendly. He was the one templar who had always been kind to her, always greeting her and smiling. Sometimes a little shy and stumbling on his words, but he wasn't the only young man like that. And... Cullen had admitted his infatuation with her, so it was no wonder he had been hesitant.

The reason why his words had managed to hurt her so easily was simple: He was one of the best, one of the kindest men she had known, and although she almost never though about it, back then she had actually felt the same. So because how she had felt about him, his words had managed struck her to her very core. 

But his words hadn't been the only reason why she had been hurt. Not at all. In fact, the real reason was very different.

Nea finally raised her gaze back to Cullen, who by now, stood quietly in front of her. He held his head steady, and his stance was rigid, as if he was a soldier preparing to be reprimanded by his superior. Cullen's lips were pursed into a line, and his fists were still clenched. But his eyes... That's where the vulnerability was. He wasn't teary eyed, but the emotion held there was... intense. Nea put down her basket of elfroot, holding his gaze now. She couldn't keep him waiting anymore.

"Thank you for saying all that. It puts me more at peace, to know it, so it... Means a lot. But... Cullen... I need you to understand something." She started softly, finding the right words. "What you said to me back then, hurt. But not because I was insulted, or felt slighted."

Cullen's brows furrowed in confusion, as she continued:

"We were... Too late. The things that was done to you and your friends, were unjust and a crime against all that is good. I cannot even bring myself to understand what you must have endured." He cringed at that, but she continued. "I am sorry for that."

"You did nothing wrong you, you shouldn't--"

Nea raised her hand, stopping him. "Please, let me finish." Cullen stopped himself. He clearly wanted to say something more, but bit his tongue. Nea's raised hand went to her wedding ring again, as she held it for comfort. 

"You mattered Cullen. When you said the things you did, they hurt a lot because of you mattered. But your words could never have hurt as much as the knowledge that your suffering had changed you, and birth that hatred in you. We came too late to save you from it... From any of it." Her voice cracked as she spoke. Nea was aware, that she must've looked very sad in that moment, because Cullen looked at her with concern. "I was hurt, yes but... I never blamed you for it. I only feel regret and sorrow, just like you."

When silence befell between them, a heaviness arrived with it. It was sorrowful, and dark. Cullen had raised his eyebrows and his eyes had widened. He looked at her, not saying a word, but clearly deep in thought. Nea looked away, the memories were simply too much as she felt something in her throat. The tears were not yet in her eyes, but there was a threat of them burning.

"I never knew." Cullen managed in a hoarse whisper, after a while of none of them speaking.

"How could you have known?" She asked, equally quiet. "We went our separate ways. I suppose... In a way, neither of us could've stayed after that."

"No. We couldn't have." He swallowed. "It is difficult to comprehend..."

"What is?" Nea swirled the ring in her palm a bit more now.

"Your forgiveness. I do not deserve it, and yet you give it so freely."

"Don't you understand Cullen?" Nea said, her voice still tender but a little louder now. She raised her chocolate eyes to his amber ones. "I never forgave you because I was never _angry_ at you. Please... Don't beat yourself up for my sake, for I have only ever wished you well."

He looked at her, completely stunned. Nea could tell he still had tough time processing what she had said. Honestly, _she_ had issues to do so as well. She had never expected to have the opportunity to have this conversation.

To her surprise however, even though all the sorrow had not disappeared from his yes, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips:

"I should have understood sooner..."

"Understood what?"

He let a small chuckle escape his lips. "You were always different from others, you know. More kindhearted than anyone else I had known. I thought I knew the depth of it, but it seems I was mistaken. Again."

Nea managed a small smile now too, feeling a bit of warmth in her heart to rival the sorrowful memories.

"You were very kind to me too."

"Was I?" He asked, the small smile remaining despite his weak tone.

Nea raised her eyebrow, daring to be a little playful. "You were the only templar I ever snuck treats to from the kitchen, remember? Even though you tried to refuse them."

He let out another chuckle. "I do remember you doing so. You would insist I take what you offered until gave in."

"And then I'd keep doing it, everytime I got the chance." She let out a few giggles. 

"Yes... But you always made sure no one else saw. You didn't want me to get in trouble."

"It would have been too rude, I couldn't have done that to anyone!"

"Perish the thought."

Both of them smiled a little now. It was a bittersweet moment, they new it, but they accepted the little light memory gladly. It was a strange sensation. They had cleared the air, so to speak, and yet it only was thick with emotion. Cullen cleared his throat, as an attempt to put some of the seriousness aside.

"Thank you. For listening to me."

Nea nodded gladly. "Of course. I am glad we had the chance." She looked towards the road, which led away from Haven. "You still planning to take your walk?"

"I am not sure." Cullen admitted.

"If you do... I still have some time, since you helped me gather all the elfroot. If you want some company, I would fancy a walk myself. We do not have to talk if you, if you wish to enjoy from the silence, but.. would you like the company?"

Corner of Cullen's lip raised up higher. "I would like that."

Relieved, Nea took the basket in hand, and walked next to Cullen. 

Together, they strolled the quiet road in silence, not wanting to disturb the peace. Under the beautiful cloudless night sky, moon and stars being as their view, they simply enjoyed their calming walk without any distractions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So something about Nea:
> 
> I have created a character I wish I could relate with, but mostly cannot. She embodies virtues I could not live by myself, but always admire in others. That includes some flaws as well (duh), but I will try and show those more in the future. Over all, I will try and bring perspective of others in my writing BECAUSE I want to show who she is. I like this character, even if she isn't always the most interesting.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos <3
> 
> Also I will probably have still errors in grammar, I will correct them as much as I can!


	7. The Books

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a shorter chapter but I got carried away xd
> 
> Setting up potential plotlines for Nea :) 
> 
> Edit: I accidentally posted this instead of saving, so.. shit. :P Although I am working around it.

"So, nothing serious then?" Leliana asked, looking over the medical report Nea had provided her.

"No. Only the youngest of your scouts might need one last check up later tomorrow, but the rest are good to go back on the field." Nea informed her friend, holding other reports in her hands. "You don't have to send them away right this minute do yo? They may be ready, but one night's additional rest would make their recovery certain..."

"You coddle your patients, you know that?" The spymaster argued. But Nea made a face, which made only made her sigh. "Fine. I have no... immediate concerns that need taking care of right this minute. They can take the night, but tomorrow I am sending them back on the field! We need all hands on deck."

"Perfect! I knew you would understand." Nea looked over the papers she was holding, trying to see if she had missed anything. Stock reports on potions and ingredients... No, nothing Leliana would be interested in. "That settles that. Unless you have any word on potential incoming patients to Haven, I have nothing more to add."

Leliana put aside the report Nea had given her, on a small table under her tent outside the Chantry, after reading it through. "No word from the Inquisition held areas for the moment, and mother Giselle has made no mentions of her people's requirements after the latest delivery. You may focus on the injured and recovering in Haven. I will make sure you are informed should the situation be updated anytime soon." 

"Very good then." Nea answered but Leliana raised her eyebrow a little at that.

"There is something else you could do, when you have the time."

"Oh, alright then." Little surprised Leliana hadn't gotten to the point straight away, Nea straightened her stance and look patiently at the other woman. "What can I do?"

The red headed woman pursed her lips into a thin line. Nea took this as a sign, that there might be something involved she would not be happy with. "Josie wishes to see you about something."

"That's.. it?" 

"Of course not, she would not disclose the details, but there are apparently discreet services you could perhaps provide to some of the noble dignitaries she has invited to Haven." Leliana explained. "It could help her win over some favors."

"Oh. Oooh." Nea answered simply, once she really understood what her old friend was talking about.

"We may ask Adan in your stead if you feel uncomfortable, but preferably she could have the expertise of the both you. Adan has been reluctant so far, but lady ambassador would at least appreciate your cooperation."

"That does sound like Adan." The elven healer stated, somewhat in her thoughts. "I will, of course, talk to lady Josephine. You know I am bit.. queasy around nobility, but I have aided them before, I can do so again."

"Do not worry, I doubt it will be anything unreasonable." Leliana's had such an 'innocent' look, Nea was almost certain she was already aware of what the nobility wanted, and thus 'allowed' her to talk to the Ambassador, despite her pretending not to know.

"I will take your word for it then." Nea grinned ever so slightly. "I will return these reports to my desk and check on few of my patients, then I will talk to our lady Ambassador. I promise."

"Thank you." The human lady answered, in such a sweet voice. It was good to hear Leliana speak more lightly, even in such official conversation.

"Enjoy the rest of your day Leli, talk to you more later!" Nea chirped, about to leave before hearing Leliana giggle. That was surprising, and out of nowhere. "I must have missed something, why are you giggling so?"

Leliana's eyes had a teasing glimmer in them, Nea would recognize them anywhere. 

"You are awfully chipper, aren't you now?" She said, clicking her tongue. "That wouldn't have anything to do with your moonlight walk with our Commander?"

Both of Nea's eyebrows rose up in surprise. It had been days since then, somehow she had thought the spymaster would've just not.. heard it? Mainly because of exactly this kind of 'potential teasing'. It had been a foolish assumption, when had this spymaster not been aware of everything that was happening around her?

"You heard about that did you?"

"Of course, our stern and formal Commander was in such good moods afterwards, I couldn't help but to investigate. Also such gossip never goes unmentioned by the forthcoming folk around here, you should know." 

It was Nea's turn to sigh. "I know..."

"So I can assume it was a pleasant conversation, hmm? Otherwise I will be having a conversation with our _dear_ Commander..."

"Oh please don't. It really was a good conversation we had. We..." Nea pondered for a second, how to put it simply. "We cleared the air."

"Did you now? After all these years? I didn't think either of you would get around it so soon." 

Nodding, the elven healer let her lips form a small smile. "On hindsight, it was probably inevitable, but definitely for the best. I had my reservations, I admit. But I am glad he had the resolve I lacked."

"What about the moonlight walk, hmm? Just to clear the air?"

"It was purely friendly! Do not get the wrong impression."

"Good then. That means I do not have to take the matters in my own hands, yes?" Leliana quipped, all too casually. "How fortunate for us all."

"Yes Leli, again, due to our magnificent fortune, _please_ do not do anything drastic." The spymaster simply widened her grin, and let out few mischievous giggles. "You sometimes forget I am an adult, don't you?"

"Nonsense, you never really grew up. Some people simply stay a certain age, don't they?"

Nea held in her own giggles. "Someday we'll all wish that were the case." 

After the small moment of levity and teasing, Leliana's face fell a little, back into that all too familiar mask of hers she had build up during these last few years. It seemed more stoic these days however. It was no wonder, however; Loss of Justinia had affected Leliana deeply, even if she would not admit to it. It didn't stop Nea from being there for the other woman.

Sympathetically, she took the nightingales hand in hers, and gave it a quick, encouraging squeeze. The spymaster was hesitant and looked like she wanted to pull away, but Nea simply looked into her pretty blue eyes; She would only show her support to the other woman, not pity as she knew that was the last thing Leliana wanted. It was more of a "we can do this" look.

It was all that Leliana needed to relax, and squeeze back. Nodding to her reassuringly, Nea let go.

"Talk more later?"

"When we have the time." Leliana answered, nodding in agreement.

Letting go of the spymaster's hand, Nea smiled and turned away, walking away from the tent. Once she had walked far enough, she let a single short sigh. It could have gone worse. Leliana was concerned (also a tad bit overly protective) for her. It was to be expected, they were such good friends after all. In turn, Nea worried for her too but in that case, patience was needed. Leliana had changed much from that open person she had been once, prodding would do no good. 

Making her way towards the infirmary, she began to wonder if there were anyway to cheer her friend up. It would have to be done tactfully and at a right time, which was not right now. Nea would think on it, but for now, she was just glad she had both appeased Leliana and cleared the air with Cullen.

And the Inquisition? They were making progress: Juna had been closing rifts and accomplishing many more things over at the Hinterlands these last couple of days. It had brought them horses, agents... It was fair amount of progress, nothing mind shattering but vital nonetheless. Haven was modest in size, but so much was being done here. It was remarkable seeing it happen. Adam would learn much, by simple being here.

Opening the door to the infirmary, Nea brushed off some snow from her boots, before entering and shutting the door behind her. The smell of the elfroot welcomed her; it was mild, but the essence was definitely there. When she had made the wreaths, the scent had been inadequate to her, so she may have used some of her personal lyrium stock to preserve it, and a specific spell to "refresh" them. It was complicated bit of creation art, but something she had learned to do on her travels.

Now, the scent was just right. Not too weak, not too overpowering. Just. Right. And the fresh green color on the dark wood walls looked pretty.

She was just about to walk over her desk, but she heard some eager chatter that caught her attention: It wasn't Annabelle talking to some of her patients, as she wasn't present at all. She must've been at the infirm tents, tending to the soldiers there. There were only few others present, but they were working relatively quiet.

Her dark eyes spotted Theon, who was now fully awake (but not healed), and he was looking down to the floor. There was someone there, but Nea's view was blocked so she walked over there. Her curiosity changed to a small smile, as she saw who the wounded soldier was talking to: 

Adam.

Nea had wished him to stay further away from this place, for the time being. There had been many gruesome wounds, something that may have been too much for a child of his age. Not that he hadn't seen many such things already, but never in such a abundance. Then again, right now, there were no new arrivals with open wounds... So she wasn't exactly shocked to see the boy here. Like at the Crossroads, Adam clearly liked talking to people and comforting them. Or just keep them company. it was possible he came just to look for her, but then ended up doing this anyway.

The young boy's eyes turned to his mother, as she approached him. His eyes lit up, and he pointed at Nea, with Theon's eyes following his movement:

"That's her! That's my ma!" The boy declared, but being mindful of his tone. He was aware that he shouldn't disturb the other patients with loud yelps. Nea was glad that the boy had finally learned that. 

Theon looked up at her, as she came to them. He was still laying down, but moving his head didn't hurt. He looked surprised too see her, his green eyes gazing at her.

"Really now?" He asked with his hoarse voice. "I think I know her already then."

"Well I bet." Adam quipped. "She works here, A LOT." The boy mused his agreement.

Amused, Nea looked over to the soldier. He was looking much better, and the fact that he was speaking, was very promising. "So my son decided to keep you company then. I hope he didn't wake you up from your rest."

"He didn't. I had just about too much rest, and was bored out of my mind. Luckily your lad has been quite the chatterbox, haven't you lad?" The man raised his other dark eyebrow, directing his gaze back at the boy as he asked him the question.

"Yes! I have been telling him the stories ser Varric told me, and what's been going on; All the interesting bits!"

"I am glad you have been putting your time to good use then." Nea then proceeded to put her hands on her hips, as to look more 'serious'. "But unfortunately I recall telling you not to dwell here too long, unless I am present. Remember?" She asked, emphasizing the last word.

The boy was coy, looking aside. "I don't know. Didn't see the harm in just being here a moment."

Nea knelt down, just enough to ruffle the boys hair. "Since you were mindful of yourself, neither do I. Just ask next time, hmm?"

"You got it ma!"

"That's a good lad." Theon grinned, and Nea looked to her side to see him looking at the boy. "Better do as the lady says, yeah? She runs this place for a reason." Nea was a little surprised that the man had picked up on that, even in the state that he was in. Perhaps he had overheard someone talking?

"Yes ser!" The boy grinned widely, standing up quickly, trying to salute the man like a soldier.

Theon merely chuckled. "You'll get there, just keep practicing." He reassured the boy. The boy nodded eagerly. 

"Alright Adam, I need to check his wounds, can you take these papers to my desk?" 

"Okay ma. Can I then watch what you do?"

"You are not ready yet. At some other time." The boy didn't seem happy about it. Nea simply handed him the papers, before kneeling to Theon's side. "No arguments. After you're done with them, bring me the balm from the lower shelf, on the left. You know the one."

"Okay, I'll do that." He quickly walked over to his mother's desk and put the papers down, quickly going to the shelf. He didn't need to look for long, to find the salve. "Here!" He grabbed it and quickly strode over to Nea, handing her the salve. Nea looked it over once more, ensuring this was the right one.

"This is it." She mused approvingly, before looking over Adam again. "Why don't you go ask mother Giselle if you can help with something? She had some small chores that needed doing, hmm?"

"Might as well." He shrugged. "Get well soon ser Theon!" He waved his goodbyes to the soldier.

"Thanks lad." Theon managed speak after the boy, before he disappeared outside.

Nea was pulling down the covers, and started to take off the bandages. Her graceful fingers worked softly, so she wouldn't be hurting him. The man watched her work, his green eyes very interested in everything that she did.

"You have a spirited boy there. Didn't realize he was yours, but it makes sense."

"Does it? I have always seen him as someone more spirited than I." 

"What I've seen is limited but he sure was interested to help around here." He grinned. "Asked around if anyone needed anything. Just stopped at me because I apparently had a look of a 'strong warrior'. Asked if I needed anything, and then kept me company."

Nea smiled wide enough for her dimples to show, and blushed out of pride. 

"He certainly doesn't lack initiative. I am glad to hear it."

"Well... As I said, I'm not surprised he is yours. I mean, you are the one eased my pain some days ago."

"I am surprised you remember me. But I definitely remember you. Your situations has improved much since then."

The man winced involuntarily, as she removed last of the bandages. The wound was closed but remained ugly and red. Not as red as it were then, but still.

"Difficult to believe this was much worse." He grumbled. On that note, Nea was glad she had sent Adam away for this.

"Does it hurt more?"

"The pain dulls in comparison to what it was, but it's simply a very unpleasant view. And the memory..." He murmured.

"I understand." She replied softly. Nea opened the box of balm. It had healing extract in it, to help the wound heal quicker, as well as dull bit of the pain. A perfectly balanced balm. "I will put on this balm as carefully as I can, then."

He nodded, and relaxed to best of his ability.

Nea carefully and gently started applying the balm to the wound all over his chest and stomach: He cringed, but tried to be as relaxed as possible. He couldn't look at her as she was spreading the balm, simply stared at the ceiling instead. Nea tried easing the tension a little, by talking calmly.

"How bad is it?"

"More annoying that bad... really. Well maybe a little worse." He admitted, when he practically felt her doubting gaze.

"It's over soon, and then you will feel better."

"I trust you." He said, with a half-smile. Despite his discomfort, it was clear he meant it. 

Nea felt more warmth overtake her heart, as she smiled brightly, this time Theon noticing it. She was always so happy when her patients accepted her and her assistance, without judgement. Nea didn't use all of the balm, but fair amount of it, as the wounds were really big. Once she was finished, she carefully wrapped the bandages around him again. When that was done, she stood up and closed the small balm box again.

"All done. How are you feeling?" She asked, happy of her work.

The man still lay still, but his expression has eased considerably. "The balm feels cool... but it eases the irritation. Thanks mistress... Willows was it?"

"You can call me that, or just Nea will suffice." She smiled, as she made her way back to the shelf, putting the box back where it belonged, before returning to him. "Formalities are mainly just for professional settings, otherwise I prefer to called by my name."

"Well, I'll compromise then. I owe you one, mistress Nea. Or more than that." 

Tenderly, Nea put her hand on his shoulder and leaned in a bit. "Very kind of you, but I am a healer for a reason; you owe me nothing. And I do not take counter arguments." She said, before letting go, and straightening her pose again. 

"As you say ma'm." He grinned. 

"I will see on your progress more later. I know you don't wish to, but I'd advise you to rest some more, until then."

The man let out a frustrated sigh, but didn't argue. Lucky for her.

Nea was about to go over some other patients she needed to check on before talking to Josephine, but Theon actually grabbed her wrist, stopping her from going. Surprised, Nea turned her gaze at the man, who was now completely serious.

"There is one more thing I'd like to know." He said, letting go of her hand once he was certain she was not going to bolt away. She looked into his eyes, concerned. "It's... The team that was with me. My comrades... I haven't seen them here. Are they...?"

It wasn't surprising no one had told him. Not that the newer healers had the chance to keep track of everybody anyhow. Nea knelt down again, and put a hand on his shoulder, still looking him in the eyes:

"Many were wounded, but made it. But I am sorry to tell you, that one of them didn't make. His wounds were worse than yours."

"Eddie." Theon sighed and closed his eyes, his hands clenching into a fist. "Before everything went dark I managed to... see that much. It must've been him."

"I am sorry."

"Don't be." He said, opening his eyes again, smiling sadly. "We did out duty, and always knew this was a possibility. I am just grateful the rest of them are taken care of as well." Theon uncleched his fist, allowing himself to relax again. He was obviously sorrow filled by the knowledge, but also relieved, now that he knew. "Thank you for telling me. At least I know now."

Nea gave his shoulder one last squeeze, before standing up. "Soon, you'll be able to see the rest of them, on your own two feet. So get some rest." 

No words needed to be said anymore, as his eyes agreed. He shifted into a more comfortable position, closing his eyes. Even when Nea moved to look over the patients, she could almost sense his breathing becoming heavier, as the man began to fall asleep again. 

It took for her awhile to check over the remaining patients, change their bandages, healing reopened wounds, ease their pains... Whilst she did all that, she did the same she had done with Theon: Learn their names, ease their moods with talking, and helping them rest. It was important for her to know them as well, at least as much as was needed, without crossing lines.

At the end of it, Nea was washing her hands again, trying to get the blood from under her fingernails. Nea knew Leliana found it tasteless to have no creativity, but she truly wished she'd have some dried lavender here, as common as that was. Perhaps add it to the water, to add some lovely scent. Not when tending to patients of course, but it would be nice to smell nice once exiting the infirmary. 

Especially now that she is supposed to meet with the ambassador. Nea hadn't had much time talking with the Antivan lady, but she seemed like a lovely person. Leliana spoke well of her, and apparently they were friends, so that eased her mind a little. Just a little. Nea touced her hair, realizing it was quite the mess at this moment. She quickly looked over at the small mirror in the wall, and realized it looked way worse than it felt. She may not be a lady, but at least she would re-braid her hair before meeting with the Ambassador. It wouldn't take long, and besides, everything was under control now.

Swiftly Nea went outside, realizing she had been inside longer than she had initially thought. Sun was already setting. Hopefully lady Montilyet wouldn't be cross with her for making her wait for such a long period. 

When she hurried to her shack, she did notice one thing from a distance: Solas and Juna were seemingly in some amusing conversation, taking in the fact that Juna had a coy expression on her face; half a smile, and hands behind her back. Solas's expression wasn't far off either. From what little she had gathered, Solas was quite the scholarly type; solemn but not witless in a conversation. Nea smiled a little, before hurrying in her small shack. 

Once inside, she carelessly opened her braid, letting all of her hair free. It was a little wavy now, after being in braid for so long. Nea took in hand her brush from the table near the door, and brushed somewhat harshly and in haste, but it did it's job. She wouldn't stop until she believed herself more presentable. There was a small mirror in this shack as well, and she looked into it as she braided her hair again. More tight, more presentable. She braided her fishtail style, less fancy than the Orlesian style, but it was quicker to make, and still fine.

Last glance at the mirror and she was ready. 

As she left her small shack, she could see clearly how Solas and Juna were still in conversation, but it had changed back into something more formal. Still, they seemed to enjoy each other's company. Not that Nea had any time to stay and watch, she turned her head to the path, and started her quick walking pace to the Chantry, where the ambassador's office would be. 

Nea walked to the chantry, and looked around at the same time: There were many new faces. More soldiers, but also what it looked like, mercenaries? It did seem like Leliana's style, allowing everyone to come abroad, a style Nea agreed with, despite the threat of people sometimes not finding the common goal enough to work together. At least the Inquisition was accomplishing things well so far.

People from very different backgrounds at the same place also meant that it would be easier to just disappear into the crowd. People wouldn't care about one elven mage and her child, in already diverse group of people. Not that Inquisition was _that_ diverse but it was more than any other organization she had ever seen. Well, besides Grey Wardens perhaps.

At least this time when she walked outside, she did not feel as many dirty looks, as she has before.

Finally reaching the Chantry doors, a nice soldier opened the door for her, and she entered. It was surprisingly warm in the Chantry. Not cozy warm, but definitely warmer than what you'd think. Every step she took echoed in here. Nea passed few Chantry sisters, who did actually greet her. _Mother Giselle's influence no doubt_ , Nea figured. 

As she made her way towards the ambassador's office, she did feel one look directed at her. When she looked around, her eyes caught one dark skinned woman; Nea didn't get a good look of her, but the way she stood, the way she carried herself... As if she knew she was powerful and beautiful... And _in_ power. She might have been a noble, or at least her attitude was like that. But something was off. Nea couldn't tell. Perhaps later she would see her again?

Nea brushed the strange thought aside, as she finally reached the Ambassador's office. She took in a breath, and then knocked politely onto the door. She heard beautifully accented 'come in', and so she opened the door. The ambassador was sitting, writing something on her desk. Like the day they met, she was dressed in a very fancy outfit, but strangely balanced in practicality. Something easy to move in, without compromising fashion sense.

"Ah mistress Willows, please do come in." She welcomed Nea, in her beautiful and delicate voice. She did as she was told of course, closing the door behind her. "Please, do have a seat. There are few thing I wished to discuss with you, as sister Leliana must've informed you."

"She did indeed." Nea answered, sitting down on the fancy guest chair in front of Josephine's desk. It must have been Orlesian, considering the fancy pillow on it seemed a little extravagant. Nea had no intention of complaining of course, it was too soft to be complained about. "How may I be of assistance lady Montilyet?"

Josephine leaned in closer, pushing aside whatever she had been writing, letting her elbows resting on her desk. Her smile was heartwarming and proper at the same time, and her opal eyes glimmered in the candlelight. The woman radiated warm energy, that made letting guard down easy.

"First, I'd like to thank you for the splendid work you have accomplished so far." Nea was surprised. She had obviously spent too much time around soldiers, as she wasn't expecting pleasantries. "Sister Leliana told me much, and you have more than confirmed what she told me with the results."

"Ah. I believe you have caught be off guard, a little. I was not expecting compliments, lady Montilyet." Nea said, trying to hide her surprised blush with a smile. "But thank you. You are very kind to say so."

"You have fully earned them." The Antivan ambassador smiled politely, and Nea could see she had failed to mask her blushing. Josephine was too observant. "Now," she continued, "I would like to know how you have settled on Haven? Are your quarters satisfactory for you and your son?"

"They are, m'lady. I have rested well these past days." Not completely true, but her dreams were definitely not due to the housings. "It keeps Adam and me warm, so I am glad."

"Warm? In Haven? Truly?" The woman said, doubt in her tone (and yet even her doubt managed to sound polite). "Well, I am glad you are... satisfied. It is unknown to me how comfortable the Circle was, but if you are quite pleased..."

"I am. Or _we_ are. Although Adam never says no to more pillows." Nea added jokingly, before seeing the ambassador's contemplating face. Before Josephine managed to actually consider granting that idea, Nea added: "I am jesting! We have all we need."

"Well then. Please do not hesitate to inform me, if there is anything that you need."

"I will be sure to let you know, if anything comes to mind, lady Montilyet." 

"Very good." Leaning a little back again she pondered how to phrase the next issue in her mind.

"Is something the matter?" Nea inquired, eyebrows raising up a bit.

"No, not at all! I mean, not exactly. I simply wish to know if there _is_ something the matter." Jospehine tapped her fingers lightly on her desk. "Sister Leliana told me you had some concerns over people's scrutiny over the fact that you, a widowed elven mage with a human child, would be granted the seniority over at the infirmary. Yes?"

"I am surprised she mentioned it." The elven mage admitted, her fingers feeling the sudden need to fidget her wedding ring again. Only by willpower, did she manage to keep them relaxed at her sides.

"It was because I inquired. I wish to keep up the relations of the Inquisition's people, especially now when the Herald of Andraste is a Dalish elf herself and a mage; We must show her the utmost support. To do so, I must _know_ the Inquisition's people. So I will learn where we stand, and improve where things may be lacking. This is why I wish to know, whether or not your concerns have been proven correct. So," Josephine leaned in a little bit, softening her tone. She must be the most polite interrogator Nea had ever met. "Has anyone treated you unkindly since you arrived in Haven? How have you been received?"

Nea thought about it for a moment. There were many who had treated her very friendly, it was true. But she couldn't completely be oblivious to the dirty gazes, gossip, or the occasional snarky commentary. But no one had done anything, and mostly people were just glad to have someone tend to their ills, even if it weren't the most "ideal" person.

"You must forgive me lady Ambassador, it is a complicated subject. I'd say things are not perfect, people do hold suspicions of me, some show it more clearly than others, but no one has harmed me or my son. Furthermore, it is nothing that has prevented for me from performing my duties." Nea told this to the ambassador, still thinking as she spoke. "Overall, the situation is where I can handle it."

"Tsk... The Herald mentioned something similar, but such behavior will only undermine the Inquisition's cause." Josephine remarked, already thinking about how to solve this matter.

Nea slightly tilted her head to the side. "Perhaps. But I would like you to also know that many have worked with me gladly, and together we have made great deal of progress. Just ten years ago, I wouldn't have known such an operation like this to be a possibility. It takes time to make work. And for me, at the end of the day, my patients are glad to be healed, regardless of who healed them. And I am just glad to do my own part."

"That I am glad to hear." Josephine said, her beautiful smile wide and appreciative. "For the Inquisition to succeed, we need to be united. Despite our shaky start, it it good some of the common ground is already set. We can build from there."

"There is much to build. But I am willing to see it happen. It is, something worth seeing after all." 

The two women shared a glimmering look of ambition and passion. Despite their obvious differences, they at least saw eye to eye on this.

"Agreed." Josephine simply said. "Again, just let me know if any matters arise. There is a real reason I wish to ensure it is straightened out, yes?"

"I- We'll see. Hopefully such situations will not arise." Nea simply stated. She understood why the Ambassador took such a stance, and she frankly admired it, but she honestly had no wish to cause a fuss over small matters. So only if something worth mentioning happened, she would bring it up. 

"Very good then. It is something to think about, and I thank you for your answers. There is only the one last matter I wish to discuss with you, beyond these questions."

"Leliana mentioned it. Something to do with visiting dignitaries?"

"I am surprised she could hold herself back and allow me explain it fully. I must thank her for her discretion." Josephine mused, almost to herself, before changing the subject. "In any case, she was right. As you know, it is Ambassador's responsibility to ensure the visiting nobility's experience is as complimentary as possible. And there are such matters where your expertise would be of great benefit towards this goal."

"Such as?" 

"A Ferelden nobleman, Bann Gilford, suffered deep wounds during the fifth blight that never healed properly. To this day, they pain him greatly. From what I have been informed, you have dealt with such cases before, yes? Even found answers where none were thought to exist. Would you try and help him as well?"

Nea nodded slowly. "I can relieve the pain, but if the wound is so bad no other healer has managed to free him from the pain, I doubt I will be successful. I can do what I can about relieving the pain but beyond that, I can't make any promises of a cure."

"That is well enough. Even if you do not heal him completely, a relief from his pain will do wonders, I imagine. There are plenty of noblemen and women in similar situations, or otherwise in need of discreet... aid, with their ills. If you are willing, you could provide such a service for them. You would be well compensated for such services, I can promise you that at least."

"I never turn down a patient. There are some concerns, however, that I wish to voice out." Nea said, leaning forward herself. "Let's say I have some less than pleasant experiences with nobility. I believe not all of the dignitaries will be pleased to be healed by a common elf, even if possesses magical talent. Sometimes it makes things worst, and that's the last thing I want. I will not deny aid to anyone, and I am not bothered by mild scrutiny, but in some cases, having an elf attend to them might... 'offend'. It could harm the Inquisition even, if we loose allies."

"It is an unfortunate reality, but I promise I will be considerate of it, and tread carefully. But whilst some of the nobility may be critical of the matter, I assure you it is not always the case. I will not put you in a situation where no good can possibly come out of it. The last thing I wish to do, is make you uncomfortable. You have my word."

"Thank you lady Montilyet. That's all I needed to hear." Nea felt relieved that the other woman understood where she was coming from, but of course she did; The woman was clearly competent at her job. Nea smiled politely to the other woman. "Whenever you have a need of me, let me know, and I shall prepare for it."

"I will. Bann Gilford will be arriving in two weeks time. You are already familiar with decorum, yes? From what I have been told, you spent some time in Ferelden court, did you not?"

Nea could hardly call her time at Alistair's and Elise's side a great education in noble etiquette, but it did teach her much about the higher class as a group. "Many many years ago, and not for that long a time. I honestly would appreciate tips when it comes down to it."

"I shall have my people instruct you then if it makes you feel more comfortable, but I doubt much instruction will be necessary as I believe you give yourself too little credit."

Nea let out a small light laugh. "Perhaps. But I would prefer to do this right, if I am to do it often."

"As you wish. I will have my people find you tomorrow, and help you prepare." Josephine was now putting some papers in front of her, and preparing her quill. It was a clear sign that she had nothing more to say, and soon she'd have to get around her overwhelming amount of work. "I thank you for your willingness to help in this. It truly makes a great difference in gaining the nobility's favor. Or at least makes my job much easier, at any rate." The Ambassador said with levity. 

Nea stood up, smiled and nodded. Despite the strange feeling of familiarity, Nea still wished to be polite. She was about to say goodbye, but seeing all the paper and books around, a certain though popped to her head. 

"Before I go, there is something I would ask, if that is alright with you, lady Montilyet?"

"Of course. What can I do for you?"

"Would it be possible to borrow one or two of your books?" She asked carefully, surprising the ambassador.

"Books? If you wish. We have a limited selection here, but enough to suit your needs, I am sure. What are you looking for?"

"Something I could read to my son, and have him learn to read." Nea stated, surprisingly firmly. "We do not have many books with us, and even less time together, but I would not have him neglect his development. A book to read and learn from, anything really, would go a long way."

Josephine's smile widened. The woman looked outright excited. "I believe I have just what you are looking for." She put aside her quill, and stood up from her chair. Quickly making her way to the bookshelf behind her, she seemed to know exactly were to look. After only mere seconds, she took three books from the shelf, and walked back, handing the books to Nea. "Here. These are books I brought with me from Antiva. They may not be storybooks children tend to enjoy, but neither are they overly complicated. They are historical in nature, I hope they will be of use to you."

"Oh thank you! This is truly more than I could've hoped for!" Nea's heart was bumping from excitement. New books tended to do that. "I will return them as soon as we can, of course."

"You needn't hurry. Education for your child is important, and I am glad if I can help with it." 

Nea wanted to hug Josephine at this moment really bad, but she forced herself not to do so. It was surprising she managed to restrain herself. "Thank you, lady Montilyet." She managed to say, but unable to hide her happiness. It seemed to touch the lady Ambassador as the other woman's mood seemed to brighten as well. "I will leave you to your work, but if there is anything _you_ need of me, please let me know."

It was the ambassador's turn to let out a bright laugh. It was lovely and it could lit any dark room.

"I will sure to call on you, when the need comes. Have a pleasant rest of your day, mistress Willows. It was a pleasure."

"You too, lady Ambassador." Nea made a one last polite curtsy, before turning around and leaving the room.

Walking through the Chantry, Nea hugged the books to her body closely. She could barely hold in all the excitement. In the Circle, books were everywhere. In her youth, she had both loved and hated them. They were everywhere, none could escape them. But at the same time, it was wonderful to escape _to_ them. Knowledge and stories surrounded most of her life. Josephine didn't need to give her as many books as she did, and yet she did. It was wonderful.

She may not be able to give Adam the exact same feeling that she herself had felt in her youth, but she would do her best to widen his horizons with that she did have and Josephine's books would surely do the trick. There still were things to be done, but after it was all done, she would sit down with her son and just learn, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was supposed to be more cliché's here but I will put them to the next chapter. Yay.


	8. Tavern Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I accidentally let out the last chapter too soon, this kinda supposed to be continuation to that, but I got carried away. I am actually happy how I worked around it. But this is a long ass chapter, I hope it's okay.
> 
> Not gonna lie, a lot of dialogue about magic. I mean I know that ain't a thing for everybody, but I love it. 
> 
> Like seriously, this is a WARNING: This chapter includes serious magical nerd talk. it is something I have wanted to write about and now got the chance. Thank you Dragon Age Codex! <3 Gimme that sweet lore <3
> 
> Also in my mind, I have made Haven a little larger. I mean, I have to right? I mean realistically, they could not fit an army there. Not even close! It still isn't large, in this re-imagining, but still. 
> 
> Last thing: I won't spoil, but there is cliché in this chapter. I tried to handle it as realistically as my brain would allow, without swallowing away the story. ENJOY!

"You need to be prepared for a real fight, do not hold back!" Cullen loudly proclaimed to the recruit. It was getting darker, and it would be time to dismiss the men soon, but he had every intention of draining the last bits of energy from them till then. "The enemy wont waver; neither shall you."

To his credit, the tired recruit shouted his affirmation, and kept on doing what he was supposed to. Cullen kept his hand firmly on the pommel of his sword as he strode near the his recruits, inspecting the forms of everyone. They still were green, and not known true combat, but the captain had seen to it that they had improved.

He turned back, to inspect the rest of his soldiers, but as he did, his eyes landed on the dark haired healer, who stood near the training camp. Her eyes locked with his, and he couldn't help but acknowledge her with a small smile one of his own. Nea was waiting for him, like she has done for the last couple of days, after their talk in the woods.

"At ease, recruits!" He bellowed, looking over his exhausted men, giving the men one last hard look. "Report to the captain again at dawn. You are dismissed!" 

The grateful men almost dropped their swords, and a few went straight down to sit on their bottoms with heavy breathing. Cullen sighed at the sight. At least most of them could stand on their feet this time. His mood was significantly increased as he noticed Nea now making her way to him, bright expression on her face.

"Commander." She greeted politely. "I decided to wait until your current session was over, before I come to bother you." She explained. "You were too concentrated on your drills, I didn't dare interrupt."

"Well as unnecessary as that was, I appreciate the gesture. Maker knows these recruits need all the attention we can give them. Not that your presence is a bother." He quickly added, trying to avoid bumbling in her presence.

"What a relief. Let's see how long that lasts yes? Hopefully as long as possible."

"I am positive that it will." He answered, amused by the tone of the conversation.

She smirked lightly, before passing over the report in her hand. He took it in hand and started to look it over as she told him it's contents:

"Today's report. Most of the patients still require at least few days of rest, but I am able to let few men return to duty tomorrow. I know it isn't sufficient for your requirements but it is the best I can do." She explained. Cullen's mood became a little more serious as he read through the report.

"I had hoped the sergeant Gerald would've recovered from his wounds by now. There are several missions his presence would make a great difference in." 

"Alas, I cannot let him go just yet. He may be eager, but his wounds are nothing to scoff at." She put her hands on her waist, tone more serious. "I would be doing him a disservice should I let him return to duty right now, and not just in the long run. I will not allow it."

Cullen looked at her again, before sighing out of frustration.

"Fine then. Have him report to me as soon as he is able. There are matters that need dealt with, and I simply do not have the men, I cannot spread the soldiers too thin and-" He stopped himself, and almost out of reflex, raised his hand to rub the back of his neck. "Forgive me. I shouldn't lecture you, I know you are doing all you can."

Nea quipped her eyebrow. Although her expression remained neutral, her voice was playful:

"If it would unburden your mind, please, lecture away. I have enough time."

He couldn't hold back a snort, although it was mixed with amusement. "You may so now, but our spymaster and ambassador certainly would have a different opinion on the matter."

"Truly? Then I shall withdraw the offer immediately." Her eyes gleamed as she bowed her head a little. "Thank you for the warning."

Cullen chuckled out loud at the comment, feeling some of his stress washing away. Nea smiled widely to him, that beautiful signature smile of hers, when her dimples would show so very clearly. He found himself staring at her, unable to look away. In his mind flashed images of the time they had been young, and how her smile had remained the same. Clearing his throat, he tried to return back down to earth.

"I should return to my duties. Thank you for the report." 

"Of course. Until tomorrow." She was about to turn around, but instead tilted her head to the right a little. "Unless..."

"Is there something more?" Cullen inquired.

"Not necessarily. Varric simply invited me to join him in the tavern after hours tonight; after I have put Adam to bed. Perhaps it is foolish of me to ask, but I wondered if you'd like to join as well?"

It was not a request he had been expecting, so he felt a little strange at the notion.

"Did Varric put you up to it?" He asked dryly.

"I am asking you out of my own volition. Although he may have mentioned the matter... He also phrased it differently."

"Of course he did..." Cullen murmured, wondering what he has done to earn the pestering of the rogue dwarf. "Unfortunately I have not the time. There is much work yet to be done, I simply do not have the time. Perhaps another time?"

"I understand completely, but liked to extend the option anyway." Nea let her hands fall back to her sides, as she continued: "The offer will remain open, in case there is a sudden moment of freedom in your schedule."

"I doubt there will be, but I will keep it in mind nonetheless." 

"Good then." She gave him one last nod. "Good night Commander Cullen."

"As to you mistress Nea." He returned the nod in kind. Her smile didn't waver as she turned around and walked away, her braid swinging behind her. Cullen stayed where he was, looking after her until she reached the gates to Haven.

She was becoming more confident in his presence, he had noticed: Joking more, and starting conversation...

Cullen felt relieved; Relieved that she could be that way with him. And he too, had began feeling better around her: So much of the uncertainty had been cleared, and the little that remained, didn't stop them from being around each other. This was important to their duties, but beyond that, it made him feel at ease more, knowing that they could get along. Perhaps be friends. And better yet, now it was.. allowed. They were not bound by the rules of the Circle anymore. No reason to keep a distance, not unless she wished it.

And he was glad she did not, despite everything. It was simply not in her nature not to hold grudges. Even when others did not deserve her forgiveness. 

Cullen felt an ache in his head, threatening to rise up again, as well as tingles in his fingers. He looked at his hand, and saw it shaking slightly. He made a tight fist, before releasing it again in an attempt to control it. He knew then he would face pain that night. But no matter how difficult it would be, he was comforted by the fact that one more thing is past was resolved. At least to a point. He could not let himself get out of all the hook that easily, as he needed to accept responsibility for his mistakes... But he would sleep easier, knowing that he had not ruined everything.

* * *

Nea had tucked Adam to sleep, after telling him a story. It had been one that Leliana had told her a long time ago, maybe not as interestingly told, but it did the trick. They had started the evening with actual reading and learning, but Nea thought to end the night on a different note. She watched him breath so calmly, after the time they had actually managed to spend together.

She stood up from the bed, and walked to the door very quietly, not to wake up her son, and slipped outside as swiftly as possible. It was dark, and soon she should go to sleep herself, but she wished to see if anyone of her friends (or comrades) would be in the tavern. Today had gone by fast, but a moment of respite would go a long way. 

The Singing Maiden was packed full, everyone drinking and chatting away, as if the Breach did not even exist. Tired soldiers, servants, scouts... Elves, humans and dwarves. She had seen even a couple of Qunari in Haven, but not yet in the tavern. Perhaps they had their own drinks? Regardless, this was the place all would come to unwind and forget their troubles. And the music was beautiful, she could listen to the minstrel all day long.

Nea looked around, searching for Varric among the (mostly) tall crowd. It took couple of moments until she found him: He was telling stories to the crowd that had gathered, standing on a chair, to make himself more visible. Nea wondered if she should come close and listen in, or wait. There were many people there, perhaps it would be better to allow him finish his story, before joining in. 

Instead she made her way to bar counter, where multiple people were already leaning on, few less sober than might have been good for them. 

"Flissa." She called out the nice redhead barkeeper, who was currently cleaning some mugs. The woman turned around to see Nea, and smiled widely.

"Mistress Willows. What can I get for you tonight?" The woman had a chipper Ferelden accent, full of energy even at this hour.

"Nothing too strong, I have to wake up tomorrow morning... Is it too much to hope you may have some cider?" 

"We do have it. Nothing fancy, but it'll wet your whistle." As she spoke, she had already put a cup on the counter, and fetched the bottle. Then she poured the cup almost full. Nea took coppers from her pocket, and offered to the other woman, which she declined. "You've been healing the men real good, saved a lot of lives. This one will be on the house, and the next one after that at least!"

"Oh." After thinking a little, she put some coins on the counter anyway. "Consider this a tip then. I insist." 

Flissa smiled and thanked her, before putting the coins in a small pouch.

Nea took her drink and started to walk away, looking for a table, feeling a sensation of joy building up in her chest. After so many disapproving glances and cruel whispers thrown her way, this felt like a small step forward. She hoped she'd earn acceptance of more people here, but for now, she was simply glad for this small gesture. 

She sat down on a small table, with only few seats around. It was neither too far from the door, nor from Varric (who had not noticed her yet). Nea was close enough to hear Varric's tales about the Champion, as well as the music. But both were surrounded by a lot of people, so she chose a spot where she'd have just enough of personal space. 

Nea brought the cup to her lips, and took a sip from the cider. It was not the finest she had drank, but to her taste buds, it was far from terrible. It was pleasant enough at least, the taste of apples crisp on her tongue. It was strange enjoying from a drink alone, though. She preferred having company while drinking, but she saw no familiar faces (who could be spared). Nea had no wish to interrupt anyone.

She looked into her cup, and started reminiscing: Arther was more interested in visiting taverns, drinking and talking more than she was... But never in a foolish amount. Well maybe once or twice, but that was before they had Adam. In their 'youth'. They would drink together, chat long periods of time, maybe even dance (if he was in the mood) and laugh. Also argue playfully. He allowed her to have that, which seemed to normal to him, but so foreign to her. It made her life seem more... normal. Something you couldn't experience in the Circle. She took another sip quickly, maybe to change the chain of thought, or to endure the thoughts she was having.

"Nea, there you are." Came the smooth voice behind her. Nea was startled from her thoughts, and turned to look over her shoulder. It was Juna. "Varric mentioned he'd ask you to join, but I wondered if you'd have the time to attend."

"Good to see you in one piece too." Nea said, examining the elven mage from head to toes. "I did have the time, although I cannot remain for too long. Couple of drinks, then I must retire for the night."

"Mm, yes, I imagine you must have to wake up early. Has it been tough settling in?" The light haired woman asked, as she sat down opposite of Nea, putting her own drink on to the table as well.

"It has been a challenge. But I know my craft, and as long as I rely on them, I will do well for myself." She looked into the grey eyes of Juna. The other woman felt impossible to read. She was friendly, and personable, but Nea felt a distance in her eyes, something she had seen in Miriam. "I don't think it is much different from you. After all, you act as an agent and a figurehead. Your skills help you carry through, yes?"

"True enough. I've been running around closing rifts, taking care of problems, recruiting new people to the cause... Although I may not have gained this position due to skill, I still intend to keep the cause going because of them." 

"That's reassuring to hear." Nea shifted her eyed to her cup, swirling the liquid in it. "You know, when you saved me that day at the Crossroads... I admit, I was taken aback when I witnessed them... Your skills I mean. Your _fire_. Witnessing them was quite sight indeed."

"Truly? I admit that out of all the elements, I am most adept in fire. Not certain why, but that particular primal energy has always called out to me. I have been told before that I possess a high level of control when it comes to such volatile magic, but never by a circle mage. Is my magic different to you?" 

Nea thought about it, remembering those potent bursts of fire she had cast that day at the Crossroads. There was natural awareness to her; Juna's strikes had power and precision, which required remarkable focus. She pondered on the memory, trying to get the full picture.

"There are differences in your stance, the way you carry yourself. For circle mages, we do it by the book, and while we grow accustomed to things, you seem more... attuned; the focus is there but it is less calculated and restrained. But even if you carry yourself differently, the result is the same as with us. The level of control needed to wield such potent spells is high, and you did it expertly."

"Hmm. I see your point actually. It is still new to me, to see circle trained mages in action and I have made similar observations. We didn't know much about the circles, but they were always painted as prisons to us. And some of the rogue rebels I have witnessed seem hasty in their magic, as if they have finally let go of all rules and are not fully prepared for what it means; It is too new for them." Juna played absently with her hair with her fingers, as she explained. "Are you taught to suppress your abilities in the Circle?"

"Not exactly..." Juna expressed a little doubt, as she raised her eyebrows a little. "Though I can imagine it must seem that way to you." Nea looked a little upward, and put her finger on her chin, as she thought how to explain it. "We are taught to control our magic above anything else. That is why we are brought there, to ensure everyone else's safety... That is the main goal of the training: To learn control, so it will not harm others. Of course we then train to further improve our skills, but many mages have a tendency to hold themselves back, _just_ in case..."

"Just in case of demons, possession and blood magic, yes?" There was a little attitude in that tone, but only a little bit. Juna's accent remained smooth regardless, and not overly rude. It was more sass than anything.

Nea nodded slowly, before bringing her eyes back to the Herald. "Yes... I suppose it is fair if you could put it that way." She took a gulp of her drink, thinking about all those speeches the Chantry mothers had given her about the topic. She had always listened, but always also questioned their objectivity.

"And yet... You didn't seem so stiff, when I witnessed your spells. No offense meant towards your training." The Herald took a small sip of her drink as well, before eyeing Nea again. "Admittedly I didn't have the opportunity to watch you too closely as I was preoccupied, but you handled yourself quite gracefully, I would say."

Nea shrugged. "Not every case is the same, of course. We all have different levels of skills, Circle training or no. In my case, there are many factors to consider."

"Such as?"

"I.. guess I was curious, as a child. Careful, but very curious. Others warned me of magic but I was drawn to it and... I just found it beautiful."

"Beautiful?"

"Mm-m. I just... I was too young to remember any life before, so the Circle was all I knew. Magic was under heavy watch, but practiced. It was all I knew. And perhaps it was a simple mindset of a child but when I saw others casting their spells, it both felt and looked so... Enchanting. One of our teachers showed some tricks with fire once: The sheer power made me step back, out of surprise, but the flames themselves looked so beautiful. It was like a dance of elements."

"From child's point of view, many things are remarkable."

"Yes. But I admit, I felt afraid to try magic at first, until Miriam encouraged me: She told me not to be afraid of following my instincts. Yes, we were young but even then, she said it was alright to like magic, to accept myself. Perhaps that was all it took. Or perhaps it is the fact, that I have traveled and learned much during my journey, and with it, improved upon what I learned in the Circle. I can't say for certain why I seem different."

"Perhaps it is both." Juna said, quipping her eyebrow.

"Maybe. Whatever the reason is, this is the result. I embrace magic, but not let it overpower me. It is a tough balance to keep, but I have managed."

"It shows." Juna admitted, taking another sip of her drink.

"What about the dalish? I have heard bits about your culture, but I would like to know what the training was like for you?" 

Juna smiled, and Nea could almost see bittersweet memories flash before Juna's eyes. "Magic is treated as a gift. Dangerous, but a gift nonetheless. Stories say, all elven once were born with it. Until it was lost to us, of course. Now, we accept it, and it's dangers but we learn to guard ourselves against the threats that come with it. So... I was taught to embrace it, despite the danger."

She looked somewhere far away, as if part of her thoughts were deep in memories. "Furthermore, it meant responsibility and seclusion. I myself, was my Keeper's first so that meant I spent a lot of time studying spells and our stories, while others hunted and... well. Took care of everything else."

"Were you lonely?" Nea asked gently, leaning forward a little. It wouldn't be surprising. There was air of... solitude, about Juna. She seemed so charismatic, and friendly but there still was a distance to her.

Juna's eyes turned back to Nea's, but her gaze was unreadable. "A little. But not the way you may be thinking. Our clan was very close with one another, even with me. Besides, I enjoyed my time alone, wondering the forests, finding beautiful places, which I would fondly refer to as my hiding spots." A small smile found her otherwise neutral expression. "I felt free. I always didn't, because of my place in the clan, but those small moments? They were mine alone."

Nea gave the other woman a compassionate smile, understanding what she meant. "Do you miss your clan?" It was a question that took Juna by surprise. She didn't take long to response.

"They are my family, and as such, I do miss them." Juna then sighed, leaning back in her chair. "But I do not think I ever would have chosen to be the keeper. I wished to see the world more than I wished to lead my clan. I suppose it is rather ironic, that when I do get to see the world, I exchange one title for another, and remain tied."

"Would you then leave, if you didn't have the mark?"

"Honestly? I'd like to think I wouldn't. I would try and send word to my clan, but beyond that, I would stay and help restore peace, like I am doing now." Shrugging a little, Juna looked away. "We will never know for certain. But do not mistake me: I do not have regrets about staying. I don't want the world to fall. That would be rather awkward for my clan anyhow, don't you think?" 

Both of them cracked a smile at the comment, which eased the tension a little.

Nea said, holding back small giggles. "Then I am glad, that for the better or worse, you are stuck it us." Nea raised her cup, even though it wasn't full, and Juna did the same.

"Cheers. That is the expression isn't it?"

"It is." Nea grinned and together they drank rest of their drinks together.

Flissa brought them new drinks as they had finished their first ones, and collected the empty cups. Nea tried to pay her again, but the woman refused, simply curtsying politely for the two women, before returning to the bar.

"So. Change in topic." Juna quipped. "We already talked about how fire is my element... I wonder, what is yours then?"

Nea hummed in wonder, feeling herself relax more as her cup emptied little by little. "I am uncertain if I have an element. Earth is the one I most frequently find myself calling out to, of all the four primal elements. Nature is closest to creation school of magic after all, and I am a healer to my core. However, it is not really what I would call my element."

"Then what do you call upon in battle, when your instincts take hold?"

"Hmm... It is a little complicated to explain, as it is an unorthodox field. All schools of magic use and manipulate energies, shape into something else. Elements of nature are the most evident example: Fire, ice, _earth_... You understand. But what I do is, instead of shaping energies and forces around us, both magical and natural, I use them as they _are_. Which is potent and raw force. The elemental magic is power of nature, _but_ you could say that these energies and forces... bend the _laws_ _of nature_ , in a way. It is force, energy; pure and simple. The day I discovered this discipline, I knew immediately I'd study it." Nea felt excited, explaining the other woman about the discipline of the force mages. It was something she rarely got the chance to do.

"Sounds like field worth learning from. I knew such a practice was possible but never really thought about committing to it and there were none in my clan to teach it to me."

"Well, I do not know if I'd exactly go so far as to say I _committed_ to it , as I am a healer, not a fighter. I can fight of course, but I prefer to do so only to defend, so I never mastered it. It can be dangerous field for obvious reasons, which is why I balance it out with self-control and focus."

"A sensible policy." Juna half-smiled, drinking more from her cup. "Still, a worthy field of study, I would say."

Feeling comfortable enough to share more, Nea lowered her voice a little, as she wondered how the other woman would react: "Then... there is one more area of magic I feel a connection to." 

Juna leaned in, leaning on her elbows. "Go on."

"As I mentioned before, I was always a curious child. I felt drawn to the energies that surround us, but not just the natural energies, but also the unseen ones that surround us all the time and yet exist outside of nature. The spiritual." 

Juna seemed surprised at that, burrowing her brow ever so slightly. "I thought your chantry frowned upon such study?"

"The Chantry doesn't _smile_ upon it, but the mages do not condemn it. But you are right; neither the templars nor the general populous really understand the field. They misinterpret it, mistaking for blood magic or demon summoning. It is unfortunate, but unavoidable because of it's connection to the fade and everything that resides there."

"So. You were drawn to spirits."

"I'm not sure it is that simply. I felt drawn to the energies of the beyond but spirits? I just felt... curious. And I believe they were curious about me too." Nea looked Juna in the eyes, wondering if she'd feel judgement as it was somewhat of an taboo to talk about sometimes, but she found none of that in the herald. "I was always careful in the fade as there are dangers there, but rarely did l feel afraid. I am not sure why, but a dear friend of mine once told me that she felt someone was always watching over her, when she slept. I wonder if that was the similar with me, but I can't be quite sure."

"That does sound quite the feat. But I have to wonder..." Juna looked confused and skeptical. "If you were so interested in the field, what made you choose the art of healing instead? I know you wish to aid people, that much is obvious, but you seem to have other equal interests. So why healing?"

"They are not mutually exclusive." Nea said, taking sip from her cup.

"Oh? I am not healer myself but I do know little. Healing magic is about manipulating natural forces, connected to nature. Spirits are the opposite of that, as they live in the beyond, the fade. They contradict one another."

"That is true. But you see, I am a spirit healer." 

"You are?" That caught the Juna's attention, and she seemed suddenly much much more curious. "I have heard of it, but never actually met anyone who is one. Dalish do not approach spirits or use any magic involving spirits. Or at least they usually don't. Opinions may differ among clans, but that is the general attitude. What... does it mean exactly?" 

"Basically, we draw the attention of the spirits in the fade. Benevolent ones, such as compassion, hope, purpose... We seek their aid, to help us restore life, far beyond basic healing spells. It is not an easy discipline and always a dangerous one. And it often requires mages to go through certain trials, which are often difficult."

"What sort of trials?" Juna was listening close, eyes gleaming like diamonds, as she was clearly fascinated.

"The trials are meant to prove your intentions pure, and aligned with the virtue the spirit embodies. For example, a spirit of compassion might have you help someone less fortunate, without any gain for yourself. Valor might ask you to show your skill in battle, and so on." 

"What kind of trial you did?"

"I didn't. Not all mages have to. From what I understood, they had already witnessed my nature. Like I said, they had been curious about me as well. Now, I summon them when I need their help and they use their abilities in my stead, healing the wounded. They always go back beyond the Veil of course, but they are never far away. I think I can _feel_ them. It is difficult to explain, you'd have to experience it."

Juna took a sip from her drink again, and Nea took the opportunity to do the same. Once she put the drink down, Juna already looked at her, with a strange, distant look.

"You said this is a dangerous path."

"I did." Nea leaned back in her chair again, biting her cheek a little. "Going beyond the Veil, or summoning a spirit to our world, is exactly that: Dangerous. It makes you a target, as it attracts the attention of demons. Being a spirit healer makes you a prey for the rest of your life. Even with pure intentions, you could tricked into summoning a tricky demon instead or even end up possessed."

"And yet you became one. Why?"

Nea didn't even hesitate in her smile. "It gave me the ability to heal people beyond the usual magic, and since it came so naturally to me, I felt like I shouldn't dismiss the chance. I felt the draw and it felt right to me. Like a calling. And I meant it when I said I haven't felt afraid in the fade, as if I were being watched over. I wouldn't go as far as to say I am demon-proof or protected beyond a doubt. I must still be vigilant and careful of course..." Nea raised her cup, ready to take a sip. "...But I have grown to trust my abilities, and instincts, just like you."

Juna nodded to that. "I understand completely. And I do respect your choice in profession. Don't take this the wrong way, but it does still seem like such a... _unique_ profession to take on, regardless of how impressive sounds."

"It is. Most are either unable or unwilling to take it on, so there aren't many of us." After another sip, a thought came to Nea's head. "Although now that I think about it, you have actually met another spirit healer besides me."

"Oh? Who?"

"Grand Enchanter Fiona. You saw the rebel leader in Val Royeaux, didn't you? From what I have been told, she too practices this art." Nea shrugged. " Of course I may have been misinformed, but I was informed."

"Interesting... Do you know much else, about our rebel leader?"

There was another layer to that question, but Nea wasn't sure what, so she simply answered the question. "Nothing on a personal level. I know she was a Grey warden once, but beyond that, I know little. Of course it is difficult not to hear about her now that she leads a rebellion. But I never had the chance to meet her."

"Hmm... Curious." Juna simply said. Nea raised her eyes, only to see those grey eyes looking at her, almost as if evaluating something.

Nea proceeded to drink almost all of what was left of her cider, as her throat was getting dry from all the chatting. She was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol as well, barely mild as they were. She just didn't drink often, so smaller amounts affected her more.

"I have to say... I had heard you were accomplished and I knew there was a reason you were given this position at the infirmary but I had no idea it went so far." Juna raised up her own cup. "I am impressed."

Nea tried to hide her flattered smile behind her cup, to no avail. "And I haven't had the ability to discuss magical theory and teachings in a long time, so it really was a pleasure to find someone interested in the matter."

"It would appear you aren't the only curious one here, mistress Willows. And speaking of magical theory and spirits..." Juna leaned forward, almost a coy look on her face. "You should speak with Solas. You could say it is his area of expertise, especially when it comes to the fade and the spirits. Believe me, it is most fascinating discussing these subjects with him."

Now it was Nea's turn to have a coy look on her face, and when Juna noticed it, she looked questioningly at her. "What?" She asked.

Quipping her eyebrow a little, Nea swirled the remaining of her drink. "Is that what I saw you talking to Solas about, couple of days ago? Magical theory?"

Juna let out a delighted laugh, not phased at all. "You can tease people? I had no clue."

Nea couldn't help but blush a little, but kept her coy smile on, trying to play it off. "I can do lots of things! Tipsy or not."

"Oh my. Tipsy too? Well aren't racy?" The sarcasm was thick, but Nea didn't mind. She knew she wasn't the type to neither tease or drink. Most of the time. 

"You know, it's rather ironic that after what you've been through, you'd call me racy." Nea shrugged, grin widening. "But I suppose you have the right, being holy and all."

"Indeed. Should anyone ever write verse for me, it opinion of you shall declared. And you will be thusly known, _forever_." She whispered the last word, jokingly menacing. Both of them laughed at that, loudly, and few turned to look at them, but neither paid any mind.

"What are you ladies giggling about? Something juicy?" Both of the women looked, as Varric made his way to their table, pulling a chair with him, and sat on it. 

"Oh nothing, Varric. Just discovering the daring side of our healer." Juna said, drinking the rest of her drink.

"Daring? Snowdrop? Didn't know that was physically possible." Varric said, just as amused. 

"You know I have spend many years traveling all over southern Thedas? I might've even gone to Tevinter but that isn't the smartest place for an elf to visit... nevertheless, I did get into a lot of trouble!"

"Now that sounds like something interesting to here. Drinks on me, story on you." Varric quipped, ready to go get them drink. "What are you ladies drinking?"

"I shouldn't drink anymore. I need to go to sleep soon and tomorrow I must wake up-" Nea tried, but Varric wasn't having it.

"Snowdrop, you can't just imply you have bunch of _daring stories_ to share, and then back out! One more drink, and a story."

"He has a point, _Snowdrop._ This is something I wish to hear as well."

"See? Poppy agrees with me."

Nea sighed and raised her hands up in defeat. "Cider."

Juna grinned, and turned her head towards Varric. "Same for me."

"Cider it is!" With a roguish grin on his face, he made his way to the bar. Nea shook her head, and prayed the Maker she'd have the good sense to get out of here after that one drink.

* * *

After couple of stories, and one slowly consumed drink, Nea decided it was time to leave. There was warmth to her cheeks, and she definitely felt a little wobbly. She was officially tipsy. 

"Well, I said I'd stay for one drink, and now it is done. I will see you ladies and gentlemen again another day." Nea declared as she stood up.

"We'll miss your daring company, Snowdrop." Varric chuckled, raising his drink in her honor. "Let me know when you are ready share more of your weird adventures. Preferably over another drink."

"It is a date." Nea quipped to him, and the rogue answered with a wink. 

"It really was nice, healer." Juna said, a genuine smile on her face, which clearly reached her eyes. "We have to chat again soon."

"I'd very much like that." Nea smiled back to the Herald, nodding her goodbye. "Good night you two. If you have hangovers in the morning, you'll know where to find me." With that, she took her leave and made her way to the door, avoiding bumping into anyone as the tavern was packed so full. She constantly had to step aside as people with drinks passed by her. It seemed to be a surprisingly busy night. She could feel that her balance wasn't perfect, but luckily she hadn't drank anymore and thus wasn't completely drunk. This amount of tipsy was manageable.

As she approached the door, there was a strange feeling at the back of her mind, as if she was being watched. Nea did a quick survey of her surroundings, but her eyes didn't catch anyone particular. She couldn't see Varric or Juna anymore, as there was a crowd of people in front of the view. Before she could turn her eyes back to the door, she felt herself bump into someone (the exact thing she had been trying to avoid).

"Watch it there you f-" Whatever he was about to say stopped in their tracks, as Nea's eyes quickly darted back to the person in front of her. A tall human with a messy hair, wearing medium leather armor. She was close enough to smell how he reeked of alcohol and something else sour. He looked down at her, his teeth showing as he began grinning widely, a cold glimmer in his eyes as he eyed her up and down. "Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" 

Nea took a step back, as she immediately felt unease. "Apologies ser, for bumping into you." She hurried her words, and looked down, trying to walk past him before he'd say anything else.

But he was faster, as he stepped on her path, stopping her for moving past him. He was terribly close, and leaning closer to her. Her eyes popped up again, looking at the man's face, confused and overall uncomfortable. She looked around to see if anyone was seeing this. But there were many around, but all too focused in their own business, too much loudness for them to care about this situation. Only people who seemed to be looking at them, were three men around a table nearby, but they were grinning and laughing. They urged the man on, and from their overall attitude, Nea assumed they were this man's friend.

"Oh I think I can figure out a few ways you can make up for it..." His hands reached for hers, and his hand reaching for her arm: "Lemme buy a drink. It would make me feel a lot better." He was trying to be smooth, but the slight slur in his voice just put her off. 

"Thank you for the offer," she said, wincing away from his hand, "but I have had enough. Please, enjoy the rest of your evening." She made another attempt to move past him, but one more time did he move into her way.

"You are one of the healer right? Yeah, I think I've seen ya there... Lemme treat you nice tonight beautiful, I promise you'll enjoy it...." His hand moved to her hip, and Nea felt shivers (not the good kind) down her spine.

"Do not touch me." She said firmly, as soon as she felt his touch. "I mean it."

He didn't listen, just tried getting even closer, other hand already hovering over her, trying to touch her too.

"...I'll give you the best night of your life..."

It may have been the alcohol, but something in Nea's mind snapped. Her grabbed his hand, the one on her hip and she pressed her nails to a sensitive spot on his wrist; a nerve. It made the man shout out of pain and let go of her. It was such a simple move, but as a healer, she knew many spots in a body, which would create such pain. Granted, Nea hated causing pain, so she did not hurt him as much as she could've, but the alcohol made her think less. And boy did it work. He recoiled, and took a step back, which was what she wanted. Few people around the looked at them, with a weird expression, before returning back to their chatter as they did not much care. Probably thinking this was just another small scene in a bar. His friends however, laughed and shouted out of surprise. Nea chose not to care, and only focused on the human in front of her.

"You are grown up enough to manage a refusal. Good night." She said her with much more attitude than was usually her style, and then brushed past him, not caring about the curses he sent after her. Nea only wanted to get outside. She needed space.

Nea didn't look back as she finally pushed the door open, and slipped outside. She walked her way out of the Singing maiden, until she was a little further away. Her steps slowed down, as she felt more calm, now being away from that thick crowd, and unpleasant company. She breathed in the cold, fresh air of the mountains, trying to get herself to calm down. 

It wasn't unusual, for men to try and... Well... Convince her to "spend time" with them. But she obviously had no interest in it, and thus would not humor their whims, no matter how polite she was or how weak people believed her to be. She was not _that_ vulnerable. Nea shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. If Arther were here, he would have punched that man through the wall if he had not taken the hint. She would've tried to hold him back of course, but it would all come down to which of them was faster.

But Arther wasn't here. She had to fend for herself, just like he would've wanted. Her friends would help her as much as they could, but in the end she should rely on herself the most, even if it sometimes was inconvenient. Nea hugged herself, the stress still weighing on her shoulders. She was having such a wonderful night, why did it had to end like this? Despite her best efforts, she found herself breathing faster.

Nea looked up on the sky, seeing the stars and moon shining, and the Breach glowing it's green light upon everything else. For reasons unknown, this calmed her. Why was she afraid? Why was she so shaken about something as base as this? She no longer was that apprentice in the Circle, afraid and oblivious of the rest of the world: She would not crumble so easily. She refused to.

Letting out a calming breath, Nea felt the stress wash away from her shoulders, as she remembered who she was, and why she was here. Looking ahead, Nea realized she had stopped walking, and now just stood on the pathway alone. The tavern was out of sight. behind some other buildings, and her hut was not far away. It was time to go to rest. Relaxing again, she started making her way to her shack once more.

"Knife-ear bitch!" Came a yell behind her, not too far away. "You think you can humiliate me in front of my folk, and walk away?!"

She didn't need to turn to know who it was: The same man that made his unwanted advances, now coming after her. Why didn't they simply let her be? As Nea turned around however, she had not prepared as to how close by the man was already. He was quickly making his way towards her, and was only few steps away. And he wasn't alone: Couple of his friends were little further away behind him, wide grins on their faces. Nea backed away with her own steps, as the human man neared her.

"I do not wish for a quarrel. Please, leave me be." Nea's words may have been polite, but they were spoken in a firm tone: She was a patient woman, but that patience was running thin.

"Should've thought about that before, cunt!" He growled, increasing his speed, nearing her body. "You won't make a fool out of me!"

Nea's back was nearing another building, and she tried to look around for anyone else, as she wished this would not come to violence. But she saw no one. As she realized this, her steps slowed down, and she raised her head up high: Nea stared at the man, creating a full on eye contact with him. 

"This is the **last** warning. Leave me be, or I will defend myself." Her voice boomed, only a little shake could be heard in it. The man stopped at that, a little bit of conflict in his expression, before hearing his friends laugh behind him. Shaking his head and ensuing his steps, more threatening and determined this time. 

"Aw, what will you plan on doing? Healing my bruises? Believe me, knife-ear..." He growled, taking longer strides now as he closed in on her, extending his hand to grab her: "After I am done with you, the only thins you'll be healing are your own bruises."

That was the last drop. She stopped on her tracks, cold will in her eyes, and as his hand almost touched her, she called upon her magic: Nea willed the energies around her to gather, to tense from it's wright, creating pure force, enough to bend the very gravity around her. When only the man's fingers graced her arm, she _pushed_ it forward: The man didn't understand what hit him, as a strong burst of energy threw him way from her, on his back. He yelped his surprise and minor pain, as he flew on the air and when his back made contact with the ground, he also growled in pain.

His friends seemed startled and soon became serious. They realized now that she was a mage, and not a simple healer. Their hands went to their weapons, which triggered alarm bells in Nea's mind. These men... They were not honorable warriors... They were acting like thugs. Entitled and brutish.

"Ugh! You demon bitch!" Spat the man on the ground, looking back at his friends. "What are you waiting for?!" He growled, and the men suddenly changed from a merry band of drinking fellows, into something cold and vicious. Their eyes looked at her, cold and menacing. On of them pulled out his sword, and another drew a knife and helped up the man on the ground and he too, put his hand on his sword.

Nea began backing away again but soon her back hit another building's wall. They started coming at her, but not in a one line, instead trying to surround her. She could see that they were serious, whether or not this was a drunken decision. But they were Inquisition soldiers, so she should be careful how she went on about it. It was one thing to protect herself from enemies, in order to survive (even then she always endeavored to only incapacitate, instead of killing), but these men were on the same side as her: She couldn't hurt them too badly, despite their intentions.

She desperately (not simply for her sake, but also theirs) tried to look around if any guard would be nearby, but again, she saw no one. Nea didn't want to run to her shack, because that was a dead end, and she didn't wish to bring them anywhere near Adam... But if she were to run to the Chantry, or anywhere where would be actual people, she'd have to run past these men...

She decided that it would be the least violent way to handle this. They would not attack her, if there were others nearby, surely.

"If there is a demon here, it is not I." She stated, once again, drawing energies into herself, forming sheer force into her fists; Strong enough to push the men back, but not hurt them... Unless they were going to hit their heads, but she had no time to think around that. Nea didn't think her words would matter now, but she decided to try one last time:

"Think carefully what you choose to do next. I am a mage, and I am friends with the Inquisition leaders... Do not attack me, you will regret it."

The other men looked at each another, but quickly turned their eyes back at her, as they saw the main man's expression. "Let's teach this bitch a lesson..." Was the only thing he said before they charged.

They did not learn from her earlier showcase of skills: This time she raised her hands and _freed_ the burst of force she had been summoning within her, and two of them were set flying backwards, only one of them being able to evade the sudden release of power. In the back of her mind, she wondered how they didn't see it coming. Too cocky. 

As their backs hit the ground, she immediately began sprinting past them, as they seemed to be unable to stop her. The one man left standing however, leapt for her and tried grabbing her arm, but she used her focus to make the air above him heavy; so heavy, that he was forcefully slammed to the ground, air leaving his lungs. Pure energy trickled from her, as she felt them flow through her. It was a familiar sensation, making her fell more powerful and safe.

She carried on her run, trying to get away, but was abruptly stopped: As she tried to ran past one of the fallen men, she felt someone grab her ankle. Before she could do anything about, he pulled harshly, making her fall to the ground from the sheer force.

Nea struggled and turned towards the man, trying to kick herself free. The man tried to force her under him, but she threw another burst of force at the man, desperate and less precise this time: Once again, did the man fly through the air, against the wall of another building this time. He yelled out of pain. Now free and heart racing hard, she quickly got up, and tried running away.

Again, her escape for cut short; The original harasser had gotten up, and with long strides, had caught up to her, grabbing her arm. Nea desperately was prepared to release another burst of power, only to feel everything go dark: The man hit her with the pommel of his dagger to her right temple, making her go numb and fall from the sheer power. It happened so fast she couldn't have responded properly.

She would've fallen over, but the man took hold of her hair, so she only fell to her knees. Her whole head felt woozy, and her sight was black for few moments... She could hear the other men talking, and the man holding her shouting something to them about hurrying up. Nea tried to focus, but her senses were returning too slowly and she couldn't yet open her eyes properly. She was too out of it to even call upon her magic. It required focus, and her pain stopped her from having it.

"Let her go of her, you bastards!" Came a shout from a distance. It was a new, gruff voice, one Nea didn't recognize. She tried to look towards the voice, but she her eyesight was still blurry. What she could tell, was that there was a man coming towards them, a tall man, and she could hear him sheath his sword. 

"You want a wench? Get your own!" Nea heard (barely) one of the men shout.

No more words were exchanged as the newly arrived man made his way in long strides towards them. The man holding her up let her go of her arm, probably to defend himself, and Nea fell face down onto the snowy ground. She could hear their shouting, and clanking of weapons but couldn't bring herself up. She had closed her eyes, trying to regain her sense of reality. The cold snow felt good to her temple, and she tried to nuzzle closer to it. The noises became clearer, and she tried raising herself up, at least to a sitting position.

She finally opened her eyes, vision only slightly blurry now: Nea was in time to witness the newly arrived man punch the last standing man right on the nose, then again backhanding the man, knocking him out cold. Nea blinked couple of times, to clear her own vision from the blur: The men that had attacked her were all out cold on the ground, only the newcomer was left standing. Nea tried to stand up but winced from pain and looked down. The hit had been strong, too strong. But that's what it took to take down a mage: One. Good. Hit.

Nea heard steps coming closer to her, she still sat on the ground, holding her palm against her hurt temple. She grit her teeth, knowing this was a pain that would hurt for a few days to come.

"My lady, did they hurt you?" Asked a low, raspy voice. Nea opened her eyes, and raised them towards the voice. Dark haired and bearded man, knelt down in front of her. He wasn't wearing his armor, but it was obvious how well built he was. With a quick look, Nea saw that the only weapon he had with him was a sword on his belt... He must've been an expert in his skills, to take down four men alone. He put his gloved hand gently on her shoulder, more gently than Nea could've expected from a man of his stature, and his steely blue eyes looking over her, searching for injuries. 

Nea still had to blink a couple of times, before she answered a little unsteadily: "I got... hit on my temple but... It could've been _far_ worse. I'll be... I'll be fine."

The man looked to the side of her head, and nodded, understanding her meaning. "There is a minor wound there. It will need to get patched."

"I am a healer." She said, looking into the man's eyes, mustering as much as determination as she could. "I can heal it myself... Just need to get to the infirmary."

The man nodded to her, murmuring his agreement. He then offered his hand to her. "Can you stand?"

"Maybe..." She hesitated a little at first, before carefully putting her hand on his, allowing him to help her up. Her feet felt weak at first, and she almost lost her balance again but the man firmly took a hold of her upper arm, holding her upright, giving her support. His grip was firm but careful not to hurt her.

"Carefully, my lady." He said, as she steadied her stance. 

Nea was about to say something, but she heard footsteps as well voices coming towards them. Both of them turned to look, to see who was coming. Worry quickly turned to relief, when they saw Cullen striding down the path to them. He, however, looked less relieved:

He was fully alert, and his from his expression, Nea could tell he was ready to deal with anything. He quickly eyed the man holding her arms, giving him a second of pause. A frown found his face as he saw the men laying on the ground, quietly groaning, and unable to stand, barely conscious. 

"What has happened here?" He asked loudly; Nea could see that right now, he was not simply Cullen, but the Commander. His voice was firm, and stance rigid.

"Cul- Commander..." Nea said, trying to muster some volume to her voice. A small spark of concern found his eyes, as Nea continued: "You're here?"

"Someone heard fighting, I came to see what's happened." Suddenly something changed in his eyes, as he looked at her. Nea blinked a couple of times, registering things little slower. "You're bleeding!" He blurted out, voice huskier, full of confusion and worry.

"I.. am?" Nea brought her hand to her temple, wincing from the pain. Then she looked at her fingertips, realizing that he had been right. There was blood. There probably wasn't much of it, as she didn't see blood anywhere else (except on the snow)... She'd have to take care of the wound. "One the men hit me with their dagger, I-"

"You were _attacked?!_ " He repeated, turning from concerned to also furious. Cullen shot a more vicious glance to the men on the ground. "Was it them?" He asked, tone lower now. Nea was too slow to answer, her mind still to frazzled to say anything soon enough, and as such was the case, the man in her company spoke in her stead:

"Yes." The dark haired man replied. "I was in the tavern, when one of these thugs approach her. I didn't hear the exchange, but I saw it. Whatever he wanted, she refused and left." Nea appreciated the man's discretion, as she didn't wish to be reminded of the man's advances, let alone talk about it to anyone. "Soon enough, I noticed how these men left their seats, and I had a feeling as to why. So I went after them. Once I saw her on the ground, I didn't hesitate to put them out of commission."

Nea looked at the bearded man, unable to smile, but still a soft gaze finding her eyes. The man saw her gaze, nodding encouragingly. "I owe you, for coming to my aid. I thought I had it under control but... I was wrong." Nea felt shame, as she spoke about her failure, and looked slightly downcast.

"It was not your fault my lady. These men are to blame. I am simply glad to have been here." He said, and the smallest of smiles found Nea's lips, before she looked up at Cullen again.

"What happens now?" She asked, holding Cullen's hard gaze, until something changed in his eyes: they turned to something softer, something warm.

"Warden Blackwall." He said, turning to look the man in her company. Nea, feeling surprised, gazed at the dark haired man too. He was a Grey Warden? "Please could you see to it that mistress Willows finds her way to the infirmary? I will take care of these... _animals_..:" The last words Cullen uttered were a barely audible growl.

The man, Blackwall, gave a nod of understanding, before turning back to Nea.

"Can you walk?" He asked gently.

"Maybe... Yes. But I would appreciate support, because I am quite frankly not sure if I am able to keep myself conscious." She tried to utter her words lightly, but couldn't hide her nervousness. 

"It's alright." Blackwall put her hand around his shoulders, and with his other hand taking hold of her waist, allowing her to lean on him for support. "I will make sure you get there." The Warden exchanged one last look of acknowledgement, before two of them started making their way to the infirmary.

Nea looked over her shoulder, seeing Cullen watch after them, still frowning from many different emotions. Nea couldn't show any sign of reassurance or encouragement, not right now. She simply swallowed and looked ahead. When they were further away, she could hear shouts of him giving orders to (likely) his soldiers. Nea couldn't make out the words exactly, but something about "dragging these wretched men to the dungeons". 

_Maker,_ she thought. _I hope this won't make things worse..._

They made it to the infirmary, and Blackwall opened the door for her. As they went inside, one of the night shift chantry sisters tried to rush to her side but she raised her hand to stop her.

"It's alright, I can take care of it." She said gently, not wishing to be rude. The sister respected her wish and backed away. Carefully, Nea withdrew her hand away from Blackwall's shoulders, trying to walk on her own now. He allowed her to do so and let go, but still carefully watching her movements. Nea took few steps forward, testing her capabilities, and she seemed to be well enough to walk. 

"I'll stay close, just in case." Said the Warden, and Nea smiled weakly to him.

"I am sorry to be a burden, but I am thankful..."

"You are no a burden, my lady." He replied and Nea could tell he was sincere. It was somewhat strange, hearing someone call her a lady with such ease. Usually, she might feel flustered or flattered, for such a thing. But after this ordeal? She didn't feel so small anymore. It made her feel as if she was not the trash those men had seen her as.

She managed another small smile, her voice cracking as she spoke: "Thank you..." Whatever was the warden's expression, Nea did not wait to see it: She felt too embarrassed. 

Nea slowly made her way to the small mirror in the wall, trying to inspect wound. Yes, it had bled, but the worst was over already. Nothing deep, but even with immediate healing, it would leave a bruise. She sighed, and went to get a napkin from her desk: There was a small water basin on a stool nearby, and she put the napkin in it, just to made it a little wet. She made her way back to the mirror, and started cleaning off the blood. She winced again as she did, but this time tried to grit her teeth enough to endure it.

"Let me do it." Blackwall said from nearby her. Nea was about to disagree, but he spoke out sooner: "It will be quicker if I do it."

Nea bit her lip, but had to agree that he was right. She nodded slowly, and handed him the napkin. The dark haired man took off his glove, and started to clean off her blood. He was surprisingly gentle (not as gentle as her) but it was easier for him to deal with this, rather than her trying to clean it up whilst watching into a murky old mirror.

"I don't know what would have happened, had you not been there. And honestly, I'd rather not think about it." She admitted quietly, raising her eyes to his. "Thank you for... resolving the situation."

"I do not need to be thanked, my lady." He said simply. "I was just glad to take those bastards down. I wish I had been there sooner."

"Let us not think that way. Better you came there, rather than not at all." Nea managed to say, and the man simply nodded as a response, not saying nothing at all. Nea on the other hand, wished to fill the silence. "You are a Grey Warden? Did I hear that right?"

He stopped his efforts to clean her wound for a second, before continuing as if nothing had happened. "I am. Warden Blackwall. And you were...?"

"Nea Willows, but you should call me Nea. That's what I prefer to be called... Especially by those who have helped me out of a bad situation." She managed to say, smiling a little, despite herself. "Despite the circumstances, it is good to have people from your order, helping us."

"Thank you. I thought is was about time to come out of the woods." He admitted, and Nea wondered what he meant by it. "Cause of the Inquisition is important, and I'd prefer to help see it through."

"Will more of you be joining us?"

"I don't know... I hope so. Once we know where the rest have gone, that is."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't know where the rest of them are. That's why I was sought after. I suppose it isn't public knowledge. Forgive me, I shouldn't have mentioned it."

Nea felt a pile of concern in her stomach. Grey wardens were secretive but to have disappeared? That did not sound good. 

"No, that's okay. I have many friends in the wardens actually. I prefer to know." She didn't say it out loud, but she wondered why Leliana hadn't mentioned it. If it was because she wanted to protect her... Well, she would have some very pointed words to exchange with the spymaster.

"Ah. I see." he thought on what to say before quickly adding: "We are secretive by nature. I am sure it's nothing we should worry about."

A small smile found her lips, despite her worry. "Perhaps you are right."

It didn't take long before he was done cleaning thew wound. He then gave her the napkin and Nea made her way back to the desk to put it aside.

"Alright. I will just... heal it a little, then I will go to rest. You need not wait, I am sure I can make my way back to my shack."

"I told the Commander I would see you safely there, so I intend to do so." The man stated, not moving an inch.

"If you feel it's for the best." Nea simply answered back, not going to argue any further. Man on a mission was difficult to sway.

Nea didn't need to sit down for this. She remained standing, as she gently laid her right palm on the wound and Nea closed her eyes: She allowed magic flow through her veins, flow to her hand: A bright warm glow found the wound, starting to regrow the flesh, to mend the wound. It was always a little strange, healing herself. The sensation seemed different somehow, as opposite to healing someone else or being healed by someone else. 

It was an extended sensation, when you felt the both sides of the story at the same time. Like a picture with depth. The soft tingle found itself where pain had been, and little by little left no room for it. Nea figured there'd be at least a nasty bruise tomorrow but beyond that, she wouldn't need bandages or anything.

When she deemed she had done enough, Nea let the magic drain away, and her hand fall to her side. Opening her eyes, she found the Grey warden staring, with a strange look on his face. As she caught on to it, he quickly looked away. Nea raised her eyebrow.

"Is it strange, seeing me use magic?" She asked softly.

"Not at all!" The man answered calmly, before turning back. "Didn't mean to stare."

"Magic can be mesmerizing, I do not blame you." She said, deciding to take the situation as a complement. Maker, she needed that right now. The man seemed to understand, and if he had a different opinion, he did not voice it.

"I respect when someone uses what they are given for good. This case, healing. A shame not all bastards can appreciate noble deeds."

Nea took few steps closer, and he stood up. "That's why we have men like you, ser Blackwall." There was almost friendly teasing to her voice. "To you know... Appreciate us when no one else will."

"That and to help you out of trouble every now and again." He added, just as jokingly.

Nea let out a small laugh. "You do that, and I'll do the same. Healers here can pull warriors through many things after all."

"Fair enough." He chuckled as well. It relaxed the situation, which would have otherwise been heavy. 

"I am ready to go now." She said then, her mood lighter than it was a moment ago. 

"As you say, my lady." He nodded and offered her his arm, just in case she figured. But she accepted it. They chatted a little, as it was not a long way to her shack, but just as lightly. Her shack was not far, so it didn't last long, but it still felt significant. This man, this warden, was a good man, Nea could tell.

As she let go of his arm, and took a hold of the doorknob to her small shack, she turned one last time to the Grey warden.

"Thank you for everything ser Blackwall. You saved my hide today, and I will not forget it."

"Think nothing of it, my lady." He bowed his head politely. Nea simply smiled.

"Good night."

"You as well. Rest easy. And..." He paused, before continuing. "When you feel better, feel free to let me know. I mostly stay at the stables, you'll find me there."

"I promise I will." That was the last sentence she said, before offering a smile of goodbye to the bearded man. She then proceeded to open her door, and enter her shack. She could hear him turning around and walking away. Even with the door closed behind her, she could hear his steps, as he walked further and further away.

Despite the unpleasant event of this evening, at least this night ended on a good note. Turning around, she saw how her son slept under the covers, mumbling something as he did. Yes. Here she was safe. Whatever would tomorrow bring, right now... she was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I was actually almost finished with it fairly soon after the last one, but got caught up with some personal shite. Now only did I get to finish it. Hope you like it!!! :)
> 
> So I mentioned Nea has virtues? She also has faults. Like in this chapter, she tends to hesitate, and not give it her all... Thus, she is vulnerable to attacks ._. Nea is a little too soft, despite everything. Not as soft as she used to be, she learned a lot during the Blight after all, and especially after losing her husband but still, her hesitance makes her less likely act effectively. You may decide if it's weakness or softness.
> 
> I think it is a bit of both.
> 
> I wish to improve my writing. If there are tips you can possibly give me, please offer them <3
> 
> P.S I like Blackwall. He is far from perfect, but which is easier, to be born good, or be someone who does shit and then genuine decides to become better? I respect the effort, and he will have a role to play in this fanfic. At least that's what I am aiming at.


	9. Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I had serious writer's block and this chapter was a bitch to write. But there are other things in this chapter I would like to address:
> 
> This part of the story could raise many opinions, so I'll try and explain:
> 
> I didn't write this to include a message of my own. I simply wrote according to what I believe Nea or Juna would say, and according to her character. Tried my best doing the same with the other characters.
> 
> I am not brave enough for politics, and I hope readers can read this without feeling themselves burdened.

Cullen jumped awake, his heart racing hard from his nightmares. He looked around in horror, in search of the demon that had just haunted him, only to see the an empty room. It took him a moment to remember that he was in fact in Haven, alone in his own quarters. Far away from the Ferelden Circle, far away from Kirkwall... But he couldn't feel relief.

He sat up in his bed, steadying his breathing, and trying to get his bearings. Cold sweat dropped from his forehead, and he moved his hand to wipe his face. As he did so, he realized his hands were shaking. He wasn't sure if it was the nightmare, or the lack of lyrium. It was likely a mixture of both.

_Maker. Will they ever stop?_

Cullen stood up from the bed and went to wash his face. He felt very tempted to brush his face with snow instead of water. The nightmares were getting worse, just as the pain from lack of Lyrium was. Cullen could sincerely feel the pain he had endured then, as if it was still happening. The way dreams reminded him so vividly... disturbed him. Just like all the times before. Even after all these years, it all still felt so... raw.

After his eyes were properly clean, he looked out of his window: The sun hadn't risen yet, but it was about to. Haven seemed quiet and only few servants were to be seen, and some soldiers changing shifts. It was early, even for him, but he might as well get moving now that he was awake. Anything to take him away from his... terror.

Making his way to his equipment, he started changing into his armor. Taking off his night clothes, the cold air of the room morning felt intrusive, after the warmth of his bed but he welcomed it. It took some time for him to change into his armor but once done, he immediately made his way towards the door and walked outside without any specific plan in mind, just the determination to do anything but suffocate in his pain.

Thus, soon his frustrations figured out on outlet: the incident from last night. Cullen he would start with visiting the men responsible. He paid no mind, but the servants that saw him pass were frightened by the angry expression on his face.

* * *

Nea looked into the dusty mirror. Despite it's lack of clarity, she still could see the bruise forming on her forehead. The healing apparently didn't manage to deal with it well enough. It was going to show. Luckily it was on the side of her forehead, so she could at least hide some of it behind her hair...

So she braided her hair differently today. She would let some loose hairs cover the unfortunate bit, showing only little of the bruise. Otherwise she braided her hair around her head. After it was done, Nea took one last look in the mirror before nodding, satisfied with her work.

Soon she heard Adam yawn, and she turned around to see him getting up from the bed. The boy was still too sleepy to notice the difference in her, which came to her as a relief. He would probably notice at some point, but Nea wasn't yet certain what to say to him if (or when) he asked about it. She shuddered to think how much worse the... result would've been without warden Blackwall's interjection. 

"Morning sweetheart." Nea said softly, before speaking more neutrally. "Time to get ready for breakfast."

Yawning some more, the boy nodded. Nea helped him find his clothes, and waited as he put them on. He was a little slow, but Nea waited patiently. When he had was finally done, they left the shack hand in hand, Nea showing the way for her sleepy son. At least one of them had slept well, she thought.

There not many at the tavern yet, but more people were clearly making their way here as it was the breakfast time for most of the servants around here. Once Nea and Adam were seated with bowls of porridge, more people flooded the tavern, as she had expected. Admittedly she felt a little self-conscious, not wanting people to look at her and speculate over her bruise. But she knew she was being paranoid as the people of Haven all had pressing matters of their own to think about, and not enough interest to focus on her current state.

Adam ate silently, eyes seeming brighter and more awake. He occasionally glanced at Nea, looking at her hair but not saying anything about it which Nea felt as a relief. 

"Umm... Mistress Nea?" Came a voice behind her, and she turned to look over her shoulder. A human man, from the looks of it, a courier. He looked a little uncertain, and pretty young.

"Can I help you?" Nea asked politely.

"Sister Leliana sent you a message: She says that 'they will be waiting for you today at noon at the war room'. She said you'd know why."

Nea swallowed and nodded. She was expecting that Leliana would go over the matter with her but meeting at the war room? It seemed... a lot. Would the other leaders of the Inquisition be present? 

"Thank you for the message." She replied: "Tell sister Leliana that I will be present."

"I will. Enjoy your breakfast!" The human man nodded with a polite smile, before hurrying away. Nea sighed and returned back to her porridge, with a slight a slight frown finding it's way on her face, as she worried about what was to come.

"Mama? What was the man talking about?" The boy asked, his eyes filled with curiosity. Of course the boy would be curious about it, why would she be lucky enough to avoid the subject?

Nea stopped eating, and looked at Adam, uncertain what to say. "He was... talking about an adult matter." She managed. 

"But what is that matter?" The young boy pressed on. "Why wont you say?"

This time Nea spoke more firmly: "That is between adults." The boy seemed surprised at her tone, almost being taken aback. She sighed. "Eat your breakfast dear. I will need to return to work soon."

Neither nodding or insisting anymore, Adam returned to his porridge with somewhat disappointed face. Nea changed the subject, asking Adam what he planned to do today, and if he had made new friends. As much as the lad tried to give her silent treatment, he was too easily distracted and he soon started chatting earnestly, the unfortunate matter seemingly forgotten.

After they had eaten their porridge, Nea thanked Flissa, before taking Adam's hand again walking together outside. Nea saw to it that Adam made his way to the Chantry, to mother Giselle: apparently he wanted to keep company to the Chantry Mother today (or more accurately, the Chantry mother and sisters would look after Adam, as they liked the lad). 

Once there, Nea waved her goodbye to the boy, telling him to be good today, before making her way to the infirmary. As she entered and closed the door behind her, she let out a long sigh, letting her hand rest a moment on the doorknob. Part of her felt as if she was escaping; into her work, maybe. Still, she would have to keep a close tab on time, and not forget to go to the war room today, as much as she'd love to ignore the matter.

As she turned, Nea could already see Annabelle rushing towards her, the woman's green eyes filled with concern. Nea could already tell the woman knew something, and was about to ask about it. So much for escaping.

"Are you alright?" She gasped, looking to Nea's forehead. Annabelle inspected it more closely, sighing her relief. "I heard there was commotion, and that you may have been involved... It seems that it was true."

"Please, lower your voice" Nea asked gently, her eyes pleading. "I do not wish for this matter to become another topic of common gossip around here..."

Annabelle nodded and spoke barely louder than a whisper. "But are you alright?"

"I am, and the men who did this are... detained. There is nothing you need to worry about."

The freckled woman scoffed at that. " _Nothing?_ Some men attacked you, and you are brushing it off! This isn't right, those men better face justice or I will--"

"Hush. I trust in the Inquisition's leadership." Nea said firmly. "They'll do what is best."

"They better." Annabelle frowned, and Nea actually was taken aback by that. 

"You do not trust them?" She inquired quietly.

"Of course I do, they know perfectly well what they are doing, I am just concerned..."

Nea put her hands on her waist, looking tiredly at the other woman. "You are afraid they might get away with it?"

"No. Only thing I am worried about is that they get off _too_ easy."

At first, she didn't answer anything to that. There were many thoughts in her mind, but they were ones she did not wish to voice out. Walking past Annabelle, Nea answered the other woman in a low tone, already looking over the patients and reading herself for work: "It doesn't concern me. Only thing I want is to continue my duties in peace." 

Nea went to wash her hand on the water basin before starting work, Annabelle quietly following behind her. She noticed how the other woman, despite her silence, looked after her with worried eyes. After drying her hands, Nea placed one hand over Annabelle's shoulder reassuringly.

"I appreciate the concern, but I am alright. I just want to leave this event behind me."

Annabelle's stance finally relaxed a little, and she nodded to Nea. "Alright." She offered Nea a small smile. "Well, let's get to work then?"

"Yes. That would be perfect." She smiled back, turning then back to her patients. 

Nea started her rounds, renewing bandages, adding salves to wounds and such. As there were no new patients arrived yet, she could focus on helping the recovery of the injured. Starting from the worst wound, she gradually worked her way through the patients. Most were half-sleep throughout, or awake only during her work, falling back asleep once she had finished. It was good to see how much progress many of them had made, only few having their injuries worsen. 

It took her a good while, but the next patient she moved onto was actually already awake and looking at her with very... seriously.

"Morning Theon." Nea said to the dark haired man, as she knelt in front of his cot.

A small smile appeared on his lips, as he nodded to her. "Morning mistress Nea. The basic inspection again?"

"That's right. I am surprised that you are already awake. Are you comfortable? Has any pains increased?" Nea inquired, as she unbuttoned his shirt to look over his bandages.

"I feel better now. The pain is still there, but I am well as long as I don't move much."

"Very good." Nea said, looking over his wounds. They were closing nicely, but still needed some ointment to prevent infection. Overall, even with magic, it would still take more time before Theon would be up and about. As Nea worked on him like usual, until she felt a strange feeling at the back of her mind. She turned to look at Theon, finding out that he was looking intently (and seriously) at her.

"What?" She inquired light-heartedly. 

"Nothing... Or... Well...." Theon didn't look away, but he had to pause. "I remember seeing you last night... When you came here injured."

After hearing that, Nea's smile faded a little, and she turned her gaze back to her work, away from his. "I see."

"The sisters on night duty also talk about some commotion that had occurred in Haven... You were attacked by soldiers, weren't you?" Nea didn't stop working after hearing the question, but the remainder of her smile faded way. She had no wish to be rude but the topic was still something she didn't wish to talk about. "I take that as a yes."

"Theon," Nea finally sighed out his name, "I would rather not discuss it."

"Just tell me this." He asked, voice calm but concerned. "Does it... hurt? Are you sure you're alright?"

Relaxing a little, Nea spoke more softly. "I healed it properly last night. As it is, it is like any bruise. Beyond a mild headache, it only hurts if I touch it." She raised her eyebrow at him. "I am fit for duty, I promise."

Theon studied her face for a minute, staying quiet as he did so. Nea made no attempts to fill the silence, only focused on her work. After the moment had passed, the dark haired man finally spoke out:

"Good, then." He simply said, and then they both fell silent. 

Nea wasn't certain why the man cared, only that it didn't appear to be simple curiosity that made him ask. Theon seemed to be a polite and good soldier, perhaps it was as simple as that. Or perhaps it was because she had been healing him, and patients were known for growing bonds with their healers. Nea couldn't be sure yet about it, but at least she could appreciate the consideration.

"Alright, I am done for now." She said after she had put new bandages on him. "You know the drill: If you start feeling discomfort, do not hesitate to bring it up."

"I will." He agreed neutrally. Nea made an attempt to stand up and leave, but he grabbed her wrist before she had the chance to leave. She turned to him, surprised and eyebrows raised. His forest green eyes looked into hers very intently. "Take care of yourself okay?"

Nea finally managed a small smile again. "I have many people to take care of. I do not know if I have the time for that."

Theon didn't find it particularly amusing. "Please." He said, surprisingly softly for a man like him. It made her seriousness return, as she nodded carefully.

"I will try." She managed to say, voice somewhat above a whisper.

"I suppose that is the best I am going to get." Theon sighed and let go of her wrist. "I'll hold you to that."

"Understood. Now, do not neglect yourself! You need your rest mister, and I will have no back talk on that!"

Theon finally allowed a grin form on his lips, as he laid back on his cot. "You are a contradictory woman, aren't you?"

Nea let out a single laugh, putting one hand on her waist. "I'd say I am fairly consistent, actually."

"If you say so." He said (disbelief somewhat obvious in his tone). Nea then left him there, but at least she left with a small smile.

Noon came faster than Nea would've liked, but she came to terms with the fact that the matter would have to be taken care of sooner or later anyhow. She informed Annabelle of it, and the other woman promised to handle matters at the infirmary whilst Nea was gone. Still she made sure to leave the infirmary in a state in which all of the difficult duties were taken care of. But if any emergencies would arise, she instructed Annabelle to come and get her no matter what.

As she made her way to the Chantry, she was aware of the stares of handful of people. This time she wasn't certain if it was paranoia or if the word about what happened had spread around. _Can't be helped._ So she ignored the stares as she walked into the Chantry. 

Walking through the hall, she stopped at the door to the war room. She could hear the advisors muffled voices, as they conversed. It was a door she shouldn't have any business getting behind. But they wanted to hear... her side of the story? Her input? Maybe if she wasn't familiar with two of them, they might've not consulted her.

But here she was. After spending the start of the day ignoring all her thoughts, Nea would now have to speak her mind coherently. She wasn't exactly nervous, just uncomfortable. Counting to three, holding her head up high, she finally knocked on the door.

A female voice told her to come in, and so she did.

As she entered the room, Nea's eyes first went to Juna, who had turned to look at her, her back leaning against the war table behind her. The look on her face was more serious than usual. Nea didn't think she had seen such a frown on her face before. On the other side of the table were Josephine, Leliana and Cullen, all looking at her expectedly. Their general mood didn't seem much better than the Herald's, although Cullen's expression seemed most sullen of them all. Leliana on the other hand was serious, but Nea could see her hidden concern from miles away.

"You're here. Good, we were just talking about the incident." Lady Montilyet said politely, greeting her with a nod.

Nea stepped closer to the table, and before she even managed to say anything (not that she precisely knew what to reply), Cullen already interjected (angrily):

"The action of those men were outrageous-- Unacceptable! They have no place under the Inquisition's banner. I still recommend we let them stew in the prisons a good while and then kick them as far away from us as possible." 

Josephine, holding her quill and notes, stepped forward, letting out a careful sigh.

"The men involved are younger sons of Ferelden nobility, and as such their dismissal will not raise any eyebrows, but it will gain attention." Her smooth words were soft but spoken intently, voicing out a legitimate concern. Nea felt no offense, instead recognizing the dilemma. She hadn't known the status of the men, and from the way they had spoken, she wouldn't have picked them out as such. Involuntarily her hand went to her wedding ring again, in search of comfort.

"You're not suggesting we let them just get away with it?" Cullen's response was less mild on the other hand. He turned to the Ambassador, disbelief in his tone. "I interrogated them this very morning. They clearly believed they would get away with it, because of mistress Willows' birth! Are we to prove them right?"

Nea was a little taken aback. Cullen had interrogated the men himself?

"Certainly not, Commander!" She stated, aghast at the suggestion. "Should we ignore the matter, it would not only be perceived as incompetence, and we would also risk showcasing... oppressiveness, should we allow such partial justice. As an organization that drives to restore peace with united people, we cannot allow our judgement be so easily thwarted. Especially with our own people."

Leliana eyed the Ambassador with a side eye. "Then you aren't suggesting we brush the matter under a rug either?"

"No. I am simply encouraging us to find a solution that doesn't reflect badly on us." Josephine said, going through the reports. "Did they say anything else?"

Cullen grunted before continuing. "After awhile, they claimed that they had drank too much, and didn't think much of it. But it was clear they wanted to send a 'message' no matter how much they tried to underplay it. The low lives..."

Juna was the only one that had stayed quiet the entire time. Her and Nea's eyes met, and it seemed as if the Herald could read her mind:

Nea was worried about the potential... ugly attention this could get her. It may have been hypocritical of her, but if it were anyone else, she would've agreed that some sort of punishment was in order and that those men shouldn't be let off the hook, no matter which people they were. But when it was just her? Well she sincerely worried how some people would react to the Inquisition favoring her over those men, despite how simple the matter appeared. 

Simply put, she wasn't at all certain, what was the best course of action. She would have to live with whatever consequences came from the decision they made.

Making no attempt to interject the Inquisition leadership and their debate, Nea listened absently. They certainly had lot to say on the matter. It came as a surprise, as how unwavering they were in their support of her. None of them even considered letting those men off the hook. It was somewhat comforting, even with the mindset that she had about the matter. 

More curiously, it seemed that Cullen was just as angry as Leliana. He may have even showed more of it openly, although Nea knew her old friend would probably be just as furious, even if she didn't show it openly.

Juna glanced at the leadership, raising an eyebrow at them. She then coughed, and in order to get their attention. 

"This is all well an good," She started, turning her body to face the others and she spoke, "but if we do not listen to what mistress Willows has to say, it defeats the purpose of summoning her here in the first place, does it not?"

The leadership changed glances, after which Josephine was the first to speak up, nodding in understanding. "Yes, you are right herald. We may have gotten carried away. Mistress Willows, as the wounded party in this matter, do you have any comments or wishes on how we should... deal with these men?"

Just then, Nea felt all the eyes in the room on her. There was a time when such a thing might have made her a little uncomfortable, considering the circumstances. But after all these years, going through a great many things, it really made such concerns seem so very insignificant. She stood up straight, and let go of her wedding ring, letting her hand fall to her side.

"I would like to know if you are asking for an opinion or a preference?"

Juna seemed curious, but not surprised. "They are not one and the same?" She asked but obviously rhetorically. 

Leliana gave a her confused look (so did Cullen), but her tone remained relatively soft. "If you wish to say them both, do so. You do not need to hesitate with us."

"Thank you." Nea stepped nearer the war table but not too close, raising her eyes to the rest of them. She fought the urge to sigh, before speaking. "I think these men should face the consequences of their actions, as you do. Especially the man who started all of it. He is most guilty of them all, the two other men were urging him on. Even with the difference in our... backgrounds... If they are, as you said, let off the hook... I have my concerns over safety of others... Let alone what message it would send if _nothing_ is done, just like lady Montilyet said. Whether that is a harsh punishment or not... I have no opinion beyond that, as I trust your judgement."

"But?" Juna asked the question, lightly.

Still keeping in that sigh, Nea quickly bit her lip, before continuing. "...But as a preference?" She hugged herself, pondering on how to say what she had in her mind. "I do not insist you punish them harshly and especially publicly for my sake alone."

Cullen looked at her, surprised. "You would actually prefer to be lenient on them?"

Nea made eye contact with the man, and kept looking into his stern amber eyes as she continued: "I do not want them to be let off completely. I try not to be vindictive but these men... harmed me with little hesitation.

But the fact is that people of Haven treat me well but I still attract... attitudes. Whether it is my position or my background, people tend to have prejudice. If it gets out how you chose my side over theirs..." Nea didn't need to finish the sentence. The others got the idea.

"You are afraid what others may think?" Leliana asked, frustration in her voice. "Inquisition is better than that and you know you can always come to us."

Looking away from Cullen, Nea's eyes looked for Leliana, who listened quietly, whose hands were no longer behind her back, but at her sides.

"And I appreciate that, I do. If it were just me, I could handle it, but I fear Adam will also get caught up in it." Finally letting out that sigh she had been holding in, she then finished her sentence: "Whatever you decide, I hope it will be as discreet as possible. And if you decide to give them a chance to redeem themselves... I will not begrudge it. On the contrary."

There was silence in the dimly lit room, as the leadership looked at each other. Josephine seemed to understand her position the best, as she seemed the least tense of the trio. But Juna on the other hand, was completely relaxed which was surprising. Perhaps as another elven woman, she could understand? Then again, as another elf, she might wish there to be a show of justice, to really show the world where the Inquisition stood on such matters.

"As much as I love to hear good debating, would it be possible for me to make a suggestion?" 

Josephine's eyes lit up at that, seemingly relieved. "Yes, please do Herald."

Juna leaned over the war table, pointing over at a region in Ferelden. "Our lord Kildran, the 'pariah among nobles' as you called him dear Ambassador, we have not yet sent soldiers to help the refugees yet, yes?"

"Lord _Kildarn,_ but yes." Josephine corrected. "Commander has been preparing his men for this, but they have yet to be sent, if I understood correctly."

"That's right." Commander agreed, but looked curious. "But what of it?"

"You see Nea, this nobleman originally wanted us to help him get rid of the refugees on his lands, because of his own prejudice. But we decided to do otherwise." Juna raised her eyes to the leadership, and Nea could see a twinkle in them. Was it excitement or inspiration, she could hardly tell:

"I suggest we give our new prisoners an option... Either stew in the prison until their families 'collects' them, perhaps in exchange for some favors, when they are informed... _eventually..._ " Juna looked at Nea now, searching for her reaction, before continuing: "...Or they can join these soldiers aiding the refugees. All of them, the elves and apostates especially. Let them know we are choosing the underdogs over a nobleman. I believe they will understand the irony. As a chance for redemption as it were, and they better take it seriously. They are in no way allowed to cause issues for anyone ever, or they will find themselves imprisoned again. That is the first step. Depending on how well they take to their new assignments, we will discuss their future in the Inquisition again. In other words, they must fall in line or be exiled.

What do you think mistress Willows? Would this be acceptable for you?"

There was irony there. These men would definitely not be happy about it, but would they rather risk embarrassment of being kicked out and bailed out by their families, was hard to say. Regardless... Nea actually liked this idea. Very much so! It was a chance for them to show they accepted the consequences and maybe they could even learn something. Humbling someone can make them rethink their attitudes.

"I rather like this idea. Whatever they choose, they will be encouraged to be discreet?"

Juna nodded "Naturally."

"Then whatever it is worth, I support it."

"It is worth a great deal, and we thank you for your input." Josephine said, bowing her head a little, before looking at Leliana and Cullen. "I assume you two can also agree with this?"

Two of them exchanged glances, and nodded to each other. Cullen looked back at the ambassador (even if his look was a little hard). "We can. We will make certain the accused understand the severity of their crime, and the circumstances of their punishment. I will keep them under watchful eye, and ensure another incident like this will not occur."

"Good. Then it is decided." Josephine said, eager to move on to other matters.

Nea bowed her head in respect as well. "Thank you all. For doing this."

"We will see to it that you will have more peaceful time here in the future, mistress Willows." Josephine added, before turning to Juna. "Thank you for your advice mistress Lavellan. It is always welcome." She said sincerely. It made Nea wonder if Juna was very involved in such matters, despite not being in charge.

"Of course. Now I must take my leave. I will need to prepare for my departure to the Storm Coast tomorrow." Juna turned towards the door, looking at Nea beside her. "Walk and talk?"

Nea smiled kindly, and nodded. "I'd like that." She curtsied to the leaders of the Inquisition, before turning to the door. "Thank you again. Have a pleasant rest of the day."

Together, Nea and Juna left the war room, with the leaders watching after them. As the door closed behind them, they could hear new chatter beginning, and talking about some other affairs. The two women smiled at each other as they began their walk.

"Thank you for understanding my position and having my back." 

"You needn't thank me. I do understand wanting to have your peace. Even if I think you fear too much, I suppose I would too if I were a parent."

Nea looked ahead, her hand going back to her wedding ring, and holding it gave her strength. "It does add fear. You care for a child as much as you can, but alongside the love, comes the fears of 'what now'. It is difficult to explain, but the day Adam was born, I realized how unafraid I had been until that point."

Juna nodded quietly. "I cannot truly relate with it, but I can understanding of it. If there is anything else you need..."

"You are very kind. I will let you know if I come up with anything."

"Lady Montilyet would appreciate that as well. She loves to make everyone comfortable."

"Oh that I know." Nea smiled wider at that. "Do they often ask your opinion on matters?"

"More than you'd think." Juna shrugged. "I most often serve as a tie breaker, as they often butt heads on what course should be taken. They hear me out, when such cases arise, and then they make the final decision whether to listen to me or not."

"A lot of responsibility." She noted.

"I suppose it is. More than I held in my clan."

As they walked to the door the dark skinned woman, in beautiful light attire, watched them intently. Juna's smile faded just a little, but she politely nodded to the other woman, who nodded back curtly, before making eye contact with Nea. This wasn't the first time Nea had seen this woman watch her, but it was the first time she had made such... contact. Nea also politely nodded, following Juna's lead. It didn't appear to please the woman. It didn't appear to change anything in her expression. Was she a noble woman of some sort? 

Juna quickened her pace, and looked ahead until they reached the door and quickly went outside. Juna seemed oddly... relieved? It was uncharacteristic of her confident self. 

"I don't think I have ever seen you like this. Who is she?"

Juna eyed Nea, back to her self-assured self. "That woman is madam Vivienne, the _great_ enchanter to Imperial Court of Orlais. I am surprised you didn't know." 

Nea's eyes went wide at that. She had heard some important mage had arrived here recently, but it wasn't like her to gossip so she didn't ask about it. But even she had heard about the enchanter who had managed to actually gain political influence. It was remarkable to think about.

"That was... her? I-- really?"

"Really." Juna confirmed. "If I seemed tense, it was because I have my reservations of her, and disagreements _with_ her. But she is no fool, I will say that much."

Nea didn't have to think long about what those disagreements may be. Madam Vivienne's politics were well known, and her disposition towards mages was very traditional even with all the power she wielded. That may not sit well with Juna, a dalish mage whom most would consider an apostate. 

"I wonder if she has heard rumors of me then. It would certainly explain the looks she has been giving me."

Juna sighed. "Save yourself some trouble, and do not mind her. She may be intimidating to most, but I can assure you she will not trouble you whilst you are under our banner."

"I will definitely try. Circle politics are more intimidating than any person, believe me." Nea said, half-joking, half-serious. 

"Oh I do. I only got a taste from them from her a little while ago and I am not looking forward to the next time but I believe it is only a matter of time before that comes up." 

"I do not envy your position."

"I have to say though," Juna said, as they continued walking side by side, "I know you aren't into politics, but I assume you have some opinions, considering your..."

"My lifestyle?" Nea said, knowing where Juna was leading up to.

"Well. Yes. You are an apostate, are you not?"

"Would it surprise you to know that I am technically not an apostate? Practically yes, even before the Circles fell but technically not."

"That, actually would surprise me." Juna admitted. "Let me guess: it is a long story?"

"Perhaps not a long story, but a complicated one. And let _me_ guess, you are in a hurry?" Nea asked, eyebrow raised.

"Very much so. Storm Coast is waiting for me, I have to meet up with some mercenaries, before I go to Redcliffe Village." Juna sighed. "A rain check?"

"Rain check." Nea agreed, and nodded to Juna. She stopped at the infirmary, and gave one last look to Juna. "This is my stop. I hope you will have a pleasant journey."

"I doubt it, but thank you for the thought." Juna groaned, thinking about the journey ahead of her.

And she was about to leave before Nea called after her:

"Wait."

"Hmm?"

Hand once again going for her ring, Nea walked up to Juna and talked more quietly. "Did.. Did Cullen really interrogate the men himself?"

A curious twinkle rose up to Juna's eyes again, but instead of commenting, she just nodded. "He did. He apparently insisted it be him. From what I hear, he was very... determined. And not all that gentle."

Swallowing hard, Nea had hard time answering her. "I see."

A small silence later, Juna spoke up, but as quietly as Nea had: "You two have history, don't you? I can see it. Not like what you and Leliana have but still."

Biting her lip, it took Nea a second to respond. "..Yes. I suppose you could say that."

Inspecting the other woman, Juna said it again: "Rain check?"

"Rain check." Nea agreed. "Thank you again, I will remember your help today. Oh, and have a pleasant trip!"

Just smiling as a response, the Herald took her leave. Nea waved after her, before entering the infirmary. She thought about how she wanted show her thanks to Blackwall, even if the man wouldn't ask for any show of gratitude. It was still good to do so, after the trouble he went through for her. Perhaps she would make him some poultice, or balm, something to help his wounds on his journeys.

But all of that could wait as her duties came first. Sighing contently, Nea returned back to her job, letting the dreaded meeting wash away from her mind.

* * *

Last of the combat drills were done for today, and Cullen had finished all of his reports (for today). By tomorrow there would be even more piling up, but that was to be expected. Only one last thing was to be made sure of...

"Lieutenant." Cullen said firmly to the man, at the side of the training yard. "Have the three prisoners been prepared for the upcoming mission?"

"Yes Commander. They have also been instructed extra drills until the very moment they must take their leave, as instructed."

"Very good. Have your men keep a close eye on them, and have their activities reported to me. And you know what to do if they step out of line."

"Yes sir!" Lieutenant saluted him, and was then dismissed. 

Cullen let out a growl when the lieutenant was out of sight. He definitely would've preferred to have the men flogged, imprisoned, and eventually thrown out, but Nea's wishes were higher to him than his own resentment. Even if he thought she was being too kind. It was very much in her nature still, even after all these years. 

He personally had informed the men of their option and he had not hidden how lucky the men had been; Cullen made it clear to them that this was their last and only chance to prove themselves, and even if they did, they would not be let off the hook easily. Nothing like this would be allowed to happen again or they'd answer to him personally. It seemed that the Commander's wrath actually had an effect on them.

The men had reluctantly agreed to join the mission, instead of facing the humiliation of being 'collected' by their families. And it was not a given the families might actually even bail them out, so it made submission that much more appealing.

The instigator had taken his while to make the decision but at the fear of his family being gotten involved, he relented. As his was not a powerful family, he would've likely had to stay imprisoned a good while and even he realized this. Inquisition would show the 'courtesy' of not letting his behavior get in public, for which the _highborn_ better be grateful for. Josephine assured it would be handled with Nea's requests in mind. Still, Cullen couldn't stretch enough how lucky the men were that he wasn't the one making the decision. The Herald's idea wasn't bad, far from it, but he simply detested these men and their actions, and it was difficult to compromise.

What is done, is done. No turning back now.

Walking the outskirts of the training camp, Cullen stopped, as he noticed Nea walking towards the stables with something in her hands. Smiling, he was about to walk to the stables himself, but stopped himself as he saw who she was walking to: Warden Blackwall. Without realizing it, his smile wavered and he felt a bang of something in his chest. It was not a overwhelming feeling, just something tiny, yet noticeable. Disappointment?

Of course she would go to the Grey Warden. Why wouldn't she? He had helped her from a tough spot, when no one else was even around, when Cullen himself had failed... Looking as she greeted the tall, dark haired man. He couldn't see it, but he knew she was smiling at him, as the Grey Warden greeted her courteously in return. They exchanged words, and Nea presented that small item she was holding out to Blackwall. A gift?

Feeling a sharp pain in his head, Cullen winced. Another migraine was on it's way, and it was coming fast. Although unwelcome, the pain made him realize he was just standing there and staring. It would've looked strange to someone passing by (luckily there weren't any bystanders beside him). Turning away he made his way towards the woods, deciding to go for another evening walk. He needed to be somewhere silent and cold to maybe ease the pain.

Walking silently to the woods, the pain in his forehead intensified: As if needles were being pushed into his forehead and under his fingernails, then twisted around inside. This was certainly the worst wave of migraine he had had so far, and even if it wasn't strong enough to topple him, it made him stop walking.

Worse yet, Cullen knew this was only the beginning. It felt like forever since he had taken lyrium (despite it not being so), and despite the harshness of it, it had remained under control. Now this pain seemed to be a message; Message of things yet to come. The pain brought back old wounds; reminding him of pain that came before.

_The torture..._

Shaking his head, he tried to focus on anything but those memories, as they made him sick to his stomach. The pain he endures now surely cannot compare to those days. Can they? _Inquisition has only just begun. I will not fail now, not when there is so much ahead._ He straightened his back and closed his eyes, letting the air out of his lungs in a long breath. He didn't know how long he stood there, trying to just get his breathing to normal.

"Cullen, can you hear me?" Came a soft voice behind him and he quickly turned around, startled. He was so shift in his turn, that he almost stumbled onto the person behind him, but luckily she managed to dodge. Looking downwards at the person, he was surprised to find the familiar chocolate eyes staring up at him. 

"Nea, I didn't expect-- Sorry I didn't mean to-- I almost hit you."

"It it's quite alright." Nea said carefully. "I did call out to you, you know." 

"Ah. I must've been too distracted to hear." Cullen brought his hand to rub the back of his neck. When doing so, he realized his hands were shaking a little. Could she see that?

The woman eyes him carefully as he tried to gather himself together, taking her time to inspect him. _Maker, it is like she is looking through me._

"You are having another migraine, aren't you?" Before he was about to say anything, Nea stopped him. "Do not tell me you are exhausted again. I can see the signs."

_Of course she could._ The Commander wasn't in the mood to really share, but he couldn't exactly lie either to a healer.

"Yes. But it is nothing I can't handle." Cullen cringed as he spoke. A frown formed on her beautiful face, and yet she still didn't seem unseemly. He couldn't tell if she doubted him, but at least she was concerned. The woman suddenly stepped even closer and inspected him even closer.

"Really you don't need to--" Cullen tried to insist but a single sharp look from her and he stopped.

"Where do you feel worst of it? What part of your head?"

Part of him wanted to say 'everywhere', but he tried to focus through the pain, to locate the worst place.

"Left side of my forehead." He admitted, letting his hand fall back to his side.

Nodding, the woman raised her hand and tenderly pressed her soft fingertips on the spot. "Here?"

Feeling sudden heat on the back of his neck, he hesitated as he was confused by the sudden contact. "Uh, y-yes. What are you doing?"

"Try and relax." Not answering his question, she closed her own eyes. 

Before Cullen could ask any further questions, he felt a chill on her fingertips, setting a cold sensation over his forehead. At first it surprised him, but it felt comfortable against the pain so despite himself, he relaxed and closed his own eyes. The spots where the tips of her fingers were, were the coldest and it felt sharper there but also it was more accurately touching the pain he felt. It was difficult to comprehend, as it was clearly magic. But it was as if the coldness attacked the pain in his head, numbing and soothing.

"This will sting a little, but I promise it will help."

His eyes opened and he was about to query about what she meant, when he felt it: A brain freeze. As if he had drank too cold water too fast (which was possible here in the mountains). It made him wince, but immediately when the biggest sting dulled, with it also dulled the tip of the migraine, leaving somewhat numb sensation to his mind. There was still pain, but it was greatly eased. 

That's when Nea removed her fingers, letting them fall down but her eyes kept on his face. 

"Better?" 

"Mmm-m." Cullen managed, massaging his forehead, as the sudden relief of the worst of the pain felt almost pleasurable. "Maker... I-- uh-- Thank you. That uh, was very... good." After he had said the words he regretted them. If the relief wasn't still upon him, he would've groaned inwardly. 

Managing a shining smile, Nea stepped back. "I am sorry for getting close so abruptly. I realize how impolite of me that was."

"It is quite alright. After all, whatever you did, worked wonders. " Even if she was apologizing, Cullen knew she didn't regret what she had done. Thought of it made him smile. 

"Good."

Her smile didn't waver at first but she looked down quickly, before bringing her eyes back up to him with more serious expression upon them:

"Another migraine, like that one other night. You have a tendency to have them?" 

Cullen's smile faded. He wasn't certain how to answer to her without revealing too much. He couldn't lie, but if he told her too much she might realize what was going on. 

"It is an issue every now and again. It is highly irregular, but I can usually tell when another one is starting."

"I should be able help with them from now on."

"You uh..." He hesitated a little, "... You needn't worry over the matter. Besides this one, mostly they are bearable."

"I am a healer, it is my job to worry. Besides, bearable or not, you are the one who _needn't_ insist on suffering in silence. Honestly, too many hard workers think they must power through everything until it becomes too much." Nea sighed, but not out of frustration. Her tone softened ever so slightly as she looked at him with a tender gaze. "I cannot force you to seek my help, but for both of our sake just try and accept the aid that is offered here, before this becomes too large to handle."

With anyone else, he might have dismissed them. But Nea had managed to actually deliver that aid for his pain. And... It was her. Thought came to Cullen's mind: Of all people... perhaps Nea's help could truly help him endure this. He wasn't ready to reveal his situation but the help she offered was actually tempting.

"I am the Commander of the Inquisition. I cannot hurry to the infirmary over every ailment. It is not simply a preference, but a necessity as people need to trust in my abilities to hold my position. And also, this is a private matter, and I prefer to keep it that way. I do not wish my... matters be widely known."

"If it is privacy you wish, I can arrange that. I am discreet when needs to be, you should know that. " She put her hands together, making Cullen raise his eyebrow. "Give me a chance. Please."

He tried to say something, anything, but the mixture of pleading and insistence in her eyes made it difficult to argue back. Leave it to her, to be worried about others despite her own bruises.

"If... it becomes unbearable I will send for you." Nea looked doubting, as he had said something similar before, so he added: "I promise."

"I suppose that's the best I can hope for. But I am glad that much at least."

Nodding as an acknowledgement, and they shared a light silence between then, until she then seemed to realize something and took a step back:

"I... must've worn you out, thus shouldn't bother you anymore. You must have come here for privacy, which I am intruding."

"You needn't leave, since you are already here." Cullen said as he looked to the road before them. "I simply came for another evening stroll, to help with my... matter. Until you managed it for me."

"Hmm, evening stroll sounded good to me as well. Which is why came here in the first place, I didn't know I would find you here."

"Oh. I saw you talking to Warden Blackwall, I assumed..."

Nea cocked her head to the side. "Assumed what?"

"I-- I simply didn't think that you would also like to go on a stroll as well. You two seemed to be in a good conversation."

"I simply came to give him a thank you gift for helping me before. I stayed to chat with him for a short moment but he had to get ready for his journey to the Storm Coast so I didn't stay long."

"I see." Cullen stated lamely. He felt glad that she was in his company now, and it made the migraine feel even lesser. "Well then... Shall we?" He said motioning towards the road with his hand, and Nea smiled back at him.

"I'd love to."

Small words were her response, yet they made him feel elated. Together they walked side by side alongside the road. For few moments, they spent in comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of night. Eventually it was Cullen who broke the silence:

"Now that we are alone, I must ask... How are you holding up?" He was calm and tried to be as kind as possible, as he didn't wish to push her. "The incident must have taken it's toll."

Her gaze remained in front of them, but her smile faded into a neutral expression. 

"I admit it was... shocking. I still don't know what to tell Adam. But on a personal level, after so long time on the road, I've learned how to move on from _incidents._ The matter was handled, and that's that."

"That's a good attitude, I suppose." There was hesitance in his voice, which Nea caught up with. She turned her head to look at him with a questioning look.

"What's on your mind?"

"I shouldn't say."

"If there is something on your mind, you know you needn't hesitate with me."

Looking at her, Cullen considered how to put it best, without coming across as rude. 

"These men were well trained... But I would say I know quite a bit about your abilities as well. Did you hold back with them?"

"Oh. What brought this on?"

He looked ahead, his expression turning more neutral.

"You were gifted at a young age, and must've become stronger with time. You could've been... more drastic with them. As I hear there was a scuffle, they didn't caught you totally off guard."

Nea was silent. Her walking pace slowed down and he slowed down with her. She didn't look to the ground but looked like she wished to. Cullen took that as a sign he should've kept his mouth shut, and decided to apologize.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"That's beside the point. I did insist." She said, not looking at him which had him worried. "But I might as well admit it. Yes, I did hold back." Now she looked back at him, smile completely gone. "The real question you are thinking about is 'why'."

"Then..." Cullen let out, frowning. "Why did you hold back? Those scum were a danger to you, and you had all the rights in the world to defend yourself. Why did you hold back?"

"You don't understand." Nea shook her head. "On the road I have been forced to defend myself, forced to _kill_ without hesitation as I do what I must, but these were _Inquisition soldiers._.. I didn't want to, even accidentally, go too far. I figured I could disarm them or disorientate them enough to run to get help before things escalate too much. But... I made a mistake. I got grabbed and..." She stopped walking at this point thus so did he, and whilst not looking to the ground, Nea was clearly looking away from him, the uncomfortable memory on her mind. She hugged herself as she continued. "It is embarrassing perhaps, but we're supposed to be on the same side. That hesitance was what got me."

Pondering on it, Cullen could understand where she was coming from. And it made sense with her character. But she was risking herself, putting everyone else above herself, and that he couldn't agree with. He took a step closer to her, and almost brought a hand to her shoulder but stopped himself just as he was about raise his hand.

"You are right, we are all part of the Inquisition. But you can't put yourself so long on the list of who take priority. If someone attacks you, even if it is an Inquisition soldier... Do what you must, defend yourself. If Warden Blackwall hadn't been there..." She didn't answer that, instead she still was looking away. Cullen sighed. "But I suppose what I am saying is for naught, as I am not letting anything like this happen ever again. I failed you this time, but I will not again."

Now she looked back at him.

"You didn't fail me."

"This happened under my command and I will not look past it." He held her eyes intently. "I will do everything I can to ensure this doesn't happen again. You have my word."

"Thank you." She said quietly, before continuing more strongly: "I still do not fault you with any of this, but your words means a great deal to me."

Cullen smiled a little in return for her answer, finding himself exploring her deep dark eyes. They had that familiar spark in them, the one he had always seen. It seemed that even after all these years, it had not faded away. It was warm and inspiring, always encouraging and soothing, never leaving the watcher wanting, but instead fullfilled. Realizing he was simply staring now, he coughed and tactfully took a small step further away from her (as he was close to her). 

"Shall we continue our walk?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck once more.

Her bright smile came back, as she nodded. "Of course."

They resumed their walk, both looking ahead or up the beautiful starlit sky. 

"It is a beautiful night." She mused, keeping her hands behind her back. "The view is beautiful here in the mountains... Even with the Breach."

"Yes... even with the Breach. But I will be much happier with the view once it is gone."

"I would say we all will be. But one can still appreciate what is in front of us." Letting out a delightfully light laugh, Cullen looked at her curiously.

"What is it?"

"I just remembered... One time we were allowed outside of the Circle. It was late in the night and-- It is a silly story."

"You can still share it with me, if you wish."

"Well then, there were few others with me, and a newly named enchanter..."

Rest of the walk they spent sharing funny reminiscent stories from their past, from times when even Cullen had those. It made them smile, laugh and remember the good times among all the dark. Cullen had sometimes difficulty bringing up even the good memories from his time in the Circle or beyond that, but with Nea it all became easier. It felt effortless and good, instead of his usual bothersome topics. And unlike back in their time together in the circle, they were allowed to speak. It was strange sensation but a welcome one.

They found themselves walking more slowly, so they could talk more. But even with their slowed pace, there came a time when they found themselves back in Haven. 

"I really must get back to Adam now." Looking worriedly at the road leading to her hut, Nea continued: "He must be wondering when I will be coming back. I promised I would read to him if he can't fall asleep. But I had wonderful time, I did. This was another wonderful stroll."

"It was." Cullen admitted, before chuckling. "Go to him. He might stay awake just to hear you read him a story."

"Very possible." Smiling, she waved to him. "Good night Cullen."

"Good night Nea." He replied in kind, and watched her go. When she was out of sight, he went to his own quarters, and readied himself for rest.

That night Cullen went asleep relieved. 


	10. Adam's snowball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I am on fire. Couldn't stop myself, had to write some more!!!
> 
> A lot of interactions with different characters. :) Also sadness. Hopefully you'll enjoy! (lol)

"Have the instructions given to you been useful? Ferelden nobility is not as finely tuned as Orlesians, but still certain etiquette is expected." Josephine said as she was enjoying her cup of tea.

Nea stirred her own tea, after having added sugar in it. She nodded blowing some of the hot steam away as she brought the cup to her lips.

"They have been very helpful in reminding me of the rules, don't you worry about that. And I am starting to recall the lessons taught to me when I spent time in Denerim at the end of the Blight."

"Very good. Bann Gilford will be arriving here soon, to inspect the Inquisition. I will then offer him the possibility to benefit from your experiences in the healing field." Josephine put down her cup of the tea and looked thoughtful. "He is very Ferelden in the regard that he doesn't request aid easily, but once offered he will not object... for very long."

Nea hummed in understanding. It really was a very Ferelden trait indeed. But also a trait of a hard won fighters. 

"The wounds are old yes? Do you know much else about them?"

"Hmm, it is not widely known, but he received them during the Battle of Denerim, during the Blight so they are at least nine years old. What we know is that it is not a typical wound as it grew worse over time. It makes it difficult for him to walk but beyond that, I have no information unfortunately. He is surprisingly private for a veteran of the war."

"What of the man himself? Anything I should prepare for on a personal level?"

"Despite his injury, he still is very keen of hunting, and is a proud mabari breeder. His manners are quite frank, but from what I gather, he is very well mannered and he holds a great respect for talent." Josephine looked over a report of hers. "He is a quiet but loyal supporter of King Alistair, and before that he fought in the civil war against Loghain. There shouldn't be trouble between the two of you, when personal experiences are concerned."

"Hopefully so." Nea mused, taking a good sip from her tea.

"I am certain you will find a common ground with him. And even if you cannot help him with his wound, he will appreciate your efforts."

"Hopefully I will be able to do something. As you know I have dealt with many peculiar cases before, perhaps his case is something I have managed to treat before."

"That is my hope as well." Josephine agreed, before enjoying another sip from her delicious tea. 

  
Nea enjoyed the moment, even though they had mostly discussed business so far. Even if this tea session was under the guise of official business Nea knew it was meant as a chance to check up on her. After the incident, Josephine and Leliana had made sure to check up on her every now and again. As it were, this was the third time Nea had had tea with Josephine this week, and even with their time being short, they had managed to discuss much. She know understood why Leliana and Josephine were such good friends, as she too took a great liking to the Ambassador. 

"Oh I almost forgot." The Ambassador said in realization, looking at Nea with the most charming smile. "I took the opportunity to requisition some books for young Adam. And before you ask, I do this as a personal gift to you two."

"You did?" Looking shocked, Nea almost spilled some tea.

"Yes. Among them is included some of the books I used to study from when I was at a young age myself. They usually help young children who are learning to read, among few more challenging books. Something to look forward to, yes?""

"Oh Josie, you are a treasure! I have a half a mind to give you a hug!" Nea straight up blushed out of happiness. 

"Please. The best present is to see young Adam happy." Giggling, Josephine put aside her tea. "Did you know he brought me flowers the other day? I do not know how he managed it, but I believe Leliana was in on it."

"Oh he did? That would explain why he blushed so many times that day." Nea's smile faded ever so slightly as she went deep into her thoughts. Josephine picked up on it and raised her thick eyebrow.

"What is the matter?"

"I wonder what else could I do for him... I help him study as much as I can, but most of my time is still spent at the infirmary. I don't have as much time to teach him as I used to have. He doesn't know how to read yet and only knows the basics, so I can hardly let him be the charge of his own education."

"Hmm. Most of the people here have work on their hands as well and there are no tutors in Haven, unfortunately, and the Chantry mothers have their hands full. There are the tranquil, many of them spent either studying under Minaeve, but they are the ones with the knowledge and the time. Perhaps I could request if some of them could offer Adam some tutoring every now and again, when they have the opportunity?"

"Really? That sounds good, if possible. I do not expect this to be done for free of course, I will have it out of my--"

"Absolutely not! I will not have you paying a single coin for this." Josephine tapped her desk with her fingers, doing some calculations. "Tranquil do not ask to be compensated, but I will discuss it with Minaeve. There certainly must be something I can do for them. Yes, I shall take care of the details. I will inform you when I have found the right person."

"Josie... Thank you. I will owe you for this." Nea could feel herself smile so much it certainly reached her ears. "Are you certain it wont be too much on your plate?"

"Nonsense! I enjoy taking care of such matters, and it feels particularly rewarding for me. Especially in young Adam's case, as he seems to be such a bright child, with much potential. If I can contribute to that, it would be a pleasure."

"Still, you cannot stop me from finding some way to thank you, and I will."

"Tsk, I suppose I cannot."

They exchanged giggles, and talked about some other topics until they had drank their tea. Then Nea reluctantly got up, smiling one more time at the Ambassador. 

"Thank you for the tea and lovely company. I know it is my cue to leave you to your work, but you know where to find me when you have another opportunity to share a cup." 

"I do. Have a pleasant rest of the day. I will try and find another free moment as soon as possible." She smiled back at Nea, before putting aside her own cup of tea, and returning to her notes. Walking to the door, Nea nodded to the Ambassador one last time before exiting.

In good moods Nea walked out of the room, and towards the main doors of the Chantry. After multiple days on business, today had been easier (thus the invitation from Josephine). She still had some time, to perhaps talk with Leliana (unless she was busy, which was likely) and look up Adam. 

As she neared the door she suddenly got stopped by a clear and undeniably 'honeyed' voice:

"I hope you aren't in a hurry, mistress... Willows was it? I was hoping to catch a moment of your time."

Nea stopped in her tracks, to look carefully to the direction of the voice, but she already knew who it was.

"Madame Vivienne, I presume." She said politely, not yet taking steps forward.

"You presume correctly." The beautiful dark skinned lady said with a low tone. She drifted her eyes away from Nea, instead watching her own nails, but even then she didn't bring her gaze down, instead she brought her hand up to her eye level. "I wasn't certain I had caught the right person, as I am more familiar with your.. well... _previous_ name."

"Surana. Yes, most who know me are more familiar with that one." Nea took steps closer to the enchanter as it was clear the other woman wasn't going to approach her and it would be strange talking from this distance.

"And yet you changed it. To stay safe during the threat of this mad war, I'm sure." The sentence was layered with another meaning, and it was very leading assumption to voice out. She got the impression that the madam didn't actually believe what she had said, but simply wanted to hear Nea voice it out.

"Actually, I got married and thus took my husbands name. " Nea said matter of factly but as kindly as possible.

The other woman raised her well refined eyebrow at her.

"But of course. And pray tell, when did this _happy_ occasion take place?"

"Hmm... About seven years ago, give or take."

"How odd. I heard the name Surana whispered to me, but well, after your marriage had taken place." The other woman now turned her gaze to Nea, cold as it was beautiful. The woman was asking more and more personal questions, making Nea wary. Keeping in her sigh, she simply replied politely:

"That is because I chose to keep my marriage private. Very simple, really."

"There is a vast difference between _private_ and _secret_ my dear." Her false sweet smile fading away, Vivienne's gaze was like that of a hawk. 

"And what would you call it then, Madame Vivienne?" Nea hadn't felt this tense in a good while, and she was preparing for it to get worse.

"That is what is to be determined my dear. Traveling free from the Circle, marrying unbeknownst to the Chantry... legitimate or not, hiding a child from said union from the custody of the Chantry? I would call it apostasy, were it not for the fact that you were never, in fact, declared one. And you never did join the ranks of the rebels. I wonder why that is."

_Legitimate? **Custody**_ _of the Chantry?_ It was disturbing how much she knew, frustrating that she thought she was entitled to know Nea's private affairs but it was downright infuriating how she referred to Adam. One of Nea's nightmares had been the Chantry taking Adam away, and this woman was speaking of it in such a belittling manner. If Nea didn't know any better, she would say the enchanter was mocking her.

But she did know better. She knew about enchanter Vivienne, and her 'loyal mages'. Many mages did (and Leliana had warned Nea of her stances). So instead of barking as a response, Nea kept her cool and only frowned ever so slightly.

"May I ask why are you asking after my affairs?"

"My dear, you surely know I lead the last loyal mages, and their affairs are my affairs. You may not belong under my influence, officially at least, but neither do you belong to the rebels. Naturally, I am concerned over you."

Thinking carefully of her next response, Nea kept looking at Vivienne, not letting her gaze fall.

"I may not have spent as much at court as you, madam Vivienne, and I most definitely have not been to Orlesian court, but I think I have learned the same lesson as you."

"And what might that be?" The woman's voice was filled with unmasked doubt.

"There are many ways to operate within bounds." Nea put her hands behind her back as she continued. "I have been given leeway, thanks to my efforts and the friends I've made. I simply chose a different route from yours."

"How very lightly you say 'leeway'. Is that what you call your venturing around without the supervision of the templars or the Chantry?"

"Actually, I was under supervision." Vivienne squinted her eyes at that, but Nea continued: "When called to do so, I went to the Circle to be inspected or if my efforts were required, I always answered the call. Lack of a templar on my travels was simply an exception which I was granted. That and the newer Ferelden's circle was less restraint, thanks to the Hero of Ferelden. But beside the point, whatever I kept to myself _beyond_ that, hardly matters now."

"You walk a very thin line. But I suppose there are worse cases." With a suspicious glance, Vivienne's dark grey eyes held hers. "Tell me then. What do you wish to accomplish by joining the Inquisition? Do you wish for more freedom? Clearly you didn't join for power, considering the meager position you are in."

Ignoring the insult to her profession, Nea simply answered the woman, her chocolate eyes matching Vivienne's with fire against ice:

"I came here because I want the war to end." Letting her frown fade away, she spoke more strongly: "Madam Vivienne, I want peace. However we may differ I hope we are one and the same on this one issue. This conflict... it helps no one. What will happen after, is another matter entirely. I won't lie and say that the Inquisition's protection of me didn't make the choice easier, but the reason I wished to join remains the same. I hope you can understand that."

"But of course. It is truly a shame the rebels do not see it as clearly." She said bitterly, before a small half-smile came to Madame Vivienne's lips, as she looked, yet again, Nea up and down. It was as if to valuate her in a new light. "Well. I certainly had my reservations about you my dear but you do seem fairly reasonable."

That was as close to saying 'I was wrong' that the other woman would get. 

"We all do what we can." 

"If only that were true." The enchanter spoke with a superior tone, before she nodded and looked away. "But look at that. We have talked enough for now. You must have a thousand things to do at your little infirmary. Do not let me keep you."

Taking that as a obvious dismissal, Nea nodded politely and was ready to leave.

"Good to finally have the chance speak with you madam Vivienne." Taking steps to leave, Nea had turned her back on the woman, when she turned around suddenly, catching the enchanters eyes by surprise. "May I say one last thing?"

Curiously, Madam Vivienne raised her well refined eyebrow. "If you must."

"You called my position as the primary healer of the Inquisition meager. But it is the most rewarding duty I have ever had." Nea smiled ear to ear as she spoke. Seeing the expression on the enchanter's face she knew she was barking up the wrong tree but that mattered little as she took great pride in her profession.

Even though the dark grey eyes of the enchanter were uncaring, they still managed to be piercing. 

"I am certain the little delights of your duties are most rewarding. But it can hardly compare to other great positions that surround us."

"Perhaps. It is not an art for everyone. But from experience? Those with the heart won't find themselves more rewarding practice. And as such.... it does compare." Offering one last polite curtsy, Nea then took her leave, feeling the eyes of the enchanter on her back.

Finally finding herself outside, Nea realized she was a little confused but not concerned. She had kept her ground without loosing her temper. This was unlikely the last she'd hear from her, but first impressions go long way. Madam Vivienne definitely was a woman who intimidated many. However, only thing she was around the woman was... tense. And careful. But beyond that? As long as she didn't trouble Vivienne, hopefully she wouldn't trouble her either. Then again she had brought up such a difficult subject without batting an eye. 

It wouldn't be the last she'd hear of the woman, that much Nea knew. But perhaps it would be easier in the future now that they had this much settled. But honestly she would rather not exhaust herself with something that is yet to happen, so letting go of the subject sounded well and good.

Taking in the fresh air of the day, Nea looked into the direction of Leliana's tent. She was currently talking with multiple agents, and thus Nea decided not to approach her during her break like she had originally thought to do. It wouldn't be befitting of her to intrude the spymaster hard at work.

Instead she decided to visit her hut quickly. Adam might be there trying to read the pretty books (mostly the ones with illustrations) and Nea could take this opportunity to help him with it. She had to admit that being raised in a circle certainly was quite the education and it helped her to understand something about teaching as well. If only she had the time.

Walking through Haven, Nea saw more and more new faces. Humans, yes, but also dwarves and elves. She had even seen a few qunari, although they mostly stayed on the field so they didn't spend much time in the village. And to her delight, more of this faces regarded her a little better; Instead of the usual dark glances, among them had been more grateful looks and recognition. More people she healed, the more welcome she was. And people seemed to mind less the fact that she, and elf, had the position she did. That was likely due to the Herald's influence as people had become her 'loyal supporters', and thus tolerance had become more... stable in Haven. 

They well still very new organization, and they lacked many things, but one thing they didn't lack and it was inspiration, and dedication. More and more Nea saw herself in others. Here she had worried about the aftermath of the incident with the soldiers but it would seem she had nothing to be worried about.

Finally reaching the shack, Nea carefully opened the door, peaking inside.

"Adam, are you here?" 

No, the shack was empty, just as they had left it this morning. She was about to close the door but noticed there was an open book upside down on the bed. It wasn't unusual sight as Adam often left the books where he last read them, not cleaning up after himself which was to be expected of someone so young. But usually he at least closed the book. Was there something he wished to show her? Instead of leaving, Nea actually entered the shack, closing the door behind her. Perhaps it was idle curiosity, but she decided see for herself.

Once at the bedside, Nea looked at the covers of the book and she recognized them as one of the story books they had taken with them from their last hiding place. Nea then turned the book around to see nothing unusual. On the first page was an illustration of a warrior, and on the other page was a related story. It has been awhile since Nea had read this particular one to him. Was this something he wished her to read for him?

Looking more closely at the illustration, and pondered. Adam had shown desire to be both a mage and a warrior... Mage like her and a warrior like his father. Sudden wave of melancholy gripped Nea like a hammer, and she sat down onto the bed, looking at the illustration more closely. It actually reminded her of Arther, now that she thought about it. His hair, his stature...

Nea couldn't teach Adam to use magic, but Arther had showed some moves to the young boy, hoping to one day teach him properly. Adam would always want his father to read stories of warriors and heroes to him, whilst Nea had read more about stories from history... or admittedly some fairy tales. She didn't know if she matched Arther's storytelling skills, but now that she thought about it, Adam still didn't ask as many stories of warriors from her.

Tracing the illustration with her fingertips, Nea couldn't hold back the feeling of longing.

It had been like this from the start. At one moment she would be content with her son, then something would remind her of Arther and the hole within her made itself known and it threatened to swallow every drip of joy, making them disappear into nothingness. Not that different from the Breach actually.

She had sworn to be strong for their son's sake. For the sake of Arther's memory. But it took it's toll on her. Nea thought of the changes to come, the dangers ahead and all the unknowns they were still trying to understand. _Maker. Why did you have to take him away?_ Nea tried to rip her eyes away from the page, but couldn't bare to. 

Only when she heard someone drop a bucket or something outside (and the yelling afterwards) that woke her from the trance. She woke up to realize how long she had been just sitting there and staring at the page. Not closing the book but putting it aside, she rose from the bed and walked towards the door.

Adam was her priority. Perhaps his reasons for leaving the book open at that point was an innocent thought but in case a child's mind had gone where she had just been... Nea decided it would be best to continue look for Adam.

Walking towards the infirmary next, in case Adam had gone there only to see no young child there. She asked Annabelle if she had seen the child but the woman shook her head. Venturing on, Nea looked around Haven. But she didn't find him at his usual spots. She started to feel worried. Walking to the center of the village, she noticed Varric at his usual spot so she started walking toward him. Once the rogue saw her approaching he smirked and waved.

"Ah Snowdrop, finally got a break from the usual patching up duty?" 

"You could say that." Nea looked around maybe a little too much, because Varric raised on eyebrow.

"Looking for something?"

"Precisely. You haven't happened to see Adam anywhere?"

"Sure, a little while ago I saw him running past me. Kiddo was in such a hurry he didn't even stop to say hello, or do the usual begging for a story. Is he grown past me already?" Varric said jokingly and Nea couldn't help but smile ever so slightly.

"He not at that age yet when he'll be able to out grow you. You know... a dwarf." 

"We need to work on your joke telling skills Snowdrop, but I get your point."

"You didn't happen to see where was running to?"

"Sure, he ran past the main gates." Nea looked over there, worry increasing. She hadn't forbidden him from going through the main gates, as long as he didn't leave much further from it. Nea had specifically told him preferably not go there alone. "Is uh... Everything okay? You uh, look little worried there."

"I hope it is nothing. Thank you for--"

Her sentence was interrupted as a small child ran in front of Nea, looking distressed.

"Healer lady!" The kid said loudly, sweat on his forehead. Recognizing this child as one of the children Adam usually played with, Nea was even more alarmed now. "Come quickly!"

"What has happened?" Nea said in a hurried tone, bending down a little towards the child. Varric's expression too seemed to change.

"It wasn't us, it was Adam who did it! He in trouble now!"

Not wasting anymore time Nea put a hand on the child's shoulder and looked at him intently. "Where is he?"

"Right outside, where the templars--"

Not caring to listen to the end of that sentence as she knew what place the child was referring to, Nea up and left, sprinting towards the gates, Varric in tow. _He went to the Templar camp!_ _Maker what is he up to?!_ Once she had ran through the gates she kept going towards the campement where the templars lay their head. It wasn't far, and she could already hear yelling and soon she could see few people around (just a few, mostly templars) and they looking at each other with either confusion or in grins.

"You little demon!" Came a loud growl, but two men were blocking the view so Nea couldn't see the source.

"LEMME GO!" _Adam!_ A parent can recognize their child's voice from anywhere and as such Nea pushed past the two men, only to come upon a scene: A templar man gripping the upper arm of Adam, very harshly it would seem. The man looked furious.

"Let go of my son!" Nea yelled out, despite being a little breathless from sprinting so fast in the snow. The people around immediately looked at her, even the most furious looking templar drifted his eyes onto her, and when he did, Adam managed wiggle free and run to Nea, who took a hold of his shoulders, shoving the boy behind her.

"That runt your boy?!" He looked her up and down, recognizing her. "Oh of course. Child of mage. Go figure."

"What is the meaning of this?" Nea asked more firmly than she usually would have, but her heart was beating too hard. 

"HE DESERVED IT!" Adam yelled (brows knitted together) and the man looked even redder from fury and looked like he was going to take a step forward but Varric and another templar stepped in front of him.

"Whoah let's take a five! No one needs to fight today!" The dwarven rogue said, holding his hands up. He now stood in front of Nea and in front of the angry templar. The man grunted and stepped back. "Now, mind someone explaining what had happened here? What could've the kid possible have done to make proper templar mad?"

One of the men coughed and another let out chuckle. The templar that had stepped forward with Varric sighed, and looked strangely at Varric.

"Well. The kid threw some a snowball at him." The templar said carefully.

"Threw some snow? That's it?" 

"It contained horse manure."

"Oh, well that would do it." Varric just managed, before trying to hold back a grin. Suddenly things clicked into place. Nea raised both of her eyebrows and looked at Adam, who looked defiantly back at her (which didn't last long as he saw the expression on his mother's face).

"You did what?" Nea asked sharply, and whilst her look was angry enough to break through thick ice, the boy managed not to shrink down.

"He had it comi--"

"Not another word young man!" Her tone was firm and fast, and even Varric seemed taken aback. Nea didn't often have to be angry with Adam, but when she did... she did it without hesitation. Her expression didn't turn much happier when she turned towards the angry templar. "I am so sorry ser. Adam is terribly sorry as well." Nea looked at Adam once more, with a face that said ' _you had better be_ ' and the boy yielded, nodding bitterly after the words of his mother, with angry tears in his eyes. Insincere right now or not, Nea accepted it, considering the circumstances.

"That's it?" The angry templar growled, pointing at the boy with his finger. "I say, that brat needs a good bashing from his pa--"

"MY PA IS DEAD!" The boy yelled out again, and Nea's heart skipped a beat. Enough time for the boy to slip out and run away.

"Adam!" Nea yelled out after him. She was about run too, but the boy bumped into another man and fell down again.

To her shock, it was Cullen, who looked confused about the minor commotion in the templar camp. Even more to it, to see the young boy in angry tears, and falling down before him (again) and he quickly knelt down to offer the boy his hand to help him get up.

But the boy slapped the hand away (lamely, as he was but a young boy and Cullen a grown man) and directed his angry glance at him now:

"NO HELP FROM TEMPLARS!" The boys voice was pitched high as he yelled it out. Tears were now freely running down his cheeks, hand he went into a ball, hugging his own knees. Cullen looked shocked, and was visibly taken aback, not knowing what to do.

All the grins and laughter had died out around them, and Nea let her own anger to subside, as her own heart was hurting. She walked quietly to the side of the boy and knelt down.

"Enough Adam." She said softly, putting one hand on his shoulder. "Let's get to our little hut, hmm?" The small boy didn't answer, just turned to her and put her arms around her neck, hugging her tight. Nea then put arms around him as well, picking him up and standing up, Cullen doing the same, and Adam's head rested on her shoulder. The Commander still had a confused and worried look on his face and Nea just nodded to him sadly and apologetically. She whispered only one thing to him: " _Later_." 

Cullen understood and nodded back. Turning to look at the other men behind them, Varric shot her a look that said _'go'._ Nea couldn't express it yet but she was thankful. Shooting one last look at the angriest of templars (who instead of angry looked purely shocked now), she then took her leave. 

Despite the event being fairly loud, the templar camp was fairly secluded, so the people she walked past on her way to her shack were none the wiser. But even if all of the people in Thedas had just witnessed what had occurred, Nea couldn't care less about that. She didn't care even if the Maker himself was staring. Her son was hers: They were both heartbroken and reminded of the reason why.

Passing people by, Nea was deaf to all the sounds as she carried her son all the way to their little quarters. She carefully opened the door and once inside, she placed Adam onto the bed, and got him a handkerchief from the small table near the door. She helped him blow his nose, and and dried off his tears. He still sniffed and looked like there were more tears to come, as he held the handkerchief in his hands, looking beaten down. 

Nea slowly caressed his hair, helping to calm the boy down.

"All the other kids have pa's." He said, sniffing bitterly, another tear falling down his cheek. "I miss pa."

"Me too." Holding back her tears, Nea hugged Adam close. "But we have each other... And I am sure your pa is watching over us."

"How do ya know?" 

"Love doesn't die easily." Putting fingers under his chin, and raising his face so that he looked at her, Nea looked into those sweet brown eyes of his, which currently were reddened from crying. "Never forget, you hear? Your pa loved us dearly, and wanted us to carry on. He will never truly be gone from our hearts."

"Promise?"

"I swear, promise, and all of the above." Nea hugged him close once more. "Always."

They said like that for awhile, until all of Adam's tears were spent. Nea then helped him wash his face, and dry it off. Then she knelt down in front of him, to be on his level, taking a little firmer tone again.

"Your father would've been disappointed in what you did today." Adam didn't say anything, and all the defiance seemed to be washed away with his tears. "The templars who... killed your father are gone. These men and women in Haven are fighting to help and protect people, and you can't just... throw horse manure at them. They are not the same people as those who took your father away and you need to accept that."

"But... they are templars..."

"They are people before they are that. And these people chose to be on our side."

"I don't know ma..."

"You may not trust them, but trust me; Trust your mother."

Looking down at his shoes, he nodded weakly. "I'll try... I'm sorry ma. I won't do it again."

"Thank you darling." With her fingers she brushed away loose hairs from his face. The boy didn't smile, but looked less sad. But Nea didn't stand up yet. "Darling..."

"Yes, ma?"

"Why did you call ser Cullen a templar?" 

"Other kids say he is one. All their parents say he is."

_So that's where he heard it..._

"Well they are wrong."

"They are?" The boy looked at her in disbelief.

"Mm-m. I won't lie, he used to be one. But he left them. For good. He isn't one anymore."

"But pa always said you can't leave the templars."

"I'm.. sure he didn't mean it like that." Nea tried to figure out a way to explain it to him. "It is possible to leave them, but it is very difficult."

"Why?"

Sighing, Nea stood up. "I will explain when you are older. But for now, do not call him a templar, as he isn't one. Okay?"

The boy nodded, still processing what Nea had told him. "Okay."

"Come on, let's go get some snacks from Flissa."

* * *

In the evening, when she had put Adam to bed, she decided a drink was in order. Nothing strong, just one to end the day. Drinking wasn't an answer to troubles, but after all the drama today, she felt like she could use a drink. Nea went to the door of the shack and just as she opened it, she almost ran into Cullen who was just standing there, but also seemingly about to knock (it was hard to tell, as he looked very uncertain).

Before Cullen could say anything, Nea put a finger on her lips as a signal to be silent, gesturing behind her, showing that Adam was asleep. Cullen understood and let her leave the shack and close the door quietly behind her. They took a little distance from the shack before they started talking.

"I can guess why you are here." Nea said, looking at him with a tired expression.

"I debated whether or not to come, but simply wished to see if everything was alright."

"That's sweet." She said, letting a small smile rise to her lips. "But we're alright. Adam had a... bad day today. I am sorry you had to be in the receiving end of it."

"I admit I was confused. Still am, I suppose." He said hesitantly, before looking away. "But I won't pry into your private matters. Just know that I am not resentful in any way."

"Cullen I..." Hugging herself and looking away, she could see from the corner of her eyes how he turned his gaze back to her in concern. Concern over what, Nea wasn't sure. "I know what it must look like, but I didn't teach him to hate templars, and I didn't even mention to him that you used to be one, he learned it from one of his little friends, he---" Nea pinched the bridge of her nose, uncertain what she was going to say.

"If you feel uncomfortable you need not explain."

"But I do want to, regardless of how it makes me feel. But it is just... Not an easy subject." 

When Nea returned to look at him, she was taken aback by the look on his face. He didn't just look worried but... guilty? Nea wasn't sure why.

"Could we... Maybe talk this over drinks? I think this is the one subject I need to have... well not a clear head but... Something to make it easier."

"Alright, we can do that." He said more calmly, and together they started walking.

They were silent most of the way to the tavern, neither did they look at one another. Nea debated whether or not it was a comfortable silence. It wasn't one of their comfortable night strolls, when they could occasionally stop talking and enjoy surroundisngs, not even close. But she wasn't in the right mood to fill it up with empty small talk, and Cullen (she had come to learn) rarely was up to _any_ small talk. So they simply remained quiet. 

_Singing Maiden_ was not as full as it usually was, much to Nea's delight. Still there weren't many free tables, and Nea felt a little out of place, standing in the doorway, looking for a place to sit. The chatter was still loud, and the bard singing her beautiful tunes added to the atmosphere. few people shot glances at them (few men tried making eye contact with her but averted their glances once noticing Cullen), and even made way to their Commander, but otherwise they seemed to mind their own business.

Soon she noticed Varric (who she was yet to thank), who was waving them to come over. He was at his usual table and there were conveniently two free seats for Nea and Cullen. So they made way to the table.

"Surprised to see you here Curly. Finally managed to made time to relax a little?" Varric asked as both of them sat down, next to each other. Nea managed to give him a relaxed smile, as it was easy let go of the tenseness around the rogue.

"I would prefer if you didn't use that nickname Varric." Cullen grumbled as he sat down.

"Too late for that, and I'll take that as a maybe." The dwarf then shifted his eyes to Nea. "And what about the kiddo? He come out of it alright?" 

"Adam is better now. We got snacks earlier today and a while ago I read him to sleep, and now he is resting. Overall, he is doing fine now."

"That's good to hear. The boy must've had a lot on his plate today." 

"Not just today." Nea admitted in a sigh. "Thank you for being there Varric. Was the templar very mad after we left?"

"Don't mention it Snowdrop, it wasn't a big deal, and I made sure the angry fellow calmed down. Curly's presence also helped with that."

Surprised, Nea looked to her right at Cullen, who was still looking at the dwarf with a displeased look. He really didn't care for that nickname.

"I'll go get the drinks. You want anything Varric?"

"Sure! Another mug of that Ferelden ale the serve here." 

"Same for me." Nea added, and Varric looked at her with an amused glance. "It has been that sort of day."

Nodding the Commander went his way to the bar counter to get them their ales. Nea watched after him, before returning her gaze to Varric who eyed her with a glint in his eyes.

"So, you and Curly are getting... very chatty, aren't you?"

"Please Varric." Nea quipped, rolling her eyes slightly. "We knew each other from long ago, when he actually had that curly hair. From times at the Ferelden Circle."

"Huh. So the stern former knight-captain used to have a mage as a friend, in his youth? Who would have thought."

"It can't be such a big surprise." 

"Actually it is." Varric countered, raising his eyebrow. "He wasn't exactly most open minded about mages when he still was stationed in Kirkwall. Well, not in the first five years at least."

Nea looked behind her at Cullen, who was still waiting for the drinks. She bit her lip, before turning back to Varric. "It was a long time ago. We were all different people back then."

Varric sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Fair point Snowdrop, fair point."

After a small pause, Nea leaned in a little, and Varric answered that with a look of curiosity.

"Varric... I didn't stretch it enough, how thankful I am for today. Really, I owe you. It is good to have people at my back."

He smiled his charming half-smile, nodding in gratitude. "It was my pleasure my lady. But remember, Curly was there too. His presence alone made it much easier to smooth things over. Not that there was much to smooth over once the man calmed down. It was just a kid pulling an angry prank." Seeing the look of discomfort on Nea, he continued: "Or at least that is what it seemed to them."

"That's... what I wanted to talk to you two about." Nea admitted, as Cullen finally made it back to them. He set the tankards of ale on front of each of them, before sitting down.

"You sure you feel up to speaking of it? Family stuff are always hard." Varric asked, taking his drink in hand. Cullen similar question in his amber eyes. Smiling sadly Nea nodded carefully, taking her drink in hand as well.

"It is about time, I suppose. And it will come up again eventually, I just know it. The way things are going... I doubt this will be the last time Adam will have a tantrum or another burst of emotions. Arther's death left a mark on both of us, but Adam is too young to deal with it properly, let alone _understand_ it."

Men quieted down, and gave her room to speak whatever she wished to bring up. Nea tried to find the words but it was difficult. Too difficult. Finally, after moment of silence, Nea took a long sip of her drink. Very long sip. Uncharacteristic as it were of her, both of the men looked at her with a hint of surprise.

Setting the tankard down, Nea wiped her lips with her fingertips, letting out a long, heavy sigh. 

"Arther's father had been a templar, you know. He always had mixed feelings about it, and he may have passed it down to Adam, but he never passed down any hatred. That came... Later."

The men didn't interjected, allowing Nea to continue.

"Over a year ago, Arther and I got word that there was a group of templars after us... after _me_. The war had began in earnest then, and they tried to get their hands on any mage that wasn't protected by the fold of the rebellion. We were at a safe location then, but realized it wouldn't stay that way for long so we took to the road. Again. I had sent word to Leliana, and we had received a new safe location to go to but..."

Another silence, and another sip of her drink, Nea became a little teary eyed. She had to pinch the bridge of her nose to regain some focus.

"I do not know how it came to be. Either they interjected our messages or someone sold us out... Regardless, the templars found us and-- They--" swallowing hard, Nea forced herself to finish the sentence. "-- They wanted to kill all of us, and me and Arther did our best to protect Adam but..."

The memory flashed before Nea's eyes: _she yelled Adam to get under the wagon, and then a scream from the boy, the gash of blood..._ Clearing her throat, and clearing the memory away Nea finished the sentence:

"...Arther was a dealt a lethal blow just as there were only few of them left. I tried to heal him but it was for naught. Adam saw it all."

"Maker." Cullen breathed out. Varric wasn't all that different in mood.

"Poor kiddo. I'm sorry, really, that must've been the worst kind of experience."

"It was. Still is." Nea admitted, looking down at her drink. Both of the men took the opportunity take a gulp from their own tankards as well. "I admit I was angry too, at the beginning and I definitely could've handled it better. But my anger is since then shifted towards this war. I care about how it ends, but I just... want it to end. But Adam? He still sees all templars as the same. I have been trying to make him understand that not all templars are the same, but he is just a child. How could he understand something that is difficult to even adults to comprehend?"

"Definitely not easily, that much is clear." Varric noted.

Cullen looked down at his own tankard, and was clearly deep in thought as he took a long gulp. Nea had consumed most of her own ale already, and Varric offered to get them new drinks.

"No thank you Varric, I probably shouldn't have drank this much."

"You are a lightweight Snowdrop but not _that_ lightweight. I'll get another for you. On me."

"I think I am the one who owes you a drink Varric..."

"Not tonight you don't. No one does heartfelt confessions on their own tab, not on my watch. Well, at least when it's people I happen to like." Varric shook his head. "I'm glad I have the coin to spend, otherwise I'd be broke by now." Before Nea could interject, Varric was already on his way to get the drinks from Flissa.

That left Nea and Cullen alone for a moment. Nea didn't dare to bring up her eyes to him, and she didn't know why. Was she embarrassed? Maybe. Was she sad? Definitely. Once she dared to bring up her eyes to him, she felt like she was watching a mirror of herself. Was he... ashamed?

"Cullen? Are you... alright?"

Suddenly shifting his gaze to hers, Cullen saw the same thing she had seen. Then he allowed a small, unhappy smile to find the corners of his lips. 

"How very like you, to ask that question, when it is I who is supposed to ask it of you."

"I suppose it is. For me, it is easier to offer aid to others, than it is to take care of myself." Cocking her head to the side a little, Nea matched his expression. "You are the same way as well, aren't you?"

Letting out a mirthless chuckle, Cullen nodded. "I suppose that's true." He paused, something unreadable emotion in his amber eyes. It was serious, and severe. Nea was uncertain what to make of it, and before she could look a way, Cullen spoke up: "Nea."

"Yes?"

"I disapprove of the actions my former order has taken. I am not hesitant to admit it. The fact that I am here, is a proof of that. Too many good people have been lost to this war." Turning his body to her, so he would be facing her better, he did't break eye contact. "I swore to myself to this and as such, will do my utmost to help end this war. I do not know if it bring you any comfort, but I wished to say it now, nonetheless."

First time since she had entered this conversation, Nea smiled sincerely (even if there were drops of sadness still present). She resisted the urge to put her hand on his shoulder as thanks, because she knew what it would look like here in public. 

"It does bring me comfort. More than you realize." That answer in turn, made Cullen smile.

At that moment Varric arrived at the table with more drinks in hand. 

"A genuine smile? On _both of you?_ What have you been saying behind my back?"

"Only good things I swear." Nea quipped, accepting her new drink but deciding to drink it slower than the first one as she was starting to properly feel the effects of the first one. Cullen thanked Varric for the second drink, even though he hadn't even finished the first one yet.

"Well that's good for me. Here I was thinking all of the ways I could cheer you up Snowdrop. Want to talk some more of it?"

"Honestly... Now that you know, I'd rather discuss other things. I suppose it is somewhat a relief that few others know about it, besides Leliana." She looked at Varric, trying to keep up her smile.

"I will say this much... Pretty gutsy of you to come here with a kid. And I've seen him around, helping out Chantry mothers and doing errands for the injured. You have a good kid, and you've done one damn good job with him."

Shyly but earnestly smiling, Nea looked down. "I am not sure if I would call myself gutsy... I do try. Thank you for saying it though."

"Anything else I can say to make your day a little better?"

"Well aside from heartfelt compliments... Perhaps a story told by a professional storyteller would increase my mood."

"I can most definitely manage that." Leaning forward, his elbows on the table, Varric grinned smoothly. "I am going to tell you about the time we investigated the bone pits, which in my humble opinion, still would be more appealing if they were called 'pie pits'."

"I actually heard about that, but only vague rumors." Cullen mused. "What really happened?"

"Bah. Like some gossipers could do the real thing justice, you see, it started with a very belittling man talking to Hawke at the merchant's quarters..."

Nea didn't drink much more after the first two drinks, but she still stayed to listen to stories from Varric and even Cullen. He would tell stories of what some of the recruits were up to in Hightown of Kirkwall, and some of the stories made Nea giggle out lout. That with the beautiful music playing in the background, Nea actually had a very pleasant rest of the evening. 

She found herself looking at the two of them as they spoke to one another, and realizing how lucky she had actually been, when joining the Inquisition. There were a lot of good people around, and she had the chance to form more friendships as well as actually spend time with them. Being on the road so much, she had the chance to meet many new people but she always moved on. Here she both met new people, and actually got to enjoy their company. Often even. And it was good. 

Nea's gaze did stay longer on Cullen however. In these short weeks she had spent Haven, she had noted many times how he had changed, in a good way. But in a way, he was also more similar to the man he had been when they... _knew_ one another. He was more confident, put together and overall had an inspiring presence. But there was also that kindness, consideration and certain chivalry that had been there when they were so young.

After ten years, Nea hadn't thought she'd get to see him ever again, even if he occasionally popped up on her mind. Even if there had been shock first, she was now glad of the surprise of reuniting with him once more, and getting to know him. And she thought that after talking through the matter of how Cullen had reacted to her in the Circle that dark time, there was a mutual understanding of what to and not talk about. It was strange how naturally things fell into place. Of course there were still things they didn't know about each other but the way Nea saw it, was that there was another wonderful friendship blossoming.

Drinking last of her ale, Nea finally started to stand up, and the two men stood up with her (out of manners). 

"Thank you both for this. It is time I retire for the night. I still have to work tomorrow and shouldn't stay up any longer."

"Always the first one to go to bed. Sometime we really need to test how long you can even go on." Varric grinned. 

"I will walk you to your quarters." Cullen offered fairly quickly, and Varric grinned wider and Cullen noticed it, so he added: "I am retiring for the night myself, and I'd prefer to make sure she makes it there without incident."

"Good thinking Curly. I'm certain I would've offered were you not here. But as it is, I am going to stay up and enjoy from the company of the good people of Haven. But sure, you guys go rest up." 

"I'll be alright, but I appreciate the offer." Nea said smilingly but Cullen didn't stand down.

"Still I would like to. Just in case." He looked more insistently, and she understood why. The last time it hadn't gone so well. She then relented and nodded.

"Alright." Turning one last time to Varric and giving him a shining smile, Nea curtsied in a slightly tipsy manner. "Good night ser Varric. If you have a bad hangover, do not hesitate to get something for it from the infirmary tomorrow."

"I will keep it mind Snowdrop. Have a wonderful night! You too Curly."

Cullen nodded to Varric and even grinned despite himself. Two of them then took their leave of the tavern. From the corner of her eye she could already flocking to Varric, as now the tavern was getting fuller. Nea and Cullen chose a good time to leave the now bustling tavern.

It was another beautiful clear night, the moon and stars gleaming against the midnight colored sky. Nea and Cullen automatically took a fairly slow pace, as they admired the view as they strolled on. 

"You know, I am starting to take a liking to these strolls of ours." Nea mused, keeping hands behind hand back.

"Oh, I uh... me as well." Cullen managed to say, even if his words stumbled a little. She let out few soft giggles. "What is it?"

"Nothing particular. Just that there are moments when you really remind me of that young templar who I greeted down the Circle halls every chance I got."

Cullen let out few chuckles of his own. "Hopefully not too often. I had the poor tendency to be rather awkward."

"I wouldn't say it like that." Part of Nea wished to say that it had been _endearing_ but chose not to. Even in the darkness, she could see a little bit of flush on the Commander's face and decided not to press it. "But I promise, so far you have chosen the best of moments to be that side of you."

"Well, then, I worse things to be then." He said, failing to hide a half-smile. "I suppose it is only fair."

"What do you mean?"

"You too, show that side of you at the best moments." He said in a somewhat low tone.

Nea was surprised at that, but smiled as she felt a little flush on her ears as well. She let out few bubbly laughs, which left a bright smile on her lips. 

"You're right then, it is only fair." Nea looked ahead at the empty road, she slightly shook her head. "Maker, it really has been a long time since then, hasn't it?"

"Feels like a lifetime." Cullen agreed.

"Did you ever visit Ferelden after you left for Kirkwall?" Nea asked the question carefully, not wanting to push the man into speaking something he was uncomfortable with. Smile fading but not completely disappearing, Cullen just looked ahead on the road as well.

"No. After the Blight I didn't feel sorry to leave, and didn't even expect to return. My duties kept me rather busy. But things changed as you know."

"You took the position as Commander." Nea nodded, understanding. "Don't you have anyone in Ferelden to visit?" She inquired softly.

"My family lives in Ferelden, in the South Reach, but I haven't been able to see them in years."

"But you stay in touch?"

"Well, I do not write as often as I should but my elder sister has a tendency to track me down." Letting out a small laugh. "And scold me for it. Mia was always very tenacious with her words. People call me firm, but I can assure you she is just as bad."

"She _is_ your sister." Nea noted, with a half-smile. "What about Kirkwall?"

Cullen turned his gaze to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... Besides colleagues..." She looked at him in turn. "You spent many years there. No one caught your interest?"

"Ah." Cullen realized what she meant and shook his head. "Not in Kirkwall." He mused, before looking ahead once more. Nea nodded in understanding, shifting her own gaze away. "What about you?"

Nea shook her head. "I only remember small bits of my childhood in Denerim alienage, and I tried tracking down my parents while I spent time at Alistair's court. You'd think that city elves with last names would be fairly easy to track down, but I found absolutely nothing. It was as if they never even existed."

"What about Arther? You mentioned his father had been a templar. Did he have family to visit?"

"He did. But that... did not go over well." Nea let out a sigh. "They weren't particularly happy with his choice in spouse."

"I see."

Her own expression became more neutral as she continued.

"I did inform them of Arther's loss though. Over letter of course. We never did inform them of Adam though, as... well. We weren't exactly public about our marriage nor our son. We didn't want Chantry to take him from us after all, and if we had told his family about Adam... That might've come to pass." Cullen nodded at that, showing understanding for her reasoning." Now that things have changed though, and I am not hiding anymore... perhaps I'll give it a try."

"Do you want to do that?"

Nea simply shrugged at that. "I don't bear grudges Cullen. And it would be nice if they accepted at least Adam into their family, so he'd have contact with his own relatives. I suppose we'll see."

It was then when they had finally arrived at Nea's shack. They stopped as Nea shifted her gaze from the door to Cullen, who was looking back at her. Under the moonlight, she saw a new shade to his warm amber eyes. She smiled for him, he smiled back.

"Thank for escorting me... and for listening me babble so much."

"Of course. I mean uh, not that you babble. I mean you did talk but--" Letting out a frustrated breath, he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I see what you mean about showing that youthful side of me."

"I told you." Her smile grew louder, and she made her way to her door. 

Cullen sighed. "Yes you did."

Before opening the door and entering her shack, she shot one last glance at Cullen and nodded politely. "Good night Cullen." 

"Good night." He wished as well. Nea then quietly opened the door and entered quickly, closing the door behind her. There was still sorrow left from the memories of that day, but now there was also a familiar warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love or hate her, it is difficult to be indifferent about Vivienne. I was surprised how entertained I was whilst writing her part. I mean of all the characters, it took me the longest to understand her so I wanted to represent her as accurately as possible.
> 
> Anyhow, I know this chapter was a little depressing, hopefully not too annoying to read.
> 
> Thank you for reading and support :3


	11. New faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is going to be more relaxed chapter, as I am introducing new characters! Hopefully it'll still be enjoyable.

Theon stood up carefully, and for the first time he did so, he didn't wince. Nea wasn't far from his body, ready to offer him support if there was pain involved. But the man walked to a five steps from his cot and back, without trouble much trouble. His pace was careful as he had been a too long off his feet, and it would've felt strange. 

"You see? Nothing to worry about. I can handle a few steps." He said, grinning widely. 

"It's good that you can manage this much, but if you think I am even going to recommend you start doing light duties you are very much mistaken."

Grin fading, Theon let out a long groan, and he leaned his head back as he did. "Most of my crew are on their feet already, and you have done fine job with me. Don't you trust your own hadiwork?"

"Do not try and pin this on me." Nea carefully but firmly poked Theon on the ribs and he fliched ever so slightly, and she then cocked her eyebrow at him. "There! See?"

"It is just minor. All soldiers have bruises that pain them, this is nothing I can't handle." 

"You can stand and walk, but I don't want you to strain yourself before you are ready."

Sighing, Theon turned to her. "I have spent too much time bedridden. There must be something, _anything,_ I can do."

Pondering on it, Nea put a finger on her lips. "Well, you can ask your lieutenant for light training, to see where you are at, but _only_ light training. No sparring or anything heavy just yet." Nea had to add the last part so that Theon wouldn't get any ideas. Then she smiled. "But you should be at least happy to know you don't need to spend more time on this cot, as I think you are well enough to return to the campement at least."

Theon's eyes lit up in surprise (partially because he wasn't expecting much leniency from her. "Really?"

"As long as you promise to come over if there are complications. The same goes for anyone I have released. Do you understand?"

"Yes m'am!" Despite trying to be serious, a grin broke out on Nea's face, and she shook her head, amused by the other man. For a grown man and a experienced soldier, Theon certainly could be silly. Nea turned her back to the grinning man, and made her way to her desk to put down bandages she had been holding. Theon didn't need them. She then proceeded to wash her hands, as she took in the state of the infirmary

Theon wasn't the only one making progress. The infirmary wasn't filled to the brim anymore, and whilst they still did get injured to be taken care of, many more had been allowed to return to duties or at least training. Overall, the attitude in the infirmary had changed from hurrying to save those they could to a place where they could tend the recovering. 

Overall, things were much better now than when they had started. Of course Nea still had her hands full, but she had a chance for small breaks, when she took the opportunity to either be with her son or some of her newly founded friends.

"Mother!" Called out a young voice behind Nea, and as she turned, young Adam had already hurried in front of her. _Speaking of the devil..._

"Adam, no shouting or running in the infirmary."

"Sorry ma." The boy said, but his grin didn't waver. "Hey ser Theon!" He greeted the man, running to him next. "You can stand!"

"Thanks to your lovely mother." The dark haired man said, with a glint in his eyes. "What brings you here boy? Coming to keep company to us downtrodden?" His eyes shifted to Nea as he said it, who in turn rolled her eyes (out of amusement).

"What's a downtrodden? Is that like when you are sick?"

"In a way..." 

"Oh okay." The boy looked then at his mother, impatience in his eyes. "Do you have a break soon? I'm hungry."

"I am free now, more or less." She said, taking of her apron and putting it aside. "What about you Theon? Would you like to join us?"

"You kidding? Having a first meal without having to be fed? Just try and stop me."

"I'll take that as a yes." Nea smiled, as she made her way to the door. Theon nor Adam were far behind. As they were all at the door, he turned to her, offering her his arm. Nea cocked her eyebrow ever so slightly, confused from the gesture.

"Shall we?" He said smoothly, his forest green eyes looking into hers. Politely nodding and not thinking much of it, Nea accepted his arm. The man seemed to smile even more when she accepted and he opened the door with his other hand and thus they started walking arm in arm to the tavern. 

Nea did have a strange feeling in her gut, but she put it aside. The man was just being polite, and she was polite in return. At least he was a gentleman, she thought.

They arrived to the _Singing Maiden_ to find it be almost full, not many tables remaining.

"Adam, go choose--- no, find us a table. We will bring the food." 

"Okay!" The boy chirped, hurrying forward trying to find them a table. 

"No need to run dear!" Nea tried saying after him but the boy couldn't hear her. She let out a sigh. "The boy is too fast for his own good."

"Young lads are like that. And once he starts growing, only thing that will change is what he will run _after_."

Shooting a fake shocked look at Theon, Nea breathed in. "How can you say something like that? He is just a little boy!"

He grinned, letting go of her arm and walking ahead of her (so he could make way for her in the crowded tavern) as they made way to the bar counter. "They grow up fast. As an oldest son of multiple siblings and cousins, I can guarantee that."

"I can already figure that. Adam is young, but all I can think about is when he was _even_ smaller."

Theon nodded, and at that moment they were finally over at the counter, where Flissa wiping some tankards clean. When Nea made eye contact with the cheery, freckled woman, she smiled widely, her dimples showing. The barkeeper clearly made note of Nea's companion, whom happened to be a tall dark haired man.

"Hello there mistress Willows. I don't think I've had chance to meet your handsome friend yet."

"Hey Flissa. This is Theon." Nea looked to her side at Theon. "He was one of my patients."

Theon chuckled. "She doesn't use a present tense, but she sure act like it."

"Oh she likes to take care of everyone. So do I, but in a different way." Flissa smiled ever so sweetly, before shifting her vibrant green eyes back to Nea. "Speaking of which, what can I interest you in today?"

"We came here in search of dinner. The usual."

"That's perfect. We have some warm ram stew just made today. Bowls for two, or is young Adam eating too?"

"He is, but he is in search of a table. So bowls for three." 

"Coming right up!" They waited a moment when Flissa went to the backroom to get their food and soon enough, she came back with a wooden tray and their bowls of soup on it. She laid the bowls onto the counter, and as she did Nea was getting her coin pouch, Theon raised his hand.

"Let me pay the tip."

"No I couldn't--"

"I'd like to." He said smilingly, taking few coins from his pocket and presenting it to Flissa who smilingly accepted the coin before Nea could protest. Theon then took two of the bowls in hand, carrying his and Adam's food. With his head indicated towards the tables. "Shall we then?"

There wasn't anything left for Nea to do, so she nodded. "Thank you for the food Flissa."

"My pleasure."

The woman then moved back to wiping tankards, and the two of them went to search the table were Adam would be at. Theon went ahead again, in order help her get past some patrons who were blocking the way. Eventually they found Adam at a corner table that had apparently just been freed. It was fairly large table, and they had been lucky to get it. Nea sat next to Adam and Theon sat opposite to them, and they began eating, while talking about this and that.

Nea then noticed a new group of people entering the tavern. A fairly colorful bunch. Couple of humans, one of which carried a staff on his back (and one who had very worn robes), and an elf who also carried a staff but also a sword on her hip. The elven woman had a scar across her face, and seemed to have an experienced presence about her. The red headed woman on the other hand, had the fanciest gear of them all, dark leather armor with long boots. And a lot of dagger strapped on her belt and who knows were (she did have a lot of pockets). Overall, all of the trio seemed to have a lot of... personality.

But right after they entered, behind them walked a tallest, most muscled female Qunari Nea had ever seen. Even through her armor it was clear how well built she was. Her cool grey skin stood out in the warm tavern filled with humans, elves and dwarves. Her other horns were big and curved, with some sort of... dark metallic decoration on them, making the tips looks sharper and overall make their size greater. Her hair was light grey, lighter than her skin, and braided into a bun, in a surprisingly elegant way. Few people shot glances at her in awe, but looked away just as quickly. Perhaps it was her severe expression that scared them away. But after spending such a long time with Sten, Nea had realized that the aura of severity was there automatically, without having to strive for it. 

The group seemed to be looking for a table, and thus turned to the tall Qunari, who could look above all the people in the room. Eventually her violet eyes locked with Nea's, and they seemed to expect her to turn away. But instead she smiled at the tall woman, raising her hand to beckon them come over: After all, their table was big, and it had room for more people. If the Qunari was surprised, she didn't show it. She looked more curious than anything else, and so did Theon. He looked over to the party that was now approaching, sizing them up and down.

As the group made their way to the table (the female Qunari ahead of the group this time) Nea stood up to greet them.

"You looked like you were looking for a table. We have spare room." She said smiling politely, beckoning them to sit down. The female qunari smiled now too, nodding just as politely back to Nea.

"That's right. Thanks for offering." The woman's voice was low and smoky, yet powerful, almost taking Nea aback. This new revelation only added to the woman's strong presence. "You heard the lady. Sit your hides down." She said to the rest of the group, most of them grinning and doing as commanded. Still, the Qunari woman waited until everyone else was seated before even looking for a chair.

But before she could, her eyes went to Adam. Nea was confused as to why, so she looked at the boy herself only to see his eyes wide and mouth open, staring at the woman. The Qunari woman cocked her well refined eyebrow at the boy and that's when Adam piped up:

"Woman you're tall!" He quipped, still seeming not to fully realize it. Few of the woman's companions snorted at that, and Theon couldn't hide his grin. Nea wasn't surprised at the boy, he hadn't had the chance to meet Qunari before.

"From the mouth's of children..." The red headed human man mused, and the read headed human woman next to him just grinned at the man. The elf woman opposite of them simply shook her head, even though she too appeared amused.

"Thanks for noticing kid." The Qunari woman simply said, grinning herself, as she took her seat. "What's your name?"

"Adam Willow's m'am." The boy answered proudly. "This is my ma, Nea Willows, and this is my friend ser Theon!" Nea couldn't help but smile at her son's earnest introductions. The rest around the table seemed as amused as her.

"Ah, I see. Good to meet you three." She noted as an answer, very matter of factly.

"What about you? What's you and your friends names?" Adam inquired quicker than Nea could.

"Those two red heads are Evelyn and Maxwell Trevelyan. We call them Lyn and Max." The Qunari woman leaned on her elbows which rested on the table, (she was taller than the rest of them even when sitting, this was the only way to even it out even a little). "And the elf is Rahna." 

"Nice to meet you Adam." Said the read headed human woman, smiling a roguish half-smile. Max waved his hand at the boy, smiling giddily, and the dark brown haired elf, with dark vallaslin and tanned skin, simply nodded in a relaxed manner.

"And me, I'm Katari Adaar. Just call me Adaar, I prefer it." She extended her large hand to the much smaller boy, who eagerly gripped in and shook her hand. "Good handshake boy."

"Thanks! I carry a lot of heavy things so I can get stronger quickly!" Adam boasted, trying to show off his muscles. Adaar let go of his hand and just nodded again. 

"It is working. Keep at it." She simply said and the boy seemed to beam with pride after that, and kept then eating with a huge smile on his face. Nea shot an approving glance to Adaar, who finally let a grin of her own break her expression.

"I will go get our team some drinks. Can I get you three anything?" Adaar offered politely as she stood up again.

"I don't need anything, thank you for offering. Do you need anything Adam?" Nea asked the boy but he shook his head. 

"I am good as well." Theon added, and Adaar nodded before walking to Flissa at the bar counter.

Theon, as he ate, looked over at the rest of the group and not that discreetly. Nea wasn't certain why, and the elf Rahna took a note of it, and shot a questioning look at the man, which the man answered with words:

"You seem like a group with a dynamic. Are you a team of sorts, or did I read you wrong and you're just regular soldiers like myself?"

Rahna leaned back in her chair, her chestnut eyes perspectively looking him up and down as well. The two read heads looked at the situation with genuine interest. 

"Yes, do tell." The red headed mage quipped, raising his eyebrows. "What would you call our little band of _friends_? I am most interested to hear it myself." Nea looked over the dalish elf with curiosity herself, and the woman answered her glance, with rolling her eyes.

"These two are just gloating over the fact that I finally consider them worthy team members." Then returning her unyielding gaze to Theon she nodded. "You're right, we are a group. With a very _strange_ dynamic." As she said the word, she glowered at the two redheads, before once more looking over at the dark haired man. "We were mercs, and our band used to be bigger. And, well... mostly Qunari."

"But the Conclave happened." Said Adaar behind them, arriving with more drinks. Strong ale, from the smell of it. "Inquisition, Ambassador Montilyet specifically, contracted us to the Inquisition, as a small enforcer or striker team. Not exactly a proper merc band anymore but close. As it is, we are still part of the Inquisition like you, soldier."

Theon leaned back in his chair, taking a break from eating. "Don't take this as an offense, but isn't your group a little... small to be a enforcer team?"

"Granted, with more Valo-Kas mercenaries at our backs, we would be even more effective... But what we lack in numbers..." Adaar said, looking over at Rahna who continued:

"..We make up for in skills." The dalish woman said, taking a long sip of her drink.

"And in enthusiasm!" Added Max, enthusiastically. 

"Shush Maxie. He isn't wrong though." Lyn agreed, taking out a dagger, and twirled it around smoothly with her hand, as a show of ability. "A highly skilled, and motivated group can do a lot of damage. Oh and we do have the recommendations to back it up. A pile of them."

"Hmm, I suppose I can get that." Theon mused, looking at the dagger in Lyn's hand.

"Stop showing off Lyn." Adaar grunted, taking a swig of her own drink. Smoothly putting the dagger in it's sheath, Lyn raised her hands in surrender.

Rahna looked over at Theon. "You look like a soldier yourself. That why the interest?"

"You could say that. Comrade like interest, let's put it like that." He said, his eyes no longer inspecting them. 

"What about you, fair lady?" Max asked, and it took a second for Nea to realize he was talking to her. She raised her dark chocolate eyes to meet the violet ones. "What is your profession in the Inquisition?"

"Oh me?" She asked clumsily, almost choking on her food before answering: "I am the primary healer in the Inquisition. Not as daring position as your ventures, but still important."

"Ah the school of creation. I never could get the handle on it myself. Where did you study?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"In Ferelden's Circle. We had good teacher's of the field there. Of course I went to learn _in_ the field later on, but the Circle gave me the best possible start."

"If only my Circle had given me more leeway to study in the field, perhaps I would've learned something." He said, shaking his head. 

"Oh they gave you plenty of leeway, and you know it. Had they given you anymore, you would've escaped." Lyn berated him, and he just chuckled at that. Nea too, was amused, but tried not to choke on her own food again.

"How very true. Tell me, mistress Willows. Did they miss a lot you once you escaped the Circle?"

"Escaped? I never did do that."

"They just.. let you go? I knew the new Ferelden Circle was lax due to the leadership given over to the First Enchanter instead of the Templars, but didn't realize it was that lax."

Nea put down her spoon for a moment, cocking her head to the side. 

"Admittedly it was much freer after the mages got some control, but there were still rules to be followed. It was not necessarily out of all Chantry control after all. I still needed to report in after I was given leeway to travel."

"I'm surprised. I assumed..." He said, looking over at Adam and at that moment what he meant was confirmed to her. Of course, how could a Circle mage be allowed to keep a child, that's why he assumed she had escaped. 

"It is complicated." She admitted. "Just consider me just another mage, who is lucky enough to be a mother as well."

"Still a somewhat strange combination. No offense intended." He quickly added the last part.

"None taken." Nea said, but still wished for a change in subject. 

"You're being too kind. Maxie, stop being impolite to the nice people we've just met!" Lyn said, ruffling her brother's hair. "It's too early for such personal conversations!"

"The minute you stop being impolite to me!" He whined back, pushing his sister little further away from him. "But I suppose a change in topic could be in order." 

"Well then." Nea thought about it before asking: "Where are the two of you from then? You don't sound Ferelden. Free marchers then?"

"We are from Ostwick, both children of Bann Ostwick. Only that my dear sister had the privilege of actually staying home, as I had to move to the Circle of Ostwick at a fairly young age." 

"He whines about it a lot, but fails to mention that we were allowed to meet every now and again." Lyn said, rolling her eyes again at her brother. "Such was the leeway granted to him."

"You always speak of it in such a belittling manner, _Evelyn_ , but you yourself would've hated it there. Much more than I."

"Enough you two. Save your sibling bickering for a time when you aren't bothering anyone else." Rahna growled at the two of them, and both of them shrugged at the same time, in the exact same manner. It made Nea giggle a little. They were indeed siblings. Perhaps they were even twins, from the looks of it.

"You may find it amusing, but this is what I have to deal with in daily basis." Said Adaar with a sigh, looking at Nea. "Sometimes I feel like a mother hen of the bunch, believe it or not."

"Oh I do believe it." Nea said, smiling. "Handling multiple people must take it's toll. Luckily there are places such as this to unwind. I recommend it as a healer."

"You do huh." Adaar mused, before turning her gaze back to Adam with a smile. "What about you, kid? What would you do for the Inquisition, were you older?"

The boy smiled wide, happy to be included. "I'd be a warrior and a mage! Just like auntie Miri!"

Other's at the table chuckled, but Rahna actually looked over at the child with curiosity. "Oh? You would, huh?"

"I'd throw fireballs at them darkspawn and demons, and then slash what's left of them with a big sword!" The boy then pouted a little, looking over at his mother. "Ma says I am not a mage, but I still hope to be one like auntie!"

"This auntie another mage then? And a warrior too? That's rare." Rahna said thoughtfully, looking over to Nea, eyes looking for confirmation, and she received a nod as a response.

"That's because she is the Hero of Ferelden! She is legendary!" Adam declared proudly, and Nea could swear he had just waited for the opportunity to share this information, and it received the reaction he seemed to want: The red headed duo's mouths opened up in surprise, Rahna's reaction was milder but she raised her own eyebrows and Adaar simply cocked an eyebrow, but looked impressed. 

"Wait, you know the Hero of Ferelden?" Theon asked, bewildered. He hadn't known either.

"We were trained in the same Circle, and became close friends over time." Looking at Theon, she then shook her head. "Before you ask, no, I do not know where she is now. Probably up to her neck in some other adventure of hers. I do hope to hear from her at some point."

Rahna seemed more curious than before, which usually occurred when Miriam was mentioned. "I myself have learned to use the sword as well but cannot pretend to be more than a mage. And she was a warrior, as well? Fascinating."

"She practiced the way of the Arcane Warrior. We actually came to learn of it's existence in ancient elven ruins. Oh it was quite the adventure..."

"Now you must share it." Lyn quipped, leaning closer so she'd hear better.

She had shared the story many times, but Adam listened to it with the same level of interest as always. As Nea told the story of the sick dalish elves, the curse of the werewolves and the lady of the forest, all the others didn't let out a peep. Out of them all, Rahna was most fascinated, which would be understandable, considering she was an elf with vallaslin, thus a dalish elf. She was the one who asked most specifics over the matter, even going so far as to ask if Nea still recalled the location of the ruins, which Nea didn't. She had been too young back then, and fresh out of the Circle, the whole world seemed too vast back then for her to make such notes. She simply had followed Miriam after all.

After she finished the story, saying how a peace between the elves and werewolves was established, all of them were at least impressed. 

"Such places that yet exist in the world. Such magic! My former keeper would've been all over that place." Rahna said thoughtfully, memories clearly flashing before her eyes.

"Would you be?" Nea asked out of curiosity.

"Well, it definitely would be a noteworthy place to visit. But I wonder how much difference it could really make." Shrugging, she grabbed her tankard. "At least some good came out of it when you were there."

"Miriam and Theron handled most of it. I just happened to be a bystander."

"Regardless, an impressive tale." The Qunari woman mused, raising her tankard for her. "Thank you for sharing." Rahna followed suit and raised her own tankard as well. After those raised their drinks, the two siblings and Theon didn't hold back either. Nea felt a slight blush on her face alongside a wide smile, which only made Theon chuckle some more.

"If mere compliments for your story make you so glad, you need to tell stories more often." He said, and whilst Nea appreciated the compliment, she felt that strange feeling in her gut again. The way Theon was looking at her seemed familiar, but yet again, she thought nothing of it.

"On to the point, we would like to hear more of your stories, if you'd like to share." Adaar said, interested to hear more, but Nea shook her head at that.

"It would be impolite if I was the only one talking. Furthermore, I would like to hear more of _your_ stories, I am certain you have some as well."

All of their new friends turned to look at Lyn, whose Sapphire eyes glinted in inspiration. 

"Well Lyn, you're up." Max said, his lean body relaxing against the chair's back. 

"My pleasure." Lyn said smoothly, before clearing her voice and standing up. Once she began spinning her tale, her voice changed: It was smooth and melodic, and she seemed to immerse herself in the story. Everyone around were sucked into the story, and even few bystanders eavesdropped the story telling, as it was clear that Lyn knew what she was doing.

She told a story about an impossible seeming attack on a hostile fort, taken over by bandits and rogue mages. They even had hostages. Their preparations took time, and during that time too, few of their Valo-Kas friends confessed their love for one another, and swore to be together if they ever got out of it alive. With her words, even the most simple of concepts seemed hard breaking and emotional, and it got through to every listener. Lyn revealed their bold plan, as they had to separate for the mission, attacking the enemy at night.

From their band of four, everyone had their moment in the spotlight, showing off their abilities and power, and Lyn made them seem like heroes from a storybook. Overall the tale was long, making few other listeners sometimes grumble in frustration, hoping to know the end, but staying to listen the whole tale regardless. They simply couldn't leave. And as so many good tales, this one ended in a huge celebration.

Once the tale was finished, there were applause from around the tavern, not just from their table. Lyn bowed down with surprising humility, no hint of sarcasm to be seen. Perhaps a little playfulness but beyond that, she seemed genuinely happy to receive the praise she did, and not stuck up about it.

Among the cheers, walked Varric towards their table, he too clapping, but in a little slower rhythm.

"Tale well sprung, _Sparrow_." He called the red headed woman. "Keep it up and I'll be sure to have tough competition." Varric grinned, taking a chair around their table, next to Nea, winking at her as he did. "Didn't know you had a type Snowdrop."

"Don't be silly." Nea giggled at the dwarf.

"Competition? Why, my humble story telling no competition to anyone, ser....?"

"Varric Tethras, at your service my lady." Varric said, bowing down his head a little in respect. Lyn sat down, eyes opening wide.

Theon cocked an eyebrow at Nea. "Your friends keep getting more interesting by the minute... _Snowdrop._ " He murmured.

"I do not mind the nickname but please, it is enough that one person says it. You needn't start as well." She pleaded to the dark haired soldier.

" _The_ Varric Tehtras? I've read your books! _Hard in Hightown_ is my favorite, by far." Lyn said very quickly, almost stumbling on her words. "It's a privilege to have the chance to meet you!"

"I am but a humble servant of the fans." Answered Varric, bowing down his head politely. "I believe introductions are in order?"

Nea introduced them all (and she could tell the dwarven rogue was imagining nicknames for them all), and they exchanged some pleasantries. Varric was interested in hearing more of their tales, and with an interest only a writer could had, he listened in as Lyn told few more tales. Once again, more people gathered around to listen and even though Nea had finished her meal, she stayed to listen the latest story to it's end, before standing up.

"Alright, I really need to return back to my duties now." She said, but not moving away from the table yet.

"Aww, already ma? I wanna stay and listen to stories." The little boy whined, not standing up yet. 

"You can stay if you wish Adam, just remember to check in later on, like usually." 

"Okay ma, thanks!"

"We'll look after the kid, don't you worry Snowdrop." Varric grinned, ruffling the boys hair, and as a response the boy laughed a little. "We are gonna have good time then, eh kid?"

"Sure uncle Varric!" The kid beamed, and dwarven rogue grinned wider. He gave Nea a look that said ' _well guess I am stuck with the name now'._

"Are you sure you have to leave right now?" Theon inquired, having stood up as well. "You work so hard, few more minutes won't hurt..."

"No, I really do need to go back. But we will have plenty of times to enjoy time here." She said with a smile. "Remember what I told you, no hard duties..."

"...Just light training, I remember. I promise to obey your command m'lady." Theon sighed, but there was hint of a grin at the corner of his mouth.

"Good. See you later everybody." 

"It was a pleasure." Adaar said to her, and after that Nea finally took her leave.

_More good people. The Inquisition is really coming together._ After a wonderful meal and even better company, Nea felt energized and motivated to do her part. She did wonder though, that she should exchange some words with Leliana. Speaking about Miriam always made her somewhat... worried. Ever since the Blight was over, their path's didn't meet as much as they'd like, and while they did meet one another as often as _possible_ , there was rarely enough information to satisfy Nea's concern over her friend's situation. 

Miriam was a solemn person, who faced duty with a straight face. She never did give Nea the full story on... anything. And yet... _Maker I miss that woman._ Perhaps Leliana would know more. It was unlikely, but still Nea hoped there would be some word. _Any_ word. Perhaps Miriam would say something to Leliana, of all people. They had been _very_ close after all.

At the infirmary, Nea worked hard beside Annabelle. Few more patients arrived, but few more were let go as they were acknowledged as fully healed. After hours of work, Nea went to her desk and started writing a report over the matters at the infirmary. She made a note of the fact that things had momentarily eased down, but it was no reason to neglect the healing department. They were still at early stages, but they had gained more people over these past weeks, and more people meant more to be taken care of. They still lacked healers, and some of the ones they had still required some training. Josephine was working on the matter, but Nea still felt like she needed to report the situation honestly, just in case.

As the evening came to be, Nea was about to go to the apothecary to make more potions, but before she managed to, there was a woman in fine silks at the door, and she approached Nea, curtsying politely when she was close enough. If Nea remembered correctly, she was one of Josephine's messengers.

"Lady Ambassador wishes to inform you that the Bann Gilford has arrived. She says that your presence in her office would be expected tomorrow noon, and if this inconvenient or unsuitable for you, then you can tell it to me, and she will figure something out." The woman had a thick Orlesian accent, and what she said confirmed Nea's suspicion on why she was here.

Nea had been expecting this news for awhile now, and wasn't surprised to finally receive them. 

"Tell lady the Ambassador I will be there, and currently it is not an inconvenience. I am quite prepared, for everything I possibly can." 

"Good, I shall inform the Ambassador. Good evening to you." Curtsying in the most sophisticated manner, the dark skinned woman took her leave. Nea made a mental note of the proper mannerisms of the woman, making it clear that Josephine was meticulous when it came to her people.

When the woman was out of sight, Annabelle walked to Nea's side, eyebrow raised. 

"So you are going to be off during working hours then?"

"Come now, you know I wouldn't prioritize the non essential cases over the... well, essential cases, no matter what birth someone may have."

"But still his 'appointment' is moved up on the list because of it."

"Annabelle... You know I am not like that, don't you? I do this because it is for the good of the Inquisition and, more importantly, because I would tend the Bann anyway, if given the opportunity. I dislike leaving people hanging."

Sighing, the freckled woman seemed to relent. "Sorry, for giving you a hard time. I know you wouldn't do something like that..."

Nea took Annabelle by hand, and led her to the side of the room, giving her a compassionate look, her dark eyes being as kind as possible. "What's wrong?"

Annabelle's usually strong and unbreakable green eyes, now showed a little wariness. "I don't want to sound soft..."

"You never could, just tell me what's on your mind."

"...Right now we may have a small moment to _focus_ on our patients, instead rushing through them, but you know how unpredictable things are. There is a hole in the Sky for Maker's sake! We may have gained few new healers but that isn't nearly enough to handle another _wave_ of injured. You are our best healer, and if you are taken elsewhere for-- as you put it -- _non essential_ cases, then where will we be? The losses we've already faced... it affects us. Affects _me_."

Not hesitating at all, Nea gently put her hand her Annabelle's shoulder, as a way to reassure her. 

"I hope you can trust my word, when I give it. No one will stop me from doing what's right here. And you're right. We do need more people, but rest assured, I have already approached the Inquisition leadership about it, and I will see it come to fruition. I will give this post my best, so that the people have a fighting chance, at the very least." Tapping her friend on the shoulder, Nea dared to smile. "I should've realized sooner that this much death has gotten to you. And I see it too. But don't let that lesser your value, on the contrary! You give yourself too little credit. You do much around here, more than you realize. We need you."

The freckled woman nodded slowly, forcing all the momentary sadness away from her expression. "Sorry for loading this garbage on you. But I appreciate it your words."

"Don't apologize, I am here for you and you won't get rid of me." Those words of Nea's, caused Annabelle to laugh a little, relaxing her. "Let's get back to work?"

Hours passed by quickly, as both of the women work alongside one another, and eventually Adam made his way to the infirmary. He, just like with Theon, chatted with the recovering soldiers, giving them other things to think about whilst the recovered. Smiling proudly, Nea looked at Annabelle and her son. 

It got her thinking. They would get more healers, but had they the time, this would also be a perfect learning opportunity for people with potential. She would have to mention that in her reports. As a side note of course. She thought that Annabelle definitely had potential to be even more. But that subject needed to be talked about at a better occasion. She was still a lay sister, and whilst not set on staying in the Chantry yet, she had joined the particular rank for a reason. 

Regardless, it was a matter for another time.

"Ma, can we go to the _Singing Maiden_ again? Uncle Varric said he would be telling tales with Sparrow." Adam asked, when the time for rest grew nearer. 

"Sparrow? You mean miss Evel-- I mean Lyn?"

"I dunno for sure why he calls her that. Maybe because storytelling is almost like singing? Sparrow sure has a pretty voice." 

_At least he is making new friends._ "They do. And we can go but cannot stay for long. I have to be clear and awake early tomorrow, and you need to spend more time around the books you've been given." Nea said to the boy, but the boy simply seemed to hear that 'they could go' and thus looked excited. She thought about it for a second, before turning to Annabelle. "You have been working so hard lately. Perhaps a night out would do you some good." 

Annabelle looked liked she was going to argue, but then seemed to think better of it. "Yes... perhaps one night out would do me some good." 

"You go on ahead, me and Adam will be there soon enough."

"Oh Adam can come with me, if he so pleases." Annabelle looked at the kid with a grin. "I bet he is eager to get to hear Maryden sing some more too. And you still need to finish that report, it will take longer than awhile."

"Yes, please ma lemme go with Anna!" The boys eyes gleamed with excitement. He was very eager to see his new friends again, and Nea couldn't bring herself to deny it. 

"Very well, just be considerate towards Annabelle and don't string her along too much, hm?" 

"I won't! Thanks ma!" He said, all giddy and cheery. He went to Annabelle, taking hold of her hand just as she was walking towards the door. Letting out a laugh, both of them waved to Nea as they took their leave.

Nea then made way to her desk, and sat down on her chair, looking for the most recent report. Even though she had mentioned it in her previous reports, she brought up again the understaffed infirmary matter. She just rephrased it differently. The Inquisition leadership might see this as minor nagging, but on important matters such as these, Nea didn't mind if she nagged a little. She needed to be persistent, otherwise what was the point of her position being 'higher' than the other healers?

She also took a look at a potion bottle she had recently made. Nea was planning to deliver it to Cullen, either today or tomorrow, alongside the report. At least that was the current plan? It was a personal delivery, and as such she was somewhat uncertain how to go about it. It was a potion meant to help with the migraine's he was enduring. It was a simply thing really, Nea was hesitant to give him anything stronger until she knew more about the condition. Maybe when he did, she would be able to give him a right prescription, but for now this would have to do.

Still, the matter remained. Thinking more of it, wouldn't it be strange to give a potion to him right in front of his men? But the man barely took any breaks, and whenever they went to their walks they were... spontaneous. She didn't know where he was all the time. She would have to ask around... And she wondered how discreet that was, as discretion was the one thing the man had asked for.

A voice of someone clearing their voice at the doorway startled Nea, and she quickly looked over. It was a dwarven woman, a familiar looking person but one she couldn't quite place. When acknowledged, the woman made way to Nea's side, some letter in her hands. 

"Excuse me mistress Willows, there is a report for you, of the injured arriving to Haven, in the upcoming days." 

Nea then recognized the woman. She was the Commanders courier, just like the message bearer from before had been to Josephine. In fact, all the Inquisition's leaders had their own personal message deliverers. It gave Nea an idea.

"I had been hoping for one, to get the idea where we are going..." She said, taking the report from the courier. Nea would go over it in just a moment. "But before you go... Could you perhaps... deliver something from me to the Commander? I know it is late but I know he often works past work hours..."

"Certainly, it is my job after all." The woman quipped.

"Perfect. Just a second..." Taking a new sheet of paper, quill and ink, she started writing down a message describing the ingredients (just in case), the way to use the potion correctly and then a small personal note at the end:

_I_ _hope you won't mind that I took the initiative. I am known to be very pushy when called for. But only when called for!_

_Just please try it out, and see how you feel. Let me know if you need more._

~ _Nea Willows_

"Here." She said, handing the woman both the potion and the letter. 

"I'll deliver this right away."

"Thank you."

"Anytime mistress." She politely said, bowing slightly and taking her leave. Nea watched after the woman, smile of relief finding her lips.

She had heard how the Commander disliked being pestered, but Nea didn't feel particularly worried. He may have promised to seek her out if his condition became unbearable, but that's the loophole: The man could endure much. So at the cost of being annoying, she still rather aided the man. It would be worth it.

Nea then viewed the newly sent report to her. The estimate of the upcoming injured wasn't as high as when the Breach had first appeared, but they were going to have their hands full again. Nea's and Annabelle's concerns were proven very tangible. Her choice to press the issue of the understaffed infirmary were not a unfounded then. 

She put the report aside, leaning back and letting out a thoughtful hum. She would compensate the lack of numbers with potions and request help from the mages present in Haven, in case they could do even the smallest of healing spells. She'd have time tomorrow to do it all, as the injured would not yet reach them by then. Lucky for them.

Now it was late, and if Nea wished to spend time with her son and friends in the tavern (before having to put Adam to sleep) she'd have to get going now. She'd spent longer in the infirmary that she had intended, and Adam wondered why she hadn't come yet. 

Standing up, she took in the view of the less crowded infirmary, putting the image in her mind, before walking outside. 

The darkness had taken over the sky moon and the stars being the only sources of natural light. Breach brought light too, but it was less natural, more mystical. During these last weeks, Nea had gotten used to it's strange glow, but every now and again, when she realized it really was there, it reminded her of it's looming danger to them all. Hopefully Juna will find a way to close it.

Closing in the _Singing Maiden_ , a different kind of light awaited her: The warm light could be seen through windows and cracks on the door, the inviting kind of light, accompanied with cheers and laughter. She wondered what would bring about such happy voices at a time like this.

She opened the door and entered the full tavern, the voices sounding much louder inside. There were people gathered around a table, cheering on. 

"Go! You can do it lady!" One voice yelled out.

"No way! Give it to her boss!" Argued another.

Nea carefully slipped past the crowd, getting closer to the scene. When she got to the front row, she was taken aback.

Adaar was arm wrestling against the hugest Qunari man Nea had ever laid eyes upon. He was such a... Hunk of meat! Well built man couldn't begin to describe him. He was a strong, bulky presence, and the fact that he was bare-chested only showcased it more. And he whilst he was focusing on the arm wrestling, he had a widest confident grin on his face, taking clearly pride in his own presence. He only had one eye, but his confidence made it seem like he wasn't afraid of anything, even on his blind sight.

Here she had thought that Adaar was a huge woman and well muscled herself, but she still wasn't as huge as the man. Still, even though she wasn't winning, she was actually holding him back for the moment, showing off the strength she herself had. The amount of power these through must have, _combined..._ The raw presence of it made Nea shiver. 

"Wow! Come on you two, give it your all!" Cheered Adam, who Nea now noticed was standing on a chair nearby Adaar, the rest of her team were sitting at her side, whilst Theon and Annabelle (who was looking intently at the male Qunari, Nea might add) were standing. Varric was there too, at the head of the table, seeming to be something like a judge. Nea herself had to force herself to look away from the intimidating scene to even notice any them.They were cheering Adaar on, whilst at the other side of the table were people who cheered on the big Qunari man, some of them calling him boss.

_Another contracted team maybe, like Adaar?_

Adaar growled, brows knitted, pushing back with all of her strength, but all she could do was keep the man at bay, which on it's own was a great achievement. 

"You've got some brawn, m'am! But you know how this is gonna go!" The man managed to grunt, as tense as he was.

"LESS talking, MORE wrestling!" Growled Adaar, jaw clenched, and the man managed to let a laugh at that, but not in a belittling manner at all, he actually sounded pleased to hear that challenge.

Nea found herself clapping with the rest of the crowd, looking excitedly over them. It took a good while, and slowly the Qunari man managed to get the upper hand, and then he slammed down Adaar's hand down. As he did, even louder cheers erupted around them, and Nea almost had to cover her ears. 

"Nice one boss." Said one of the male Qunari's companions, and the man simply grinned as a response.

Adaar looked exhausted, but her look of anger soon turned to a more relaxed look, close to a half smile. "Nice one." She mused. "I will be ready to go again, at another time. I'll make sure to last longer."

The big man cocked his side to the side. "But first things first, as we agreed..."

Adaar nodded in agreement. "...Loser pays for the next round." Flissa was already bringing the drinks in, as she finished the sentence.

"I want to have a go at him too!" Adam said loudly, as the people started to scatter again, some of them paying up bets. 

"That's the spirit kid!" the man said playfully, and Nea let out a laugh, stepping closer to the table.

"Does he also have to pay for a round of drinks if he looses?" She asked, and the man turned to look at her with is one good eye, it's light greenish grey shade was sharp and aware, filled with confidence. He looked her up and down, as he answered.

"Nah, unless he really wants to." He answered, in a relaxed tone, leaning back on his chair. Adaar nodded her greetings to Nea, and Rahna raised a tankard to her. The Trevelyan sibling were paying up their bets, so they took their time to greet Nea.

"Hey ma! You came!" Adam quipped, waving his hand to her, before beckoning to the man at the opposite side of the table. "This is the Iron Bull! The Iron Bull, this is my mother Nea Willows."

His eye was on her, and whilst his mood was amused, his look was measuring, different from the first look. "Mmm, my pleasure." He said simply, in an appreciative tone, and Nea felt a little surprised by the attention, but she didn't look away from his gaze.

"Nice to meet you too." She said in a more formal tone. Adam then proceeded to introduce the rest around the table, to all of their amusement; Krem, Stitches, Rocky... The rest of the crew were apparently not present at the moment, as they were doing some drills. They were much bigger band than Adaar's as well.

"They are merce-- merc-- _mercenaries._ " Adam finally managed to pronounce. "Bull's chargers, they're called!" 

"I wondered about that." Nea said, as Adaar made room for her beside her, letting Nea sit beside Adam. 

"And you're the healer, right?" Iron Bull said, looking at her as she moved, and he phrased his sentence as an observation rather than a question.

"I am. How did you know?" Nea said, cocking her eyebrow at the man. At the same time Theon handed her a drink, despite she not asking for one, only giving her a wink as an explanation. Flissa also gave a cup of something to Adam, smiling reassuringly to Nea, confirming that isn't anything alcoholic.

" _Tiny_ here seems to know many things." Varric grinned. 

"Eh, you have that look about you. Plus, I've heard talk about a healer who happens to be a pretty elf with a kid. _Very_ pretty. Well, among other descriptions." Noting the worried look on Nea's eye, Iron Bull then chuckled. "Not the kind of rumors you're thinking of. A lot of praises goes around of you in the army camp. And I see why." He added the last part with a half smile, saying it smoothly and lowly, before taking a gulp from his drink.

Nea felt her ears redden a little at that. "Oh. That is... Good, I suppose. Surprising, but good." She then took a sip of her own drink, and the others at the table followed suit, before conversation ensued. Annabelle seemed to be in deep conversation with Stitches, whilst the Trevelyan duo talked to the other Chargers.

Rahna leaned in, putting her elbows on the table. "Glad you didn't miss the show. Too bad you missed the betting though. I certainly made a good amount."

"You actually bet against your own teammate?" Nea asked, in surprise. "Not very... comradery."

"Oh we didn't bet about who would win. We bet about how long Adaar would last." Rahna then shrugged. "I bet correctly. But boss lady here, she overestimated herself. No offense Adaar."

"Some taken." Adaar quipped.

"In my defense, when a Qunari with muscles the size of a wagon... It is difficult to _underestimate_." Rahna said, looking over to him. He grinned as a response and Nea felt that had he two eyes, he would've winked.

"Mm, thanks for noticing. Took a _lot_ of work to get here."

"But she wasn't off by much though." Varric noted, looking at Rahna. "You should really have more faith in her, _Snapdragon_ _._ " 

"As much as you had?" Nea pointed out, noticing him pocketing his own winnings. "You certain you just didn't want a greater share?"

"Details Snowdrop. Harmless details." The smooth rogue shrugged innocently, making her smile and shake her head.

"Of course. Why didn't I consider that?"

"Hey, can I try to arm wrestle the Iron Bull now? I want to try!" Adam asked impatiently, after having drank his drink (whatever it was, juice Nea presumed), looking over Bull who in turn let chuckled. After all, Adam's hand was so small, he probably couldn't even get a proper grip anyway.

"Tell you what, I'll just hold my hand still, and you try to push it down. You can use both hands. That is.. if your mother agrees of course. I feel like she is looking at me quite dangerously, right now." He politely nodded to Nea. For a big mercenary, he was surprisingly... good with Adam.

Sighing (but still amused) Nea nodded to her son. "Go on then but try not to knock over anyone's drink."

"I won't!" Eagerly, the boy stood on his knees on his chair (in order to get higher) and Bull put his arm in a wrestling position, allowing Adam to take hold of his hand with both hands. As hard as he tried though, he couldn't get Bull's arm even to move. No surprise there. He still gave it his best shot. After awhile, he finally gave up, breathing hard as he had put all his strength into trying. The boy looked amazed, rather than annoyed at not succeeding. "Wow, you're really strong." He mused at the end.

"Eh, not bad kid. Keep at it, and maybe one day you'll be a challenge." 

"I will. And then I'll beat you with one hand, while you'll be thee one using two hands!" The boy declared, and a roar of laughter surrounded the table.

"That's the spirit!" Iron Bull proclaimed. 

"I think it's time for another round." Theon said as he finished his first drink. "I'll ask Flissa for them. I assume everyone is taking one?"

"We are up for more." Adaar spoke for her team, and Bull said the same in the behalf of his group.

"I don't need another, thank you." Nea said, raising some eyebrows around her.

"You sure? Your drink would go into my tab." Theon tried again but she just shook her head.

"I am not finished with this one and I must be clear headed tomorrow so I will not be having anymore."

"Well then, I'll just get you and Adam something with no punch."

"You don't need to." 

"I'd like to." He said with a smile strange intensity in his forest green eyes as they captured hers, and Nea responded in kind, but feeling a little strange.

"I'll come with!" Adam quipped suddenly. "I wanna talk to Flissa." Theon took that as his cue and went to the bar counter, Adam right behind him.

Few of the people around exchanged knowing glances, but Nea felt left out of the loop. 

"Well isn't he a gentleman..." Lyn asked, mirth and mischief sparkling in her sapphire eyes. 

"He is." Nea kept her tankard in hand, looking up from it to the rogue with many daggers. "I suppose he is thankful for my efforts towards his recovery. It is very considerate of him."

"Oh very much indeed." Lyn noted with a charming smile. Adaar shot a look at Lyn which told her to hold her tongue (and also at everyone else at the table), making Nea feel even stranger. "Alright alright, I'll won't say anything else."

Nea had noticed how Theon had lately acted around her. She didn't know him that well yet, perhaps that's what he was like once he warmed up to someone? At the back of her mind she knew there was more to it, but she ignored it. It was foolish to make assumptions at this point. Instead of thinking about it, she raised her tankard to her lips once again and took a long sip.

"Yes, let's not dig into each other's business." Varric grinned, and pulled out cards. At this point, Theon came back to the table, helping Flissa carry out all the drinks to the people at the table. "Instead let's dig into each other's pockets. Wicked grace?" 

"That would be perfect. Deal me in." Max said, already throwing a silver on the table. "I assume the same goes for you, sis?"

"Of course. But I am a bit rusty, so go easy on me." She said, and it was difficult to say whether she was bluffing or being honestly humble. People around the table also mused their agreement, already taking hold of their coin pouches. 

"What about you Snowdrop? Are you a gambling lady?" Varric asked, as he started shuffling the cards.

"Not particularly... But I'm not against a few rounds. Then I really have to retire. Early morning and all." Nea looked over at Adam, who was looking at the fancy cards Varric was shuffling. "And no, Adam. You don't get to play, just watch."

"I know bit of the rules though." The kid pouted. "I could play a little."

"You do do you? And pray tell, _where_ did you learn it from?"

"Errr...." The kid looked at Varric, like a deer that had just bumped into a bear. "Nowhere..."

Nea looked over at Varric, who was clearing his throat. Adam's stare alone had given the rogue away. "Varric, did you teach my son to gamble?"

"Oh come on Snowdrop, he is going to learn it somewhere, so I decided to... indulge his youthful curiosity."

She let out a light sigh. "Oh brother..."

The others chuckled at the table, and with a grin he dealt them all in. Nea ended up playing few more rounds than she originally planned, as in good company, time flew very fast. Even if she wasn't that lucky with the cards. Eventually when it was time to leave, and.Theon offered to see her to her hut but she declined, urging him to continue playing. So they said their good night's 

Adam had began to feel very tired and she ended up carrying him to their little hut. Yet another night ended, at the company of new friendsa and family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will get into each of these new characters backstories, but better not ram it into the first introductions right?
> 
> Please leave a comment, or kudos, if you enjoyed yourself :3 I also welcome feedback.


	12. The spirit healer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so again, I have taken liberties with the magical theory here. I did some research, trying to make the scene involved here as "magically realistic" as possible. 
> 
> Have fun!

Nea looked herself up and down through the mirror. It had been such a long time since she had seen herself in such a manner.

Jospehine hand insisted she present herself properly and as such, she needed proper attire. Nea had only practical gear with herself, and as such Josephine had made inquires, and had managed to get a hold of proper mage robes. They didn't fit Nea perfectly, but it was close. They were little too big for her, but it was barely noticeable. It was forest green in shade, with copper toned patterns at the end of the sleeves and the hem. It also included a fairly fine copper toned belt around the waist. Colors that complimented Nea overall.

In addition to that, she braided her hair more fancily this time, into a bun. Josephine had offered to find her some jewelry, but Nea had declined. She had her golden wedding ring, that was all the jewel she wanted.

At least no one could blame her for inappropriate clothing. She may have preferred her usual and simple cotton dress with a purple tunic, but this was fitting enough.

As for other preparations... she thought back to this morning.

_She had just finished preparing potions that could come in handy whilst she would try and heal the Ferelden Bann. A servant had them delivered to the Chantry, where Nea would apparently be examining the nobleman. But that wasn't all the preparation she had in mind._

_Nea made her way out of the apothecary, to the morning light. People had started their duties and were hurrying around Haven. The busy chatter could be hear through the air, servants quickly accomplishing their duties and soldiers exchanging posts. Nea passed few people by, as she made her way to the person she wished to meet._

_He, Solas, was standing outside his small shack, looking over at the Breach, enjoying the crisp morning air of the mountains._

_"Good morning master Solas." Nea greeted his politely, nodding down her head to him as she did. The elven man turned his gaze to her smoothly, his eyes cool and concentrated. He nodded politely to her as well, not lacking any manners._

_"Good morning to you as well, mistress Willows. Is there something I can do for you?" He asked, cutting straight to the point, which wasn't surprising as Nea hadn't sought much of his company before, beyond greetings._

_"There is." She admitted. "I have been told what an expert you are on the matters of spirits and the fade. I would like reassurance there in no danger in what I do."_

_"Curious turn of phrase. What are you planning on doing then?"_

_Putting hands behind her back, Nea talking little more carefully, but not lacking confidence. "I will be examining, and hopefully healing, a Ferelden nobleman. He has old wounds, and I have dealt with such cases before, but they have always required special attention, as no normal spells can quite do it."_

_"Ah. You're referring to spirit healing." The man noted matter of factly._

_"You know about that?" Nea asked with a surprised tone._

_"I made some deliberations of my own. Many do not practice this particular art, and it was said your skills are most rare, amongst Circle mages at least... Also the Herald mentioned something along the lines as we discussed related magical matters. I filled in the blanks."_

_"I see. You were correct, of course. I am a spirit healer, and usually I would have no issue trusting my skills but these are unusual times... The Breach, after all, could inflict my work, could it not?"_

_"Do you worry what the Breach could do to the spirits aiding you?"_

_"Precisely. The spirits gift me the energy and ability to heal people beyond ordinary mages. So far, I hadn't have to rely on their magic, excessively at least so I haven't been overtly concerned. But in a case like this? I would definitely need something unorthodox."_

_"I understand, and it matters that you ask." He nodded, certain approval in his eyes. "Rest assured, you may put your worries to rest. The distance from the Breach is just about sufficient, you needn't worry that these spirits get swallowed by the Breach and forced to our world against their will. Should you summon their presence, you will not be risking them. Provided they are willing to come to your aid, there should be no issue."_

_Letting a relieved breath out, Nea smiled, reassured._

_"That's a relief. Thank you for the reassurance, it will make a great a difference."_

_"But in earnest, without my input, would you have declined to use all your abilities on the nobleman out of concern for a spirit?_ "

_"If I didn't have any safety plan, then most likely yes." Nea admitted, and Solas cocked his eyebrow, re-evaluating her. She didn't shrink under his watchful eye. "I wouldn't wish to risk the spirits, nor the lives around me, for something I was so uncertain about. If I was wrong, I would endanger them all, and it is not exactly my style."_

_"A rare stance to take, you showing concern for the spirits I mean. Still, a reasonable one." Solas noted. "Humor me; The Chantry declares that they aren't truly people, and yet you such put value on them. Is it merely as a concern for a tool or something more. I apologize for prying, I am simply curious._ _"_

_"You can always ask. And as an answer to your question... Of course I care about them, beyond as a tool." Nea confirmed, and the elven looked at her with curiosity, putting hands behind his back. "I know the stance of the Chantry, but in my experience, different forms of existence doesn't necessarily mean they are lesser. Spirits have aided me, but it didn't come out of nowhere, they needed to trust me. Like trust earned after developing a friendship, or like minded people coming together, that's how I would describe my relationship with the spirits. What kind of person would I be, if I didn't put value in that?"_

_"Indeed. It is simply a surprise to me, not a disappointment. One I didn't expect from a Circle mage." He mused, the last part seemingly to himself._

_"I have had the rare experience of meeting different spirits on my journeys, and thus learn more about them, unlike most Circle mages. But even before, I always felt... comfort when dreaming in the fade. I had a wish to know more, and it came true." Nea smiled fondly, thinking of the memory. "I didn't understand it then, but I believe the first spirit I encountered was a spirit of curiosity. I was very young, and didn't understand all the things it shared, but I how I felt about them, definitely was determined then. The spirit helped me safely learn more of it's kind. The spirits who later revealed themselves to me, were also willing to accompany me. Thus I chose the path I walk today."_

_"Following your own path can lead to greater rewards, unlike what the Chantry believe. Not quite like my own situation, but familiar. You say there were other spirits who revealed themselves to you as well, beyond Curiosity?"_

_"Yes. The one who accompanies me the most, is the Spirit of Purpose. It helps me heal wounds and destroy diseases. It isn't far away, usually. It was still with me when I was at the Hinterlands."_

_"A dedicated one. Not uncharacteristic of the particular spirit. But it is rare to have them accompany people of this world, as they rarely seek it. Even rarer to see, how you managed to great a bond with one. Fortunate you met the spirit of curiosity as a child."_

_"How so?"_

_"Fade and spirits reflect the world around us, as well as the minds they meet, adapting appropriately. Many expect to meet a demon, or are filled with wanton desires, twisting the spirits to appear as such. To meet such rare spirits, one must be free of corrupting influences. And it appears, that as a child, you were free of such influences, thus the Spirit of Curiosity could encounter you in such a form."_

_"The Spirit of Curiosity showed me much... If that is true, had I never met it... Perhaps I would never have been able connect with the spirits I know today."_

_"It is possible, but cannot be known for certain. The winds of time can lead to a same destination, even if they take a different path. Simply marvel that it was possible in the first place."_

_"I am greatful for it. And your words, master Solas."Smiling warmly, Nea nodded to the man. "I would like to continue this conversation, but duty calls. Perhaps another time?"_

_"Whenever you wish, da'len."_

_Nea was little taken aback by the elven dialect, but not in an unpleasant way._

_"Thank you." She simply said, softly, before taking her leave._

It had been a very intriguing conversation. What they say about Solas definitely seemed to be accurate. A very eloquent man, very... wise. One also, who didn't seem to think much of the Circle, it seemed. How ironic that Nea now looked like the part of a proper Circle mage.

"Wow ma, you look nice. Like those dresses you used to wear." Adam quipped excitedly, sitting on the bed with a book on his lap.

"So you like it?" She asked lightly, spinning around once, before stopping to face the boy.

"Yeah. Not as girly colored as your other stuff, but better! I like green, Pa did too." 

"That he did." She agreed with a smile, looking over to the mirror once more, to get one last look. "Today we will bring out the ink and paper, and we will learn a bit more about different letters, alright?"

"Okay ma. I'll keep looking over this book, like you showed... then go play."

"Alright. And if something important comes up... what will you do?"

"I'll go to Annabelle." He phrased it slowly, from memory. Satisfied, Nea nodded at that.

"Perfect. Now I'll get going. Be good." She went to her son, putting a kiss on his forehead, before leaving the hut in stride. She wasn't late, but Josephine appreciated punctuality, so it was best if she hurried along. Nea noticed the boy waved after her, as she closed the door behind her.

On her way, she greeted Solas as she passed him by, and few other's she had come to know along the way (the number was increasing every day), but soon she was at the Chantry. As it was noon, people were hurrying around, commencing into their proper routines. People were constantly running in and out of the Chantry, and as such, Nea slipped through the doors herself.

Entering the dimly lit Chantry, Nea also looked to the side out of reflex. Today madam Vivienne was not at her usual place, saving Nea the woman's cold greeting. She counted herself somewhat lucky. Finding herself at the Ambassador's door, she could hear muffled talking through the door. Josephine was probably speaking with the Bann already. Knocking on the door, she half expected someone to say 'come in' but instead the door was opened to her by one of Josephine's servants. Likely to keep up appearances. 

Josephine was sitting behind her desk, and the Bann Gilford (Nea assumed) was sitting with a good posture on the quest chair opposite to the Ambassador. The Bann had brown hair and beard, with little grey on the sides. Following the Ambassador's gaze, his dark blue eyes found Nea. His sight was calm but stern, and his stance seemed to express dignity.

Besides the three of them (and Josephine's servant) there were two other guards in the room, but these guards were not the Inquisition's, they were the Bann's men (as they didn't wear Inquisition's colors or uniforms).

"Ah, and here she is." Josephine said brightly, as Nea walked in, clearly happy with the attire she wore. "Mistress Willows, the renowned healer I informed you of. She is responsible for the wellbeing of the brave men and women who were injured in the line of duty."

The man's worn gaze didn't relent, but Nea didn't shrink under it. Instead she curtsied low, lowering also her head in respect.

"My lord. It is my honor to meet you." To her surprise, the Bann stood up at that, and it was clear it was slightly difficult for him, as he couldn't but too much weight on his right leg, yet his expression didn't seem to suffer from it. One of his guards was ready to help him, but he stopped the man before he could do anything, by simply raising his hand.

"My honor as well, mistress. It is a pleasure to meet another veteran." He said as he bowed to her in respect, before straightening him back again. "You fought during the Blight, did you not? Alongside the Hero of Ferelden even, as the Ambassador tells me."

"I did." Nea said carefully, looking over at Josephine. The Ambassador clearly had told the man these things, perhaps as a reassurance. "I do less fighting, and more healing these days however."

"It doesn't diminish your role." The man admitted, but didn't sit down yet. "Blight was brutal, and the survivors remember the cost of it all." 

"It was a dark time my lord." She agreed with him, but didn't say anything more. "Even after all these years, I haven't forgotten those times."

"Some of us have rougher reminders than others..." The man then looked down his right leg, and Nea nodded in understanding. 

Josephine took the opportunity to stand up as well, out of politeness. 

"This is precisely why I have brought her here, my lord. Mistress Willows has expertise beyond most on this field. There is no one better I'd trust to look after this personal matter." Josephine explained, her voice persuading and confident. 

"Yes, yes, that is what you said before. And I admit I was hesitant, but I am willing to trust in the hands of another veteran." The Bann sighed. "Although I know not what she can accomplish that some other mage or a healer couldn't. I suppose we'll see."

One of the guards gave the Bann his walking stick, which the lord accepted, and leaned onto.

"My servant, Nora, will show you to a comfortable room here in the Chantry, where you can be examined privately." Josephine instructed, and her servant curtsied in acknowledgement. 

"I don't know if that is a good idea." Piped up one of the guards, drawing confused gazes from Nea and Josephine. "My lord, I insist that I be present as you are examined." The man had a suspicious tone, as he looked over Nea. He didn't trust her. But Bann Gilford simply waved the concern away.

"You insist, do you ser Jonathan?" The Bann quipped, looking disapprovingly at his guard.

"Yes my lord." The man answered without hesitance. "With no offense intended to the Inquisition, I still wish to watch over you while you are examined."

"I, of course, will defer to your preference my lord." Nea said to that. "However you feel most comfortable."

Bann Gilford nodded in approval, before sharply looking over his guard.

"I do not mind ser Jonathan's presence. He goes where I go most of the time anyhow. As long as he let's the professional to do her work..." There was a subtle command in that phrase, both Nea and Josephine caught up on it. 

"Yes my lord." Ser Jonathan saluted, accepting his lord's degree. 

"This way please, milord, mistress." Said the servant, as she opened the door for them.

Bann Gilford said his farewell's to the Ambassador, and together, they followed the servant to a side room. As they walked, the Bann refused any aid in helping him walk, only relying on his walking stick. Very Ferelden, Nea thought. The room was well lit, well decorated (far better than Nea's shack at any rate, clearly meant for noble guests) and most importantly, clean and warm. The equipment and the potions Nea had prepared this morning, were on a table near the bed, delivered by servants.

The bed in the room was covered with the finest of silks, and Nea instructed the lord to sit on it and so he did.

"With your permission, I will not look over the wound, my lord." She said carefully. 

"Go on." Bann Gilford nodded. 

Carefully Nea knelt down at his feet, started removing his boot on the right leg, so he could roll the trousers over the wound and inspect it (she had been told that the wound was on his right calf). All the while ser Jonathan stood a little further away, watching over her like a hawk. 

"You mentioned other mages having tried healing your wound, but failed." She inquired, as she started to roll up the leg of the trousers, to reveal the old wound.

"Yes... A Darkspawn blade had pierced my leg, and the one healer who, in a hurry, healed it incorrectly, so it never healed properly. By the time someone else got their hands to it, it was too late. And thus..." Carefully Nea lifted the fabric over the wound, and the sight wasn't ideal: a long, pink scar that went alongside the calf. "... here we are. A wound, that still aches badly enough for it to inflict everything I do."

"I see. But it is not the surface that worries me. It is what is within." Nea stated. "Please, relax as much as possible. This will not hurt one bit."

She then proceeded to roll up her sleeves, and gently laying her hand over the scar; So gently that the man didn't flinch, but just enough pressure to make him uncomfortable. To his credit though, the nobleman remained neutral in his expression (even though his guard didn't). 

For the first time in a long time, Nea closed her eyes, and opened herself up to what lay beyond the veil. She called upon the spirit, searching and seeking, and to he relief, she soon felt it's comforting and fulfilling presence within her once more. It would seem the spirit had never left after all, but stayed by her side despite her moving closer to the Breach.

As she sensed it's presence, a new clarity entered her mind; Nea grew an ability for a deeper sight, thanks to the spirit. She could now see beyond what her eyes saw. Her hands began glowing with blue light, as she extended that sight to the light, she then began searching the wound, seeing what was wrong with it: She could see _within_ the wound now.

The sight was indeed grave. 

The flesh within was almost as if dead. It would chafe and cause ripples of pain as long as it existed. It had not been closed properly the first time, and it had healed incorrectly, to a wrong form. Now Nea saw why other healers hadn't been able to help. Creation magic, even Spirit healing, was about mending flesh, changing something that existed to a new different form.

But that required that which was being healed, was _alive_. No amount of magic could bring back the dead, nor change it without twisting it. Something that was this far gone, could not be mended or even relieved.

However Nea had dealt with this once before and she had had a solution...

"How bad is it?" The Bann asked quietly. Despite his earlier skepticism, there was sad hopefulness in his tone. Nea let the magic fade from her hands, quieting the flow of Lyrium (but still feeling the presence of the Spirit, as it was ready to continue aiding).

"I will not lie." Nea said, looking up at him. "It is dire. The ordinary magic can mend it." Before she could see the man's hopeful expression disappear, she added: " _But._ There is something I can do."

The man seemed to be in disbelief. It was clear no one had said those words to him before, regarding his condition. "There actually is?"

"Yes. I have dealt with a matter like this before, and it was successful... but..."

The Bann frowned. "But what?"

"I will not lie. It is risky, and there is a chance of failure which could mean less control over you leg than you have now. Not to mention, the process will be most painful."

"Maker woman, what kind of foul choice is that?" Growled ser Jonathan, but the Bann shushed him quickly, before turning back to Nea, his undivided attention on her.

"But if it were successful, what would that mean?"

Nea spoke gently the next words: "It would mean your leg would be weak for a while, but the strength would come back eventually and there would be no pain."

A light lit up in the man's eyes, as he heard the words he had long awaited to hear but never actually received before. He took the hold of her shoulder, gently but firmly; it seemed to be uncharacteristic of him because Nea could practically feel the bewildered look on ser Jonathan's face.

"What would... whatever you do... exactly entail?"

Nea stood up, letting the man's hand fall off her shoulder. She did remained looking at him though, with a gentle look, trying to explain it the best she could:

"School of creation, as well as my special healing magical abilities, allow me to mend flesh, which is not possible here because your wound is far too gone to be mended, but these abilities also allow me to create something new to _existence_. Something that already exists, but renewed. I could do it here, if I first removed the decayed flesh, and then create new, healthy flesh on it's stead."

The man looked confused, so Nea added:

"Simply put... From within your leg, I destroy the part with worst of the wound, then I recreate the muscle, new and healthy."

"What in the Maker's name... You would actually destroy his leg?" Ser Jonathan cried out.

"Of course not. Just the part within with the damage." That didn't seem to reassure him, so with a deeper tone, she continued: "' _A river may flood it's banks, causing havoc, but bring new life to it's floodplain. A fire that burns a forest ushers in a new growth.'_ " Nea uttered the words which are used to describe the school of Entropy, words which she had come to learn very well, even if it was very different from her usual magic. "In order to correct the part that is faulty, I need a new foundation. I know magic is difficult to understand, so I can only ask you to trust my word when I say that it is all done to _heal_ , not hurt."

Pointing his finger at her, his tone remained venomous. "I do not know if we can take your word for it, _mage..._ even if the Inquisition trusts you. My lord, I think this is a very bad idea--"

"Enough!" Bann Gilford grunted, and sharply looked over the guard. "The concern is noted ser Jonathan, but do not forget what I told you before. Let her do her work."

Seeing the angry look of the Bann's face, ser Jonathan relented and nodded submissively. "Forgive me my lord."

Relaxing his expression a little, Gilford seemed to think on it, and there was a silence in the room. Had it not been troublesome, he would've likely paced around the room. But Nea let him have the moment of consideration, as it was a difficult choice to make, and one only he could make.

"You say there would be pain... How much?" He finally asked, raising his eyes slowly back to hers.

"I will not lie, it would be considerable. But I have a sleeping potion with me, a very strong one. It will knock you out cold, so you needn't experience it. If it goes successfully, you wouldn't have any recollection of the procedure."

There was understanding in his eyes, and he nodded. "Then... I want to do it." Nea was surprised how quickly he came to the conclusion. Not as surprised as ser Jonathan however. He had lost the sass from his tone, not replaced with genuine concern.

"My lord... Are you certain? If there is a risk it wont work, it will be worse for you... Isn't that what she said? Perhaps we should as more opinions, or discuss it with lady Montilyet--"

Gilford let out a sigh, turning to look at his oddly concerned guard, with a familiar tone: "My good boy... After living almost a decade as a cripple, you too would look for chances for betterment, even if there were risks." Said the Bann, oddly solemn. "She says she has done it before, and believes it can be done again... Then I will take that chance. I believe I can trust her. This is the only chance I have ever been offered, and I wish to act on it."

Conceding, the guard lowered his head, and kept his distance. "If... that is you decision my lord."

"It is." He answered, then turning a firmer look back to Nea. "Can you take care of it now, mistress?"

"I can, my lord, but if you wish to wait a moment before I proceed that would be understandable."

"No, I want it gotten over with now. That is why I agreed to this examination in the first place. Please, go on."

"As you wish my lord."

Walking towards the table with the supplies, she found the small purple bottle, which held the sleeping draught she had prepared. There were also lyrium potions, in case she needed extra strength. It might be needed, considering the precision and energy this would take. She would have to uphold the spell that allowed her to see within, as well as use another spell at the same time, to use entropy spells to destroy the flesh within. It would require all the concentration she could muster. Last time she did it was a good while ago and it was complicated then too.

Giving the potion to Gilford and motioning him to drink it. He took in a breath, mentally preparing himself, before he put the bottle on his lips and swallowed all of it, before handing it back to her. The taste was bitter so he cringed at that, but didn't complain.

"It is going to take a moment before it starts to take effect. But I want to say, that once I begin, I will need complete concentration. It is of utmost importance that I am not interrupted. Your man can of course stay here to oversee, if you wish it, but he must remain silent."

Acknowledging Nea, he shot a commanding look at ser Jonathan. "You heard her. Do not do anything to distract her from her work. This you MUST swear. Understood?"

"Yes my lord. I-- I swear, on my loyalty to you." It seemed to be difficult for the man to agree to, but even this man seemed to realize the importance of this promise. Nea looked into the man's eyes, and there was sincerity there. At least she trusted it, otherwise she would've insisted the man stay outside. She wont let anything compromise her success.

Bann Gilford laid down onto the bed, not feeling the effect but preparing for it, looking up at the ceiling of the room, not showing any signs of anxiousness. Even ser Jonathan kept his cool, likely realizing that since the decision was made, there was nothing he should do about it.

Moments passed, and Nea chatted with the Bann, mainly small talk, to help him remain calm and relaxed, and to see when the potion started taking effect. Soon, Gilford had hard time focusing, and he couldn't keep his eyes open. Before he fell unconscious, he managed to utter one last thing to her:

"I beg you... cure me..:" With that, he was out. She confirmed it, and prepared herself.

"I will do my everything." She wasn't certain if he heard it, but at least she felt better saying it.

Uttering a small prayer for Andraste and the Maker, she then pressed her hands onto the wound, firmer than before. It was a deep wound, and it would take more precision than before when she simply needed to inspect it. She would need to remove the immediate muscle and little bit around it to make it work. 

She opened herself up again, calling to the spirits near her, allowing entrance to herself.

_Please. Grant me vision._

And so they did; Her left hand started to glow that light blue light, allowing her to see within once more, to sense the living matter and it's weak points. She found herself at the core of the wound, and knew she needed to start. With her right hand, she prepared a combined spell, of combined fields of magic.

It required a spell of entropy to destroy and to drain away the decrepit flesh, a force spell to make it more powerful so the flesh would not just die, but for it to disintegrate, and lastly, a form of spiritual spells to both combine them together and keep it under control.

First, she cast the spiritual spell, creating a barrier of sorts around the wound within, making it just the right size that the parts that she wished to remove were inside the barrier. The barrier's intention was to contain the spell she would cast within it, so there would be no excessive damage to the rest of the muscle.

Then, the critical part.

She had a choice to either take it slow and destroy it little by little... but that would take a great deal of energy and concentration, which could create many openings for errors. Either that or do one, powerful spell, like a quick stroke of an axe. There was a chance it could be too powerful for a simple spiritual barrier to contain, thus risking _breaking_ parts of the leg. That would be going too far.

Nea decided to take the longer, more exhausting route. She had prepared for the possibility after all. She was not impatient, and had worked in worse environments and yet managed to concentrate. Better to do a thorough work, and whilst time was of the essence here, she could find appropriate pace. 

Nea concentrated, allowing lyrium transform into force, preparing under her tongue the other spell, combining the two together, allowing the force to fuel the spell, making it into something stronger, although contained under her vigilant control. 

Then she cast the enforced entropic spell within the barrier, going portion by portion, allowing it to eat away damaged flesh. Using such a spell, from the school of entropy, always felt as if a hungry void was being filled, one that could never be satisfied. Sometimes, something was given in return, but there was almost no live within the wound, thus nothing to exchange. The void would not be fulfilled today.

As hoped, the flesh was being destroyed smoothly, nothing left remaining from the spell. Gilford slightly recoiled under her touch, but the potion kept him dormant. Nothing too dispruptive.

Finally, the wound was no more. In it's stead, empty space, waiting to be filled. Allowing the spell to fade away (but keeping up the barrier), Nea didn't move her left hand away (hand that gave her vision). She already had a drop of sweat on her forehead, for using so many spells at once, and upholding them under heavy concentration. It may not be visible to outside, but she was using great deal of her strength for this. Closing and opening her palm twice, she prepared for the next part.

The spirit already flowed through her, but here she needed it's abilities even further: To create something, beyond normal spells. Mending flesh could be done by any healer mage, but creating something so vital, something that should last and work normally, would require not only knowledge beyond her, but also energy.

Pressing softly her right hand back on the wound, she carefully allowed the barrier to fade away, allowing the blood to flow better now. She then felt herself connecting with the spirit.

_Help me. Show me the way._ Just as she imagined it, her right hand began glowing again; lighting up with pure spiritual power.

The spirit shifted within her as a response, and Nea could feel it straining to use multiple talents at once, working as hard as her. The spirit touched her mind, and together they started bringing something new into existence. It was beautiful, it was calm and most importantly, there was bright light that fulfilled Nea as she worked. Her strength may have been draining, but all she could focus was the beauty of creation. Some said it was the magic of the Maker, and Nea certainly understood why.

The new flesh connected with the old, straining and beginning again. It was a level of creation she couldn't reach without the spirit, but right now they were as if one, and as such, it didn't ask for recognition. Neither of them could do it alone at the end of it, but still, it mattered.

It took a good while, and every inch of the new flesh required refined focus, and awareness difficult to fathom, but they worked hard as one, until all that was missing was replaced and united with the old. Whenever she there was a tricky part, as if the flesh did not wish to be recreated, Nea and the spirit merely accepted the challenge, and allowed their unified magic to flow, until it was done.

No longer was there a wound, but a new, albeit weak, muscle. 

Nea and the spirit let go at the same time, of all that they had held onto so hard; As if letting go off a rope someone else was also tugging at it over at the other end. As such, Nea felt her knees go weak and air go out of her lungs, and she took steps back involuntarily, finally allowing herself to feel the pain of exhaustion and strain.

She was caught off-guard as she felt ser Jonathan take hold of her shoulders, helping her straighten herself up.

"Maker what happened? Did something go wrong?"

Shaking her head, she pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to regain focus. "No. It went perfectly. It was simply a very... intense process." Nea nodded politely to the man, motioning towards the chair nearby the table, and the man helped her get there.

"Really? He is... fixed?"

Sitting down on the chair, Nea let out few gentle laughs. "His leg is as good as I could do it. He will still need to exercise the leg, as it is not at it's strongest but it is not going to pain him anymore." 

The man looked with relief over to his lord, who was breathing much calmer now. As he did, he also took a step back from her. There was till certain uncertainty over his face, as he clearly wished to wait until his lord was awakened. But for the first time, he also looked at Nea with a different glance.

"You look weak. I'll ask the servant to deliver something for you to drink..."

"No thank you. I appreciate it, but I should go back to the infirmary." Nea said politely, before continuing. "It will take time for him wake up, as the potion was very strong. I will return in the evening to see how he is."

The man nodded politely as well in return. "As you say."

Taking in a couple of breaths before standing up, Nea took the made her way to the door. She looked over Bann Gilford one last time, and he was still resting easily. Satisfied, she smiled and walked out of the door. Once outside, she told the servant girl to inform Josephine of the success. She would likely wish to know things had gone according to plan. She did still feel slightly weak, but that would pass soon.

As she walked outside of the door, she closed her eyes momentarily. _Thank you my friend._ She thought, unaware if the spirit could hear her or not, but regardless allowing the spirit to feel her gratitude. That it could hopefully feel. As she opened her eyes and exited the Chantry, and once outside she almost stumbled onto someone, but managed just to stop herself.

"Oh, Nea. Hurrying somewhere?" Asked Juna, with a grin.

"Apologies, I should've watched where I was going." She bowed her head, but kept on her smile.

"No need to apologize, nothing happened." The Herald reassured.

"I see that you've returned from the Storm Coast. I hope your journey was fruitful?" 

"Not quite, but it had it's moments." Shrugged the silver haired elf, before looking over at Nea with a strange look in her eyes. "You seem a little pale. Bad night's rest?"

"No, no. Just a bit more intense spell using."

"In the Chantry?"

"I was healing a nobleman, as lady Montilyet had requested."

"Oh that's right. I recall the matter now. I didn't realize it was that complicated." She said a little concerned.

"I am feeling better already, and everything went as planned, so there is nothing to be concerned about." Nea assured her. "I really need to get going now. Duties await."

"For me as well. I need to go talk with Leliana. We can talk more later. Oh wait, one more thing." Juna said, just remembering something. "Blackwall wishes to meet with you."

Raising her eyebrow, Nea looked over Juna with somewhat questioning expression. "He does? It is always nice to hear from him, but did he say why?"

Juna simply smiled at that. "I think he'd like to explain it himself. Go and see him when you get the chance. He'll be at his regular spot over at the stables."

"Alright, I will. Thank you for telling me."

"Pleasure is all mine." Juna quipped, with uncharacteristic glee in her tone. "Talk to you later."

With that they parted. Nea went ahead towards the infirmary. She wondered what the Grey Warden may have wished of her.

* * *

Nea walked outside of the Chantry once more that day, but this time instead of exhaustion, she left with the most brightest of smiles. 

She had gone to Bann Gilford, who had awaken, and done her lest inspection. He had taken his first steps and whilst still not at his best, he could walk with no pain. Saying that he was elated was an understatement. He was eager to do more, but Nea had to make him understand that he needed to take it slow, so that his leg would grow steadily stronger, as it was now just bunch of new and weak muscle.

Understanding this, he had changed from a very eager man to a very grateful one. He wanted to reward her, which she tried to refuse but he wouldn't have it. Gilford said he'd discuss it over with the Ambassador, but he would find her a proper reward for her service.

Honestly, the best part of it was simply how relieved he was. It must've been a tough decision to make, and have it rewarded, after all these years of enduring pain... Nea couldn't imagine.

Taking in the evening air, there was a small window for a moment for herself, and Nea decided it would be good opportunity to go check on Blackwall, and see what he wished to talk to her about. She still needed to go over to the infirmary afterwards, one last time today, before going to Adam, but as it were, Nea didn't see any harm in this small moment.

Walking to the stables, passing people by (many were going again to the tavern, as it was that time of the evening), less and less people staying outside the gates.

She walk past the stables, to a spot where the Grey Warden usually spent his time only to see him nowhere around. She wondered if he had gone inside the stables to help with the chores around, as he seemed like that sort of man, so she walked back and entered the stables.

It was dark, and poorly lit in there. There were few stable boys around, but only a few. Either the rest had gone drinking or there were yet to be that many of them in the first place. At least they had plenty of horses after the Inquisitor had secured them from Horsemaster Dennet. The man himself wasn't around at the moment, or at least she didn't see him. 

There was someone she knew at the stables though: Cullen. The Commander patting a dark brown horse, and offering a carrot to it. With a smile, Nea made her way to him.

"Commander." She said in a light tone, one which brightened up the area around them, if not literally, at least in atmosphere. "Apologies for interrupting."

He turned his eyes to her, an eyebrow cocked, lowering his hand away from the horse. Then his mouth fell open a little, as she approached. He looked her up and down, seemingly surprised.

"N- I mean, mistress Willows?" He stumbled on his words a little, and Nea let out few gentle laughs.

"Be at ease. I believe it is late enough for us to drop formalities."

"Ah, yes, I suppose it is." He still seemed taken aback so Nea cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I realize I must look different with this attire on, but I didn't realize I looked _that_ strange."

"N-No you don't look strange at all! You just... I..." Rolling his eyes at himself he then sighed, and seemed to carefully think on what so say, before continuing. "It was simply a surprise. You... Look a lot like you did in the past. If not exactly, at least very close."

Smiling, she nodded. "Yes, I suppose. Josephine insisted I wear a proper mage attire when I meet up with Bann Gilford. What do you think? Am I proper enough?"

Nea didn't notice it in the dark, but in a different light she would've noticed his slight blush. He certainly was a little bashful.

"Uh, yes. Of course." He said uncertainly, before clearing his voice and speaking out more confidently: "Most definitely."

Smiling widely, with dimples showing, she stepped closer, earning a curious look from Cullen. He watched as she raised her hand to the horse's neck, and patted it as well.

"Is he yours?" She softly changed the subject, eyeing Cullen with a side eye.

"He is, in case I am needed anywhere." There was pride in his tone, as he looked over his steed, as he patted the other side of the horse's neck. "His name is Bailey. A good steed."

After patting the horse in silence for awhile, Nea allowed the horse sniff her hand a little, and once it had, it stepped forward pushed it's muzzle against her upper body. Nea was surprised, but didn't back down, instead closing her eyes and petting the side of the horse's muzzle. 

Cullen chuckled a little; it was a low and warm rumble, which moved something within Nea, but she wasn't sure what or why. Perhaps it was a simple joy, to hear him feeling something pleasant.

Nea finally opened her eyes at shifted her head to she was facing him, her smile wider than before, the warmth reaching her eyes.

"I believe it is safe to say he has taken a liking to you."

"You think so?" Nea asked playfully and he made a half-smile, cocking an eyebrow, amused of her.

"I would. And I wouldn't say it is surprising. Horses sense people's natures far better than we give them credit for." His voice was surprisingly soft, for him anyhow, and she was surprised to hear it. She felt some twinkle of light within her, and it was reflected in her eyes. She then turned back to the horse. Before she could come up with anything to say, he spoke up again. "It is fortunate you found me before I found you."

With a questioning look, her eyes shifted to his amber eyes yet again. She wasn't certain what he had meant. Seeing that, he continued:

"I wanted to thank you for that potion you sent me. It was very considerate of you."

"Ah that." She nodded, still patting the horse. "Did you get the opportunity to use it already, or are you thanking me for a simple gesture?" The sudden solemn look on his face confirmed it. He had used it, which meant that his condition was way more regular than she had anticipated. "I see. Did it work at all?"

"Somewhat." He admitted. "It took some of the worse edges off, if not entirely. Still, I consider it helpful." Nea nodded thoughtfully, and he looked back at the horse. "I suppose you wish to tell me I could've gotten my hands on it sooner, had I only spoken up about it?"

"You don't need my lecture, since you know it so thoroughly already." She joked, trying to lighten the mood, with partial success. Corner of Cullen's lips tugged up a little. 

"A fair enough." He said, slight amusement in his tone.

Letting the mood settle, Nea spoke out after a small pause, letting go of the horse and fully turning to him. "Cullen... I do not wish to be an annoyance to you." 

"You aren't. You _couldn't_ be." He said firmly, before she managed to continue. 

Half-smiling herself, she shrugged. "Perhaps. But you promised me you would get my help if your pains became far too great a hinderance. But it doesn't need to get that far, thus I send the potion. I had hoped that... well if you aren't willing to be examined or tell me more, you'd at least agree to for me to have more of them delivered to you."

To her surprise, he nodded slowly. 

"I can agree to that. Especially now that I have... experienced the effect. And I know how much ingredients it contains, so I know it won't be a burden for the Inquisition supplies."

"I will have it set it up then. I will prepare a potion for you regularly, and if you happen to need something stronger, please have me informed. Personally or via courier, whichever you prefer."

"I will. Thank you."

There was another pause, as he too stepped away from his horse. "I should return to finish my duties. I only had a small window to take a breath, and I had a half a mind not even use it." 

"I understand. I should try and find ser Blackwall myself. He had something he wished to tell me. I had thought to find him here. You haven't happened to see him?"

"Warden Blackwall? Last I saw, he was over at the training camp. He was still there when I left." Cullen told her, and Nea nodded in appreciation.

"Thank you. Enjoy rest of your evening." Nea said to him politely and he nodded.

"You as well." He was about to turn and leave but she spoke up after him:

"And Cullen?"

"Yes?" He looked expectedly over his shoulder, to find a beautiful and well intended smile.

"You are not a burden Cullen. Please don't think that." 

At first he was taken a back by it but then it was his turn to answer her with a half-smile. "Perhaps." He said, just like she had. He then walked away, and Nea watched after him, giving the horse few good pats before leaving as well.

She walked outside the stables, towards the training camp, feeling content after her exchange with Cullen. As she walked, soldiers passed her by and she half-expected nasty glances but instead the soldiers bowed their heads in respect to her, as most of them recognized her as the healer, and they seemed to appreciate her efforts. Nea too smiled in return and nodded to them. She wondered, if Cullen had any influence in this as well. Or Josephine. It was difficult to say, but it wouldn't surprise her.

The camp itself had few soldiers remaining at their posts, either patrolling or training. She searched for Blackwall near the place where they kept the training dummies, and soon enough, she found him. And he wasn't alone: Lyn was there as well, throwing her daggers at the training dummy. Nea was too far to hear what they were talking about, but she could hear their occasional laughter; Warden Blackwall's laughter was gruff, whilst Lyn was almost musical. Yet there seemed to be a harmony in the atmosphere. 

As she approached the two of them, Blackwall noticed her and smiled under his beard. Lyn turned around to look at approaching Nea as well.

"My lady." Blackwall greeted her as she reached them. The man was so polite to her, Nea couldn't help but feel a little flattered.

"Warden Blackwall. Miss Lyn. I hope I am not interrupting?" She said lightly, shooting a glace at the two of them, but Lyn simply shook her head with a delightful grin on her lips, her sapphire eyes filled with amusement.

"Not at all. We were simply doing some drills and talking to pass the time."

"It is as she says." Blackwall noted and sheathed his sword, ceasing his practise.

"Nice of you to join us, by the way. What brings you here?" Lyn said, putting her hands on her hips.

"I was looking for him, actually. The Herald told me he has something for me and Cu- I mean, _Commander_ said he'd be here."

Looking surprised at Blackwall, Lyn cocked her eyebrow at him, as if weighing something on her mind but not saying it out loud. "That so?"

"Saves me the trouble of finding you myself. I did try and look for you before but didn't want to distract you from your duties." He told her, scratching his beard as he did. "There is something I... got for you, whilst we traveled back from Storm Coast. I have it over at my quarters."

Whatever she expected, it wasn't that. What could have he gotten her?

Blackwall looked over at Lyn who nodded in a relaxed manner. "If you need to go, go on ahead. Thank you for the sparring ser Blackwall, I hope we can do it again sometime."

"The pleasure was all mine, my lady." He said to the read headed woman, who waved them away good naturedly. The dark haired man then turned back to Nea, and beckoned her to follow him. Nea waved her own goodbyes to Lyn, who returned to throwing her daggers at the dummy. The woman certainly had a precise aim.

As they walked towards his quarters, Nea looked at him, and his profile; He was tall and well built man, a soldier through and through. But she couldn't say why, alongside his manners, there was a.. brooding side to him. Perhaps that was the Grey Warden in him, in face of duty. She couldn't really say.

"I wanted to thank you for the salve you gave me. It worked wonders, as you said it would."

"You were wounded?" Nea felt worried all of a sudden, but the man simply shook his head at that, reassuring her with his gaze.

"Nothing to be concerned about, simple minor scratches. Still, the salve made them much more pleasant. I've spent so long on my own, without any remedies, I had forgotten how the easement actually felt like."

"Tsk... I will have to prepare more for you then." Before Blackwall could say it wasn't necessary, Nea help up her hand. "I insist! It is a way for me to thank you for saving me from that unpleasantness that night. It is the least I can do."

"You owe me nothing, my lady. I am simply glad I was there, to stop those brutes."

"It is in the past now, but I still would like to show my gratitude." She said calmly, trying to put those unpleasant thoughts aside. "But I admit some confusion, as to why would you have something for me."

"I'll explain it soon, if that's alright. It'll be easier once I show them to you." Blackwall told her, and she went along with it, although still confused.

As they arrived at the little shack where Blackwall rested, he told her to wait outside a moment, as he went inside to get that which he had gotten her. Once he emerged, Nea could see a medium sized pouch in his hands, and he passed it on to her, motioning her to look inside. As she did, a wonderful scent arose from there. A scent so familiar to her.

"Embriums? You collected embriums for me? Whatever for?"

"I overheard that you made some wreaths for the infirmary, made from elfroot you collected yourself. The Herald said you would've preferred embriums, but wouldn't want to use the Inquisition's supplies for it... And they don't grow here in the mountains, I decided to pick up a few when we were returning from the Storm Coast. I hope it is enough."

Baffled at first, she looked down at the pouch, then back up at him with an earnest smile, pressing the pouch closer to her chest. "This is... very kind gesture. Truly. One I appreciate whole heartedly. I didn't expect..." Nea then curtsied ever so slightly, earning even wider smile from the Grey Warden. "Thank you."

"It was a simple whim of mine. Think nothing of it."

"That, Warden Blackwall, is quite impossible." She said teasingly. "You made a difference, not just to me but to those under my care."

"That's going a bit far, isn't it?"

"Trust me. These flowers have such fine healing qualities, even their scent makes a difference. I am surprised you managed to keep them in such a fine condition!"

"Well then, consider it me, earning that salve." He said jokingly, and Nea giggled at that.

"If that's how you wish to play it, so be it. You officially cannot refuse to take it now."

"A prize I am willing to pay." He said with an overacting and a low tone, showing a side of levity. So the Warden wasn't all about brooding after all. At that moment though, Nea realized she had taken too long, and left the infirmary waiting.

"I would love to stay and chat I really should get going. I need to attend to the infirmary and finish my duties, then I need to hurry to Adam. I promised him I'd help help him with his studies."

"Adam, that was the name of you son, if I remember right?"

"Yes. I don't remember mentioning him before."

"I have heard it once or twice. Men at the camp gossip like fishwives. Good things, if that is of any comfort."

"Ah, I see. And it actually is. It wasn't that way when I first arrived." She smiled slightly, bowing her head politely. "Thank you again ser Blackwall. I hope we get the chance to talk again soon."

"Me as well." He said his tone earnest and low. "Farewell my lady."

"Farewell, Warden Blackwall." She said, curtsying one last time, before leaving, clutching gently to the pouch filled with embriums. 

It seemed like she made more and more friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading :)


	13. "I'm here"

_Cullen shot his eyes open, but the darkness was already there. Even if he could barely see, he knew where he was. It would be only a matter of time until the blood mages would return to torment him. He still tasted blood tongue, and it only grew stronger._

_Hearing a sound behind him, Cullen turned to see the bodies of his fallen friends. They had been broken, and slaughtered. Most twisted of ways to go. It was a fate that waited him as well, but he had survived this long... even if part of him wished for it all to end more swiftly._

_He heard the demons then, their cackle and cold stares directed at him. They mocked him and his friends, an insult to injury._

_The darkness attacked him, surrounding him like a spell. Soon, it was as if he was being burned alive. His innards felt as if they were being boiled, and whilst he couldn't see any flames, the sensation certainly was real. Another foul blood mage's spell. Cullen shouted from the top of his lungs, but even this couldn't drown away the laughter of his tormentors._

_"Maker curse you all!" He yelled out, only to feel their amusement, of all things. For a second the pain relented, only to attack him in a greater force soon after._

_"Maker isn't here." A voice boomed, filled with pride over it's words; so cold and filled with malice._

_For a second, Cullen doubted. His faith couldn't be shaken, but he felt abandoned, by the Maker, by the Order..._

_"Just a little longer."_

_A gentle voice echoed around him, waking him up from a state of duress. It was different to the other voices, to the demons. Was this another trick?_

_"I will be there soon, do not give in."_

_The voice was soft... beautiful... and familiar. Something out of this world, but not demonic. Cullen was wary and in pain, but as the voice came to him, he was able to take a breath, the torment wavering ever so slightly. Whilst Cullen doubted the good intentions of the voice, there was a part of him that began feeling hopeful, despite himself, and he didn't understand why._

_The evil voices growled loudly, trying to drown out the voice and intimidate him, but unable to do so. Their hold wasn't as strong as they thought._

_"I am here."_

Immediately after those comforting words, Cullen woke up, startled and shaken. He looked around, no longer tasting the blood on his tongue and no longer wearing the armor of the order. It took him a second to remember where he was, and why. 

_Haven... The Inquisition..._

Sighing, he sat up on his bed and ran his hand through his hair, confused and worn out. But also... strangely in a better mood than he'd usually be. Another nightmare, like always, but this one was... different. His head didn't ache as much and he hadn't woken up from fear or anger like he usually did.

There never was a hint of hope in his dreams, sincere ones at least. Why did his guts trust this one? And why did it make his suffering feel... lesser?

The voice had been familiar but too hazy for him to recognize it properly.

What could he have done differently to cause this exception of his dreams?

Cullen looked over to his desk, at the potion made by Nea. It was the only thing he could think of. It aided him a little with the pain... maybe that was the reason for this slight, but welcome, change? Perhaps. But this was the first time this had occurred, perhaps it would remain that way. But likely not.

He shook his head, getting up from the bed completely and going to his equipment. The dream wouldn't go away from his mind anytime soon, but he still had to start his day. It was early morning, and he had had enough of these dreams. Better to keep going than stay stuck.

Cullen then started his day, trying to focus on his duties, but that unknown voice at the back of his mind.

******

Nea stood outside of Leliana's tent, waiting for the woman. They had agreed to have lunch together (well Leliana had informed Nea via letter, and Nea could hardly refuse her). Nea was slightly out of breath, as she had hurried with her potions in order to make it in time. Adam had informed her that he had eaten already, and spent today studying with Ewan, a tranquil who was picked to tutor Adam. He had other duties of course, so this wasn't an everyday thing, but still a regular one which helped a great deal.

Her and Adam's prospects had improved ever since she healed Bann Gilford. The man not only mustered support behind Inquisition, but insisted he make a contribution to Nea. She politely declined but the man didn't give her much of a choice. She gained a modest sum from her achievement, but the best was saved for last: Gilford learned that Nea had a son, and he offered to help with his tutelage in the future, should Nea wish to send her son to some institution of learning. She was very touched by it, and said she'd certainly consider it, if she ever has the heart to send her own son away (not to mention if she even could, not knowing what the future would bring)... But for now, it wasn't an immediate concern, just something to consider for his later years. 

And it was then that Josephine revealed she had found someone to help Adam with his studies. Overall, it was very fortunate.

Soon after this, Nea had received the request from Leliana to have lunch together, and today was the day. They certainly had a lot to talk about. It would also be rare to see Leliana eat at the tavern (that's were she assumed they were eating) as she usually ate alone, too focused on her work. Which was too bad, as the two women hadn't had so many opportunities to spend time together since Nea arrived. 

Finally emerging from her tent, there was a sly smile on the woman's lips. Nea could immediately tell where things _she_ too, wished to discuss. Otherwise she wouldn't be so... smug. 

"Finally. I was worried you'd changed your mind." 

"After I had you come to me? How would I dare?" Her voice was over the top 'innocent', clearly teasing Nea.

"Indeed." Nea said with an amused smile, cocking her head towards the direction they were supposed to go to. "Shall we?"

"We shall. It is good to inspect finally for myself how well Flissa is serving at the Singing Maiden."

"You say it like you don't already know."

"Oh I definitively know, but that's why I added 'for myself'. It doesn't take much listening to know that people of Haven love her." Leliana explained, starting to walk side by side with Nea. 

"That is true enough." Nea admitted. "She does serve the best stews. I think that is one more reason to love her."

Leliana let out a laugh. "I do believe that after enduring stews cooked by Alistair, you find anything else satiable."

"That.... is entirely true." Nea giggled a little, and had a feeling Leliana would be more amused as well, but in front of the people of Inquisition, she remained fairly... restraint.

They walked together to the tavern, which was currently blissfully empty. Only few people had come eat there, as most just ate the food provided by the Inquisition, instead of going separately to get it from Flissa. They took their bowls of soup, and a mug of water, and made their way to a table. 

That certain sly look on Leliana's face hadn't disappeared. Nea let out a sigh, and cocked her eyebrow at the ginger haired woman.

"You know I must ask why you are looking at me so?"

"I was waiting you to do so. And let's just say that I am... pleased with your progress."

"My progress?" Nea said, putting her spoon aside for a second.

"Yes. You have found yourself a very special place within the Inquisition no? People have turned their doubts into respect, in a relatively short amount of time. Just as I suspected."

"And that has you smirking?"

Leliana cocked her head ever so slightly to her right. "Well. You've become popular amongst certain _someones._ "

Nea stopped her eating for a second. "H-how did you...?" _Maker does she have ears on the walls?_

"Please. I listen to rumors just as carefully as people love to share them. You really should know this by now."

Sighing a little, Nea shook her head. "It is rather unfair to talk about gossip with you. People are too afraid to say anything about you, so I am at a disadvantage. I never get to know anything!" She then shot a look at Leliana, looking a little taken aback. "Wait. Did you say _someones_? As in multiple people?"

"Well to be fair, some of them are based on empty gossip and of course not all the attention is said to be of the same magnitude, but yes." Leliana hummed smugly. "You think people wouldn't note on the embriums on your infirmary's walls? Or the night strolls you've shared with our illustrious Commander? Not to mention all the men and women who admire your... dedicated and personal healing. It is quite the experience."

Nea looked at Leliana in horror (even if this was just a giddy schoolgirl level of talk). "People are talking about these things? About friendly gestures or me simply doing my duties wiyh _that_ undertone? Maker..."

"What did you expect? Person like you is a topic of gossip for some, just be glad it is positive gossip or clearly speculations. I for one am glad you've made friends."

"Trust me I am glad of that as well... especially with..." Nea stopped herself. She would've said Cullen's name, but from the look on Leliana's face, she knew already.

"I'm glad you two settled matters. It makes for a better atmosphere all around, and even if the Commander won't say it out loud, he is most pleased as well."

"I am too." Nea nodded before shrugging.

"Yes, I believe you already said that." Leliana smirked a little at that. Nea didn't answer that bit, just looked down at her food again, feeling a little bit of heat at the back of her neck.

"If only rumors didn't spread like wildfire... It is insanity!"

"Impossible to avoid in a small army camp, such is the way of things." Leliana noted, before taking a drink. She cocked her eyebrow. "But some rumors must have a base. Is there anyone bothering you?"

Taking another spoonful of her stew before continued, Nea wondered about what to reveal, and how to go about it. She still wasn't certain about Theon but there were... concerns she might like to share with a friend. She didn't want to awaken Leliana's overprotective tendencies but it might be nice to share.

"No one is bothering me. But there is someone who... who was a patient, and I fear he may have... you know." Nea thought back on Theon, and his changed attitude. Was she overthinking it?

"...He may have become enraptured?" Leliana filled in the blanks and Nea almost choked on her stew.

"Maker nothing that far gone! I think..." Nea's tone was a little confused. Even after all these years, matters of this nature were difficult for her to handle.

Leliana then became more serious. "Does he make you uncomfortable?"

"It is not like that. He has been considerate and friendly but you know I can't-- I mean..."

She nodded in understanding, quieting her voice. "You still miss Arther."

Carefully, Nea nodded. "Yes, I do. And even if I didn't... I simply do not feel the same for this man."

"What's his name?" 

"Can I trust you his name, without you threatening to shiv him?" Nea asked with a skeptical tone.

"That depends entirely on him."

"Oh Leli... Such things you say..."

Leliana put her hand on Nea's shoulder, making Nea look at the other woman in the eyes. "If you need any help, do not hesitate to ask."

A smile found her lips, and she nodded. "Thank you. But it is best I handle this matter alone. It is still good to talk about it with you. I have missed this."

Leliana simply answered with a smile, and they continued eating, letting a slight pause take over the conversation.

"Enough about me. I want to know how you are Leli. How have you really been after... everything?" Nea asked, figuring that this might be the only chance she might be able to ask. Leliana's expression fell the slightest bit, and she focused on her bowl of food, not looking up to Nea.

"You needn't worry for my sake. My duties are what keep me focused and as such, I am content and determined."

"I know you are determined, but content?" Nea said gently. "I know you have concerns. Please share them with me, so I can help. You know you can rely on me, right?"

"You mean well, I can see that." Managing a small smile, Leliana brought her gaze to Nea. Her smile didn't last long however, as it disappeared and in it's place came a mask that hid her feelings. "But everything that has happened... It is not so easily fixed."

"Try me." Nea insisted. 

Leliana looked around, and there really weren't others within earshot. Letting out a sigh, she put aside her spoon, stopping her eating for now. 

"You know how much Divine Justinia meant to me. I wonder what she would make of this situation now. I-- I miss her guidance." Shaking her head, her expression became even more somber. "But she isn't here. We cannot afford to wallow on sentimentality. We must press on."

Nea couldn't nod to that. Leliana's viewpoint had grown... darker over the years, but there was emptiness to her eyes now, when she described the loss of the Divine. Blue eyes that had once been filled with life and hope, were... harsher. Leliana couldn't hide her passion, at least that remained, but that darkness... concerned Nea greatly.

"It is alright to miss her Leli. I didn't know her very well, but I know she was a good person." She simply answered to Leliana. "And whilst she is gone, I will ensure you won't be left alone. We'll make it through this, together. Have faith in that."

A sad smile found the Nightingale's lips. "That is what we all hope, but thank you for saying that. It would seem I haven't lost everybody."

"You could never loose me." Nea put her hand on Leliana's, giving her hand a light squeeze. "I am hard to get rid of after all."

Letting out few laughs, Leliana nodded, amused and content. "Yes, I would be very disappointed otherwise."

Thinking for a moment about their friends, Nea looked at Leliana in wonderment. "I wonder... what would Miriam make out about all of this?"

The other woman stared at Nea, with a distant look in her eyes. Then she looked down at her stew, ready to take another spoonful. "She definitely would have on opinion on what is the best course of action."

"Do you miss it? Those days when she simply led and we just... tagged along?" The elven woman asked, quietly. "I sometimes do. It felt safe, didn't it? Miriam always seemed to... know what to do."

"Difficult to say, as those were very different days. All I know is that it's a great shame she isn't here, as we could've used her. You know how hard I tried finding her to no avail."

"I know. It is not your fault, if she doesn't wish to be found."

"I wonder if she just me she avoids." Leliana mused, still not looking at Nea.

"You know that's not true!" Nea said, leaning closer. "You of all people have a special place in her heart, even if she doesn't say it out loud."

There was silence. Neither of them had mentioned that in a long time. Leliana and Miriam shared something special together during the Blight but they agreed to not go further. Nea had never really understood why, other than that it had been Miriam's wish.

Sister Nightingale finally brought her eyes to Nea, and there was that distant look once again. Nea refused to shrink under it, even if many others would've. Leliana was the one to give in first, letting out a sigh.

"We will find out, should she ever show up again."

"She will. She always finds away."

"I hope you are right." Leliana answered gently. "She is one of my dearest of friends, just like you. World is better place with you two in it."

"Don't diminish your own role." Nea said encouragingly. "I for one wouldn't know where me and Adam would be without you..."

Leliana chose not to say anything (even though it looked like she could've), but instead she gave a small smile to Nea.

Together, they ensued eating and changed to cheerier topics. For once, it was good to have nice supper with an old friend. Nea started thinking about a way, to maybe cheer her friend up a little. Maybe if she got Leliana something she'd like. It was something to ponder on. Her friend had so much on her mind, and she carried so much weight on her shoulders... there has to be a way to ease it.

Whilst they enjoyed each other's company, their time together was limited. Soon enough, after finishing their stews, as they had to return to their duties but at least they'd separate in higher spirits than before.

"Do get Adam to come with us next time. I don't see enough of the boy, and I like having him around." Leliana simply said to her, as they made their way to the doors, after thanking Flissa.

"Hopefully we'll have opportunity for that soon. And please, do not hesitate to pull me aside again, when you wish it, alright?"

"Naturally." Leliana said slyly, before they both of them turned to walk towards their posts, Nea towards infirmary and Leliana towards her tent.

Nea let out a content breath, as she arrived to the Infirmary. They have moved plenty of people to the camp of the injured (the less injured of course) as they made room for the upcoming injured soldiers coming in the upcoming days. They would have their hands full.

She wondered on the things that Leliana had pointed out. She had managed to do some progress, hasn't she? She had gotten so used to traveling, she had forgotten what it was like to stay on one spot for a longer period of time, and actually grow invested. Despite of all the worries she'd arrived with, she had managed to make a place for herself here.

Arther would've been proud. She wondered if Miriam would be too.

It still worried her that she hadn't had any word of her friend, and whilst she knew Leliana shared these concerns, it was upsetting that they didn't know more. Only that she was on a mission of her own, and rest she kept secret. Even from them. A Grey Warden's did love their secrets, and time had turned Miriam into very loyal one.

Getting her focus back to work, realized that the potions were lacking. They might make do for now, but once the newly injured arrived, they'd be out of them very quickly. So Nea left for the apothecary to prepare some.

The apothecary remained one of Nea's favorite places to go. The scent of herbs and different potions was potent but not overwhelming. 

She chatted with Adan, as they worked alongside each other in making of potions. The man was grumpy as ever, but Nea seemed to get some actual sentences out of him that could be considered polite. The man grumbled over the fact that their supplies were very basic, and even the healing potions would have to remain as simply as possible. If only they had more variety, they could make more... interesting mixtures.

Nea was about to talk about her own research, but someone else opened the door to the apothecary. 

"Herald." Adan greeted Juna, and Nea nodded too as a greeting, as the silver haired woman entered the house. "Coming here to have some more potions prepared for your journey? I have the basic patch ready for you."

"That is well and good Adan." Juna said politely. "But I actually came here to see mistress Willows. I didn't see her at the infirmary and thus assumed she was here. You have a minute to spare?"

Adan and Nea exchanged looks of confusion. Nea was used to talking to Juna, but usually on breaks, never had the woman sought her out during work. 

"I... suppose I have a minute." She admitted. 

"Yeah well, if you two need privacy you better step outside, because I still have work to do." Adan grumbled, returning to his alchemist's table.

"I can work with that." Juna agreed, then opened the door for them.

Nea walked past the Herald to outside, turning around to face the Herald as she followed her. 

"Apologies for interrupting your duties." 

"That's alright. What can I help you with?" She asked the other woman, whose grey eyes seemed rather serious for a change.

"As a matter of fact, I'd like your opinion on something."

Nea was surprised. What could she ask of her, that she couldn't ask anyone else? "Oh? I... I am surprised. Why?"

"From the little I have come to know of you, I believe yours is an viewpoint I'd do well to consider, on a subject such as this." Juna put her hands behind her back, seeming very formal all of a sudden.

"And what subject could that be?"

"You are a Circle mage, one who didn't take join the rebellion. As a dalish mage, I know little of the Circle, and we are about to go to Redcliffe soon to meet up with Grand Enchanter Fiona, to... negotiate. On her invitation. I wondered if you could enlighten me on a few things."

"Regarding the Circle or the rebellion?"

"Both, really. I do not know many Circle mages here, and I can already guess what viewpoint Vivienne has, and I don't quite share it. I'd like to hear from someone with less... agenda."

Nea thought about it. She hadn't taken part in the fighting, but she definitively had her own sympathies towards the mages, and she often wondered about them.

"You are right, that I am not very political. I didn't even get the chance to have a vote, I was too busy... hiding with my family. I can't speak much of the leaders of the rebellion itself, nor do I know what they are doing now, but whatever I can answer, I will."

"Thank you." Juna nodded, understanding, relaxing a little but still remaining more formal than usual.

There was a slight pause as a look came to Juna's eyes, as if she could see through Nea, and her thoughts seemed to be far away, piquing her curiosity. 

"Tell me..." Juna started, her words having a depth to them that usually wasn't there. "Do you know the Grand Enchanter Fiona?"

Nea shook her head. "Not really. I have never met her personally, but I know people who knew her. I only know that she is a spirit healer, like myself, and that she used to be a Grey Warden. And of course, leader of the rebellion. I couldn't comment on her personality, other than that she is dedicated to her cause."

"So you have no idea if the mage rebellion was capable of what happened at the conclave?"

"Maker I pray not! Even not knowing who was behind the explosion, it would've done unrepairable damage to their cause."

"Their cause? Not your cause?" Juna pointed out her wording.

Nea was little taken aback, she wasn't certain how this was relevant, nor had she been prepared for this line of questioning. It wasn't as intense as Vivienne's inquiry, as Juna was her friend, but there was similar tone in the air.

"I've managed to live exceptionally for a mage for the last ten years, more free than other mages. I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't support the cause of freedom for my people."

"And yet you didn't join the rebellion."

"You're right. I didn't." Nea let out a sigh, and leaned against the wall behind her. Her hand went to her wedding ring once more, holding it in comfort. "You know... madam Vivienne put me into quite the interrogation a while back."

"Did she now?" Juna said, surprised by the sudden change to her sentence.

"Oh yes. She accused me of being an apostate, just in different words. Only thing she didn't call me was a rebel." 

Juna smirked a little at that. "How did you respond to that?"

"I told her the same thing I tell everyone: I want peace. That is the goal. The fact that I am here, is a proof of my motives." 

"So... You want both peace and freedom. I believe both Fiona and Vivienne would say you can only choose one. At the moment at least."

"I'm certain they would. But that's why I joined Inquisition, not the rebellion or the loyalists." Nea smiled a little. "To reach peace is the most important thing. Too many are lost to fighting. But how it is reached and what that peace would end up being also matters. I hope we'll be able to make a difference and I see the Inquisition as the best chance for all of that."

"Interesting. Shame the Templars do not have the same faith in us." Juna mused, before asking another question. "Do you think the mages will trust us any more than them?"

"I definitely hope so. Please don't blame them for being suspicious, they've been through a lot. The fact that we aren't part of the Chantry should help you with your negotiating."

Juna remained quiet for a moment, considering what Nea had said. Then she turned back to the dark chocolate haired woman, another query on her lips.

"So... do you think we are doing the right thing, approaching the rebels to help us with the Breach? We do need the power." It was a strange question. Juna looked away as she continued:

"It is obviously not just an issue about choosing the best one to close the damn thing, but a... political move, I suppose. Leliana was more than obviously putting rebels forward as allies, whilst Cullen would prefer we approach the Templars instead, and Cassandra agrees with him. Those two have obvious reservations towards the mages...

We haven't made any official decisions yet, only thing being agreed upon is to at least hear out the Grand Enchanter. After much debate, I might add. I have to say I would prefer to approach the mages myself, and I have my reasons, but you? As someone who didn't take part in the war, even though you are a mage... what do you think?"

Nea took a moment to herself, to consider this. Of course she wished there'd be a way to bring the two factions together. She didn't begrudge the templar order as a whole, but she still disagreed with their actions. Whole heartedly. This war...it changes people. It needed to be end. Neither side was at their best right now thanks to it.

But she knew where her support lay, if she had to choose.

"I would approach the mages." Nea simply stated, before continuing: "Think of it this way: Templars already have a sanctuary, and they will not be troubled by the rest of the world but mages? We are alone. We are eager to prove ourselves as that is the path for us to co-exist with rest of Thedas in the future. And the rebels? They've been left without allies for a long time, if they are shown they aren't alone anymore... that they are allies, and not prisoners of another Circle? _That_ opens up so many opportunities."

"And what of the Templars?"

"There are a lot of good men and women serving the Order, and for good reasons. I wish there was a way to bring both sides them together, but that will have to wait until the Breach is sealed, I think. But I believe that counting mages out, and choosing Templars over them would... make things worse for them."

Juna considered it, delving into her own thoughts. The grey eyed woman was very difficult to read, despite Nea's trying to do so. Finally the woman spoke out again:

"It is good to see you haven't forgotten your fellow mages. Not that I would judge you, had you chosen to stay out of it completely."

"Wouldn't you?" Nea asked, genuinely curious.

Juna raised her eyebrows. "Of course not. Among the dalish, family matters most. Those values are instilled in me, even if I am far away from them."

"Well then... That's good to know." Nea cleared her throat, letting finally go of her ring. There was a strange expression on Juna, and whilst usually it was difficult for Nea to read her, there was a gut feeling of something deeper being talked about here. "Juna, don't get me wrong, I am always willing to talk to you, but are why are you really asking these questions?"

"I did say I wished to understand Circle mages better. And I was... interested in your opinion." She said simply, cocking her eyebrow at the woman.

"Whilst I appreciate the notion, I am not exactly a typical Circle mage." Nea gave the woman a look of skepticism, and Juna looked away from it. She didn't seem insulted nor insulting, simply... thoughtful. Shy even? Her brows remained relaxed as did her expression, but her body tensed a little.

"You could say I am a little conflicted." She finally admitted.

"How so?"

Looking back at Nea, as if determining something, she then allowed herself to open up: 

"These people look up to me. Even the Inquisition leadership looks at me with strange gazes. They listen when I talk and put a lot of trust in me, even letting me handle the negotiations. All because of a human title given to me." She paced around slowly as she talked.

"You know that is not the only reason they ask for you input." Nea interjected, eyes following her movement. "Even with a fancy title, if they didn't trust you... Well, I hear Cassandra had some ideas what to do with you when you first met."

Juna smirked, before nodding and continuing her slow pacing. "I digress. I believe there is a duty for me to... step _beyond_ myself. Even if I have strong opinions about Templars and mages, a dalish mage doesn't really know much about the outside world, and I wonder if I am the best to make any of these choices. That's one good point Vivienne makes. I wondered if..." 

"Go on..." Nea said carefully, and Juna stopped pacing, turning to face Nea.

"I wondered if any of my ideas would align with yours, then there might be more merit to them. Or if they didn't, then there is something for me to consider." 

"Oh. I see." Nea said lightly. "Well which was I then?" 

"A little bit of both, actually. You have more faith in the Templars than I, certainly."

"I cannot vouch for every soul. Trust me, I have reasons of my own why I would... despise the Order. But I just as I cannot vouch for every soul, I cannot doom every soul."

"You really have a reason, don't you..." Juna looked at Nea, pondering on something. Nea's hand went back to the ring than hang every so still on the chain around her neck. Juna noticed this action and something clicked on her mind. "Does it have something to do with...?" She said gently, motioning towards the ring.

Nea nodded slowly, as she couldn't bring out the words. The conversation had taken a turn, but she was going to make it a short one by quickly changing the course of the conversation.

"Well... that's in the past now. And it gives me greater thrive to see this war ended." 

"I understand. Believe me, I do." Juna mused quietly. Of course another Elven woman, especially a dalish one, would understand holding prejudice.

Clearing her throat Nea looked past Juna, over at the village and the people hurrying around, doing their duties. She sighed contently, before returning her gaze to the Herald.

"You may think yourself unprepared... but perhaps sometimes it does take an outsider to see things with more clarity; Clarity which those too involved cannot have." Nea stepped forward and put a hand on the woman's arm, giving her a bright reassuring smile. "You are the _herald_ now. You don't need to have faith in the Maker, just yourself."

Juna looked to the hand on her arm, and then to Nea's reassuring eyes. A half-smile rose to Juna's lips, a brightness reaching her eyes.

"That quite the motivational speech." 

"I am not a leader, but I have my moments." Nea quipped, and both of them laughed a little at that.

"You do. And it is most welcome."

Nea let her hand fall away from the Herald's arm, and stepped back.

"Do you have further questions? Or a need for more motivational speeches? I've got plenty to offer."

Smirking, Juna shook her head. "No, I think I have taken quite enough of your time... for now. But I will definitely come back for those speeches later. Have your schedule open."

Laughing, Nea let go of her wedding ring. "I'll see what I can do." Bowing her head, she then turned back to the apothecary's door. "See you later, _herald._ "

In a friendly tone, Juna answered: "You too, _healer_."

With a smile, Nea went back inside the apothecary, to continue working.

* * *

After having changed the last patient's bandages, Nea realized how late it was. Adam hadn't shown himself yet, so she began to worry a little. He was only supposed to be tutored during the day, so he couldn't be over there still, could he? Wishing good night to Annabelle, Nea began looking around Haven for the boy. 

Nea looked for him over at the Chantry, but apparently he hadn't been there for awhile. Josephine had seen him earlier today, but not in past hours. Same went for Mother Giselle, who had talked with the boy earlier that day (about all the things he was being taught, and apparently the boy had been very eager to share). 

She thanked them both and looked around Haven some more. She wasn't too worried yet, just nervous. Nea would have to remind the boy of the rules again. The boy was smart for his age, but still just a little boy, who would go his own way if not sufficiently instructed. Nea supposed the she had been too lax lately for him.

After looking around the village and not seeing him, she finally came to the gates of Haven. He shouldn't be outside of them alone, especially this late. Walking outside the gates, she worriedly looked around. Soon enough, she heard loud laughter not too far away, coming from the small training camp. There were not many people left there at this hour, so Nea's instincts told her to look into it.

She walked forward, past some tents, to finally see the boy:

He was wielding something what resembled a small wooden sword, and he was hitting the training dummy with it. And he wasn't alone, as Adaar stood nearby like a drill instructor, giving instructions for the boy (albeit with a smile on her face). Cassandra stood next to the Qunari, and whilst she didn't have the stature of the woman, her presence was just as intimidating. The other woman seemed to be there just to watch though.

_So that's what kept the boy away this long..._ Nea pondered from afar. They hadn't noticed her yet, and she decided to stay and watch for awhile, to see how the boy was doing. He seemed eager. Nea couldn't tell if this was all just playing to him, but he certainly seemed to listen to the instructions of the lady Qunari. 

"Your son has quite the eagerness to learn, for such a young boy." Said an amused voice behind her. Nea turned to look, and smiled brightly as her gaze found Cullen standing not too far away. He closed the distance, stopping at her side, giving her a smooth half-smile. 

He seemed a little different here, at the training camp. A place where he could be at his element, even when there were not many people around.

"He has, hasn't he?" Nea noted, looking back to the boy. He was saying something to the two women, and Cassandra was visibly trying to hold back a smile. Adaar then beckoned him to continue, and so he did.

"Reminds me of my younger days."

"Younger days? My, are we that old already?" Nea teasingly looked to her side at Cullen.

"Maybe. That is not to say that you're-- I mean-- I don't mean that you are--" He fumbled with his words, before stopping himself with a sigh.

"Do not worry. I am only teasing." Nea replied, and her smile could be heard in her voice. "But now you have piqued my curiosity. How _does_ he remind you of your younger days?"

Relaxing, Cullen looked toward the young boy, thinking of the days when he himself was just a boy. "I suppose I see myself in him. I used to beg the Templars of the local Chantry to teach me."

"And you see the same in Adam?"

His smile rose back to his lips, and there was a strange brand of humor in them, something more rarely seen.

"He did come today to the training camp. I was told he asked one of the training instructors to teach him, but they sent him back his way. It would seem he found someone to teach him." He said, motioning towards Adaar.

"Oh Maker." Nea sighed. "I had told him to absolutely not bother the soldiers when they are training or doing their duties. I will need to tell it to him again." 

"He did little harm." Cullen mused, looking to her. "But I suppose there are worse ways for a little boy to spend their time than seeking someone to teach him."

"You're right about that much." Looking back at him, she cocked her head to the side a little. "I assume the Templars did teach you, considering you became one."

"They humored me. And that did lead me up to joining the Order."

"You showed promise at a young age already?"

"Or simply willingness to learn." Cullen offered. "Perhaps that was enough. The knight-Captain spoke to my parents on my behalf and they agreed to send me for training."

"Hmm." She hummed at that. "How old were you, when you left home?"

"I was thirteen, when I left." 

Nea looked back to her son, letting the thought sink in. "That's still... very young."

Cullen looked ahead as well. "I wasn't the youngest there. Some were promised to the Order at infancy."

"I know. Still... You must've missed home." Nea's expression fell a little, but Cullen didn't notice it, as he was still looking ahead.

"Of course I did. But there were many others who felt the same way I did. We learned to look after one another."

Nea smiled reminiscently, taking a hold of her wedding ring again, looking down a little.

"That is not too different from mages, I suppose. Well, there are key differences but in practice... I remember so well how Miriam and I looked after one another." She let out a small laugh at the memory of it. "Although Miriam was in charge and she knew it."

"Yes... I did hear the older Templars saying once that you two were inseparable." 

"Really? I suppose the Templars must've noticed it. She was quite protective of me, which didn't earn her any favors. I always tried to talk her into being more polite to the Templars watching us, but she never quite took it to heart."

Cullen shook his head. "Maker, I can still remember the cold stares she used to give me."

Nea felt a little heat at the back of her neck, and she simple looked away. She had originally been confused as well, to why Miriam gave those cold stares to Cullen, but once she had learned about Cullen's infatuation... It all came clear. 

"Like I said, quite protective." She simply said, trying to hide the matter.

Nea was still looking away, thinking about mages, templars... until her eyes found Adam again. There came a sting to her heart, and her expression fell a little, as she imagined him having a similar life to her or Cullen... a life away from family, which he would've been destined to have, had he not been hidden. Nea wondered what Cullen really made out of it. He had seemed so accepting of the matter, but...

Cullen had a smile on his face, as he turned his gaze to her. It fell as soon as he saw her less than bright expression. 

"What's wrong?" He asked gently, unsure where this sudden shift in atmosphere came from.

"It's... just a foolish thought of mine. I shouldn't bother you with it." 

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Not at all... just that..." Nea turned her eyes to him once more, her dark chocolates sadly looking into his concerned amber eyes. "Cullen do you... judge me at all?"

"No! I... why?" He was taken aback by the question, greatly confused.

"Maker I know it is foolish to bring up but I keep wondering that if... If Chantry had known of Adam, they would have taken him away. Just like many children promised to the Chantry, every child of a mage is promised to them. So I kept him secret instead of following the rules. I know you... are still concerned over mages and the matter of their freedom. You don't wish to approach the rebels for an alliance for example." Cullen seemed a little taken aback by this, but Nea pressed on. "I wondered... Do you judge me for not following the rules, like a proper Circle mage and instead... keeping my child..."

Cullen answered surprisingly quickly: "I couldn't bring myself to judge you. I..." Nea dared to look up to him. "I have no right. Not after all of my own failings."

"Cullen... Is your past holding you back?"

"Not in this matter." He looked firmly into her eyes. "Those were different times. But now? So much has changed, and the world is... in a place where such matters make little difference and... I wouldn't hold your own decisions against you... I of all people know how much _Chantry_ demands people sacrifice..." His voice lowered a bit out of spite, when he muttered the word ' _Chantry_ '. "It can be too much to bare. I couldn't judge _you_ , of all people, for it." 

His amber eyes were intense, and filled with depth Nea didn't quite understand yet. "Me of all people huh?" She repeated softly and Cullen turned that enchanting gaze of his away, bringing one hand up to rub the back of his neck. Nea let go of the ring she had been holding, worry washing away from her shoulders.

"Thank you for telling me that." She quietly replied.

"Has that uh... been a concern of yours?"

"Not as much as you are thinking right now... It was a foolish thought of mine, I am sorry to have put you on the spot."

Cullen sighed and let his hand fall to his side. "I don't blame you for having your doubts."

"Not as much of doubts, as silly worries I might share with people I care about." Cullen brought his amber eyes back to hers, in slight shock. Nea looked to him, confused. "What? We are friends are we not?"

His expression eased a little, and a small smile rose up to his lips. "Yes. Yes we are."

"Good." She replied softly. 

For some reason their eyes locked together for awhile, and neither of them looked away. Nea suddenly felt a strange emotion within her, one she couldn't quite place. He felt as if he was closer than he was, but not in an unpleasant way. In some way, she felt like that young girl in the Circle, not understanding everything that went on around her.

Their eye contact was interrupted by a roar of laughter. Both of them looked towards young Adam, who was now on Adaar's shoulders, pretending apparently that he could fly.

"It seems as that the lesson is officially over." Nea noted.

"And from Cassandra's expression I would say that is a good thing too. I wonder if her patience is the same with children as it is with adults." Cullen mused and Nea giggled at that.

"I would wager it is safer for everyone involved if we don't find out. Thank the Maker for Adaar." She turned to Cullen one more time. "I should go get him. We will need to eat some supper and go to sleep. Next few days will be busy."

"For both of us I imagine." 

"Indeed." She smiled brightly, bringing warmth to anyone who saw it. "Another time then?"

He nodded contently. "Yes, have a good night."

"You too. And remember, I'm here if you need anything."

"I will." 

"Good." Once she said it (with a sweet tone), Nea turned to walk towards her son. 

Little did he know that Cullen watched after her, now realizing whose voice it had been in his dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed :3 Thanks for the kudos and other support.


	14. Infatuation

_Darkness veiled him. There was no escaping it. It grabbed Cullen, twisted him, trying to break him and his will. The voices of the demons promised he could be free, he could be saved if only he gave in. His friends had broken and given up, it was only a matter of time. Yet he resisted. The pain was intolerable, his body should've snapped and yet it kept on twisting, his boned should have shattered, but instead they just cracked a little. But the pain, Maker the pain was beyond imagining._

_But among the blackness and sea of whispers, came a soothing light; Light which had a voice, a gentle touch. He felt it on his forehead, like gentle fingers bringing down coldness, but not to torture but to aid._

_"I am soon there, just a little longer." Her voice would say, lovely and confident, full of hope. His very soul told him to trust her. Cullen could endure this, it wouldn't last long, the voice wouldn't lie. Even in the shadows he was trapped inside, the hopeful light wouldn't be muted out, despite how much the demons tried._

_He was in pain, filled up with regret and sorrow, he wept for his friends, but at the moment, there was something to hold onto._

_"I'm here:"_

Cullen snapped awake, sweaty and out of breath. His body was tense from fear, his hands gripping the sheets tightly. But there was an odd sense of calm in his mind, even amongst the anguish. Realizing it was a dream, he allowed his body to relax. 

For the last week, he had seen the same dream almost every night. The horrors were different, but they all drew on the fears he kept buried within himself. But after all that torment, at the end of every dream, there would be light that promised to save him. Not like the demons lying to him and trying to tempt him, asking him to give in, this one told him to fight on, as she'd soon make it to him, to free him.

_She..._

Cullen got up frim his bed, and made way to a bowl of water on his nightstand, and washed his face, staying there once he had done so, not moving an inch.

It was Nea. He was certain of it now. At first, he didn't know for sure, but hearing her voice that one night at the training camp... he was certain now.

Since he had started taking those potions, his nightmares hadn't vanished but there was a drop of hope now added within. And it usually spoke with _her_ voice. Not unlike that time in the Circle when he had endured it all, but the difference being that now he understood the goodness she had meant back then.... and now he was able to accept it and not deny it cruelly.

But why was she in his dreams?

 _Maker._ In the dreams, even if he couldn't see her, he could feel her beauty, her tenderness. Like when she had used that strange cold spell to ease his headache, Cullen could feel her fingers on his forehead in his dreams. He found himself missing that touch. He wasn't awake enough to be embarrassed of such thoughts, so for once, he indulged himself.

Cullen walked over to his desk, and read again the note she had sent with the latest of potions.

_Commander Cullen_

_With this letter, comes another patch for you. And no, I will absolutely not reduce the amount of potions I send for you._

_This is good for you, and I know you will benefit from them. I do not recommend arguing the matter with me._

_But if you believe you must, then go on ahead: I dare you. I enjoy a challenge._

_~ Nea willows_

_P.S Thank you for agreeing to recruit more healers for the infirmary! I know you brought it up._

Smiling, he put the note aside. Every time she send a potion to him, she also send a small personal note with it. This was the latest one she had sent this week. They didn't get to talk much, and hadn't had the chance to go on a walk at together (expect once), since the new patch of recruits and injured arrived. Both of them had had their hands full, which understandable. 

But this small interaction was enough to make Cullen feel as if they'd shared a full on conversation. He wasn't certain why, but it was at least in a good way. 

He tried responding to these small notes, but as they were personal, he left them as short as possible. That didn't mean he didn't make them polite or considerate. All were up to his standards, at the very least. After all that she had done for him, she deserved that much.

_She deserves so much more..._

Cullen allowed himself to indulge in the image of her: Her dark, enchanting chocolate eyes and long hair reaching her lower back, in contrast to her alabaster skin, made her look like beauty beyond this world. Together with her smile with those dimples, he found himself... He wasn't certain what, but he definitely felt _something_. Just like when he had first set eyes on her and yet... 

Back in his youth though, it had been different. His infatuation had been youthful and naive. Her extraordinary beauty and kind words had been enough to enrapture him. She had confidence too, which had never been even close to arrogance, thus his infatuation grew even stronger.

But now? She was confident thanks to her experience. She was beautiful but seemingly oblivious to it. Playful, but proper. And maker, was she ever hardworking. Not to mention her kindness, which still managed to brighten his day. She even seemed to be a good and caring mother to her son, always putting him first, like a parent should.

Overall she seemed too good to be true.

Examining his thoughts, he wondered... Things were different now. They talked more openly, remaining proper but honest. Their roles were ironically more equal now than back in the past (even if he was the Commander now and technically her superior), as the rules of the Templars applied no longer to him: opposite to the young boy hopelessly avoiding the girl who only meant him well, now they were just two people, free to choose their paths.

Things were different and she was... special. 

_Maker... What am I thinking?_ They had only just reunited and he was already thinking these things? Was he mad?

Shaking his head, he brushed the thoughts aside. It didn't matter what he felt. They had only just reunited, and she was a widow who was still mourning and a dedicated mother. What was he thinking? What, would he just push himself into her life, with no regard to her grief or comfort? He would only make her uncomfortable and earn her resentment. That was the last thing he wanted.

Not to mention the fact that it was Templars who killed her late husband...

And this was hardly the best time. There was a war going, and a hole in the sky. They both had their hands full with their duties, and he was going through his own trials, having quit using lyrium. There was no room for... courtship. And after this was all over, the new Divine would decide what kind of world they would live in and that would bring other challenges.

He brought his hand to the back of his neck, deep in thought and uncomfortable. Even if part of him wished he could do something about this, he needed to stay back. It was for the good of them both. 

Looking back to the notes on his desk, he let out a sigh. This didn't mean they couldn't be friends. Even better, now that he was no longer bound by rules of fraternization, they could be _good_ friends, just as she had mentioned before. That would have to suffice. 

He shook his head some more, clearing his thoughts. Perhaps what he had thought about just now was some delusion; lack of judgement due to his dreams. He'd get over it. Wouldn't he?

Deciding it was time, he pushed these thoughts aside and started putting on his equipment, attempting to get the day started. Try as he may though, he couldn't forget the dream he had had, and what it meant. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Why are you looking at me so smugly?" Annabelle asked, as she was washing her hands, and Nea was putting new potions on the shelf.

"I saw you hurrying to the tavern rather late last night." She pointed out.

"And if I did?" Annabelle asked with slyness unusual to her.

"I wonder if it had anything to do with the Iron Bull?"

"I simply wanted to thank him for having his healer give us such good advice. We've managed to save some lives thanks to him." Annabelle's voice was sweet, too sweet. Nea looked her up and down.

"Of course. And that must be why you are walking so funny?"

The freckled woman made a sly smile, looking away. "I thanked him a few times, and later he thanked me back. It was a _very_ grateful night all around."

Nea giggled a little at that, playfully slapping the other woman on the shoulder. "You are silly." She quipped. "Well, I won't press any further."

"Oh and here I was ready to share."

Nea blushed a little, but tried hiding it by looking away. "I am uh... I am good. I hope enjoyed yourself."

"Well if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me." Annabella said, now her turn to be smug.

Shaking her head, Nea turned back to the soldiers she needed to take care of. Thankfully they hade few new healers with them, so the load was easier (even if it kept their hands full). The infirmary was packed full, and more people had unfortunately perished, but it could've been a lot worse. The new healers were professional, and even without magic, their skills were nothing to scoff at.

And since Juna went to Redcliffe, trying to negotiate for the mage's cooperation with them. Maker willing, there would be healer mages at their disposal soon. 

Nea took in the scent of the dried embrium wreaths, it still holding the powerful and sweet scent that comforted so many. It really made the place more homely. She had thanked Warden Blackwall plenty of times, and the man just kept surprising. He even made that wooden sword for Adam. 

There were a lot of things to be thankful for. 

"You know, you were missed at the tavern last night." Annabelle noted, as both of them worked at the desk, labeling potions.

"Always nice to know I haven't been forgotten." Nea mused, putting another potion aside.

"Of course most wished you were there, but there were people who missed your presence stronger than others."

Confused, Nea looked over to Annabelle, who still focused on her work, but with a playful smile. "Who do you mean?"

"Please. You must realize Theon was most distracted, hoping you would arrive, I'm sure."

Nea immediately looked away, not exactly frowning but less pleased. She had noticed his attentions, and it... worried her. She saw him as a patient who became her friend, nothing more. It was too soon to let another soul that close to her, and to top it all off, they had only fairly recently met. It was too soon.

It was not uncommon for people to find their healers... attractive but in this case it was for naught. 

"Was he really that... distracted?" She asked, tone less pleased than before. And even Annabelle who had first teased her, noticed the shift in tone. Looking beside her at Nea, she realized there was somethin the matter.

"I won't lie, he was. Everyone saw it. I had figured that maybe you felt the same. Was I wrong?"

"You were." Nea said gently. "I know none of you intend harm... I really just don't feel the same for him. I had hoped I was wrong about his attentions, but if even you people can see it..."

"Maker. I shouldn't have said anything, I am sorry." Annabelle hurried but Nea raised her hand to stop the woman from fussing.

"No need. It is good to know, actually. I-- I need to tell him it is not possible."

"Are you... sure?" Annabelle asked carefully. "The world is coming apart, there are worse things than seeking comfort from the arms of another. And ser Theon is so good with Adam..."

She wasn't wrong. Theon understood Adam, like only the eldest sibling could be, and the boy had even told her that the two of them had been playing together, when there had been a chance. The man was a good one, and a grateful one after her healing him, and that precisely concerned her. A man shouldn't have feelings for her out of gratitude. And even if he didn't... She certainly didn't feel something like that for him. She respected the man, and liked him a great deal more but beyond that... She had no words for it, but with Arther there had been something _special_. 

It wasn't the first time a patient had grown... fondness for her. It wasn't even rare that she sometimes spent time with her patients after the fact, but in the past, she traveled a lot, always pressing on, so these people always stayed behind. With Theon.... She met him fairly often. Again, it was nothing romantic, but enough time tp maybe confuse someone. Had she been leading him on? She didn't think so, but if she had, she felt horrible about it. It had never been an intention of hers.

The thought of being with anyone else besides Arther...? It would feel as if she was betraying him. And she would _never_ do that.

"I am sure." Nea confirmed. "I only-- I have only ever been with someone I love. I don't intend to change that." The conversation was leading to somewhere uncomfortable, and as such Nea pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling embarrassed. "I feel only friendship towards Theon. Maker, how did this even come up?"

Annabelle stayed quiet for a pause. She focused on the potions she was putting aside, until she stopped and looked towards Nea.

"I know you've been through horrible loss, but don't let that stop you from reaching happiness should it present itself, okay? You don't need to be alone."

Nea then almost smashed a potion onto the desk, a loud 'clink' sound coming out of the contact. She closed her eyes, and didn't look at Annabelle. Of all the times they had spent together, even the annoying times, this was the first time Nea seemed to loose her temper (even if just slightly).

Collecting herself for a second, she let out a breath, before saying any words. Annabelle was at full attention.

"I am not alone, I have my friends. That's good enough for me." She said firmly, before continuing more calmly. "I wouldn't be able to bare anything else for now. Please do not press the matter."

Annabelle nodded and stayed quiet for awhile. Nea too, was uncharacteristically silent, thinking about the matter. After collecting herself, she finally looked at the other woman, sorrow in her eyes. 

"I am sorry," said Nea, "I shouldn't have snapped."

"I understand it though. I am the one who shouldn't have pressed."

"Friends sometimes do that, for the good of us all." Nea tried saying lightly, but her sadness couldn't escape her voice. "Do you think... _Should_ I speak with Theon about it?"

"If you don't, he will. Sooner or later." Annabelle said firmly. "Be honest with him when the time comes, don't string him along and everything will be fine."

"You think so?"

"It might hurt a little, but it would hurt a great deal more in the long run if you aren't honest." Annabelle said, deep in thought.

Nea simply nodded at that. "Thank you for the advice."

"Of course." The lay sister said, ready to return to her patients but before she would, she spoke to Nea once more: "You might get a chance tonight."

"I might?"

"People we know are gathering up to the tavern tonight, and he'll most definitively be there. You should go too."

"I don't know Annabelle, I have my hands full here and--"

"Take a break! You have worked non stop this whole week. Every night you have depleted all of your strengths. I believe you can afford to go to the tavern once this week." Sighing, Annabelle put her hands on her hips. "Alright, I see why the concept of leaving your work on hold isn't tempting concept to you so I will stay up little longer to cover for you."

"No I can't have you take my workload--"

"Oh please. You have helped me with my shifts, and I can handle this. If something beyond our abilities comes up, I'll come get you myself."

"There is no point in arguing it, is there?" Nea sighed, and her friend nodded firmly (and somewhat proudly Nea might add). "I suppose I will be going to the tavern tonight then..."

"Wonderful. Now that that is settled..." Annabelle pointed at the shelves. "We are lacking in healing potions again. I swear, you just had the shelf filled up. At the pace we are using them, I fear how our supplies will last."

"Yes... And more and more patients are still coming in. At this pace, there won't be enough for everyone in need. I'll go make more, and add the concern of supplies to my report tonight."

"Alright then. Let's get to it."

* * *

Despite cutting the day short, Nea was exhausted at the end of it. Luckily she only had to use one lyrium potion that day, as the new healers really pulled their weight around here. Still, she had to use her magic on the worst cases and Maker there were more than a few cases. 

But she knew what she was doing. She'd get them back on their feet and ready for duty. The last patient she worked on thanked her with full heart, ending the shift on a nice note.

As she was ready to leave, Adam finally found his own way to the infirmary. At least tonight she didn't have to look for him this time. The boy ran smilingly into Nea's arms, and she picked him up with a smile.

"Hey ma!" The boy smiled happily.

"Well aren't you in a good mood today." She mused, cocking her eyebrow at him. "Anything particular reason?"

"Josephine gave me this!" The boy proudly proclaimed, showing a handkerchief to his mother, waving it in the air. "Says it is a... _token of affection_ to a noble squire. Um... what does that mean?"

"It means she likes you and has given you something to prove it." Nea said, giving a small kiss to the boys cheek. "I'm getting off work now, we have more time together. Want to go to the tavern with your ma?"

"Yes!" The boy cheered. "Uncle Varric is there already, telling tales! Ma, we got to hurry if we wish to hear them!"

Nea laughed softly, putting the boy back down. "We'll get there soon enough. No need to fuss. Just remember, you can't stay up as long us we adults. I will set you to bed later, understood?"

"Okay okay! Just let's get going!"

Both of them said their farewells to Annabelle, before walking outside, hand in hand. As they walked towards the tavern, few of the people that passed them by, greeted them with smiles and nods of acknowledgement. 

"Wow, people are nicer now. How did that happen ma?" The boy asked with curiosity, looking up at Nea. She kept looking forward, as she spoke:

"We just kept at doing our best, and people noticed. It says a lot of good about them." She explained to the boy.

"About them? But they were rude at first." The boy replied, confused.

She looked to her side, with a smile. "People aren't perfect. They might think there is something wrong with us. People are also stubborn. Even when proven wrong, they might keep their mindset. But... these people, when shown that they are wrong, changed their mind. That's a good thing, being able to admit when you are wrong and then... adjust."

"But... shouldn't we be angry at them?"

"Remember what I always say?" She asked the boy, looking down at him. His brown eyes squinted, recalling her words.

"'There is enough hate in the world'?" He repeated from memory.

"Exactly. We will not benefit from sharing it. There will always be difficult people in this world, but we needn't be one of them. Alright?"

"Alright." Adam nodded a little absent mindedly. Nea wasn't certain if the boy completely understood, but he was getting there. He was smarter than most little boys of his age, surely he understood the gist of it.

"That's my boy." She simply mused, smiling wider. 

As they entered the fairly full _Singing Maiden,_ Nea began looking for a table. It would be a busy night for sure. Flissa would be having her hands full. The smell of the strong ale was already in the air.

Soon her eyes spotted her favorite dwarven storyteller, who also spotted her, and with a smirk, beckoned her to come over. As she approached the table, she saw Rahna, Max and Iron Bull there, as well as the unusually tall elven woman, with unkempt blond hair. She had noticed her there before, but never actually spoken to her.

It would be interesting experience for sure.

"Snowdrop, kiddo! I had wondered when you'd be able to join up with us again, with you focusing on your work so much." He smirked as they were sitting down. The blond elf had her eyes on them, looking at their every move.

"Missed me have you? I am flattered." Nea said with a bright smile, finding a chair opposite to him, next to Max. 

Jokingly Varric placed his hand on his heart and leaned back. "My heart could barely bear the separation."

"Well isn't that sweet." She said with a laugh. "It's good to see you all again. Max, Rahna, Bull..." She nodded to each of them separately, all of them acknowledging her as well, until her eyes stopped at the new elven woman. "But you I don't know yet. Hello, I am Nea Willows. I am the healer of the Inquisition. This is my son, Adam."

The elf's expression brightened, in an amused manner. She laughed a strange, childish laugh, not holding back at all: "That boy who threw horse shite at the high and mighty Templar brick?"

Nea's was taken aback a little by the colorful manner of speech the woman used. Max grinned and Iron Bull roared with laughter. He hadn't heard that one apparently. Adam was holding laughter of his own, as the boy found the language most amusing.

"Shit kid, that was you?" The Qunari man said.

Adam nodded, before looking at his mother. "Shite?" He asked in a high-pitched and cute tone, as if practicing the syllables for the first time. The other's at the table found it even more amusing.

"Adam! Language!" Nea said firmly, aghast at the boys words. 

"They said it first!" He defended himself.

Nea took a steady breath, noticing how Max was holding his laughter. Rahna just looked curious, whilst Iron Bull seemed almost... proud. She knew she couldn't really stop _them_ for speaking in this manner, it was their own life after all. She could only control Adam.

"As long as you are a child and _my_ child at that, you will watch your tongue." Nea said firmly.

The boy sighed. "Sorry ma." 

The blond elf whistled at that, gaining Nea's attention.

"Touchy ain't we?" 

"When I have to be." Nea admitted, trying to keep her tone light as possible.

"You gonna tell me to watch my tongue now, and threaten to spank me if I don't?" The elven girl prattled on, cocking her head to the side.

"Not unless you want me to?" Nea said uncertainly, earning another burst of laughter from the woman.

"No one is spanking my butt! Well, someone could, but she ain't here now."

Max leaned in closer to Nea's ear, whispering. "She is referring to Adaar." He said with a grin. "She has a thing for Qunari women apparently."

"Well, the name's Sera, if you have to have it, _healer._ Suppose you ain't all bad even if you are a little elfy looking. Not too elfy though, you don't have them face tattoos like the grumpy looker here." Sera mused, looking at Rahna and her Vallaslin. "She's fun though."

"Umm... elfy?" Nea repeated, confused altogether over the fast speech of Sera. As she asked, Flissa brought in drinks for the table. "You mean Dalish?"

"You don't want to get into it." Rahna said in amusement. "She has plenty to say about 'elfy elves'. Probably best to steer away from that subject... The best time to debate is saved for when everyone is drunk." There was sarcasm in her tone, but everyone just ignored it. Even Sera.

"Whatever." She said, taking a loud gulp of her drink, as Nea watch her with confusion.

"Speaking of Adaar... Where is she and Lyn? I thought they'd be here with you?" 

"Our boss is chatting with Lady Ambassador. Something to do with a job we are taking on for her." Rahna explained, taking a sip of her own drink. "She certainly seems to be taking her time though."

"And Lyn?"

"My dear sister is over at the stables. For what purpose, I couldn't say. She does like horses, perhaps she is looking over our mounts." Max said, looking down at his drink, not exactly enjoying himself. "What's taking her so long, is beyond me."

"She'll come here eventually, I think. The call of the ale will eventually find it's way to her, and soon enough she'll be here." Rahna noted, leaning back on her chair. 

"As it should be." Iron Bull mused. "The only way to properly let the day wash off is in the tavern. Well that and se-"

"AHEM!" Nea cleared her throat loudly, interrupting Iron Bull. She shot a firm look at the man, clearly stating that ' _not in front of Adam'._ Sera giggled loudly at that. 

"Aww, skipping over the best bits. That's no fun." She said, taking a messy gulp of her drink.

"Fine fine. But you all know what I mean." Iron Bull relented. 

"And you certainly would know." Rahna noted, cocking her head to the side. "You practiced _close company_ rather loudly the other night. Our camp could hear it rather... vividly."

"Heey." Bull said defensively. "I do not _practice._ I make _masterworks_." 

"Right. Ben-Hassrath use all weapons at their arsenal, is that it Tiny?" Varric quipped, double meaning in his words which made Max roll his eyes.

"You know me. I scout every detail." Iron Bull proudly proclaimed, with a deep voice.

"That so? I'll have to keep that in mind." Noted Rahna, winking at Iron Bull who smirked as a response.

Sera snorted laughter. " _Arsenal..."_ Even Adam giggled at that, and Nea would've sighed at that, (regretting the day Adam and Sera met, as she could already tell there was trouble ahead) but she was too interested in what she had just heard.

"You're... Ben-Hassrath?" Nea looked over at him, surprised. "I never would've guessed."

"That's kind of the point, you know. But you have heard of us?"

"I traveled with a Qunari during the Blight. Sten. He may have mentioned you, but not specifics. You are..."

"Spies, yes." He finished her sentence for her. "Not many would've gained the companionship of a Sten of the beresaad. Then again, you traveled with the Hero of Ferelden, things must've been different back then-"

"Quite so."

"Wicked!" Adam said with enthusiasm, looking at the big Qunari wide eyed. "You're a spy too! Wow!"

"That's the right idea kid." Grinned the Iron Bull. "Glad to know there are more admirers of the craft."

"Can you share some stories?" The kid pleaded but the larger Qunari shook his head at that, making Adam's expression fall a little in disappointment. "Why not?"

"Not age appropriate, and I wouldn't want your mother's ire, I'm afraid. Also whilst I am open about many things, spies still need to have some secrets, yes?"

"Oh I see." Adam looked to his side at his mother. "She isn't that scary... only when she is angry is she like a dragon."

Nea shook her head at that. "Of course my own son would compare me to a dragon."

"Hey, dragon's are badass. There are worse things to be compared to!" Iron Bull quipped, before looking down at his own drink. "We need more drinks, mine is already empty."

"I'll go get them, you people sit tight." Nea said smilingly. "I'll only take a moment."

After having brought the drinks, the evening proceeded in good spirits. Theon hadn't come over yet, so Nea allowed herself to relax. The others also were surprisingly considerate over the fact that there was a child present, and they watched how they talked (except for Sera).

Eventually though it was time to go put Adam to sleep ad he began yawning very loudly. Of course a young boy couldn't stay up as long as them. Nea said she'd be back after Adam had been put to sleep and the others promised to save her seat.

She carried her content son all the way to the hut, as he was about to fall asleep. As they arrived to the hut, Nea helped Adam change into night garments, wash his face, and then tucked him to sleep. The boy had been half-asleep already, so as soon as he got under the covers, he was already near dreams.

"Sweet dreams my son."

Nea planted a small kiss on his forehead, before returning back to the tavern. It wasn't after all too late yet, and she had said to Annabelle that she'd spent the evening there. It would do her some good surely.

As she re-entered the tavern, she now saw Adaar there as well (having Sera watching intently at her). Lyn still was nowhere to be seen, perhaps she'd decided to call it a night little bit earlier than was her style. The tavern was now full of people, and it was little bit difficult for her to move past all of them. Luckily she was slim and could fit through tight spaces. 

As she closed in on the table, her she made eye contact with a man she hadn't noticed was also at the table: Theon. He smiled widely, happy to see her. He had taken the chair next to hers, and he waved to her as a greeting. The others were deep in some conversation and laughing, but Theon seemed only to be noticing her.

She smiled politely as she closed in on the table and took her seat.

"I'm glad you could make it tonight. I'm sorry to have missed Adam." He said, handing her another tankard of ale. He had apparently gotten her one for when she'd be back. Nea accepted it gratefully.

"That's quite alright. You often get to see him during the days, so you'll get your chance again soon." She told him, sipping her ale. The taste was still... not the greatest, but it managed to make the situation easier.

Theon looked at her strangely, raising an eyebrow at her. "Everything alright?" He asked with a low tone. Nea just hurried to nod.

"Oh everything is wonderful, don't you worry." Looking back at the others over at the table, Nea smiled to Adaar who raised her drink to Nea as a greeting.

"Good then. I like to have you at your happiest." He said smoothly, with a half-smile on his lips. She turned to the others, trying to figure out anything else to talk about. One might say she was point blank choosing to ignore what he had just said (and the way he said it).

"So." She said loudly, gaining the attention of the others at the table. "Did I miss anything?"

"Nothing!" Snorted Sera, holding in her giggles which clearly meant that yes, she had missed something.

"Nothing really Snowdrop." Varric said with a smirk, eyeing others. "Just uh... some 'adult' talk, now that kiddo has gone to sleep."

"Ah yes. Of course. You were all very patient with him, I thank you for holding back as much as you did."

"It is too early to let all of that kind of talk out anyway. Something must be saved for later, I say." Varric grinned.

"Oh how cheeky!" Max interjected. "You mean you consider what we talked about naughty talk? I have heard way worse in the Circle. Then again being cooped up in the Circle forces you to use imagination..."

"I always rather thought you Circle folk were tad bit sheltered. No offense healer." Adaar said and Nea simply shrugged at that.

"None taken." Nea answered whilst Max rolled his eyes.

Adaar's well refined brow furrowed a little. "Trying to show off again, are you?"

"Please Adaar, I already have a sister to scrutinize all I say, I don't require a new mother as well. Leave the details be." 

"Mmm... Katari Adaar..." Iron Bull mused, gaining the attention of the tall Qunari lady. "Your parents really chose a badass name for you."

Adaar didn't answer that at first, simply looking down at her drink. "Is that so?" She asked in a deep tone, thoughts clearly elsewhere.

Rahna stayed quiet at that, but Max didn't quite read into it much as he leaned in with curiosity. "That what the Valo-Kas warriors said. But none of them told us what it meant. They still didn't like me very much."

"I can't _possibly_ imagine why." Rahna just quipped, earning a playful shove from Max. 

Adaar leaned back, looking intently at Iron Bull. "Well sense you brought it up, Qunari, might as well explained it to the others. Go on, will you?" 

There was unspoken conversation happening between the two large Qunari. Nea made a note of it, as even she could feel a minor tension in the air. Iron Bull remained relaxed however, even when facing Adaar's intent gaze.

"Katari Adaar." He repeated, as if tasting the syllables with in tongue. "'Adaar' means ' _weapon_ '. And 'Katari' means... ' _to_ _bring death'_. Your parents really went with a theme there. Not quite different from myself, as I _really_ like being simply seen as a weapon myself. That's why _the Iron Bull_ is the full name. Good on you!"

"My father chose my name actually. My mother had nothing to say on the matter." Adaar mused somewhat absently, before taking a sip from her drink.

"Why ever not?" Max inquired. "You'd think a mother would fuss over a cute baby girl and want a say in choosing the name. Or is it different for Tal-Vashoth?"

"Evidently." Rahna interjected. Nea made a note of that. It was as if Adaar and Rahna both knew something Max didn't. 

"That's... weird. All Qunari have a thing for weapons?" Sera asked, already slurring a little with her words as she had drank more than others. She successfully changed the course of the conversation.

"Eh, depends what job you got. But mostly?" Said Bull, wide grin appearing on his face. "Oh _yeah._ "

"Pfft, you weirdys! I've got plenty of arrows, but haven't got a thing for any of them."

"Eh, I don't know Buttercup... Arrows and bolts don't really matter when you got Bianca to do the shooting. So as strange as it is, I have to say that the Qunari are onto something. Then again, Bianca is one of a kind." Explained Varric, earning an eyeroll from Sera.

"You a weirdy too then!"

"Fair point Buttercup, fair point."

Whilst Nea tried to listen to best of her ability, she felt a litte anxious. She looked to her side, and noticed that Theon was closer to her than before. Perhaps he was just leaning on to hear the conversation better or... Something else entirely.

Even when sitting, he was taller than her, and he looked down at her: He was smiling, eyes excited and welcoming. His eyes had the shade of the forests in them and the gaze seemed to be promising sweet things, even if his lips didn't say them out loud.

Nea heard all the voices around them, the bustling tavern and the chatter of their friends. And yet it felt as if it was just him and her there, even among all of this fray of people.

And she didn't like it. 

All she could think about was Arther. His image flashed before her; Light but vibrant green eyes, full of passion and strength. Also stubbornness but she just found it endearing. Maker how she missed him. If she could have one wish, she would selfishly wish to use it to bring him back.

Theon seemed to read to situation wrong as he moved his hand closer to hers. Nea's expression fell even more, and she quickly stood up. Others around her turned to look at her with a question in their eyes, and she had to think of something.

"Everything alright there Snowdrop?" Asked Varric. He was beginning to shuffle cards of wicked grace and was skilled enough to do it without watching.

"Err... yes. I mean no. I mean..." Theon looked at Nea with confusion, and she noticed it. She quickly came up with a small excuse. "I... I think the ale went straight to my head. I feel a headache coming. It might be better if I go take some fresh air."

"Already? Maker's breath you are a lightweight." 

"Pfft. No surprise. Look how pink she is." Sera pointed out and she was right, Nea was slightly blushing but it wasn't because of the alcohol. 

"Thank you Sera, for illustrating the point." Nea mumbled. "But I do need the air, I'll see if I'll come back later."

"I can come up as company." Theon offered.

"No, that's okay. I'll manage." 

"I would like to. besides I could use the air as well." Theon insisted and Nea couldn't come up with a proper excuse to tell him.. at least not in front of everybody. 

"If... that's what you want." She answered somewhat absently. 

He then stood up, beckoned towards the door with one hand, as well as bowing a little at the same time. He was trying to be playful, and it did earn a small smile from her, even if it was humorless. Nea looked once over the table and all of them had their own reactions.

Iron Bull seemed to know what was going on, as well as Adaar and Rahna (Rahna though seemed to mind the situation least). Max was still just drinking, but he eyed suspiciously those around him. Sera couldn't care less, thank the Maker. Varric had a small suspecting grin, and he may have had the wrong impressions. Something to be dealt with later.

But whatever their reactions, they just waved her goodbyes. Nea couldn't decide if she appreciated that or not.

Theon ahead, they walked towards the door. The tavern was filled up with people, so Theon had to make way for them. One good thing about him accompanying her. But as they closed the door, Nea felt increasingly nervous. He was too close, too... oblivious to how she was actually feeling.

Then again could she blame him? She hadn't said a word to him about it yet... About how it made her uncomfortable.

They finally managed to squeeze through enough of people to find themselves outside. But even when they had reached their goal Nea didn't know where to go from there. Should they just start... strolling and talking about something? She really didn't understand the protocol.

"So here we are. In the fresh air." Theon mused, before turning his gaze to her. "Walk and talk then?"

"I suppose." Nea agreed reluctantly. Maker, she wished she was better at expressing emotions that were... unpleasant. She couldn't come up with anything to say to him about this situation, even though she had been thinking about it all day. It was as if all that foresight had been thrown out of the window. 

So many things felt wrong here, and whilst it wasn't Theon's fault, he didn't understand, Nea still felt a childish impulse to run away. Apparently all of the wisdom and knowledge about social interactions didn't come with age.

They started walking, quietly at first. Theon seemed to be in fairly good spirits. They were strolling around Haven, and only few people passed them by (all walking towards the tavern). Overall they were pretty... alone.

"You seem quieter tonight. Is everything alright?" He eventually asked, perhaps finally realizing her discomfort.

"It's difficult to say." Nea admitted.

"Something happen today at the infirmary?"

"Not really..."

"Well don't worry. Whatever it is... I am here." He said with a smile, and at that moment, Nea felt a hand on her lower back. She recoiled at the touch, shrinking away from him, finally stopping and taking few steps away from him.

"Please don't." She said with obvious pain in her tone, unable to look up at him.

He stopped as well, and whilst she couldn't see it, she certainly could feel his... less than happy expression: It could be heard in his voice.

"Nea? Please tell me what's wrong." 

She raised her eyes to him shyly, to find them pleading, and confused. How could they have been confused, she wondered. Had she really shown him signals of any kind? Letting out a sigh, Nea hugged herself, and stayed further away from him. This time he kept the distance as well.

"I am sorry, I thought I was mistaken but... please don't make attempts to... court me."

"Court you? Sounds serious." He tried joking, but once he saw how badly the attempt failed, his expression grew serious. "Why not?" He then asked, with more neutral tone.

"Maker you really are trying to... get close to me, aren't you?"

"Would that be so bad?" He asked. "I know it is soon but... From the moment I laid my eyes on you... I was smitten. You brought me back from the brink of death and when I opened my eyes and saw you and you glowing beauty... I felt it in my heart, as glib of me as that may sound." He was about to take a step closer but she raised her hand to stop him.

"Please _don't._ You are a good man, and hopefully a friend as well, but there can be nothing between us." She said firmly, unwilling to hear him out.

"But _why_? I know you must still miss your husband, you are a decent woman after all and I--"

"I don't just _miss_ him. I _yearn_ for him." She corrected, her voice sterner every second. Her hand went to her wedding ring, and she held it firmly. "When I dream, I see him. When I close my I eyes, I see him. When I look at Adam I--" her voice cracked as she mentioned their son. The most vivid reminder of her beloved husband. 

He stayed silent for a few moments, until he took one small step closer, speaking more quietly. "You don't need to be alone you know. It isn't a betrayal to him to seek new happiness."

"Even if I believed that... I have no such feelings for you." She didn't hesitate with her words, even if they were a little brass. She followed Annabelle's advice after all.

He took another step closer, if only a one. "Please. If you give yourself a chance to enjoy something, perhaps you'll find yourself changing your mind."

"NO." She said once, fairly loud. She then tuned her voice a little lower, as she continued. "I know who I am, and what I want. Please don't pursue this. This is not a novel where a girl needs a little push. I am an adult who knows what she wants. There is no convincing to be done. I am neither available, nor feeling the same way for you. I want simply friendship."

Theon didn't take any further steps, as his expression fell from neutral to... disappointed and a little hurt. She winced at that, feeling a little guilty over her words, even though she probably shouldn't. He looked away, and let out a sigh.

"I suppose it was too much to hope for." He said sadly.

"I am sorry Theon. I hope we can still be friends, I really do."

"I would like that." He said, a joyless smile finding his lips. "I uhh.. I am sorry for troubling you."

Nea didn't know what to say to that, but she tried putting on a compassionate smile. "That's... alright. You didn't know."

Scratching his head, Theon seemed to wonder what to do next, as they both just silently stood there.

"If you want to return to others, you can do so. I think I still need more air myself." She suggested, and the dark haired man nodded.

"I could use a drink myself, I admit." He said, finally looking back to her. "If you don't mind me leaving you here, that is?"

"Had I minded, I wouldn't have suggested it. Go, take your mind off things."

Theon turned to leave and he had already taken few steps towards the tavern when he stopped and looked over his shoulder, at her. "If you ever change your mind... you know where to find me."

Nea didn't answer that, she figured she had done enough damage tonight. She simply nodded and the man turned his gaze back towards the direction he was going to. Nea watched him walk away, before turning towards the gates of Haven. She could use some privacy right now and perhaps another quiet stroll could accomplish that.

She walked outside of Haven, and continued walking through the training camp, towards the lake. There weren't many people around anymore, as it was fairly late now. People had either gone to the tavern to drown their worries or retired for the night, as new duties awaited them in the morning.

Nea hadn't noticed it, but she was still holding her wedding ring, as it gave her comfort. In her mind, she could see the image of Arther, looking over her. Part of her felt guilty, as if she had wronged him somehow. She knew that wasn't right, and thus she didn't let the feeling overwhelm her, but it remained there.

Arther had never been that jealous, and sometimes when moments like that arose, he still always trusted her. She still couldn't let down that trust. Even after he was gone.

She stopped over at the lake, watching over at the frozen surface. This exact spot was where she and Arther had oversaw together, the spot she first showed to Adam when they arrived here. 

Arther had wanted to see Haven for himself, and Nea had agreed. There were more people moving in there at the time, so it wasn't dangerous anymore (unlike the first time she saw the place, with Haven being filled up with fanatics).

Echo of the memory touched her, and she could remember his touch, his scent, his words... so vividly. Like it was yesterday when it happened. 

Whilst in reality it had been so many years now. Too many years. 

Nea stood there alone for awhile, she wasn't counting. She simply wished to get lost in that old, but dear memory of theirs.

"Am I interrupting?" Came a calm voice behind her. It was gentle enough not to startle her, even if she had been deep in her thoughts. She recognized the voice as soon as she heard it. She didn't need to turn around to confirm it.

"You are, but that isn't such a bad thing." She stated softly. Cullen then walked to her side, and two of them exchanged looks.

"Something the matter?" Nea realized what she must've looked like. Sad and tormented, despite her best efforts to stay neutral. She let out a sigh, and watched over the lake.

"You could say I am a little haunted." Admitting her thoughts felt surprisingly good. Cullen noticed that she was holding her wedding ring and he nodded in understanding, turning his own amber eyes to look over the lake as well.

"I understand. Such memories are difficult to outrun. Believe me I know." His voice remained quiet, but also soothing. Cullen of all people really did understand without Nea having to explain.

"I know you do." She simply responded, her voice gentle as well. She knew what he was referring to, but it wasn't her place to say it out loud. 

"Anything... particular happen to bring up those memories?" He asked, a little clumsily but there it was. 

"A little uncomfortable conversation, that's all." Cullen looked at her with worry, so she shook her head. "Nothing like that. It was... a friend talked with. I doubt it is the kind of topic you'd be interested in."

"If... you feel like talking about it, you can. Perhaps I might surprise you."

"It is possible I suppose." Nea let go of her ring, instead hugging herself, thinking about how to explain it. "A former patient of mine, a soldier, had developed some... crush, I suppose. I had to explain it to him it wasn't possible. He was disappointed but left it at that."

"Oh. That's umm...." Nea saw how Cullen cleared his throat. It may have hit close to home, as Cullen in his youth had been in a similar spot. Well not entirely the same, as it hadn't been one sided. Nea could see him thinking about that, but chose to be as oblivious to it as possible. "Did he give you trouble?" He then asked, a little concern in his voice.

"Not like you're thinking of. I was uncomfortable, but he didn't do anything inappropriate. You don't need to worry about that. He is a good man after all."

"Well if he gives you any trouble, do not hesitate to find me. I will help you with it, you will just need to ask." His voice was firmer now, but Nea simply shook her head at that. 

"I can manage. This isn't like that night I was set upon by those other soldiers, this is a friend I am talking about. Really, you need not worry."

"If you say so. Still, the offer stands."

Nea smiled a little to his stubborn attempts to be protective. It was endearing in a way. She was lucky to have a friend like him. Arther would've liked him.

"What about you?" She asked suddenly. "How have you been holding up? We've barely had the time to talk. You must be burdened with worries of your own."

"Accurate description..." He let out a sigh, thinking about the day he'd just had. "I am skeptical of the potential alliance with the rebels, and of course of the Breach. The survival of the world is the priority, and I am concerned if we're going about it the right way."

"You're still against it? The alliance I mean?"

"I have no interest in endangering the alliance, should one be made. I simply wish for proper terms. With the Breach in the sky, and demons pouring out of it... Proper oversight would be for the benefit of all. I just don't think the others see it that way."

Nea stayed quiet as he went on about it, understanding where he was coming form, even if she didn't agree with all of it.

"I know you worry. But have faith in your colleges. They will not be blind to your concerns."

"That's definitely my hope." Cullen let out a scoff and a laugh. "But sometimes I wonder."

"I may not agree with every single point you made, I won't lie about that, but I do understand them. I hope a compromise can be figured out."

"That at least." Cullen mused, before sighing again. "Thank you for listening to my concerns. I probably shouldn't have shared them. You have a plate full of your own, you needn't more worries to add to them."

"I have a plate full of worries, but I always have an ear free for those around me. Especially my friends. Don't apologize, when it was me who offered to listen." 

Cullen smiled a thankful smile, showing that he was moved by her words. In return, Nea smiled back, feeling happy to be able to do something good for him. She wasn't quite certain when his well being had become so important to him, but there it was.

"So. I think it is mandatory of me to ask, if the potions have been working properly?"

Cullen nodded. "They have."

"But you still experience the pain don't you?"

He seemed somewhat confused as to why she brought it up but he nodded again as confirmation. "But it is much more manageable thanks to the potions. I think it suffices."

"But I started thinking... Now that you realize the effect would you be willing to... let me create new recipes for your needs?"

"You needn't waste your time with it."

"But I have free moments. Would you at least be willing to consider some options?"

Thinking about it for a second, Cullen then nodded slowly. "Very well, if you insist. What did you have in mind."

"Well, I had been working on this recipe, specifically crafted for a Templar. Or even a former one."

Frowning a little, Cullen inquired a little further, surprising suspicion in his eyes: "What makes it so specially crafted for a Templar?"

"Well, since people normally can't consume lyrium, this one would be perfect for a Templar. I had done some research and managed to create a potion where the lyrium increases the aiding effects. Magnificent experimentation helped me reach it. I think it would be perfect for your needs."

"No." He said firmly. Firmer than he intended. Nea was little taken aback by it. She looked into his amber yes, which had grown overly serious.

"But you just said..."

"I know, but this option isn't one for me. The potion I already have will suffice." He corrected, looking away from her, frown growing deeper. 

"But why not? Help me understand, so I may be able to aid your needs better."

Cullen didn't look back at her, his gaze looking down. He was thinking, or considering something. Nea stepped a little closer, trying to get him to look at her. He did eventually turn to look at her again, face still remaining serious. For a moment it looked like he was going to shut her down. But once their eyes met again there was something new to his gaze. Something... vulnerable even. It was as if he was taking a chance. 

"I cannot take that potion, because I am no longer a Templar." He said with a deep and quiet tone. 

Nea looked at him confused. "No longer a Templar? I know that but what does that--" Then silence struck her as the true meaning of his words hit her. Her eyes widened, as the truth began hitting her. "Cullen..." She started. "When did your symptoms start again?"

"When I left the Templar Order." He said, voice firm and deep.

That's all she needed to hear anymore. She now understood, and it showed in her eyes. And she didn't know what to think.

"Cullen you-- Maker, you have stopped using lyrium?" She asked, voice cracking a little as she did. Cullen didn't look away from his eyes. 

"When I left the order. It's been months now." He didn't need to say the confirmation as she already knew, but some part of her needed to hear this in order to truly comprehend it.

"The symptoms... They all make sense now." She somehow managed, expression filled with concern and worry. "Cullen, this could kill you...!"

"It hasn't yet." He firmly answered, putting his hand on the pommel of his sword, straightening his posture. "Whatever the suffering, I accept it."

"But why?"

He didn't move from his position, but his eyes softened a little. "After Kinloch hold, after Kirkwall... I couldn't. I will not be bound to that life any longer."

"But--"

"I haven't made an impulsive decision. I asked Seeker Cassandra to... observe me. Should I be unfit to lead the Inquisition's soldiers, I will me removed from duty."

"But what about you, hmm?" She asked, less gently this time. "What will happen to you?"

"I will endure it. I want a life not bound to the Chantry, I've had enough of that to last a lifetime." His tone was frustrated, but his eyes remained as they were.

Nea looked at him, still uncertain of everything she'd just heard. She took few steps aside and back, slightly pacing, as she considered what he had said. Part of her wanted to remind him aggressively of the dangers. But part of her, part that knew of his struggles... understood. 

She finally let out a sigh, and nodded.

"Then let me do what I can tp help with the symptoms." Cullen looked at her with surprise. He hadn't expected her to understand, is that it? "Don't you dare think I will abandon you now. This path is dangerous, and if you are determined to do it... well if there is anything I can do I will most definitely do it."

" _Is_ there anything you can do about it?" 

Nea thought about it intently, before answering. "I admit, I have never before... dealt with anything like this. I would have to... do some experimenting. Perhaps Adan has some tips."

"I want this to stay private. It _must._ No more people can be involved." His words were firm, leaving no place for arguments. Nea sighed at that.

"Then I will see what I can do on my own. I can't make any promises, but... if the potion I already gave you helped, that means some of the symptoms can be dealt with. Maker I hope it is so."

Cullen looked at her for a moment, before bringing his hand to rub the back of his neck. It was the telltale sing that he was uncomfortable or bothered.

"Perhaps that isn't necessary. I appreciate what you are trying to do but you don't need to fuss over me. I was already prepared to go on by myself. If there is nothing to be done, then that's all there is to it."

"This is not _fussing,_ this is serious." Her voice was firmer, matching his. "Are you seriously planning on going about this alone? Can you take that risk?"

"I'm well aware of the risks." He said (although it was close to snapping). "I have already made the decision to accept them."

Despite his angrier tone, she still stood strong, not moving an inch.

"You've made that quite clear. I respect what you are doing and I am not trying to convince you to start using lyrium again: I am telling you to let me help you." 

"You are telling me?" He repeated, frowning at her tone, letting his hand fall back to his side.

"As a healer, yes. More so as a friend."

There was a tense silence between them. Nea felt momentarily strange. She was _telling_ the Commander of the Inquisition what to do? She knew she was overstepping her station, perhaps even on a personal level. But she knew that the trials Cullen was going to face were... intense. The odds were against him.

She had to do _something._

Cullen finally sighed, and nodded ever so slightly.

"I'll think on it. The potion you gave me already more than suffices. I will ask for your professional opinion, when the need arises. I will also let you know of my... symptoms, to aid your research. If you come up with any new recipes, you can inform me about. I did promise you before, that I'd seek you out should this condition become unbearable and that still stands. But no lyrium."

"As you say, no lyrium." Nea agreed swiftly. Even if he seemed hesitant, he was giving her a chance. She'd hold on to it. "I will hold you to your part as well."

"I know you will." He mused, looking over the lake again. "Part of me would be disappointed if you didn't."

"And here I thought stubbornness in others would annoy you."

"I suppose it depends on who it is." He said, relatively softly compared to his other more recent words.

Nea looked over to the lake as well, smiling ever so slightly over his comment.

"I suppose it does." She agreed.

There was silence between them again, but not as tense as before. One could even call it comfortable. They stayed that way for awhile, until Cullen broke the silence, his gaze turning away from the lake.

"I should retire for the night. There is much to do in the upcoming days, and I should be well rested for them... if that is possible."

"You have trouble sleeping?" Nea asked gently, and Cullen tensed a little at that.

"Always." He admitted solemnly. Nea felt the emotion in her heart, but before she could feel hurt, Cullen continued: "But recently they have... eased a little. Perhaps the potion has done it's trick."

"Oh." Nea simply managed. "That's unexpected."

"Is it?" Cullen asked with curiosity.

"It could be a side effect. If your migraine's caused some of the nightmares, and those said migraine's have eased off due to the potion, you could say the potion did the trick but... You said you've had restless sleep always. It still could be a side effect of the potion... But I have no way of knowing. Are you certain there isn't anything else different in your life that could've made that change?"

Cullen looked at her directly, seemingly unable to say any words. Nea felt confused by the strange gaze, but soon enough Cullen shook his head.

"It's... probably just the potion. I cannot imagine anything else." There was hesitance in his words, and she didn't understand why, so Nea simply shrugged at that.

"Well at least it works." 

"Yes well... Thank you. For the potion I mean." He again brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck, seemingly feeling a little awkward. 

"Anything for our Commander." Nea said with a smile, and he then smiled back, letting his hand fall back down.

"Good night, my lady." He said gently, and more formerly than she had anticipated. 

"Good night, Commander." She answered just as gently.

Cullen then turned to leave, and Nea watched as he walked away. As he walked away, he once more looked over his shoulder, and shot her a winning half-smile, and she let out a small giggle at that. Soon his eyes turned back to the direction he was going towards, and she also turned back to the lake.

Deciding to stay a little longer here, she looked up to the sky, seeing both the moon and the Breach. The upcoming days were going to be filled with challenges and complications. But she would manage it. They'd both manage it.

Nea allowed herself to relax, allowing the calm of the night to take her mind somewhere more pleasant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments :3! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know why, but this chapter was a slight bitch to write, but I am happy to have it done! Maybe that is just how first chapters sometimes are? 
> 
> I am legit trying not to write too much or too little: I almost tried to ram up too many POV thoughts in here, but I managed to spare them for later. I admit, it is difficult to relate with some characters, let alone write dialogue with them, but I will do my best to be as in character as I humanly can.
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


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